Soldier

by AKM Miles

  “Hey! What the fuck? Who are you? Let me go. Owww!” The whiner turned and got a good look at Soldier and changed his tune. “Oh, shit. Hey, man. Be cool. We’re out o’ here. Let go.”

  “Leave him alone,” was all Soldier said.

  “He yours? No problem, man. I can see why. We’re gone, promise. Just let go.”

  Soldier threw them both to the ground and looked up to see that Dill had disappeared. Good man. Very fast.

  ***

  Dillon had run like the wind and, when he didn’t hear footsteps dogging him, he took a second to turn. He stopped so abruptly that he nearly fell over. There was a giant bald man in Army camo holding on to both of his would-be attackers.

  Well, what do you know? Gom was right. There was a big Army guy around. But why was he there, and why had he stopped the punks from hurting Dillon?

  Dillon didn’t wait to find out. He took advantage of his good fortune and kept running. He was home in minutes, with a lot to think about.

  He went out after supper, reminding the boys to be quiet and not open any doors. Gom asked if Dillon wanted Gom to come with him. Gom was taking his new duties seriously. Dillon told him he was just going to take a look around.

  Dillon slipped out the back door and stood still, watching. It was a quiet night, cooler now with a breeze stirring. He could hear cicadas buzzing and traffic from the front of the house, but back here, it was calm. He thought he could feel a presence there, watching back. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel scared. It was more a feeling of someone being there for him, not one of danger. How strange.

  Dillon set off toward the back of the property, staying alert and watching for movement. He sat on an old tree that had fallen long ago and made a nice bench for watching the back of the house. Sitting still, he waited for his vision to get used to the dark back here so he could get a better look.

  Was that a shadow by the side of the house? Dillon sat still and never took his eyes off the large shape. He knew there was nothing by the house so the shape didn’t belong there. Taking a deep breath, letting it out, and taking his courage in hand, Dillon said, quietly,

  “Hey.”

  The shadow moved just slightly, and Dill only noticed because he was watching so intently.

  “I know you’re there. I’m not scared of you. What do you want here? Was that you today?” Dillon waited and watched, and finally the shadow moved away from the house and started toward him. The man was huge, but made no sound and was in front of Dillon in seconds. Shit. Dillon looked up and up and couldn’t make out much of the man’s features. There wasn’t much of a moon tonight.

  “Who are you?” Dillon asked. The man didn’t answer.

  “Are you here to hurt any of us? I don’t think so. You’ve had plenty of chances.” Dillon kept telling himself not to be nervous. This man had protected him today. “Why are you lurking out here in the dark? Why won’t you talk?”

  Dillon hated to keep asking questions, especially when he got no answers, but he had responsibilities here. “Did you save me from those assholes today? What am I saying, I know it was you. Thanks, by the way.”

  The big man nodded. Dillon could see that. He scooted over a little on the makeshift bench him, an invitation.

  The man hesitated. Finally he sat, awkwardly, by Dillon. Neither spoke for a bit. Dillon figured that they were both a little freaked out by the fact that they were sitting close together and they didn’t know each other or what to expect.

  “Soldier.” It was offered quietly.

  “Hmm? What? Soldier? Is that your name?” Dillon thought the man's voice was sexy, very low. Sexy? Where had that come from?

  “Now.”

  “Okay, works for me. Thank you for what you did today, Soldier.”

  “Hmmmph. Okay. Tell me…why’d they say you’re ugly? You’re not.”

  “Have you seen me?” Dillon knew why. If this guy had been watching him and the house he should know why, too.

  “Yeah. For a while.”

  “Then how can you ask? Most people think I’m pretty hideous.”

  “That’s crazy. You’re too pretty. Why do you say that?” There was genuine surprise in Soldier’s tone.

  “I’m beginning to wonder if you really have seen me. Here.” Dillon reached out to take Soldier’s hand.

  Soldier jerked at the contact. It was like he wasn’t used to being around people. He talked very little. Maybe he wasn’t used to being touched, either. He settled, though, and let Dillon take control of his hand.

  Dillon brought Soldier’s hand up to his face so Soldier could feel the scar tissue that nearly covered the whole right side of his face and down to his neck. Soldier pulled his hand back quickly.

  “See, even in the dark I’m ugly.”

  Soldier reached back and smoothed his hand over the scars again, almost in a caress, Dillon thought. Soldier snorted back in his throat. He dropped his hand and then, in a jerky move that seemed totally foreign to him, he took Dillon’s hand and brought it to his face on the left side. Dillon’s hand paused when he touched Soldier, then moved over Soldier’s scars as if memorizing his face like a blind person would. In the dark, it was just like that.

  Soldier didn’t move a muscle, as if waiting for an expected reaction.

  “After the hospital, I’ve never allowed anyone to touch me. Hell, no one would want to.” Soldier’s rusty voice told a story in itself. He sounded like he was just waking from a long sleep and was trying to orient himself to a new world. His belief that no one would want to touch him told Dill that he’d been through a lot of pain, both physical and mental.

  But Dill wanted to touch him. He just kept on moving his hand over Soldier’s face, down to his neck, following the path of the scars. In a move that surprised even him, he tried to reach under Soldier’s shirt to see how far they went. Soldier finally pulled away.

