Learned Behaviors (Higher Education)

by Jayce Ellis

Jaq coughed, which led to a hacking fit. Matt scooted behind him on the bed and massaged circles on his back until they passed, then wrapped his arm around Jaq’s shoulder and pulled him close.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  Jaq grunted and nodded, resting his head in the crook of Matt’s neck, much the way Tanisha had Halo. “What’re you doing here?” he finally asked.

  Matt laughed. “I’m not sure. But you didn’t show and I wanted to make sure...”

  “What? You were worried I’d skip work in the middle of a major project to get away from you?”

  Put like that, it sounded ridiculous.

  “I’m glad you were worried, though,” Jaq said, oblivious to his thoughts.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because I was, too. I didn’t want you to think I was running scared, but what if you made a mistake and this was the excuse you needed to back off? So I guess I’m glad we were in the same boat.”

  Matt shifted, tightening his arm around Jaq and tilting his head up. He leaned in and Jaq pulled away, turning his head.

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth in like two days. Trust me, you don’t want to do that.”

  He laughed and pulled Jaq close, marveling at how damn good it felt to hold him, that strong body trusting him to not let go. He was a cuddler by nature, and Di had never been down for that. He thought he’d let the desire for it go, but here, now? He could stay like this for hours.

  And, in fact, did. Jaq fell asleep on him like that, and Matt reclined until he was lying on his side on the bed and Jaq lay next to him, one leg thrown over him and an arm resting heavily on his stomach.

  At some point Matt passed out as well, because he stirred at the sound of footsteps in the room. Jaq’s mother was there, refilling his water. He grunted and made to move, but she beamed at him. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but he must trust you if he’s sleeping on you like that. And clearly you needed the rest.”

  He couldn’t argue, but he had to go. “I need to get home.”

  Her brows furrowed together, then she straightened. “You’re welcome to stay.”

  He laughed softly, careful not to wake Jaq. What he would give to stay the night. “Thank you, but I have a cat at home that will read me the riot act if I don’t get back.”

  She grinned knowingly. “Cats are good for that. I’ll fix you a plate for the road.” She walked out, humming.

  He disengaged from Jaq carefully, and he snuggled down into the pillows with a soft moan. Matt took one last look at him before leaving the room.

  “My son hasn’t been in a relationship in a long time,” Vonetta said as he walked down the hall and to the kitchen on the right.

  She sounded so earnest. He had to be honest with her. “I’m not sure we’re at that stage.”

  The withering look she gave him shut him right up. “You showed up unannounced at my house, young man. If anything, I’d say you skipped a few steps, but you’re past casual into something more serious, whether you intended it or not.”

  She reminded him so much of his own mother he had to laugh. “That’s probably right, ma’am.”

  “Stop ma’am-ing me. Just don’t hurt my boy.”

  He sucked in a deep breath. He and Jaq hadn’t even had a conversation, let alone decided they wanted anything more than a good roll in the hay, and here he was, being warned about screwing up. But she was right. There was nothing casual about the way he was acting. The way Jaq had responded to him. The way he felt like he was leaving part of himself behind by going to the apartment, even though he and Jaq had done nothing more than kiss.

  “I won’t hurt him,” he told Jaq’s mom. “Whatever this is, whatever we may have, for however long we have it, I won’t hurt him.”

  She nodded and handed him a plastic container with rotisserie chicken and sautéed spinach, and his mouth watered at the sight. She laughed. “Figured you’d appreciate it.”

  Matt laughed and walked to the front door. “Tell Jaq to take his time getting better. I’ll hold it down until he returns.”

  She beamed. “Will do. It was a pleasure to meet you, Matthew. I look forward to seeing you again.”

  He walked down the stairs and to the car. He looked forward to the same.

  Chapter Nine

  Jaq tightened his hands around his mug and waited. It was brisk, the autumn air deciding to make a momentary appearance on the ground level, before it either went back to blistering hot or freaking hailstorms. Just like politics, DC’s weather couldn’t seem to get itself right. And while he was back at work, he still wasn’t at a hundred percent.

