Learned Behaviors (Higher Education)

by Jayce Ellis

  Yes, yes he had, and he couldn’t explain why. It seemed so easy for other people to let things go. To spend time with family and friends who were important to them. Matt assumed, for reasons he couldn’t entirely put into words, that people would understand the time and effort he put into the job wasn’t to avoid his family, but to give them more comfort.

  But had his divorce been comfortable for anyone? Jaq was right. There’s no way his kids would’ve wanted him to stay at the office to earn a few hundred extra dollars that, after taxes, amounted to next to nothing, rather than be at their games. They hadn’t struggled financially to a point where those hours were needed. It was more a function of him having done it for so long that he didn’t know any other way. And that needed to change.

  It didn’t help that Jaq’s words today had cut—deep. Matt knew he needed to change, but Vonetta had sounded adamant that Jaq stay in Norfolk with him. That Jaq had dismissed her so easily—him so easily—yeah, it hurt more than he cared to admit.

  The doors opened, drawing his attention back to reality, and he watched as Di walked in on Erik’s arm, the two of them smiling at the gathered guests until they reached their seats. The doors shut then, and the wedding planner rushed up to him.

  “Where’s your partner?” she asked, and Matt liked the word partner on her lips, even if it was inaccurate.

  “He had a family emergency. He won’t be able to make it.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes widened and she looked down at her clipboard. “Well, are you ready to go in?”

  As ready as I’ll ever be. He nodded, and as she stepped back, the doors opened again. Matt walked down the aisle alone, keeping a tight grin on his face as he nodded to various guests. The walk seemed interminable, but eventually he made his way to the front and, leaving a space between him and Erik, where Jaq should have been, took his seat. Jaq’s absence was nearly overwhelming.

  Still, he remained dutiful as he watched the groomsmen and bridesmaids walk down the aisle. Angela walked down with one of Chandra’s brothers, smiling broadly until she got to the front and noticed the empty seat. She wasn’t able to hide her frown and worried glance before she and the brother separated and she went to stand behind the other bridesmaids. Her eyes met his, the question apparent in them, but he shook his head. She stared for a minute longer before turning her attention to the doors.

  They opened for a final time, Chandra and her father filling the space. Matt looked back at Josh, and if he were a betting man, he’d put good money on Josh being in tears by the time she reached him. She was absolutely stunning in her white gown with gold threading throughout, her veil a gossamer of white and gold layers, and he knew Jaq would have picked up on the finer aspects of the design he missed. He yearned to reach out and squeeze a hand that wasn’t there, and he balled his fingers into a tight fist against his thigh.

  The ceremony itself was lovely. Short, praise Jesus, and everyone filed out for the cocktail hour that preceded the reception. Matt hung around with the rest of the wedding party for photos, and Angela didn’t waste time hurrying up to his side.

  “Where’s Mr. Reynolds?” she asked, her voice a little breathless.

  Matt started to answer and paused. It wasn’t really his place to say what had happened, but he’d be getting this question all night, and he was going to go with the same line he’d given the planner. “He had a family emergency.”

  And while others might accept that and offer sympathetic pats on the shoulder or something in response, his Halo wanted more. Her mouth fell open, her eyes full of worry. “Is it his mom? Is she okay?”

  Fuck. This was happening. “His mom is fine,” Matt told her.

  “Then—” Angela clamped a hand over her mouth and shook her head back and forth. “No,” she whispered, grabbing Matt’s hand and squeezing. “No, Daddy. What’s wrong with T?”

  Angela hadn’t called him Daddy since she was six. Matt gripped her hand in return and pulled her away from the rest of the bridal party. They didn’t need to see this. “Tanisha will be fine.”

  “What do you mean, will be?”

  “She had an asthma attack this morning and an ambulance took her to the hospital. They’re keeping her for observation. Jaq flew up to be with her. But his mom says she’ll recover well.”