  “I’m sorry.” Dillon instantly pulled his hand back. How could he...? “I can’t believe I did that. It was incredibly rude.” Dillon was embarrassed at how long he had touched Soldier.

  Soldier just shrugged. Silence again.

  “You didn’t know I had scars, too?” Dillon asked.

  “No. Never saw that side. Recent?” It sounded like it hurt Soldier to think of Dillon going through the same pain he evidently had.

  “Nah. ‘bout eleven years ago.” Dillon laughed and said, “Now I only get chased half as much as before.”

  “Why?” Soldier clearly didn’t understand what Dillon meant.

  “Oh, I just meant half the time they don’t see the other side so they...” Dillon’s self-deprecating explanation was interrupted.

  “No, why do you get chased? You don’t bother anybody. I’ve seen you.”

  Dillon figured that was a long speech for Soldier, but the man seemed to be really interested in what had happened to him.

  “Well. These came from a bunch of gay-bashers who lit into me one night when I was fourteen. They were kind of like the ones today. They hated anyone who was ‘pretty and queer.’ Their words.” Dillon shrugged in a fatalistic way. What was done was done. “They took care of that, huh? Funny thing is, at fourteen, I didn’t even know I was... uh... queer. Mmm, guess I shouldn’t have admitted that.”

  “Relax. I don’t hate queers. I’m a big old ugly queer. And you’re still pretty.” Soldier said. “I can’t believe the things that are coming out of my mouth. I haven’t talked this much in years, especially things like I keep saying.” He shook his head, as if amazed at himself. “Your name is Dill?”

  “Dillon. Dillon Kramer. The kids... I mean some people call me Dill. But I like Dillon.”

  “Dillon is better. How many are in the house? I know of two besides you.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m just curious. Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything to you, or them. It’s just interesting to me... what you do.”

  “Why do you care? I don’t tell people about us. I can’t let anything happen to them. I... help th
em. They need me. I won’t allow anyone to...”

  “Dillon. Relax. I told you. No problems.” Soldier spoke calmly. “I’m interested in knowing how you got the house, how many are living there, what you all need, how you manage to live, why no one questions you...” Soldier wound down, his voice kind of tired. Again, it seemed like he wasn't used to talking.

  “Who are you? How do I know I can trust you?” Dillon did trust him, though, and wondered why he did. He was really looking for justification for the feeling of trust he couldn’t explain.

  “I won’t hurt you or them.”

  “Why’ve you been watching the house? Us?” Dillon had to know. He couldn’t let anything happen to his boys.

  “I’m just Soldier. I’m around. I saw you one day, then again, so I watched to see where you went, what you did. I hadn’t gotten close until recently.” Soldier shook his head a little. “I can’t believe the little one saw me. I won’t hurt any of you. You all can stay in the house; no one will take it from you.”

  “How do you know that?” Dillon was wary.

  “I just do. You’re safe there. You don’t do anything illegal, do you?”

  “Lord, no. We just try to get enough to eat and let some of them heal if they need it.” Dillon gave simple answers without talking about each child. “Others are hiding until they can get wherever they need to go. Some will stay until they can get out and do something else.”

  They both looked up when they heard the back door open and watched as Gom snuck out. He had a sack in his hand and he was heading right for them. Brave little fart. He knew he was supposed to stay inside.

  “Gom?”

  “I’m sorry, Dill. But I saw the man and I wanted to see if he was hungry.” The tiny boy couldn’t seem to help the quick glances at Soldier. “I don’t think he would hurt us. He’s been real still by you. I was watching out for you. That’s my job now, right?”

  Dillon shook his head and held out his hand for Gom to come closer. Gom came to stand right between Dillon’s legs, facing Soldier.

  “Soldier, this is Gom. He’s been made my second in command at the house and he evidently takes his job seriously.” Dillon looked down and spoke quietly to Gom, smoothing his hand over the bony shoulders. “Gom, you don’t have to protect me. I just made you my special assistant to help me with the others. What do you have there?”

  Gom was looking at Soldier with awe. He didn’t say anything.

  “Gom?” Dillon prodded.

  “Oh. Uh. Sir... Soldier, I mean... is that really your name? I brought you some of the stuff we had left. Do you eat? Why are you always out here? Are we in trouble? I won’t let you hurt Dill.” He leaned into Dillon. “Where are you from? Are you in the Army? Can I touch your face? Does it hurt? You must have hurt bad. You’re awful big. Are you hungry?”

  ***

  Soldier had to smile. How could he answer all that? He couldn’t even remember all the questions. But the kid had showed spunk coming out here if he was worried about how big Soldier was and if he was going to hurt Dill. Dillon.

  “I eat. Thanks.” He reached for the sack. Gom handed it to him and smiled, and Soldier’s heart did a little flutter thing. This little one was special. “So, you take care of Dillon... uh Dill, huh?” He tried to think of all Gom had asked. “Not in the Army anymore. I was. Yes, it hurt... real bad. I don’t usually let anybody touch me, at all, but... uh... you can if you want.”