  Matt had gone back to being coolly distant and polite at the office. They’d hit a snag when one of the fabrics they’d chosen didn’t hold the dye properly, and Jaq and Patti had been huddled for a few days figuring out a workaround. Jaq had wanted to corner him once it was resolved, but he wasn’t even sure what he’d say.

  He couldn’t remember much about the night Matt had come by. He knew Gran had woken him to tell him a Black man was in her living room and what in the hell was going on? It could have only been Matt, but Jaq couldn’t have fathomed why he was there. Unless there was an emergency, and at the time, he was too far gone to deal with it. Too weak to resist when Matt pulled him into his arms. Not that he wanted to. He’d been mortified the next morning when Gran told him she’d found him curled up on Matt, sleeping. But Matt had refused to discuss it, and Jaq needed to talk to someone—someones—on how to navigate it.

  The bell above the door clanged as it opened and, even though he was sitting in the far corner near the wall, he tensed as the wind rushed straight through his jacket. He looked up and relief washed over him. Lawrence stood there, one eye on him, another on the chalkboard menu posted above the registers. Lawrence gave him a short salute and wink, and Jaq grinned. It was only then he realized how much he feared no one would show up, despite their assurances in the group text to the contrary.

  Lawrence’s order came up and he sauntered over, smiling slightly before sinking into the chair. “’Sup, man?”

  “Not much. Glad you could make it.”

  Lawrence darted his tongue across his lip and looked Jaq over, and he dipped his head. He’d thought he picked up on those vibes before but had written them off. Now he wasn’t so sure.

  Then Lawrence chuckled, though the sound was brittle. “Don’t worry. I don’t have designs on you, and I’m not trying to seduce you. Not that I’d mind, even a little, but that’s not why you asked us here.”

  A harsh laugh burst through Jaq’s throat, but the door chimed again before he could answer. Carlton, on the phone, hype as hell to whoever he was talking to. He looked up and waved at them before going back to his conversation.

  “He looks excited,” Jaq mused, hoping to alleviate the slight stiltedness now hovering between him and Lawrence.

  “Hey.” Lawrence’s voice was soft, but Jaq heard the urgency in it.

  He turned and hoped he didn’t look as tense as he felt. “Yeah?”

  Lawrence smiled, those hazel eyes brightening. “You’re attractive, and I tend to come on strong or not at all. But I want us to be friends, and I don’t want you worried I’m trying to get in your pants, okay?”

  Jaq felt a grin tug at his lips. “Even if I ask your advice about getting in another guy’s pants?”

  “Good god, is that why you dragged me out here on a Sunday morning?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Motherfucker.” Lawrence swiped a hand over his mouth, but his face was warm and smiling. “I’ll listen, but he damn sure better be worth it.”

  Jaq’s face heated, but Carlton reached them first. He plopped his tray down, complete with breakfast sandwich, oatmeal, apple juice and coffee on it.

  “Don’t cook at home much?” Lawrence drawled.

  Carlton flipped h
im off. “I left a perfectly lovely man’s bed to be here, so don’t give me that shit.”

  JaQuan snorted. “Did you at least change clothes?”

  “Please tell me you didn’t show up in your fuck-me suit,” Lawrence added.

  “Y’all can both eat a bag of dicks,” Carlton said around a mouthful of oatmeal. “Yes, I changed, though I could one hundred percent pull a man in this,” he said, gesturing to his shorts and tank with sandals getup.

  He was probably right. Carlton and Lawrence were both objectively gorgeous men, and Jaq didn’t deny the small hint of jealousy he felt in their presence. Next to them he was short and stocky, not broad and built like Carlton, and damn sure not tall and pretty like Lawrence. He didn’t know the first thing about “pulling a man,” and that’s why he was here.

  “You look excited about something,” Lawrence commented to Carlton when he sat down.

  “Yeah, my boy Deion’s coming up for homecoming. Y’all going?”

  Jaq hadn’t gone to college, but he’d damn sure made it to his share of Howard homecomings, which were typically mid-October, only a few weeks away. The last thing he wanted, though, was to run into his daughter, in any capacity. “Nah, I think I’ma let Tanisha have this one.”