  Halo stepped back and squeezed Matt’s shoulder, clutching her stomach while grasping her bouquet of flowers. “Jesus. I’d overheard her telling some folks she wasn’t feeling well, and I knew she was staying at home on the weekends, and I just thought she was pining for me or something. Dammit, I’m such a bitch.”

  “You’re not,” Matt said firmly. “There’s no way you could have known.”

  “But I didn’t have to gloat about it either, like she was some lovesick fool. Fuck,” she whispered, rolling her lower lip in, and Matt saw tears spring to her eyes. “I should be there with her. Or she should be here with me, goddammit.”

  Jesus Christ. If she’d been here and gotten sick, Halo would’ve skipped the wedding in a heartbeat with no remorse. Just like Jaq had. Hell, the minute the car had taken Jaq to the airport, Matt’d been more than half tempted to hop on a plane and follow him back to DC. Outside of the obligatory photo shoots, no one really needed the groom’s dad around.

  He sighed. The two of them were an absolute mess.

  “Daddy, when are you leaving?” Angela asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

  He knew exactly where her head was, because now that he was thinking about it, his was there too. “I’m supposed to check out tomorrow, but I can leave early if you want to ride back with me tonight.”

  She nodded and wrapped one arm around his waist, still clutching the bouquet with the other. “Thanks, Dad.”

  They rejoined the crowd, Matt taking the requisite parents-of-the-groom photos while Angela took the bridesmaids photos, and they joined in together for the full-family shots. The reception was a blast, and he was stunned as hell when Chandra insisted on dancing with him. She was lovely, and good for his son. He hoped, if nothing else, that Josh had learned from him what not to do. If Matt was really smart, he’d figure out what not to do as well.

  But all too soon it was time to pack up and head back, and Angela had given her excuses as soon as possible. Matt was in the middle of doing the same when Di approached.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “Di, I don’t have time to get into it right now.”

  She held up a hand. “No. What happened?” she asked again, her voiced laced with genuine concern. “Angela never misses a party, but she couldn’t wait to get off the dance floor. She’d vaguely mentioned bringing a guest, then went tight-lipped about it, and I finally figured out she was talking about JaQuan’s daughter. Blew my damn mind.” She looked away, like there was something else bothering her, then turned back. “If he’s not here and she’s this anxious to leave, something had to have happened.”

  Matt closed his eyes. At the end of their marriage, he and Diane hadn’t seen eye to eye on just about anything. A few years removed, he wasn’t sure if it would be more of the same. But, from what he could tell, she seemed to not only like Jaq, but also worry about him.

  Matt took a deep breath and let the tension seep out of his shoulders. “Jaq’s daughter had to be hospitalized. Sounded like a pretty bad asthma attack.”

  “Jesus. Is she going to be okay?”

  He nodded. “Yes, but Angela wants to get back to DC, and quite frankly, so do I.”

  Di tilted her head. “I thought Angela and JaQuan’s daughter broke up.”

  “They did.”

  She quirked a brow, then got serious. “Matt,” she said, “this one, he’s the one. He came down here with a bunch of people he didn’t know, and he stayed down here even when you didn’t, and made enough excuses for you I thought his teeth would crack, his jaw was clenched so tight. He’s been nothing but supportive
of you.”

  “Really? Because he chewed my ass out in the room.”

  “As well he should. You should have been here, but he stuck up for you. So go be the support that he needs right now, because he’s already done his part.”

  Matt stretched his neck back and looked at the ceiling. Dammit. He should’ve known Jaq would’ve come down here last night, put on a brave face, and say it absolutely did not bother him that Matt didn’t show at all. That’s the kind of person he was. Hell, Jaq had spent more time with his family than Matt had these past few days, and he’d had the nerve to be upset Jaq put his own family first. Like any father should have done. As much as he wanted to go to DC, to be the support Jaq deserved, Matt wasn’t sure he deserved Jaq. Not when he clearly had a ton more growing up to do.

