Zero F*cks: a standalone novel

by LK Collins

  Looking around, I can’t believe how identical everything is. Still to this day, it is the same as it was the last time I was here. “She hasn’t changed a thing.”

  “No, she really hasn’t,” he responds and lifts me up, setting me on the kitchen island. With my arms locked around his neck, I smile, gazing at him, and he says to me, “Can I fuck you now?”

  “Uh huh.” As he begins kissing my neck, I lean back, bracing my weight on my arms. His lips warm me, and as I take a hand reaching down for his cock, Scoundrel barks at us, already done eating. We stop kissing and stare at the tiny dog, which apparently thinks he needs attention.

  “Well, I guess I’ll have to fuck you later,” Nixon says and then asks the dog, “Do you wanna go for a walk, buddy?” His words turn Scoundrel into psycho doggy as he darts to the front door and stares at his leash that is hanging by it.

  “You coming, beautiful?” he asks me as I stand in his aunt’s home, a place that holds so many memories, so many times when things were so much simpler.

  ***

  “Wake up, baby,” Nixon says kissing my shoulder and squeezing my ass. I’m groggy. I didn’t sleep well, and as I take the room in, I remember why. The bed in his aunt’s spare room is so uncomfortable.

  “What time is it?” I ask, looking over at a freshly dressed Nixon.

  “It’s six something.”

  “Oh my God, why are you up?”

  “I had to take care of the dog and wanted to take you somewhere today.”

  “This early?”

  He nods, giving me such a sexy look. How can I say no? I’d rob a bank with him if he wanted to. “Where?” I ask him and stretch, trying to push away the exhaustion.

  “Can I show you?”

  “Can you tell me?” He leans down and kisses me. “Two options: we can either stay in and fuck all day, or you can come with me.”

  As good as his lips feel on mine, I have to get up. “I need out of this bed. It’s terrible.”

  “Come on then.” He takes my hand and helps me stand. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” he says and walks off. I get dressed trying to think of what he could want to do today, and I can’t think of anything around here. I mean, maybe surfing at our favorite beach, but we don’t have our boards with us.

  “Make sure you have your swimming suit on.”

  “Are we going to the beach?” I call out and he says, “Nope.”

  Pulling my dress back off over my breasts, I put my suit on and then brush my teeth and go find Nixon in the kitchen. When he sees me, he excitedly says, “Are you ready?”

  “Uh huh,” I tell him, wondering what in the world has gotten into him. He hands me a coffee and drops a few bones in Scoundrel’s bowl before we bolt. I feel like he’s literally dragging me out of the house, and as we drive away, I ask him, “What’s with the big hurry?”

  “You’ll have to wait and see, baby.”

  “What’s in here?” I ask, peeking inside the brown paper bag that is sitting on the center console.

  “Breakfast.”

  “Whoa, where’s Nixon? And who is this man that’s cooking for me and rushing me around at six in the morning?”

  “Shut up,” he teases me, “It’s nothing big, only a bagel.”

  Gladly I eat it, looking out at the town as we drive through it. My brain is working overtime, trying to pinpoint where he is taking me. “Are you sure we aren’t going to the beach?”

  “I’m sure, babe, I promise.”

  It’s not long until he parks his truck in an unfamiliar lot and says, “We’re here.”

  I don’t recognize anything and ask him, “Are you sure you brought me here, or was it someone else?”

  “Wow, now that’s cruel,” he says. “Who else would I have brought here? It was always you, Conner, and I, remember?”

  “There was that girl…what was her name? Something with an L…Leticia or Laurel, whatever it was…was it with her?”

  “Would you get the fuck out of the truck and follow me?” he cuts my speculation short, and I watch as he yanks his tight white tank top over his head, his blue eyes eating me alive as he looks at me through the thin fabric. Stepping out, the sand mixed with gravel is soft and feels familiar between my toes. I pull my dress over my head and toss it on the passenger seat, following Nixon’s lead, wearing only my suit. He walks off and looks down a ravine, I come up behind him and once my eyes focus in on the gorgeous turquoise waters of the cove and the large rock that is nestled above it, so many memories of being here come flooding back to me. How could I forget this place? We used to spend hours cliff diving here. “You remember it now?” he asks, reaching for my hand and leading me over to the top of the cliff.

