She lifts her hand to stroke my cheek. “I’m sure you liked that idea.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t really matter if I did or not.” A fresh wave of grief crashes over me. “Candace never bothered to tell her husband that she was married or had another child. Since it would be difficult to explain the situation after all these years, she has no intention of telling them or making me part of her life.”
“Oh, Colton.” With the side of my face cupped in her palm, she closes the distance between us before feathering her lips across my forehead.
“Candace hasn’t been a part of my life for a long time,” I whisper. “I don’t understand why this hurts so much.”
“She’s your mother, and you still love her. That just doesn’t go away. I’m so sorry she did this to you.” I don’t have to catch a glimpse of her face to know that there are tears shining in her eyes. I hear the thick emotion clogging her voice.
Jenna wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. It’s as if she’s trying to extract all of the pain vibrating in my body and take it into her own.
“We won’t be seeing each other again,” I tell her.
She pulls away enough to search my eyes. “You realize this has nothing to do with you, right?”
I shrug.
How could it not have everything to do with me?
This is twice now that I’ve been rejected by Candace.
Unwilling to have Jenna bear witness to the emotion crashing around inside me, I turn my head, only wanting to lick my wounds in private. Except my stepmother is having none of it. Her fingers settle under my chin before turning my face until I have no other choice but to meet her gaze.
“Don’t you dare hide from me. I’ve been in your life since you were six years old. Bandaging scraped knees, telling you to stop playing video games, and making sure you were home before curfew.”
My lips reluctantly quirk at the last example she throws in. Dad was strict about my ass being in the house by an appointed time. Jenna always made sure to send me a fifteen-minute warning. She saved me on more than one occasion when I was having too much fun, and it slipped my mind.
“You’ve been carrying all this hurt around for your entire life.”
“That’s not true.” When I attempt to shake my head and deny the accusation, her fingers dig into my chin.
“Oh, sweetie,” her voice softens, “yes, you have. I remember the first time your father introduced us. We went to a park so you could play on the equipment.”
I sift through my childhood memories but am not able to dredge up that particular one. It doesn’t matter because she continues, filling in all the blanks.
“After we arrived at the playground, you refused to leave your father’s side.”
A prickle of unease blooms in the pit of my belly as I still, barely able to inhale.
“Warren kept encouraging you to play with the other kids, but you wouldn’t do it. You were so afraid that he was going to walk away and leave you.”
Just like Candace.
That tingle in the bottom of my gut turns into full-blown nausea. “It took years before you were willing to take a chance and let me in. Maybe you don’t remember that, but I do. And ever since, the people in your life have had to earn your trust.”
It takes effort to blink away the turmoil attempting to break loose inside me so that it doesn’t have a chance to roll down my cheeks. Only now does it occur to me that I’ve spent my entire life keeping everyone around me at arm’s length. Never wanting to feel too much, never wanting them to get too close. And yeah, running away rather than face my emotions head-on.
“What I’ve learned in life is that you can’t move forward if you’re constantly looking back.”
She’s right about that. I allowed Candace and the past to keep me from people and experiences that could have been amazing.
“Do you know who I feel most sorry for?” When I shake my head, she continues. “Candace. You’ve grown into such an amazing man. And she missed out on that.”
It takes effort to clear the thick lump of emotion wedged in my throat. “If I’ve turned out well, it has everything to do with you. You’re the mother that she never could be.”
Fresh tears fill her dark eyes before trekking down her cheeks. “You made it easy. And I love you, Colton. I couldn’t love you any more if you were my own.”
I tug her to me, this time wrapping my arms around her and hugging tight. “I love you, too.”
When we finally pull away, there’s wetness on both of our cheeks. With my hand secured in hers, she settles next to me on the stool before clearing her throat. “I know you’ve always been adamant about not wanting to go to therapy, but I really believe it could be beneficial.”
I jerk my shoulders. In the past, whenever she’s broached the subject, I’ve shot it down. Even though it’s on the tip of my tongue to do it again, I refrain. “Maybe.”
The idea of sitting in some stranger’s office and pouring my heart out sounds awful. But then again, I’m tired of dealing with all of this on my own. Or maybe, the real issue is that I’ve never dealt with my emotions, and they’ve been festering inside me for years.
I suppose it’s something to consider.
“Have you spoken to Alyssa about this? Does she know?”
Right. Alyssa. That’s another problem. One I’m unsure how to solve. Maybe I do need professional help.
I plow my hand through my hair. “She broke up with me the other day.”
“Let me guess,” Jenna says gently, “you shut down and pushed her away after what happened with Candace.”
Damn. Sometimes I think my stepmother knows me better than I do. Or maybe I should have done myself a favor and opened up to Jenna a long time ago. She’s always been here, ready to listen and help.
“Nailed it,” I mutter, feeling defeated all over again.
With a huff of breath, she falls silent.
We both do.
“Can I assume that Alyssa is the girl you were involved with a couple of years ago?”
My eyes narrow. “I’m gonna be honest, sometimes you seriously frighten me.”
