As Puck Would Have It

by Paul Ruditis

  Maybe she had given him bad advice and this was his payback. Or maybe she had given advice to his ex-girlfriend and it had resulted in her breaking up with him. In any case, his behavior was inappropriate and entirely unprofessional.

  Phoebe picked up his business card. He probably wasn’t back at his desk yet, but she was fine with leaving him a message. She planned to give him—and his superiors—a piece of her mind.

  As soon as her fingers touched the card, Phoebe heard the sound of a trumpet blaring in her ears. She recoiled from the shock of the sound. As she looked out into the bullpen, she realized that no one else had reacted. She was the only one who had heard the noise. It was perfectly normal for Phoebe to get a premonition when she touched something. That had been happening for years. But this time, she didn’t see any images from the future or from the past. She had only heard a trumpet, playing a long, shrill note.

  Phoebe forgot all about her computer as she wondered what the sound had meant.

  Chapter 3

  Paige closed her eyes for a moment and basked in the wonderful silence of the forest around her. A slight breeze rustled through the trees and caressed her face, adding to the peaceful setting. This was the most relaxed she had felt in a while. Opening her eyes again, she continued along the path through the tall trees, listening to the hushed sounds all around her.

  She had needed to have a relaxing weekend for a long time. It seemed like she had been fighting demons nonstop lately. In fact, a demon had almost forced her to cancel the trip altogether. Goulahga—whom her sisters had nicknamed the Goo Demon—had almost destroyed the Manor just one day earlier. Paige was still finding ectoplasmic residue in her hair, even though she had taken an hour-long shower the night before.

  The fact that Goulahga had nearly killed her before she could find all the ingredients for the vanquishing potion only made this getaway all the more important. It wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t known that adder’s-tongue and the dog-tooth violet were the same healing herb. She needed to find a better connection with nature if she was going to continue to serve it without dying in the process. And facing one’s own mortality helped put things in perspective.

  Paige still considered herself new to this magic business, and it wasn’t just because her sisters had three years on her when it came to knowing about their abilities. Some of the more evil beings the Charmed Ones encountered were hundreds of years old. Even for powerful witches like themselves, that was a lot of knowledge to go up against.

  When Paige had first suggested a weekend away to clear their heads, she hadn’t really expected her sisters to take her up on it. Piper had way too many responsibilities between her family and P3. Going camping for a weekend wasn’t exactly easy to do with a baby in the house. Phoebe had been pretty busy lately, too, since her column was taking off. She was becoming a fixture on the San Francisco media scene. In addition to writing her column, she had public appearances to make, and other business-related events to attend. So Paige wasn’t surprised when her sisters begged off and suggested that she go alone. And frankly, she was a bit relieved.

  Of course, Piper and Phoebe had mentioned that the offer would have been more tempting if Paige had planned a weekend at a five-star hotel. Preferably one with a pool, spa, and in-room babysitting service. But Paige wanted to reconnect with the earth. She wanted to get in touch with the natural magic that was all around her. Sitting in a concrete pool filled with highly chlorinated water wasn’t exactly her idea of communing with nature. She couldn’t think of a better way than camping.

  Paige had orbed to the edge of the forest an hour earlier. She probably could have kept orbing around until she found the perfect campsite, but she preferred to hike. It would have been contradictory to her plan to go orbing all over the forest until she found a comfortable spot.

  Phoebe had been kind enough to buy her a small GPS device to make up for the fact that Paige was taking the trip on her own. Paige had graciously accepted the present, but she didn’t intend to use it. That, too, would have negated the whole purpose of the weekend.

  At the end of her first hour in the forest, Paige decided she could use a short rest. She saw a small clearing off the well-trodden path. It was far enough from the main trail that she wouldn’t be disturbed.

  She entered the clearing and was happy to discover that it was as close to a perfect circle as she was going to find in nature. It wasn’t a good spot to camp; it was a little overgrown, and rocks jutted up through the dirt at various intervals, but it would serve for a short break. She even managed to find a nice patch of grass directly in the center.

  Paige dropped the backpack containing her tent and other necessities for the weekend on the ground, and took a seat on the soft grass. She crossed her legs, took a deep, cleansing breath, and closed her eyes. The silence was more pronounced here than on the trail. Paige slowed her breathing as she concentrated on picking out the sounds of nature in the quiet around her.

  Using meditation techniques she had learned from a book Piper had found for her, Paige was able to hear things that she suspected most hikers could not. Squirrels and chipmunks were scampering through the brush. Birds were winging their way through the tall trees above her, and if she concentrated, she could hear their wings flapping. There was water rushing, far off in the distance. It seemed to be coming from the north, which meant she might find a good place to camp in that direction.

  So much for needing the GPS, she thought.

  Paige focused on the sounds of the birds. Connecting with animals was something that most witches could do. Paige herself had felt like she understood her friends’ pets when she was growing up. At the time, she had chalked it up to an overactive imagination, but now she wasn’t too sure. She hoped to be able to tap into that part of her inner self this weekend, figuring it would be easier to start with something small, like a sparrow.