  “Yes, remember when…”

  “Conner pretended to drown?” he finishes my sentence for me.

  “Yes, what would make him think that was funny?”

  “You know Conner, babe, he’s always out for a good laugh and to get a rise out of you.”

  And he is…it’s one of the things that I love about him and miss most about him. He’s such a goofball. No one makes me laugh harder. As we reach the edge, we each take our flip-flops off and toss them down to where you climb out, still remembering the way we used to do things. Holding Nixon’s hand, with the rough surface beneath my toes, he kisses me, cupping my face, and says to me, “Fall with me,” the same way he always used to.

  I don’t have to answer him, as he knows my answer. Leaning into the feeling of nothingness, the gravity quickly takes over, plummeting us into the warm water below. My fingers are knotted around his until the impact of the water tears us apart. As we come up for air, our bodies reconnect like a magnet. “Nixon Andrews, I was wrong about you…you know that?”

  “Yeah? Why do you say that?”

  “You are a gentleman.”

  “Nah, not me,” he says and grasps the top of my head with his hand, pushing my entire body under the water as he swims away. The water surrounds me, stealing away my vision and control and as I come up, I spot Nixon putting his flips on and then dashing up to the top of the cliff. He’s coming back in, and as I scoot to the side watching his crazy ass run and jump off, he flies through the air like a super hero. Being back here is perfect. I can’t believe I forgot about this place. The only thing missing is Conner; he would love to be fooling around with us. Nixon’s body hits the lagoon hard, and he swims over to me, pulling me close to him as we tread water and get lost in one another’s kisses. He tastes so sweet and smells more amazing than I can describe.

  “Wanna jump again?” he asks eagerly. As we climb out, it’s clear why he was so anxious to get here early. This place was always busy when we’d come, and now has got to be even more popular than when we were kids. I’m sure it will be crowded with tons of people before we know it.

  I reach for Nixon’s hand as he goes to help me out, but I yank him back, hard. Bracing my feet on the rock at the water’s edge, he flies into the cove face first, and I scramble off, knowing that if he catches me, I’m screwed. As I run up to the top, my heart races as he closes in on me, and I don’t know that I can think of a happier time we shared. This was one of the greatest memories we shared, and I suppressed it because of the pain Nixon caused me. But reliving it again with him makes me know that God does give second chances in life. What you do with that second chance…that is entirely up to you.

  Chapter 26

  Nixon

  As nice as it was to go back and reminisce with Cam, being back in the bubble we’ve created, feels so right. Waking up in her bed, with my arms wound securely around her, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I never thought this would happen again. I fucked things up so bad for us, to the point where I believed they were irreparable, but as I breathe her in, my hard cock wanting inside her, I know you can’t control fate.

  It’s a cloudy day. The impending storms are pushing in a tailwind of thunderstorms towards us as they get closer and c
loser. The sky is dark and it’s far too early to be awake, but… I don’t sleep anymore. I watch Cam.

  She moans, waking a little, and when she pushes her ass into me, I reach down, pressing my cock into her tight little slit.

  “Mmmmm,” she whines, and I shove myself into her as far as I can. Then we each begin to move. Our bodies match each other’s rhythm. My dick glides so effortlessly in and out of her. I squeeze her tighter and suck on the sensitive skin of her neck.

  My thrusts get harder, working her more. And she pushes back against me, rolling me flat on my back. Still nestled inside her, I hold her above me. She balances on her hands and feet and I unleash a fury of fucking. Pounding her, our skin slaps together. Her cries of pleasure motivate me to continue on, and the feeling I’ve been working towards hits me hard and my balls explode.

  As her body falls back against mine, I don’t stop moving and her noises pitch. Her entire body stiffens as she lets go. I pump her good, making sure she comes hard, and when she settles, we roll back over and I close my eyes, finally feeling like I could sleep.