  Lawrence sniffed. “I went to FAM. Howard’s homecoming has nothing on ours.”

  “But you’re still going,” Carlton said knowingly.

  “Of course I am. They’re on different weekends.”

  Carlton snorted and turned to Jaq. “Look, you gotta come through. She can do that parking lot nonsense and we can find plenty of twenty-one-and-up joints to hit.”

  It sounded damn good, and to be asked, specifically included? How could he say no? “I’m down. You say the word.”

  They chatted for a bit before Carlton cut to the chase. “So yo, Jaq, I don’t barely know you, but you don’t strike me as the type to bring us all together for no reason. What’s up?”

  The sudden attention on him was disconcerting. He’d grown used to it at work, playing the buffer between Patti and the rest of their crew, but outside, ignored was his preferred state of being. He wiped nonexistent crumbs from his mouth and coughed to clear his throat.

  “Well, it’d been a minute and I thought it’d be good to catch up.” He ignored the knowing glances between them and kept going. “But basically, I think I’m seeing someone and I don’t know the first thing about it. Somehow, he’s already not talking to me, and I don’t know how the hell to deal with that either. I needed to talk to people who aren’t my mom or kid.”

  “Those are your options?” Carlton pulled out his phone and scrolled through it. “There it is.”

  The beginning refrains of Mariah Carey’s “Thank God I Found You” started playing, and Lawrence almost fell out of his chair, he started laughing so hard.

  “You know what? You can kiss my Black ass,” Jaq said between his own laughs. Lawrence was crying, while Carlton’s behind sat there calmly, crunching on an apple.

  He finally turned it off midway through and waited until Lawrence stopped laughing, then turned to Jaq. “I’m sorry, but your mom or your kid? Yeah, you need us, man. Now, who you talking to? How long’s this been going on?”

  Jaq cleared his throat. “It’s kinda new. I work with him right now. Only for a few weeks, maybe close to a month, but he’s aight.”

  “Aight?” Carlton huffed. “You reached out ’cause this dude got you all aflutter, enough that you pulled me out of bed for a late-night chat like we’re at a slumber party or some shit, and all you got to say is he’s aight? Boy, please.”

  Lawrence sipped on his coffee before setting it down. “Wait a minute. It’s old boy from the bar, isn’t it? That guy with the nice ass?”

  “Ahh, yes,” Carlton cut in. “I remember him. I thought you ain’t like him.”

  Jaq ran a hand down his face and sat back, but before he could answer, their server came by. “Is there anything else I can get you gentlemen?” He didn’t spare a glance for Jaq or Carlton, his attention focused squarely on Lawrence. Who didn’t look up, engrossed in whatever was on the phone he’d just pulled out.

  Carlton, who gave two fucks, cleared his throat loudly enough to capture Lawrence’s attention. He startled, then seemed to notice that they weren’t alone. He shifted, giving the young man his full attention, allowing his gaze to travel from the scuffed shoes, to the jeans partially covered by the logoed apron around his waist, past the plain tee that emphasized a slim but toned body, to the full lips hanging slightly open. Jaq would bet good money the man hadn’t taken a breath. He remembered being the focus of that kind of attention from Matt. It was terrifying. It was exhilarating.

  “Can you repeat your question for me...what’s your name?” Lawrence’s voice had deepened, and Jaq knew then he was watching seduction in action.

  The man blew out a noisy breath, the sound a stark contrast to Lawrence’s dulcet tones. “Vance, sir. I’m Vance. I wanted to know if you need anything else.”

  Lawrence’s eyes never left Vance’s. “I’m good for right now, but I will make sure to find you if I have any other needs.”

  Well, shit. Vance nodded, like he was scared to speak again, then hurried away.

  “What the fuck was that?” Carlton asked once Lawrence had turned his attention back on them. Which wasn’t until Vance was out of sight. “Like, that cat came to clear off the table and you gone have him bent over it before the night’s done.”

