by Unknown
“When you see me at family brunch, don’t talk to me. Not even to say hi. When you see me at school, look the other way. Because you and I are not okay. We will never be friends again, so don’t try,” he says sharply. “Also, I hope you and your new boyfriend are happy together.”
Boyfriend?
How does he know about Brian?
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I tell him.
Gabe holds out his phone to me. There is a picture of Brian and me on Christmas Day. Olivia took the picture, and Gabe is friends with her on Staying Connected. Under the picture the caption says ‘My brother and his girlfriend. They’re soooooo cute!’
I look up at him. “Gabe…” My voice breaks.
“The pool boy? Really, Kihanna? I thought you were better than that. And even worse is that his little sister was Lily’s friend. You knew this would hurt me.”
“No. It isn’t like that.” His words are making me mad.
“Then what is it like?”
“It’s not always about you. I’m not friends with Brian just to piss you off,” I tell him angrily. “Besides that, what is wrong with him being the pool boy? At least he has a job. You play around in your daddy’s office every summer looking up your girlfriend’s text messages, and pretend like it’s work. That’s just wrong, Gabe. If you couldn’t trust Lily it was your own fault for staying with her. You have some serious issues, and you expect me to fix you. Well, I can’t. And I’m sorry that it didn’t work out between us, but guess what? I couldn’t trust you. You lied to me. Over and over and over. I don’t want to be in a relationship like that. I’m sorry.”
“But you said you loved me. Is that a lie? Did you just say it to me because I said it first? That’s what you did with Ty.”
“I thought I did love you.”
“You thought you did?” His voice breaks when he says it.
“Yeah.”
“So you don’t love me?”
“No, Gabe, I don’t.”
Gabe turns around, and now I see Toby standing there. He was obviously listening to what we were saying.
“I’m leaving,” Gabe tells him. “You are going to have to take down the cameras yourself.”
Gabe storms past me.
“Couldn’t you have waited to say that? Now I have to take down the cameras by myself,” Toby says. I can tell he’s joking.
“You’re not mad at me for breaking up with Gabe?” I ask.
“No,” he says. “You are right. Gabe is spoiled, and he lied to you a lot. I only liked him because he made you happy. He obviously doesn’t make you happy anymore, so I’m okay that he’s gone.”
“He’s not the only one who is gone,” I tell him.
“My mom?”
I nod. “She didn’t even come with my dad last night to the police station.”
“My mom isn’t going to just ditch you,” he tells me. “She loves you.”
“Have you talked to her?” I ask.
“No. I called her before I left Hawaii, but she never answered. I think she just needs some time alone.”
“Okay,” I say, but I’m really not so sure. What if Veronica blames me for what happened?
“Also, don’t be mad, but Victoria and I kind of aren’t talking,” he says.
“What? Why?”
“Because she’s annoying. At first, I thought she really wanted to be with me. But then she kept going on and on about how we were only friends with benefits. So, I kept texting other girls. She saw the text messages and got mad,” he tells me. “It’s her own fault.”
“I actually agree with you,” I say. “If she wanted more than friendship, she should have made her intentions clear from the beginning.”
“Exactly,” he agrees. “And now I don’t want to be with her, because she’s a freaking psycho. She actually went through my phone, and sent mean texts to a couple of girls that were texting me.”
I laugh and shake my head.
“So are you really dating our pool boy?”
“Sort of,” I answer. “Whenever I’m upset, I always feel better when I talk to him. I hung out with him on Christmas Eve, and then I went to his family’s house at Christmas. His family is awesome, and I enjoy hanging out with him.”
“I would say that you go through guys fast, but I go through girls a lot faster.”
This makes me laugh. “True. But it’s different with Brian. He is the one who convinced me to go to the cops. There was a note left on my car at his family’s house on Christmas Day.”
“I am glad he did, but I should have been the one to convince you,” Toby says. “I hate myself for not trying harder to keep you safe.”
“I was the one who refused,” I tell him. “I am the one responsible for myself. It wasn’t your place.”
Toby’s about to respond when his phone starts vibrating. He looks at it. “It’s a text from my mom,” he says. He unlocks his phone and reads the text. “She says that I should stay here with you and Mark. She’s visiting a friend in Arizona, and she’ll be coming home Wednesday.”
“She’s coming home.” I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hopefully she is coming to stay,” he says.
I hadn’t even thought about her not staying. I lean back against the wall, suddenly scared. Scared because things are changing. Scared because my stalker might be getting exactly what they wanted — me with a broken family. Me alone. Me with no friends.