  “That’s the best way to wake up.”

  “Yeah, it is,” I respond.

  “It looks nasty outside today,” she says.

  “I think that storm’s closer than we realize.”

  “But it’s still projected to veer north, right?”

  “Yeah, last I heard. Why don’t you let me jump in and do any rescues today, okay?”

  She hesitates for a second and then says to me, “I don’t want to see you risk your life.”

  “Coming from the girl who said our job isn’t dangerous.”

  “Fine, you can jump. It’s about time that you get your feet wet.”

  I kiss the top of her shoulder, happy that she’s letting me. She releases a long exhale, and I sense something is bothering her. “What’s going through that head of yours?”

  “Nothing, I was thinking about being back at your aunt’s.”

  “Did you like it?”

  She turns in my arms and looks at me. “I did. I mean, any time alone with you is great. But it was really good to go back and see my parents’ old house and remember all the times we shared growing up. I wish Conner could’ve come, too.”

  “We’ll run him so ragged when he comes home, he’s gonna hate us.”

  “Yeah, we will.”

  I kiss her shoulder and say, “I’m gonna shower.”

  “‘Kay.”

  After I’m done and get dressed for work, I find Cameron in the living room on her laptop. “Conner call?” I ask her.

  “No, I was checking the connection, since we brought it home from your aunt’s…” I can see the worry on her face as she gets off the chair and traces the line back to the wall.

  “He’s all right, babe, I promise.”

  “How do you know?”

  “‘Cause I was where he is. I’d go months without calling my mom sometimes. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong. He might have a new mission or be switching ships. You’re lucky he calls you as much as he does.”

  She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and I pull her into me. I’m not sure if she’s crying over Conner, or that I was gone as long as I was and never contacted her.

  “He’s good, babe. Be positive,” I tell her.

  She nods and says, “Thanks, I’m gonna shower,” and walks off. I let her go, knowing she’s strong, and as soon as Conner calls, she’ll know everything is good.

  After I finish making our lunches for the day, I look for my phone and can’t find it. I must’ve left it at my aunt’s. Going into the bathroom, Cameron is in the shower and I peek my head in, pinching her nipple. She jumps as I scared her and swats my hand away, but her normal smile doesn’t follow. “Have you seen my phone?”

  “No, why?”

  “I think I left it at my aunt’s.”

  “I haven’t seen it,” she says and rinses her hair.

  “Are you cool if I run over there now and grab it? Scoundrel could probably use a bathroom break.”

  “Sure.”

  “You still stressing about Conner, babe?” I ask her.

  “I’m trying not to, but I feel like something’s off.”

  “Let it go, trust me. If something were wrong, someone would’ve contacted us.”

  She leans over and kisses me. I pinch her nipple again before walking off and she rolls her eyes. “Meet you at work, babe.”

  Hopping in my truck, I head across town wishing my aunt was home from the hospital so I could just call her and see if my phone is there. But she said my cousin wasn’t getting released ‘til later on in the morning, so I’ll just go and check.

  Pulling up to a stoplight, I can’t shake what Cameron said to me. “I feel like something’s off.”

  Chapter 27

  Cameron

  “So, what, now you’re talking to me?” I ask Luke as he walks in and says, “Good morning.”

  “I never stopped talking to you.”

  “Right,” I tell him and text Nixon, Mack just called a meeting, you better get here.

  I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t, so I go into the conference room and take a seat next to Guy. “Hey, how was your weekend?” he asks.

  “Good, you?”

  “Good. I think Macey and I are gonna get a dog.”

  “Really?” I ask him, knowing he hates pets.