  Lawrence waved him off. “Nonsense. He’s lovely, but I’m pretty sure my oldest is older than him. Automatic look-but-don’t-touch territory.” He rolled his knuckles across the table. “Anyway, we’re not talking about me. Tell me more about why you’re pressed about the dude you didn’t like two weeks ago.”

  Jaq sighed and sat back in his chair. He didn’t know how to say he was scared. He’d fallen in with Sara, and then his focus had been singular, and he was cool with that. “So, me and T’s mom lived together after she was born, even after we broke up. She had my bedroom and I slept on the couch. But legit, she’s the only real relationship I’ve ever been in, and that shit ended as soon as we found out we were having a kid. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’ve never had to compromise, to consider someone else. Hell, I don’t know if Tanisha would have an issue with it. I intentionally didn’t date when she was in school so she wouldn’t have to deal with having the ‘gay dad.’”

  To be honest, he’d never felt he deserved to go out. Not when Gran would have had to give more of herself to watch Tanisha, when he had to live at home because he couldn’t afford to support his kid by himself. How’d he deserve to go get his rocks off under those circumstances? Gran didn’t agree, and had actively encouraged him, but he’d always resisted and now, at thirty-five, he had the functional dating experience of a sixteen-year-old. And who wouldn’t want that?

  Lawrence shifted, and Jaq shook himself from his own thoughts. “I get that,” he said. “My kids still don’t know I’m pansexual. Not that I think they wouldn’t get it, and they’d probably be more understanding than the rest of my family, but I guess I still feel like it’d be one more thing for them to deal with.”

  Carlton nodded, suddenly somber. “I never thought about that. I was single, no kids, did what I wanted. And then Trey showed up and yeah, I get it now.” He speared Jaq with a look. “You think Matt knows how to navigate it? Are all his kids grown?”

  “Yeah, his youngest is in college, and actually friends with my daughter. She knows he’s bi, so I assume his older kids do too. But he was married for over twenty years, and he didn’t say, but I don’t think he’s dated much since. Shit,” Jaq continued, shifting in his seat, “I don’t even know if I want a relationship. This is the first time I haven’t been one hundred percent focused on T. Maybe I shouldn’t jump into anything anyway.”

  “We’re too old for that shit,” Carlton
said, cutting off his train of thought. “If you like this guy, don’t play games, and don’t doubt yourself.”

  “You sure this won’t impact your job?” Lawrence asked before Jaq could fully process Carlton’s words. “In theory, Carlton’s right. But the reality is that you see this guy, what, a minimum of forty hours a week? If something goes down, how does that impact whatever you’re working on?”

  It would devastate the project. Hell, it could easily cost him his job if shit went south. This project was bigger than either of them, and as much as Patti relied on Jaq, she’d made a name without him and would continue if she had to let him go because his dick got in the way.

  “Do what you want but be mindful.” Lawrence wasn’t looking at him. His gaze was focused on the front, probably squarely on Vance. Jaq wasn’t sure who the words were for, but he took them to heart nonetheless.

  Chapter Ten

  Matt yawned and stretched back. He wanted to close his eyes, if only for a few minutes, but he didn’t trust himself. He’d find himself sprawled out on the desk early tomorrow morning if he did that, a puddle of drool on his cheek, and his body wasn’t in the shape to take it.

  The rest of the office had long since disappeared, including Jaq. At least he looked better. He’d been out of sorts for a while after he came back, and Matt hadn’t wanted to raise more suspicions by hovering over him. Besides, given how out of it he’d been when Matt’d been there, it was foolish to assume he remembered anything of their conversation. The problem was that he’d kept from hovering by barely speaking to Jaq at all, and he could tell as the week wore on that he’d made a mistake doing that too.

  It was a good thing he was back, though, because Patti really worked at half-mast without him. They’d figured out the dye problem, chosen final designs, and were only waiting for Nichole’s approval, which meant Matt spent most of his days at the Kingsley office dealing with his other clients. Once Nichole gave the go-ahead, his job was technically done. Really, he could go back down to Fredericksburg now, but that meant not seeing Jaq. And Matt wasn’t ready for that.