But no. That’s not true. Because of my stalker, my dad is going to spend more time with me. No matter what, I still have Toby. I have Brian. I have my friends — Ariana, Victoria, and Courtney. I also have Olivia. I think she and I are going to be friends now.
Without another word, Toby goes back to his room. I can tell he’s trying to be strong for my benefit, and once again I’m reminded how lucky I am to have him as a stepbrother. Even if Veronica decides to leave my dad, I can’t let that affect my relationship with Toby. I can’t lose him too.
1pm
I melt.
After I get out of the shower and get ready, Brian comes over. I don’t ask him what we’re doing. I don’t care. I just need to get out of this house. I need to forget all my problems for just a moment.
Just as Brian and I are about to go out the front door, Dad stops us.
“Kihanna, make sure you’re home by seven tonight. We are having family dinner,” he says.
“Can Brian come too?” I ask.
Dad looks at Brian, and then at me. “I guess so.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.”
We walk outside, and Brian opens the passenger side door of his car for me.
“So, what are we doing today?” I ask him after he walks around and gets in the driver’s seat.
“I was thinking that since my sister crashed our first date, and our second sort of date started with you meeting my entire family and ended with us at the police station, I thought we could have a do-over,” he says.
“That’d be nice,” I tell him.
“I know you’re used to going to nice places, but I was actually thinking about a picnic on the beach.”
“I think that sounds seriously perfect.” A picnic on the beach? Seriously, that is probably the sweetest thing ever. It’s definitely not something Ty or Gabe would have done, and I am very much going to enjoy it. “Besides, fancy restaurants are overpriced and overrated.”
My dad’s house is only about a five minute drive from the beach. When we park, Brian once again opens my door for me, which is sweet. Ty used to open my door for me, but I think he did it because he wanted to sleep with me really badly. I think Brian does it because he’s just a gentleman. Of course, I could be wrong. I’m obviously a really bad judge when it comes to guys and relationships.
I think about my conversation with Gabriel earlier. Even though I broke his heart, I’m glad that I have closure. With Ty I never really felt that way. Now I feel like I can move on and not feel like I’m bringing my baggage from a previous relationship. It’
s a good feeling.
Brian lays out a blanket for us in the sand, and then goes back to his car to grab the cooler of food.
The weather today is nice. The high is almost seventy, and the sky is cloudless… I’ve learned that the weather is the same everyday — overcast in the morning, and sunny for the rest of the day. It’s such a change from St. Louis, where the weather is completely unpredictable.
“We kind of got distracted yesterday,” Brian tells me as he sits down the cooler. “You never told me what you think of my family.”
“They’re awesome,” I say. “Like I’m seriously jealous of how big your family is. And they’re all so nice.”
“They liked you. Especially my mom. She’s been texting me, asking when I’m going to bring you back over.”
“I figured she would be the hardest to win over,” I tell him.
“She keeps asking me if you’re my girlfriend yet, but I kind of don’t know what to tell her.”
His comment stuns me for a moment, and I feel panicked. Do I really want to be in a relationship again? It’s so soon. Way too soon. And yet, I kind of do want to make it official with Brian.
“What do you want to tell her?” I ask.
“Well, I want to tell her that you are, but I don’t want to scare you off. I know we’ve been talking less than a week, but I’ve never felt like this before. I really like you,” he says.
And I melt.
Literally.
“So you should tell her that I am,” I say once I’m able to breathe again.
Brian smiles, and his shoulders relax a little. I can’t believe I didn’t notice how nervous he was.
We fall into a light conversation as we eat. We talk about all our favorites. Books — his is The Hunger Games trilogy, mine is The Fault in Our Stars. Movies — his favorite is Red Dawn, mine is all eight of the Harry Potter movies. Sodas — his favorite is Dr. Pepper, mine is Sprite. We even talked about what we think will cause the apocalypse. He says zombies, I say nuclear war. I never knew talking about nothing could be so fun. It doesn’t seem like we are at the beach for very long before it’s time to head home for dinner… I never thought I would dread family dinner, but I actually do. Veronica won’t be there, and the table is going to seem really empty without her.
Cheaters suck. Even my dad. No, especially my dad.
7pm
Family dinner.
When Brian and I sit down at the table, Toby and Dad are already there. I glance over at the chair Veronica usually sits, and feel a sharp pain in my stomach. She isn’t there, and she may not ever be again.
When my dad sees me looking, he quickly tries to get my attention. “So I invited Jack and Gabe over for dinner, but they refused. Would that have anything to do with you?”
Awkward.
“Maybe,” I say. “Or it could have something to do with you. I wouldn’t blame them for not wanting to come eat dinner here. It’s kind of weird right now with… everything going on.”