  She could hear chirping directly overhead. One of the birds had landed nearby. Paige wondered if the bird had felt her presence and come to investigate, or if it had just gotten tired and needed a place to rest. Paige tried to open her mind to the bird. She wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like, but she concentrated as hard as she could.

  Nothing happened.

  Paige decided to try a different route. She remembered what she had read in the Book of Shadows about contacting a spirit-guide. The process required some preparation of the area first, but Paige would try that part later. For now, she wanted to get a feel for her guide, not necessarily meet the animal.

  As Paige’s mind concentrated on the ritual to contact a spirit-guide, she heard a more human variety of creature approaching. It scared her a bit that the person had been able to get so close before she had heard anything. She’d been so focused on connecting with the bird that she hadn’t heard anyone coming in the distance. She silently tried to wish the person away. She didn’t want to be disturbed.

  Paige briefly considered trying a glamour to make herself blend in with the forest surroundings, but that kind of magic was a bit more advanced than what she usually practiced. As she heard the footsteps grow closer, she simply hoped that the person approaching would see that she wanted to be alone and continue on his or her merry way.

  The footsteps stopped somewhere around the edge of the clearing. Paige waited for the person to either speak or walk away, but neither happened. The person just stood there, staring at her. Even with her eyes closed, she was sure she could feel the stranger’s glare. Aside from being rude, it was beginning to get a little unnerving.

  Paige risked a glance. She saw an auburn-haired man standing off to the side of the clearing. She was relieved to find that he wasn’t staring at her. His attention was focused on the tree beside him. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but she had a fairly good idea. He had been looking for a spot off the path to relieve himself.

  Paige let out a soft cough to let him know someone was behind him. She could tell that he was startled as he finished his business. He tu
rned to Paige, blushing. When she got a full-on look at his face, she lost her connection with nature completely. He was jarringly handsome.

  “Um…hi,” the man said. “I didn’t realize someone was out here.”

  “I kind of figured,” Paige said from her seated position on the ground.

  “Taking a rest?” he asked.

  “Sort of,” Paige replied. “Meditation.”

  “Here?” he asked, checking out the area skeptically. Suddenly it seemed much rockier and more uncomfortable than it had when she had first sat down.

  “All I need is silence,” she said.

  “This is fine for that,” he said, considering. “But if you really want to get in touch with nature, I know the perfect place.”

  Paige looked at the handsome stranger for a moment. It wasn’t exactly safe to go off with unfamiliar men she met in the middle of the woods. But if anything happened, she could always orb a boulder over his head and drop it on him. Of course, she’d only use that as a last resort. “What did you have in mind?” she asked innocently as she stood.

  “It’s just a short hike,” he said, pointing through the trees in a direction that was definitely off the beaten path. Paige noticed that he wanted them to head north, in the direction of the rushing water she had heard during her brief meditation.

  Paige silently debated the offer in her mind. She would be crazy to go walking with a stranger, but he seemed fairly harmless. Besides, she had just begun to invoke a spirit-guide when she had found him. She hadn’t expected to receive such a literal response, but who was she to question the powers-that-be.

  Then again, considering her history with the powers-that-be, it was a pretty wise choice to question them. But that was neither here nor there.

  “I’m Paige,” she said, holding out a hand in greeting.

  “Robin,” he said as he started to put out his hand. Before she could take it, he quickly pulled his hand away as if he had just realized something. Smiling shyly, he took a small bottle of hand-sanitizing lotion from his pack. He quickly poured some out and rubbed it into his hands.

  Paige gave an uncomfortable laugh, then nodded with appreciation over his cleanliness.

  “As I was saying”—he took her hand—“My name is Robin. And it will be my pleasure to be your guide.”

  “The pleasure is all mine,” Paige said.

  “But, first”—he waved his hands in front of her eyes and produced a flower, seemingly from out of nowhere—“a lovely bloom for the lovely lady.”

  Robin held the flower up to Paige’s face. It was pink and purple and looked like an orchid, yet unlike any orchid she had ever seen. She breathed in the scent, which was also unique. It was a delightful combination of jasmine and mixed spices.

  Robin placed the flower in her hair, sliding it behind her ear.

  “Impressed by my magic?” he asked.

  Paige found his question charming for a slew of reasons she could not explain to him. “I am in awe of your power,” she said, playing along.

  A quick scan of the area revealed there were no similar flowers around. Either he routinely carried a flower with him for just such occasions—which was a creepy thought—or he did possess more impressive magic than a simple sleight of hand. As they left the clearing, Paige tried to shake the suspicion from her mind. He had probably just found the interesting bloom earlier and picked it up for himself. It was only a lucky break that he had found someone to share it with. At least, that’s what she tried to convince herself. She couldn’t truly embrace the idea.

  “So,” Paige said. “Are you a nature lover?”

  “You mean am I enchanted with it?” Robin asked. “Some might say so.”

  “I thought we were speaking seriously,” Paige said.

  “No, I think you were speaking seriously,” Robin replied as he held back a branch so Paige could pass through. “I rarely speak seriously.”

  “I’m picking up on that,” Paige said.

