by Unknown
Me: How did you know if you weren’t watching me?
“Is everything okay?” Brian asks me. He is obviously more observant than my friends and family.
“Yeah… I just…” I cut off for a moment, considering what I should do. Part of me wants to tell him the truth, but if I do would I just be putting him in danger? Am I putting him in danger right now? “It’s nothing.”
My phone buzzes.
Blocked ID: I’m always watching. Always. Don’t ever forget it. But a deal is a deal. I’ll keep my word. Nobody will get hurt.
I drop my phone to the floorboard. I put my feet on the seat, and rest my head on the tops of my knees. I focus on breathing. In and out, I tell myself.
When I look up again, I see that Brian has pulled over.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head. “It’s not… safe.”
Brian reaches into my purse and grabs the photo. I don’t stop him, mostly because I want him to see it. I want him to know. But I also don’t want him to know. I like having him in the dark. I like feeling normal when I’m with him.
He looks at the photo and then reads the words on the back.
“Who sent you this?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer.
“How long has it been going on?”
“Basically since I moved here. At first the notes weren’t threatening. I thought it was just the mean girl at my school trying to scare me. But as time went along the threats got more violent. To prove a point, they actually killed a girl in my class, but I have no clue who it is,” I tell him.
“Kihanna, you have to turn this in.”
I shake my head. “No. I can’t. This person agreed to not hurt anybody else. They’ve already tried to kill me twice, and I bet they’d be very willing to try a third time.”
“The break in,” he says. “When was the other time?”
“Do you remember the fire at Ishmales?” I ask him.
“You were there,” he says. “I can’t believe you’ve been going through all of this alone.”
“I haven’t been alone. Toby knows, along with a couple of guys from my school.”
Yes. I did just refer to both of my ex-boyfriends as “just a couple guys from my school”. Yes. I am a terrible person.
“Gabe Johnson?” he asks. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he knows Gabe’s name. The Johnson family has been friends with my family for a long time. I’m sure he’s seen him before.
I nod.
“Who else?”
“Ty Newman,” I answer.
“Didn’t you date both of those guys?” he asks.
I try to hide my shock. “Ugh, yeah.”
Brian smiles. “It’s not a big deal that you have ex-boyfriends. I’ve had girlfriends before you.”
“It’s complicated with them.” I don’t know why I said that, but it’s the truth. “Ty found out because he basically ripped a note from my hand in the hallway at school. I had no intention of telling him. And Gabe, well… after he found out somehow the brakes in his car stopped working. So when I say it’s not safe, I mean it.”
“They wouldn’t have left this note if they didn’t want me to find out,” he says. “Whoever this person is wanted me involved in the sick mind game they’re playing with you. And I can’t just not tell anybody. We have to go to the police.”
I sigh. “Can I show you some stuff first? At my house.”
He nods. “Okay. But after you show me we are going to the police. And if Gabe and Ty cared for you at all they would’ve done it a long time ago.”
His words feel like ice cold water has just been thrown on me… Because he’s right.
7pm
The right thing.
I grab my journal from my bedroom and take it downstairs. I would take Brian to my room, but I have security cameras inside. I don’t want him to see the cameras, and most importantly I don’t want anybody to see him on camera. The second that Toby gets home, I am going to have him take them down. They were a stupid idea anyway. They obviously didn’t work.
As I hand Brian the journal with all of the notes inside, and I realize that I’m showing him everything. I’m showing him my entire relationship with Gabe — including pictures I’d rather him not see. But since we’re here I might as well lay it all on the line for him.
“Just, don’t judge me,” I tell him. “Some of the stuff in here is kind of embarrassing.”
“I doubt it’s that bad.” He opens up and on the first page is the picture of Gabriel and in the pool at my dad’s cabin. I hear his intake of breath, but he doesn’t say anything. He just flips through the photos and notes.
“Do you think I’m an awful person?” I ask as he gets to the last page.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says. “Why would I think your awful?”
“Well… you know…” I don’t come out and say anything about the pictures of Gabriel and me, but he knows what I’m referring to.
“You had sex with your boyfriend,” he says, “That’s not a big deal. I’m not a virgin either. But the thought that somebody photographed you makes me sick. I can’t believe somebody did that to you.”
“So you don’t hate me?”
“Never,” he says. “I just want to make this right. I can’t stand the thought of you not being safe.”
“But what if we tell the police and this person comes after you? Or your family? I can’t stand the thought of that, Brian.”
“And I can’t stand the thought of them coming after you,” he says. “The things that this person is getting away with… it’s not right.”
“I know.”
Brian lifts my chin so that I’m looking at him. “I want to punch your ex-boyfriend for not going to the police. How could he just let this person keep hurting you?”
I shrug, not really wanting to think about it. “Gabe was just doing what he thought was best. So was Toby and Ty for that matter. Besides, it was ultimately my decision.”