She snorts out a laugh, and somehow it manages to lighten the mood between us.
“If Alyssa is worth it—really worth it—then you need to be honest with her. I know it’s scary to be vulnerable with another person. The easiest thing to do is throw up walls and keep everyone out, but in the end, it’s a lonely place to be. I think you might realize that now.”
My throat closes up as the sound of my beating heart fills my ears, drowning out everything else. “I don’t want to be hurt again.” Barely am I able to force out the words.
“I know.” Jenna’s lips lift into a sympathetic smile. “But isn’t this girl worth taking a chance on?”
When I remain silent, she says, “Think it over, Colton.”
The thing is, I don’t have to do that. I already know the answer.
I’ve always known it.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Alyssa
The music stops abruptly as Monsieur Dupre claps his hands together, and we all pause. “We will do it again until it is perfection!”
Ugh. That’s so not what I wanted to hear. My muscles are screaming, and I’m out of breath.
For just a moment, my shoulders sag before I straighten and take my position. We’ve been rehearsing the same piece over and over again. He wasn’t kidding when he said that we would keep at it until the movements were flawless. The guy is a real taskmaster. Although, that’s what makes him such a sought-out instructor.
When the music resumes, I lift onto the toes of my shoes, stretching my arms over my head and striking the pose before raising one pointed foot in front of me. The music arcs and I continue to hold it until my muscles tremble.
“Très bien!” he exclaims.
Instead of dwelling on the discomfort, I force it from my mind and concentrate on the rhythm of the music. Much like the first time, the only thing that
soothes the pain of this last heartbreak is dance. I’m able to lose myself in the movement for hours at a time. It helps me to not think about—
Nope. Not going to do it.
Even when he presses in at the edges, I drive myself harder so that my mind is too consumed with the steps and exactness of my performance to give one solitary thought to him.
As one, the class moves through the choreography like a well-oiled machine.
Or, in our case, a well-choreographed routine.
Every so often, Monsieur Dupre will pause the music and critique our positions. Just as I spin on my toes, preparing to leap across the floor in a grand jeté, I catch a glimpse of someone lurking in the doorway. My footwork falters, and I stumble.
Colton.
What’s he doing here?
Even though the question sits perched on the tip of my tongue, I can’t force it out. Instead, I stare mutely from across the studio, all the while eating him up with my eyes. I hate how tempting it is to close the distance between us. But I can’t give in to the urge. Colton has done nothing to show me that he’s changed. In fact, he’s proven the opposite.
The music is abruptly cut off, and the other dancers turn until everyone is staring at the tall blond football player loitering at the threshold of the spacious room.
“Can I help you?” Monsieur Dupre asks in a clipped tone, aiming a haughty look in Colton’s direction.
If there’s one thing our instructor detests, it’s being disrupted. The world could come crashing down around us, and as long as it didn’t interfere with our performance, it would be of no concern.
Remember the band playing on deck while the Titanic sunk?
Yeah, it’s like that.
Colton’s gaze flickers to him before zeroing in on me again. “Could I have a moment to speak with Alyssa?”
“As you can see,” the elegant man waves a hand, “we are in the middle of class. This can wait, yes?”
I expect Colton to nod and slink away. Everyone is staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. Instead, he moves uninvited into the sun-drenched room. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he had a death wish. “No, it can’t. I need to speak with Alyssa now.”
All eyes fall on me. I gulp as my heart beats into overdrive. Like everyone else, I can’t believe this is actually happening.
“By all means then,” Monsieur snaps, “waste more of our time. It’s not like we are here, trying to master a complicated sequence of steps.”
“Thanks, appreciate it.”
I wince. Perhaps Colton doesn’t recognize the sarcasm dripping from the Frenchman’s words, but I do. Even though I’m one of his favored pupils, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll pay for the untimely interruption at a later date in the form of a punishing rehearsal.
That being said...I don’t give a damn.
I want to hear what Colton has to say.
No...I need to hear what Colton has to say.
His blue gaze stays pinned to mine as he moves further into the studio. That’s all it takes for everyone around us to fall away until it’s just the two of us.
“I’m sorry for bursting in here like this, but I had to see you.” Another few steps bring him closer. “It couldn’t wait another moment.”
When I remain silent, at a loss for words, Colton continues, “I’m sorry, Lys. For everything. I never meant to push you away. I needed time to wrap my mind around my feelings. What I now realize is that I should have talked to you about it instead of going at it alone. I let you think that I was shutting down and locking you out.”
My throat fills with so much emotion that it feels like it’s closing up on me. That’s exactly what I’d thought. And because of that, I’d pushed him away before he could cut me loose like the first time.
“I did the one thing I promised never to do,” he says, voice ringing throughout the room, “I broke your trust and hurt you.” His chest rises and falls with every deep inhalation. “I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that the meeting with Candace didn’t go well.”
From the pain swimming around in his eyes, that seems more like an understatement. It takes everything I have inside not to pull him into my arms and soothe away the agony that radiates off him in heavy, suffocating waves.