  They had come to a large fallen tree trunk. Robin quickly hopped up on it and held a hand down to Paige.

  “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Paige asked as she eyed the rotting tree skeptically.

  “Know where I’m going?” Robin said, motioning for Paige to take his hand. “I thought I was following you.”

  Paige grabbed his hand and let him pull her up on the tree trunk. Luckily the wood held. They jumped down on the other side and continued along what Paige would barely identify as a trail.

  The banter continued as they followed the overgrown path around a hill, where the forest opened up on the edge of a precipice. They were standing about a hundred feet above a rushing river and looking out over the picturesque setting of a small valley. There was a sizable break before the tree line, and as she looked down, Paige thought that it would make for the perfect camp spot if only there were a way to get down there.

  She figured she could have orbed there if Robin hadn’t been with her. Then again, he surely didn’t think that she was about to spend the weekend camping with him. A hike together was one thing. Paige wasn’t about to let the stranger sleep in a tent right next to hers. But since he had brought her there specifically for meditation, she figured she could just wait him out, then orb down to the campsite on her own.

  Paige looked down longingly at the valley. The trees surrounded a clearing in a semi-circle. From the distance, she could make out a bed of flowers. She noticed that the colors looked similar to the bloom in her hair. Interesting, she thought. I wonder if he climbed all the way up here.

  If there was ever a setting for a fairy tale, this would have been it, Paige silently mused. Complete with a witch.

  “It’s beautiful,” Paige finally said, admiring the view.

  “Fresh air, pure earth, rushing water,” Robin said with a snap of his fingers that lit a small flame on his thumb. “And a little fire to complete the elements. The perfect spot for meditation.”

  “Or to start a forest fire,” Paige said, blowing on his thumb to put out the flame. The magic tricks were cute, but there was something about this setup that was starting to bother Paige. Robin was just a little too in tune with what she was looking for, and his “tricks” were just a little too real. It wasn’t lost on her that he had effectively walked her to the edge of a cliff, either.

  “Here, let me get that for you,” Robin said as he grabbed at her pack.

  “That’s okay,” Paige said as she tried to step away.

  “Nonsense,” Robin said as he slipped it off her back. “You can’t very well get in touch with nature with a heavy backpack strapped to you. I’m guessing it’s got your cell phone, a digital camera, and maybe even an iPod inside. None of that is going to help you with your meditation.

  “Here,” he continued. “Why don’t I just take care of these distractions for you.”

  Before Paige could even ask what he meant, Robin threw her backpack over the ledge and down into the river below. For a moment she could do nothing but blink in surprise at the total audacity of her so-called guide.

  Once Paige regained her senses, she considered orbing the pack back up to her, but then realized that it was already lost. She’d barely had the chance to debate the risk of revealing her abilities before her belongings had been whisked away in the rushing water.

  “What the hell did you do that for?” Paige asked as she moved toward the man, threateningly.

  “I was just trying to help,” Robin said as he backed away.

  “Help?” Paige asked. “By throwing all my possessions into the river.”

  “A wise man once said we will never truly find our inner selves until we divest our outer selves of our worldly possessions,” he said as he continued to retreat. “Of course, the man who said that was me, so you might have a different opinion on how wise the man is.”

  “You are insane,” Paige said. “I can’t believe—” But she couldn’t finish her sentence. She had just realized that Robin had backed himself right over the edg
e of the precipice. But instead of falling, he was hovering in midair.

  Robin seemed to realize this as well as he looked down at the empty air beneath his feet and then back up at Paige. He smiled broadly at her with a twinkle in his green eyes. “Well, look at that,” he said.

  “Who are you?” Paige asked, throwing up her hands defensively, ready to orb herself out of the area if necessary.

  “Now there’s an interesting question,” Robin said. “Who is any of us? I leave you to ponder that transcendental thought.”

  Without another word, he disappeared. And although he was no longer present, Paige could hear laughter echoing through the valley with a “Ho, ho, ho.”

  Chapter 4

  Piper flipped through the Book of Shadows growing angrier with each passing page. She had put Wyatt in his crib an hour ago, before she’d started cleaning up the broken glass from the bizarre “cleaning” incident. The last thing she needed was for the baby to cut himself on remnants of that morning’s disaster.

  She had picked up all of the sharp objects, but left the fallen pictures, toppled chairs, and everything else as it was. There would be time for a more thorough cleaning later. As long as the first floor was baby-proofed, she was free to look into who—or what—was messing with her.

  It was ridiculous that she was cleaning up the house after the cleaning crew had come and gone. At least she wasn’t out any money. She could still hire another cleaning crew to get rid of the new mess, but she was understandably reluctant to make another call. The Yellow Pages just wasn’t the reliable source it had been in the past.

  In hindsight, Piper should have just given Mr. Goode her shirt, if only to get rid of him. But how was I supposed to know the freak would destroy the house?

  So far, the Book of Shadows hadn’t been much help in the area of magic cleaning services, but her anger was helping fuel her research. She’d go through the tome as many times as it took until she found a clue about the inappropriately named Mr. Goode.