“And it’s my place to talk you out of that decision. That was an absolutely horrible decision,” he says. “Please, Kihanna, let’s call the cops. We will do it now so you don’t have time to rethink it. They will figure out who is doing this, the person will go to jail, and you will be free from this.”
Brian is absolutely right.
“Okay,” I say.
Brian smiles at me. “You’re doing the right thing.”
“I know.”
For the first time since moving here, I am doing the right thing. And I feel so much better at my decision. I’m glad that Brian talked me into it. I’m mad that Toby, Ty, and Gabe didn’t even try to talk me into it. And most of all I’m mad at myself for waiting so long.
Sunday, December 26
2am
Most embarrassing moment of my life.
Brian and I go to the police station. I take them everything that I’ve ever gotten from the stalker, including the texts. They call my dad to the station, they get my statement. They are flying Toby and Gabe back from Hawaii to get their statements as well. I finally get to go home about two in the morning.
When I get done at the station I feel such relief flood me.
“Thank you,” I tell Brian as we walk outside. My dad is talking to an officer, but he should be coming out of the station in a minute. “I don’t think I ever could have done that without you.”
“You’re welcome,” he says.
My phone vibrates, and I look to see a text message from Toby.
Toby: I am so proud of you right now. I can’t wait to get home and give you a big hug. I love you.
“It’s Toby,” I tell Brian. He looks relieved. “He’s proud of me.”
“I am too,” he says. “Seriously, what you did was so brave.”
“I am going to have to do a lot of explaining,” I tell him. “I can tell my dad is really hurt that I have kept this from him for so long.”
“You thought you wer
e keeping it from him for a reason,” Brian says. “You did it out of love. I am certain your dad will see your point of view on the matter. He will forgive you.”
“Will you stay for a little while? While I talk to him?”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m certain.”
“Your dad is kind of scary,” he says.
“I spent the day with your entire family. That was scary.”
“My family is nice.”
I smile. “Yeah, but so is my dad.”
“You like getting your way, huh?” he asks.
“I’m not above bribery.”
“Fine,” he says. “I will stay.”
“Thank you.”
My dad walks out of the police department, and we get in his SUV. Brian gets in the back, and I get in the front. The car is completely silent as we pull out onto the road, so I take the time to text Toby back.
Me: I love you too. I’m sorry for everything that went down. I miss you.
“I thought you had today off,” my dad says to Brian.
“I did — do,” he says.
The unasked question still lingers in the air, so I answer it. “I was hanging out with Brian and his family today. For Christmas.”
“Good,” Dad says after only a few seconds. “I’m glad you didn’t have to spend Christmas alone. And I’m sorry that I abandoned you on our first Christmas together.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “How is Veronica?”
“She’s fine. She said to tell you that she’s sorry she couldn’t make it.”
She couldn’t make it.
His words echo in my mind, and they scare me. If she couldn’t come today, will she ever come home? Today is the day that I need her the most. If I were Toby, nothing would keep her away. But I’m not her kid. I’m just Mark’s daughter — unruly, stubborn, and seriously lacking social skills. Why would I think that she would miss me? Why would I think she would want to be here for me when I need her most? Yet, I can’t help but feel disappointed.
I guess she means more to me than I do to her.
“Toby said he’s on his way home,” I say, wanting to change the subject away from Veronica.
Dad nods, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Is Veronica coming home?” I ask him.
“I don’t know,” he answers. “I guess we will just have to wait and see.”
Wait and see? “Can’t you just go get her? She’s your wife, and she’s pregnant.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” he says. “We made a vow, and I broke it. This isn’t something that we will easily get over. The fact that I hid it for so long doesn’t help either. I lied to Veronica for seven years.”
“You weren’t lying. You were just keeping something from her that would hurt her,” I counter. “You did it to save your marriage.”
“This isn’t the time or place to talk about it,” Dad says. “What I want to talk about now is why you kept this from me for so long? I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what. I should have pushed you harder to tell me the truth.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “No matter how hard you would’ve pushed, I wouldn’t have told you. I was trying to keep you safe.”
“It’s my job to keep you safe. I’m your father.”
His words make me feel guilty. Truthfully, if this happened while I was with my mom I would have gone to her. I never would’ve tried to hide it, but even if I would have tried she would have known. She knew everything.
“I’ve been gone too much,” he says.
“You’ve been here for me.” I try to comfort him, but the words just aren’t true. He hasn’t been here. He’s always working. And the truth is, I expected to see Veronica here tonight. She has been here for me for everything, and I don’t want to lose her. I feel like I’m losing another parent.
“From now on, I will be here for you. I know it’s a little too late, but I promise you that things will change.”
His words comfort me, because I believe him. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too,” he says. “So I’m thinking we could start with family dinners. I know that you wanted to have them when you first moved here.”
“That would be good.”