“I’ve spent my entire life holding everyone around me at a distance so I wouldn’t get hurt. It was never a conscious decision, more like a reflex. But I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to continually push away the people who matter most. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this relationship work.” He inches closer. “I love you, Lys. Even when it scared the hell out of me, I still loved you. I never stopped.”
Emotion crashes over me, through me, until I’m overwhelmed with the sensation.
Colton clears his throat. “I don’t deserve another chance, but I really hope you’ll give me one. Let me prove that I can be the guy you not only need but deserve.”
Oh, God.
Almost collectively, as if it’s a synchronized movement, everyone shifts their gazes to me. Sighs escape from a few of the dancers.
“If you don’t want him, girl, I’d be more than happy to take him off your hands,” Zoe hollers from across the room.
Her voice snaps me out of the mental fog that has descended. Instead of responding, I run across the floor before hurtling myself against his chest. With a soft grunt, his arms band around me, pulling me close, and squeezing me tight.
“I really do love you, Lys,” he whispers against my ear. “You’re everything to me. And I hate that I made you feel as if you weren’t.”
“I love you, too.” I always have—even when I didn’t want to. Even when I did everything possible to forget about him and move on.
He pulls away enough to meet my gaze. “Now that I have you, I’m not walking out of here without you.”
A smile trembles around the edges of my lips before I glance hesitantly at my instructor.
With a shake of his head, Monsieur Dupre rolls his eyes and flicks a hand at me as if he can’t be bothered to expend a full movement on my sorry ass. “Leave. You have already taken up enough of my valuable time.”
Heat floods my cheeks as a round of applause erupts throughout the room.
“You heard the man,” Colton says with a grin, “let’s get out of here.”
With a quick nod, I untangle myself from him before scampering over to my bag. I shove my shoes into the small duffle and throw on an oversized shirt before hauling up a pair of black leggings. And then I’m dressed and ready to go. Monsieur Dupre will most definitely make me pay for this tomorrow, but I’m not going to focus on that at the moment. How can I when Colton is holding out his hand for me to take?
As I slip my fingers into his, he says, “You know I’m never going to let you go, right?”
Giddiness bursts inside me like an overinflated balloon. For as long as I’ve known Colton, this is all I’ve ever wanted. And now, finally, after all these years, I have it.
I have him.
He’s mine, and I’m his.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” I tell him, “because I have no plans to let you go either.”
Epilogue
Colton
Three years later...
I roll over and stretch out an arm, only to find the space next to me empty and the sheets already cooling. I crack open a blurry eye and glance around the room. The sun is just peeking over the horizon, painting the vast stretch of sky with pink and purple strokes.
Where the hell did that girl disappear to?
I toss off the covers and pad over to the bathroom.
Empty.
Since it’s just the two of us, I don’t bother to throw on any clothes. I surprised Alyssa with a weeklong vacation at the beach. One of my father’s friends owns a house on Kiawah Island in South Carolina, right on the ocean. We can hear the crash of the waves from our bedroom window. It’s the perfect sound to fall asleep to with Alyssa tucked in my arms.
Once I hit the first floor, the scent of fresh-brewed coffee permeates the air. The door to the patio is open. I should have known she was out on the deck. We arrived a few days ago, and she can’t get enough of the salty breeze. I push open the screen door and find her sitting at the small, iron table, staring out at the water in the distance. There’s something hypnotic about the waves as they roll onto the sandy stretch of shoreline.
“Hey,” I greet, stepping onto the wooden planks, “you’re up early.”
Her eyes flicker to mine before widening when she gets a good look at me. A chuckle escapes as her lips quirk. Her gaze skims down my naked body before settling on my cock. That’s all it takes for me to stiffen right up. “Decided to forego clothing, I see.”
I arch a brow. “Is that a complaint?”
I’ll tell you what, there was nothing but satisfied moans coming from Alyssa when I was buried deep inside her last night.
“Nope.” As if to prove her words, she leans forward and presses a kiss against the tip of my erection. “Not at all.”
Damn. The feel of her warm breath feathering across my flesh only stirs my arousal.
“Good.” My voice drops, turning raspy as I scoop her into my arms and settle on the chair she’s been lounging on. “It’s not a secret that I love you naked. Speaking of which,” I grab the hem of her thin tank top and pull it over her head before tossing it onto the deck, “you’re a little overdressed for the occasion.” Then I hook my thumbs into her panties and slide them down her hips and thighs before tossing them over my shoulder.
At ease with our nudity, Alyssa settles against my chest, her head resting at the crook of my neck. We fit perfectly together. A sigh of contentment leaves my lips as we watch the sunrise over the water. It’s magical.
I almost shake my head at such a strange thought.
Five years ago, I never could have imagined feeling this content with another person. The ghosts from my past were still too fresh. They had a grasp on me that I never realized. All right, so maybe I did, but I never understood how much they were holding me back. How much I was missing out on until I made a conscious effort to face them head-on.
The Boy Next Door Page 26