  “Mom,” Halo said, coming up behind them in jeans and a thick turtleneck, her bridesmaid gown back in its garment bag. “Stop fighting with Dad. We have to go.”

  Di craned her neck and peered at her. “Your father and I are not fighting.”

  “Oh.” She sounded mildly surprised, but shrugged. “Well, good. But we have to go. Daddy, you need to change and get packed.”

  “Agreed,” Di said. “Me and Ange can talk for a few until you get back.”

  “Done.” Matt kissed the top of Halo’s forehead, then bent and kissed Diane on the cheek. “Explain it to Josh for me?”

  “Of course. You get out of here.”

  She didn’t need to tell him twice.

  * * *

  The drive back to DC was a quiet affair on Matt’s part and a frenzied one on Halo’s. Apparently, she had some sort of phone tree going to check on Tanisha’s status. Which was, as Matt expected, a whole bunch of nothing.

  “Halo, I know it’s none of my business and you don’t have to answer me, but what’s going on here? You broke up with her, didn’t you?”

  For a long moment she didn’t answer, and Matt assumed she wouldn’t. But then she put the phone down and leaned against the seat. “Yeah, I did. Stupid me, thinking I knew so damn much.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  From his periphery, he saw her flail her arms a bit before letting them drop. “Ugh. I don’t know how to explain it. Tanisha, she’s so smart, funny, a stupidly gorgeous woman, and she was into me. So into me.”

  “And that’s...that was a bad thing?”

  “It wasn’t bad, but I’d never had it before. And I didn’t trust it. So I started coming up with excuses to not be around her as much.”

  “Why didn’t you trust it?”

  “Because I was falling,” Angela said. “I fell so hard, so fast, and there was no way out. I mean, my ass was out there looking for jewelry and shit, and I’d only known her for two good months.”

  Matt whipped his head to her, white-knuckling the steering wheel to keep it straight, then turned his gaze solidly to the road ahead. This already had to be hard. Dad getting in an accident wouldn’t help. “You were going to propose?”

  “Yep. And then someone told me I was a real dumb mofo if I proposed to a college freshman who’d never been away from home before, and I figured they were right. But T ain’t the kind of girl you can just pull back from and still be friends. I had to cut it off.”

  Matt understood a little too well. He’d known Jaq for approximately the same length of time and was ready to risk it all. Before he could get his thoughts fully together, the speaker on his car started ringing. “It’s Auntie K,” Angela said, referencing the kids’ honorific for Kendra.

  Matt clicked the answer button. “What’s up, Kennie?”

  “Where are you?”

  “On my way back to DC. Why?”

  “I expected to hear background noise from the reception, if you answered at all. So quiet was a shock.” Her voice softened. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Why—”

  “I saw Jaq at the hospital.”

  Of course. It was genuinely just his luck that his best friend was on duty today and would be the one treating Tanisha. Not even one day to lick his wounds. He sucked in a breath. Kennie would never kick him when he was down, but knowing she’d seen Jaq, when they should have been together, still added an unneeded layer of embarrassment to the mix.

  “Auntie K, were you Tanisha’s nurse? How is she?” Angela asked, shifting forward on the seat as though Kendra was sitting across from them.

  “Angela? Honey,” Kendra said, her voice dropping to that slightly scolding tone she used when folks asked her questions they knew she couldn’t answer, “you know I can’t talk about that.”

  “I just want to know if she’ll be all right.”

  “I’m not answering that, sweetheart. But I wouldn’t be talking to your dad if I thought there was a problem.”

  Angela’s sigh was loud, and she slumped against the seat.

  “Matt?” Kennie said, and he shifted in his seat, clenching and unclenching his fingers around the steering wheel. “I gotta tell you, Jaq looked real messed up.”

  “Well, sure, he’s got to be terrified for Tanisha.”

  “Yes, but it was more than that. When I could tell he’d come up from the venue, he looked almost ashamed. Like he wanted to hide. He didn’t want me to know he left you.”