Dad looks at Brian in the rear-view mirror. “Brian, thank you for inviting Kihanna to hang out with your family today. I’m glad that she didn’t spend Christmas alone.”
Brian laughs. “Hanging out with her definitely wasn’t a chore. I very much enjoyed it.”
“Brian has a huge family. I’m so jealous,” I tell Dad. “He has one older brother, and three younger sisters. His brother and his wife have four kids. Christmas was so chaotic and fun.”
“Maybe next year you can come too,” Brian tells him.
Next year.
Yeah, I’m pretty much loving the sound of that.
“Next year… So you two…” Dad’s voice trails off, but we both know what he’s asking.
I clear my throat and turn to Brian. I’m going to let him answer this question since he’s the one who said it.
“This is just assuming that Kihanna doesn’t get tired of me before then,” he says.
Dad doesn’t say anything to that, and I can guess why… Wasn’t it just a few days ago I was “in love” with Gabe? How does one just fall in and out of love so quickly? Even I don’t know the answer to that question, but maybe someday I will figure it out. My only resolution is that maybe I was never in love with Gabriel. I wish I knew.
“How old are you?” Dad asks him, breaking the awkward silence.
“Twenty, sir,” he answers.
“You know that Kihanna won’t be eighteen until April seventeenth, right?”
Oh my God.
And the most embarrassing moment of my life — RIGHT. FREAKING. NOW.
“I didn’t know her birthday, but I do know she is seventeen,” Brian says calmly.
“I was just making sure you knew.”
“I would never do anything to disrespect Kihanna. I have three younger sisters, and if anybody did anything to disrespect them I would hurt them,” he says.
“I feel the same way about my daughter,” Dad says.
If it wasn’t for the fact that this whole situation is really awkward, what Dad is saying would be really sweet.
Thankfully we arrive at the house before my dad can threaten Brian anymore. Dad heads inside the house, and I stay outside so I can say goodbye to Brian.
“That was… intense,” Brian tells me.
“Sorry,” I say.
“Don’t be. I’m glad to know that your dad cares for you so much,” he says. “I like him, but I’m not sure he feels the same about me.”
“Give him time.” What I don’t say is that it’s my fault Dad doesn’t like him. Or not my fault. Technically it’s my stalker’s fault, but I’m the one who didn’t go to him and tell him the truth. It’s such a relief that he knows now.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere, so I’ve got nothing but time.”
His words surprise me. My face must give my feeling away. He takes a step closer to me. We aren’t touching, but if I moved forward even half an inch we would be.
“If you haven’t figured it out yet, I really like you,” he says softly, then he steps back. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
Unable to speak, I nod.
“See you then,” he says.
I watch as he turns and walks to his car. Part of me doesn’t want him to leave. I’ve had so much fun hanging out with him, and I’m not ready for our time to end yet. But the other part of me knows that I need to go inside. I doubt Dad would approve of a sleepover.
After Brian’s car is out of sight, I head inside. Dad is waiting inside the foyer for me. He tells me goodnight, and then we go to bed. I sleep in Toby’s room, because of the cameras in my own room.
Tonight has been a long night, but long overdue. I am worried about the consequences of telling the cops about my stalker, but despite that I sleep
better than I have in a long time.
11am
Lies. Lies. Lies.
I am woken up by a loud thump, and I jump. When I sit up, I see Toby.
“Hey,” he says. “I always imagined you waking up in my bed, but in my imagination I was always with you.”
I roll my eyes. “Ha, ha.”
Toby takes a seat on the bed beside me. “I don’t blame you for sleeping in here. Gabe and I are going to take down the cameras today.”
“Gabe is back too?” I ask.
“Yeah, he flew back with Victoria and me.”
I’m not sure how I feel about seeing Gabe again, but I don’t like that he’s coming over today. Brian is coming over today too, and I’m pretty sure the whole thing is going to be very awkward.
Toby’s door opens, and Gabe walks in. He stops in his tracks when he sees me. I feel sick to my stomach. The feelings that I thought would come rushing back didn’t. The only thing I feel is regret, guilt, and slight panic. I don’t want Gabe to see Brian. I don’t want him to see that I’ve moved on so quickly. That’s not fair to him.
I get up from the bed. “I’m going to go get a shower,” I say, and then rush out of the door, careful not to look Gabe in the eyes. I don’t want to see the hurt in them — the hurt that I caused.
“Kihanna,” I hear Gabe’s voice.
He followed me.
Dang it.
I want to ignore him, but I know I can’t. I turn around and face him.
“Hey,” I say.
“I hate you,” he says.
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. But his words hurt, because despite everything that happened Gabriel was my friend above all. I didn’t expect him to be happy with me, but I really didn’t think he would hate me.
“I’m going to take down your cameras because Toby asked me to help,” he continues. “Being here with you, seeing you, it sucks.”
I just stand there, not saying anything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.
