And then his answer is popping up.
Can’t right now.
Any hope I’d been harboring that we could sit down and have an honest conversation crashes back to earth before exploding upon impact. As much as I want to make this relationship work, as much effort as I’m willing to put in, it’s not something I can do alone. If Colton isn’t willing to meet me halfway...
Then I guess the decision has been taken out of my hands, and I have my answer.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Colton
“Good practice, man. Keep playing like that, and you’ll be on the field in no time.” Beck slaps my back as he saunters past on the way to his locker.
“Thanks.” I hate to jinx myself, but it felt like old times out there. Everything Beck threw my way, I caught with ease. There wasn’t a fumble in sight. It was nice. Reassuring. As if one piece of the puzzle has finally fallen back into place. With each practice, I’ve been steadily improving. It’s almost like I’m getting my groove back.
All I can hope is that it continues and that Coach has taken notice. So far, he hasn’t said mum about it. He’s been watching from the sidelines and jotting down notes. It’s enough to set my nerves on edge, but I try not to let the pressure get to me.
Which hasn’t been easy. Especially with everything that happened with Candace. I was afraid that it would mess with my head even more than before, but strangely enough, it’s had the opposite effect. Don’t get me wrong, what she said hurts like a mother fucker but...
I can’t allow someone who doesn’t give a damn about me to totally screw with my life. I’ve given this person way too much power, and now I’m wrestling it back. It’s taken me a couple of days to come to that epiphany, but now that I have, there’s peace to be found in the decision to walk away.
Some relationships just aren’t viable, no matter how much you wish otherwise. And when it happens to be with your own parent, it’s gut-wrenching. Afterall, in a perfect world, these are the people who are supposed to love you no matter what. Who have your back when no one else does. Who you can depend on when life goes sideways. They aren’t supposed to be the ones who bring the messed-up shit that turns your life upside-down and inside-out.
But that’s the way it goes, right?
No one ever said life was fair.
It only makes me realize how lucky I am to have Dad and Jenna.
Especially Jenna.
I appreciate her now more than ever.
As soon as Coach walks into the locker room, the boisterous voices fall silent. None of these loudmouths want to draw attention to themselves. He grinds to a halt in the middle of the space and snaps out a couple of names. “Reinholtz, Collins, and Montgomery. See me on your way out.”
I give him a chin lift in acknowledgment as he stalks into his office, slamming the door behind him with a resounding thud.
Well, fuck me.
I’m not sure if I’m about to get my ass chewed out or not. I’m still a little sore from the last time he lit into me. Coach isn’t the kind of guy to pussyfoot around a subject or hold back. If he thinks you’re screwing up, you better believe he’s going to give it to you straight.
In full, Technicolor detail.
And here I’d been feeling relaxed and good about myself after walking off the turf. Instead of hanging around and shooting the shit with Beck, like I’d normally do, I strip and haul ass to the shower. I want to be the first one in Coach’s office and get this over with.
Ten minutes later, with dripping wet hair, I knock on the closed door before peeking cautiously inside. “Hey, Coach, you wanted to see me?”
He pauses the action playing out across the television screen and swivels around to face me before pointing a finger at the chair on the opposite side of the desk. “Park it, Montgomery.”
It doesn’t matter if this is my fourth and final year playing for this guy, every time I’m called in here, it makes me feel like an errant eight-year-old sent to the principal’s office. It’s ridiculous. That being said, I do what I’m told and drop my ass on the faux leather chair as the older man scrutinizes his clipboard of notes.
Paper and pencil, if I’m not mistaken.
Coach is old school like that.
“Seems like whatever shit needed to get flushed out of your head has happened.”
It’s not a question—more of a statement.
I sit up a little straighter. “Yes, sir.”
“As long as you continue to play like you are, I’m moving you to first string.” He sits back in his chair and gives me a well-honed death stare. I can’t help but squirm under the intensity of it. “Kwiatkowski is a talented player, but he doesn’t have your intuitiveness out on the field.”
“Thank you.” This is the closest Coach has ever come to giving me a compliment.
See? It’s like I secretly suspected all along. Beneath the hard candy shell lies a soft nougat filling. You just have to take the time to dig deep and find it.
“That being said, you manage to get your head wedged up your ass again, you’ll be riding the pine for the season. Are we clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Good.” He points to the door. “Now get the hell out of here. I’ve got game film to review.”
He doesn’t need to tell me twice. I practically jump from the chair and shoot through the door as a wave of relief crashes over me. Most of the guys are still getting dressed. Collins and Reinholtz eye me with speculation, looking a little green around the gills. Can’t blame them for that.
As soon as I return to my locker, Beck raises a brow. An answering grin breaks loose across my face.
“Fuck, yeah!” He punches me in the arm. “It’s all about controlling the bullshit up here.” He taps his temple before shrugging. “Or maybe it has more to do with what you’re packing. All I know is that it’s one head or the other.”
I snort.
The guy isn’t wrong.
He grabs his athletic bag and slings it over his shoulder. “You ready to get out of here?”
“Yup.”
So damn ready.