  “You let Dill. I won’t if you don’t want me to.” He started to shake a little as he went on, “I was probably being bad to ask you. It’s bad manners, huh?”

  “It’s okay... Gom, is it?” Soldier wanted to ease him for some reason.

  “Yeah. Gom or Gommy. I’m too little for Montgomery. I would like to touch you once, just for a little... to see how it feels. Are you sure I can?”

  “Gom...” Dillon started to say, but Soldier broke in.

  “It’s okay. Come here, little one. Here,” Soldier took Gom’s little hand and pressed the palm against the rough scars on his face. He moved it a little so the boy could feel how rough it was and then he dropped his hand and let the kid touch him.

  Gom’s eyes were huge as he moved his hand over Soldier's face. He patted it softly and said, “Does it hurt when I touch it? I don’t want to hurt you.” There were tears gathering in his eyes and he dropped his hand.

  “Here, what’s the matter... uh, Gom? It’s okay. It didn’t hurt me.” Oh, shit, what should he do now? He was so out of his element here. “I’m a tough guy anyway, but there’s very little feeling in that side of my face because of the scars. Don’t cry.” He felt awful as tears fell down the little boy’s face. The boy didn’t make a sound, though.

  Dillon closed his arms around Gom and sat him down on his leg, saying, “Shhhhh, now, Gom. You heard what he said. You didn’t hurt him. Come on now, don’t cry or you’ll get all worked up. I hate when you cry for so long.” Dillon patted Gom on the back.

  Soldier’s eyes widened. He was totally stunned when Gom said, through his tears, “But someone hurted him bad and it makes me sad.” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t help crying. I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.”

  “Honey, you’ve got to quit thinking we’re gonna be mad when you cry. It never makes me mad. I just hate to see you sad enough to cry.” Dillon hugged him close. “Come on, now, dry up and tell Soldier it’s okay. I think he thinks he did something wrong.”

  “Oh, no. You was nice and let me touch. I wish they didn’t hurt you, though.” Gom did the strangest thing then. He stepped away from Dill and went to stand between Soldier’s legs and put both arms up to Soldier’s shoulders and laid his little head on Soldier's chest.

  Soldier was literally flabbergasted. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. He looked over at Dillon, who was smiling gently at Gom. Finally, he put a hand up and patted the kid on the back. Gom sighed and relaxed against Soldier. This was too weird.

  Soldier looked down and saw that the kid had actually gone to sleep. He looked at Dillon, knowing that Dillon could see the surprise in his face. He handed the sack back to Dillon and gently picked Gom up and settled him against his shoulder like a baby. There was such a difference in size between them, it was almost like the little boy was a baby. Gom turned his face into Soldier’s neck and sighed again.

  “Soldier?” Dillon whispered. “That is the first time Gom has ever touched another person as far as I know. He lets me touch him, he wants to cuddle with me even, but no one else ever even tries.” He shook his head, clearly not believing what he was seeing. He went on to explain, “He goes into the worst episodes. He cries and cries. It’s enough to break your heart. You must have something really special. He trusts you like he does me. Do you mind holding him?”

  “No.”

  “He gets so little sleep. I even let him sleep with me when he asks, hoping he'll sleep better.” Dillon's worry and fondness for the child was clear in his voice. “He doesn’t eat enough and I worry about him. I still don’t know all that happened to him.”

  “You know any?” Soldier didn’t know if he could stand hearing about it if it was something really bad, but he felt compelled to ask. He started rubbing softly against the boy’s back and felt Gom relax deeper into him.

  “Some. Just from nightmares. He was... I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I can’t believe any of this. This is the first time I’ve... but I guess I feel as safe with you as Gom does. If you get tired of holding him, or don’t want to, I’ll take him.”

  “He’s okay, doesn’t weigh anything. He’s comfortable, leave him be. What’s he like to eat?”

  “Right now, he’s really fond of pancakes and syrup. I got some the other day and there was enough left over for a second meal. Man, he was so happy. He likes chicken, fried chicken.” He smiled as if remembering something. “Once I got some leftover from, somewhere or other, and he ate that, too. He nibbles a little. Eats a little cereal. Likes Cheerios, the honey kind, but I can’t get th
at very often.”

  “Hmmm.”

  They sat silently for a while, neither of them wanting to wake Gom from the deep sleep the boy was in. Dillon shivered as a breeze blew through the trees back by the fence. In a gesture that he didn’t plan at all, Soldier opened his arm for Dillon to slide over against his side. Without hesitation, Dillon slipped over and fit himself right up against Soldier.

  ***

  Oh, warm man. Soldier smelled... like a man. Nothing fancy, just clean, good man smell. Dillon felt himself get hard for the first time in, well, as long as he could remember. He wasn’t even embarrassed. He just huddled in against this big man, the one he knew nothing about. What did that say about him?

  Didn’t matter. Anyone who could hold Gom with such gentleness had to be a good man. He turned and was going to say something to Soldier, he didn’t know what. Soldier turned, too. Suddenly, they were face to face, or they would have been if they were anywhere near each other in height. But Dillon looked up into Soldier’s face and they were looking into each other’s eyes.