  “Yeah, her co-worker is moving and—”

  “Good morning, everyone,” Mack says, starting the meeting, and I’m pissed that Nixon isn’t here yet. That will be the last two meetings he’s missed. “So, I wanted to discuss these tropical storms headed towards us. We all know how unpredictable Mother Nature can be, so we have to be prepared for anything. First off, Tropical Storm Lena is expected to head north and not cause any imminent problems or damage to land. Although as you look outside now, you can see we’re already dealing with rain and some wind. That means, flight crews, you might get grounded if things pick up, but let’s hope not. You all know what your helicopters are capable of, and I’ll have a very close eye on things too. Next we have Tropical Storm Melo, and that is expected to hit a little north of us. Now, these things always change, so for now, I don’t want anyone freaking out. Let me worry about the storms. As for you all, it’s business as usual. Any questions?”

  No one asks a thing, and as we all disperse from the room, Mack stops Guy, Luke, and I. “Where’s Nixon again?” he’s agitated, and I tell him, “He had to run an errand this morning. He’ll be here any minute.” Mack walks off and we head out into the shop. The guys don’t say anything to me, and as we round the corner, I spot Nixon pulling up.

  About time! I text him and wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. So I grab the checklist I need for our inventory. As I turn and head out of the bay, Nixon’s silhouette is standing in the doorway. He is frozen, our stares locked on each other’s. His eyes are red and glassy as he looks at me. Something is wrong. I’ve never seen Nixon like this, and my heart starts to pound, my insides tightening in fear. Slowly, I walk to him, afraid that this is him leaving me all over again. Once I reach him, he says to me, “It’s Conner…I’m so sorry, baby.” I swallow, taking in his words. No. What is he talking about?

  But I can’t seem to find my voice, all I can do is focus on the sheer look of agony that plagues him. “He’s…he’s gone.”

  “No,” I shake my head, tears bleeding down my cheeks as I fall against his chest. He holds me up, my strength depleted, and I sob like a child, wailing as his words pierce my heart.

  Nixon tries to calm me down, shhhhing me as I ball my hands in fists, banging them on his chest. This is all his fault, being a SEAL was his idea. “You left him there,” I sob and my knees give out. He holds me up, crying, repeating the words, “I’m sorry,” over and over again.

  “What’s wrong?” Guy asks and touches my back. But I can’t even answer him, all I can do is shake my head realizing that my br
other is gone. He’s fucking gone! I felt it this morning and didn’t want to believe it…but my worst nightmare is now the reality of my life.

  “Conner’s gone, man,” Nixon says, and I fight him to let me go, so hurt. Devastated. In the process, I fall to the ground. Nixon lifts me up and carries me away. He sits me in one of the chairs in Mack’s office and kneels between my legs.

  I can’t breathe. Fuck, I can’t breathe.

  “Calm down, Cam. Breathe,” he tells me, but his face is distorted and as I struggle for air, it gets worse. I look at him and gasp. “You…you…you…”

  “Shhhh.” He holds my face tightly, cutting me off, and I look for him to make things right, to make it better, to bring Conner back. But he fucking can’t, and I can’t quiet the voice in my head that keeps pointing the finger at him.

  He sits with me, letting me cry and work through the pain. Not loosening up on the grip he has on me at all. My insides are numb…part of me is gone. Staring at the corner of the room, I feel like I belong in a mental institution. My brain hurts so fucking bad and finally I ask, “What happened?” needing to know how.

  “Not here, let’s talk about it at home,” he tells me.

  There’s a light knock on the door, and Mack comes in with a bottle of water. “She okay?” he asks Nixon and he shrugs his shoulders.

  Slowly I look at Mack and he passes me the water, “Drink some of this.”

  Taking the bottle from him, it feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. “Why don’t you both go home and take some time?” Mack says.

  “Thank you,” Nixon responds and Mack touches my shoulder, “Cameron, I’m so sorry about your brother. If there is anything that I or the Coast Guard can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask, okay?”

  I nod and watch Mack walk out. The only thing I need is my brother. “Come on, babe, let’s get you home,” Nixon says and in a daze, I stand, leaning on him for support. My legs are weak, and when we exit the room, I look and see everyone standing along the wall. I can barely make out their faces. As I walk past every one of them, they each step forward and hug me. I’m not even sure what they are all saying as I get passed down the line. The room is fuzzy and once I feel Nixon’s hands on me, I say to him, “Please, get me out of here.”