I need to celebrate the good news. Or maybe have a little one-on-one party with Alyssa. I really need to fix the situation with her. Unfortunately, old habits die hard, and I pushed her away, needing a little breathing room to get my head straight. I want to explain what happened so we can move forward with this relationship.
Things are starting to look up.
With that thought circling through my head, I push through the heavy locker room door before skidding to a halt when my gaze lands on Alyssa. She’s leaning against the far wall with her arms crossed over her chest. For a sliver of a moment, déjà vu crashes over me along with a prickle of unease.
Beck plows into me from behind. “Dude, what the—”
“Oh, hey, Alyssa.” His gaze bounces between the pair of us. That’s all it takes for him to accurately size up the situation. With one quick movement, he sidesteps me before calling over his shoulder, “Bye, Alyssa.” And then he’s disappearing down the corridor and around the corner.
Whatever her reason for seeking me out at the athletic center, it’s not good.
“Hi.” Even though there are only fifteen feet separating us, it might as well be an ocean. There’s a palpable disconnect, and deep down, I know it’s my fault. I pushed her away instead of opening up and letting her in.
As if to solidify those thoughts, her lips lift into a ghost of a smile as she shoves away from the concrete wall. “You didn’t have time to talk the other day, so I thought I’d come here.”
I wince and drag a hand through my damp hair. “I’m sorry about that. There’s been a lot of shit going on.” Shit I needed to work out on my own. “Do you want to grab something to eat, and we can talk?” Maybe then we can get back on the same page.
There’s a moment of hesitation. One that has hope rising up within me. But then she shakes her head as regret flickers across her features. “I can’t. I’m meeting u
p with Zoe to work on choreography.” She draws in a deep breath before glancing away and forcing out the rest in a burst. “Whatever this is between us, it’s not working out.”
I can only blink as the words swirl through my head, refusing to compute. “You...want to break up?”
“Are we even together, Colton? Wouldn’t things be different between us if we were?”
I open my mouth to argue before snapping it shut again. I guess she’s right about that. Instead of talking through my feelings, I forced her away, needing to deal with everything on my own.
And now I’ve screwed up my chance to be with her.
It only reinforces the ugly thoughts lurking at the back of my head that I’ll always be a fucked-up mess. No matter how much I try to change, it only takes one little hiccup, and all the shit from my past is flaring back to life, poisoning everything in its path.
And right now, that’s my relationship with Alyssa.
“Colton?” Her voice softens as she closes the distance between us, hesitantly placing her fingers on my forearm. “Did you hear what I said?”
Her touch jolts me back to the present. “Yeah.” Instead of trying to explain myself any further, everything inside me shuts down. The one girl I’ve always wanted, the one I was attempting to change for, no longer wants anything to do with me.
Numbness sets in.
I guess that’s another painful lesson I needed to learn. Sometimes, as much as you want a relationship to work out, it’s just not meant to. It’s better to go your separate ways instead of inflicting any more damage.
Maybe she’s right.
Maybe that’s what we both need at this point.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Colton
I pull my BMW into the circular drive and park near the front entrance of my house before cutting the engine, grabbing my duffle bag, and exiting the vehicle. It only takes a moment before I’m up the stairs and punching in the code on the keypad. Once unlocked, I push open the front door and step inside the two-story foyer. As soon as I do, the scent of beef stroganoff hits me full force. I inhale a big breath, doubly glad I decided to get the hell out of Dodge.
Even if it’s only for the night.
Jenna pads through the hallway from the kitchen with a dishtowel in her hands. Happiness lights up her dark eyes when she catches sight of me. “I thought I heard the front door.” She closes the distance between us before rising on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss against my cheek. I lean down, wanting to make it easier for her. Jenna tops out around five-feet. Sometimes I like to tease her by asking what the weather is like down there. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming home?”
“It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.” When she continues to stare, scouring my face for answers, I admit, “Just needed to get away for a little while.”
“Well, I’m glad you decided to stop by for a visit. We’re always happy to have you here.” She waves me to the back of the house. “Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes, so you’re just in time.”
The closer we get to the kitchen, the more my mouth waters. If there’s one thing I’ve missed while at college, it’s Jenna’s cooking. She’s a culinary whiz in the kitchen. If you asked what my favorite dish was, I wouldn’t be able to pick just one. There are way too many to choose from.
I beeline to the mini-fridge and grab an orange Gatorade before twisting off the cap and settling on a stool tucked beneath the massive marble island. After a quick swig, I ask, “Do you need any help?”
It looks like she’s got about fifty things going on at once. Jenna shakes her head before grabbing a strainer full of green beans and dumping them into the boiling water. Then she stirs the sauce and peeks in the oven to check the rolls. “Nope. Everything is almost done.”
Like I said—total culinary whiz.
I cock my head, listening for other signs of life within the house. “Is Dad home?”
“Not yet.” She shoots a glance over her shoulder, her gaze once again touching on mine. “He had a meeting that ran late but should be home soon.”
I nod and pick absently at the label on the plastic bottle. As much as I’ve tried to shut out everything that happened this week, it continues to press in at the edges. If I thought I could escape it by coming home, I was wrong.