  “He went home to take care of his kid. I understand.” Jaq put his family first. Really first, not the imaginary, in-the-head shit Matt had claimed this morning.

  “Yeah, but I feel like he was beating himself up for choosing her over you.”

  Matt sighed. On one hand, he got it, but a small part of him still wished Jaq had chosen him. Just like all those years when Di had probably wished he’d actively chosen the family over the job. Tanisha being in college didn’t make her any less Jaq’s baby than she’d been six months ago when she was still a high schooler, and it had been foolish of him to assume that he’d sit back and sip champagne while his daughter was in the hospital—for any reason.

  “Kennie,” he whined, not even caring that Halo was listening, “I thought parenting was supposed to get easier when kids got older and out of the house. Why is it the total opposite?”

  She huffed, the sound loud through the speakers. “Don’t ask me. I’m childless for a reason. Angie, why are you making things difficult for Dad?”

  “I’m not,” she muttered, her head resting against the window and her breath frosting the glass. “Dad needs to learn to set boundaries. But I can’t say nothing. Clearly I’m shit at them too.”

  It meant something that Angela was comfortable enough to curse around him. And it took a lot out of him to not reprimand her for it every time. The look he gave her would have to be enough, and she giggled and winked at him when he did it.

  “So, Kennie, what are you saying? That I need to get down on my knees and beg his forgiveness?”

  “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that, but Matt, this guy likes you. Really likes you and wants to be with you. That’s as evident as the nose on my face. He needs to know you’re going to be understanding when shit goes down, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable.”

  Matt sighed. Be understanding. Make time. The same thing everyone said, but he had no clue how to go about it. If he did, he’d probably still be married, even if the separation was better for everyone involved. “How do I do that? How do I show him, anyone really, that I’m genuinely there for them?”

  “Being understanding is basic human empathy, Matt. You’ve got that, even if you act like a donkey’s ass sometimes. As for making time, you’ve got to talk to Nichole,” Kendra said. “You need to have a real conversation with her about what your responsibilities are. You were supposed to pull back with the in-depth involvement for product launches and that sure as shit ain’t happened. I know you’re trying to back her up, but when you’re the one who’s always taking the late hours, the shit assistants, whatever, then something needs to c
hange.”

  Next to him, Halo nodded. He knew they were right, but that wasn’t nearly as easy as they made it sound. As financially comfortable as he was, losing his job wasn’t an option.

  Or...was it? He’d never considered the idea, but reality was he was fairly well situated money-wise. The girls both had scholarships for Stanford and Howard, and the money he and Di had set aside in their college funds more than covered the rest. Josh had a good-paying job, and Di was happily set in her new life. He was the only one still spinning the hamster wheel thinking he’d end up doing more than staring at the same damn bars in the same damn cage.

  “Dad’s over here going straight to the worst-case scenario,” Angela said in the intervening quiet.

  Kendra laughed. “Course he is. Matt, there’s a whole lot of options before we get to you being jobless. And even if you were, so what? Maybe it’s time for you to move on. Maybe you need to be looking at that proactively, so you can spend more time with people who do matter to you.”

  They were right. He knew they were right, but that didn’t ease the gnawing anxiety crowding his throat and muting his words.

  “Look,” Kendra said, not waiting for whatever bullshit comment Matt was preparing to spew. “I gotta get out of here. I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and I want to get into some leftovers.”

  Matt laughed, said his goodbyes, and they clicked off.

  “You going to do what Auntie said?” Angela asked, facing him in the still quiet of the car.

  “You gonna let me do anything else?”

  She pretended to consider it before shaking her head. “Nope.”

  He hadn’t thought so.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Jaq opened the front door of Kingsley Enterprises with a weary sigh. It had been a week since the launch, which had gone off spectacularly well while he slept on a hospital chair and questioned his life choices, and Bernhardt had already put in for another order. Products were flying off the shelves. Which was good—excellent, really—but only increased his fatigue, which was already sky high.