Jenna checks the noodles and green beans for a second time. Satisfied that everything is coming along as it should be, she picks up her glass of wine and takes a sip as her gaze roves carefully over my face. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to drag it out of you?”
Fuck.
Although...did I really expect anything less? All the woman has to do is look at me sideways, and she knows there’s a problem. If I was trying to run away from it all, this is probably the last place I should have turned up. Unfortunately, it’s too late to do anything about it now. I’m here. And she’s staring at me expectantly. I blow out a lengthy breath and try to decide how best to handle the situation. I hate lying.
Especially to Jenna.
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I finally mumble.
“If that were true, would you have come here?”
Well, damn.
My gaze jerks to her, and I realize with a flash of insight that she’s right. Maybe I told myself it wasn’t the reason, but it turns out I was wrong. And my stepmother knows it. Just like she always does. I drag a hand over my face, unsure where to begin. Everything feels like such a mess.
When I remain silent, her voice softens. “Does this have anything to do with Alyssa?”
“Yeah,” I pop my shoulder and mumble, “I guess so.”
It’s a relief when the timer on the microwave beeps, and she swings away. Without her steady gaze focused on me, I no longer feel like a bug under a microscope. Jenna strains both the noodles and green beans before taking the rolls out of the oven and placing them on the counter to cool. Then she pulls out two plates, adds a heaping of both noodles and stroganoff along with the vegetable and a bun before sliding the dish in front of me. After making another one for herself, she settles on a stool at the island.
I dig in, taking a forkful of noodles, meat, and mushrooms before stuffing them in my mouth. The first bite has my eyes drifting shut. Even though Jenna raised me better than to talk with my mouth full, I can’t resist saying, “Mmmm, this is so good.”
Her lips quirk. “I’m glad you like it.”
“More like love it,” I add, shoving in another bite.
“I’m sure there’ll be plenty of leftovers. I’ll package some up for you to take back for Beck.”
With a frown, I straighten on the stool. “Screw Beck.”
A burst of laughter escapes from her. “No, thank you.”
My lips tremble at the corners before I plow my way through my dinner. What is it about a homecooked meal that helps settle everything rioting deep inside? Or maybe it’s the company. At this point, I’m none too sure.
“Do you feel any better?” she asks.
I nod. Strangely enough, I do. Although, that doesn’t mean everything isn’t still a mess.
“Good. Can I get you a second helping?”
I pat my belly. “If I eat another bite, I’ll probably explode.”
She takes both of our plates before dropping them in the sink. Once she’s resettled next to me, I steel myself for what’s coming next. “Now tell me what’s going on.”
The question has everything inside me deflating.
“Come on,” Jenna prods, reaching over and taking my hand, “it can’t be that bad.”
Is she crazy? Of course, it can.
I force out a breath. “I don’t know, at the moment, it feels pretty damn bad.”
“You know what I’ve always found to be true?” She doesn’t wait for a response. “That when you keep everything bottled up inside, it makes whatever problem you’re attempting to tackle feel that much worse.” She squeezes my hand. “Share it with me. Let’s talk this out. I
promise it won’t seem quite so dire.”
Unable to hold her gaze, mine drops to the white marble countertop before I blurt, “I looked Candace up online.” I give Jenna a bit of side-eye to gauge her reaction, but her face remains impassive. As if I haven’t dropped a major bomb. When she simply nods, I continue. “She’s married with two kids. A boy and a girl.”
“I’m aware,” she admits quietly. “Your father has kept tabs on her over the years.”
That information probably shouldn’t take me by surprise. I guess everyone knew about it but me. “Why didn’t you guys say something?”
“What would be the point?” Her face scrunches as she tilts her head. “To inflict more pain?”
My shoulders collapse at her astute assessment of the situation.
When I remain silent, lost in my thoughts, she asks, “Are you all right?”
I shrug, wishing that were the worst part of it. “I reached out, and she emailed back, wanting to know if I would be interested in meeting.”
Even though Jenna’s expression never falters, her hand stills over mine. “And did you?”
“Yeah. We met at a coffee shop.”
It’s cautiously that she asks, “And how did that go?”
“It was definitely awkward at first, but then we started talking, getting to know one another again, and it was kind of nice.”
“I’m glad for you. I think it’s important that you spoke with her.”
It makes perfect sense that Jenna would feel that way. She’s totally selfless. If having a relationship with Candace was something that I wanted or needed in my life, then she would support me.
“We spent about two hours getting reacquainted, and for most of the visit, it felt like reaching out had been a good idea. Like maybe she regretted walking away and wanted to be part of my life.” When my voice turns bitter, Jenna’s fingers tighten around mine. “Turns out that’s not the case.”
“Okay.” The muscles in her face tense before she encourages, “Tell me what happened.”
“I asked when I could meet her family.” I jerk my shoulders and shake my head. “Maybe it’s stupid, but I couldn’t get over the fact that I had halfsiblings out there. Ones I’d never even met.”
The Boy Next Door Page 25