“So,” Toby says, changing the subject. “Brian, I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced. I’m Toby Anderson — Kihanna’s super sexy stepbrother. She totally wants me, but I always turn her down.”
I roll my eyes at Toby. Ugh, this dinner was a bad idea. Brian has such a normal family, and mine is so screwed up. I hope that this night doesn’t scare him away.
“Don’t believe him,” I tell Brian. “Toby has some serious boundary issues. He also has no filter for his mouth.”
“See,” Toby says. “She wants me so bad she’s in denial.”
Oh my gosh, Toby, please shut up.
“I liked you better when you were having sex with my best friend,” I tell Toby. “At least then you didn’t hit on me.”
“Have any other best friends who would be interested?” he asks.
Dad clears his throat. “The reason I wanted to have family dinner is so we could communicate. Like a normal family.”
We all just look at each other. I’m not sure what to say. Could it only be just days ago that we were on a normal family vacation and everything was perfect… Okay, not perfect, but better than it is now. But the truth is, even on our vacation we all did separate things.
“So, what are we supposed to talk about?” Toby asks after a minute of silence.
I look over at Brian. He looks extremely uncomfortable, and I’m thinking that I just completely blew it. He is going to run away — not that I could blame him. Truthfully, if our roles were reversed, I’d probably run too. When Brian sees me looking, he grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
“I don’t know,” my dad answers. “Umm… How was your day?”
Toby goes first. “Well, I spent the first half of it on a plane next to a girl who hates me. Then when I got back I went to sleep and I got up just an hour ago.”
“What about you?” Dad asks me.
“I spent the day with Brian,” I tell him. “We went to the beach. It was nice.”
“Cool,” he says, and then pushes his plate away. “Well, this was nice, but I need to get to work. I’ll see you both later.”
Dad gets up from the table and leaves the room. The second he’s gone, I turn to Toby.
“Seriously? He thinks sitting with us for five minutes is considered family dinner?”
“Five minutes is five minutes more than we usually get,” he says, and then gets up. “I’m going to call your friend Ariana. I need to get laid.”
“Stop sleeping with my friends!” I yell at him as he leaves the room.
I look over at Brian. He’s looking at me, but I can’t read the expression on his face. I wonder what he’s thinking right now — about me and about my family. His family is just so perfect.
“I’m really sorry about all this.”
“Don’t apologize,” he says. “Your family is going through a rough time. It isn’t your fault.”
But it kind of is. “You’re lucky that you have such an amazing family.”
“It hasn’t always been perfect,” Brian tells me. “A year after my dad died, my mom started dating Vince. None of us really liked him, except Emily. We all thought it was too soon for her to start dating somebody new. Within six months she was married to him, and we all hated having him there. We all fought with him. It wasn’t until after about a year that we finally started getting along. Once we gave him a chance, we got along great. Plus, we could see how happy he made our mom.”
“Vince is very nice.”
“He is a good guy. Obviously he won’t replace my dad, but I’m glad he can make my mom happy. As long as he continues to make her happy, then I will get along with him,” he says.
“My mom never dated anybody,” I tell him. “I don’t know why. I used to ask her, but she would tell me that I was the only one she needed in her life. Sometimes I wonder if she was ever lonely. Your mom is lucky that she has Vince.”
“She is,” he says. “So, what do you want to do now?”
“I want to get out of this house.”
This house doesn’t feel like a home. It’s way too big, and it feels empty without Veronica.
I don’t want to be reminded of my broken family for another second.
“Then let’s go,” he says.
10pm
No. No. No.
I’ve never liked playing video games very much, but somehow Brian convinces me to play a shooter game. Who knew killing aliens could be so much fun? I’m not that good yet, but I have a feeling I will be soon.
I like hanging out with Brian at his apartment. It’s so small, but oddly cozy. This is quickly turning into my favorite place to be.
It’s hard to believe that we have only been hanging out for three days now. It feels much longer most of the time. I keep telling myself to slow down, but my heart isn’t listening. I don’t believe in instant love, but whatever is happening between us is happening at an alarming rate. Maybe it is love. Not that I’d tell Brian. I don’t want to scare him away.
My feelings are also co
nflicted. I feel guilt. So much guilt. What I did to Gabe was so wrong. I know I didn’t have much of a choice but to break up with him, but I did have a choice when it came to Brian. I knew going out with another guy so quickly would hurt him, but I was selfish. I didn’t even consider his feelings. Gabriel’s Staying Connected post earlier didn’t help much either.
Gabriel Johnson: I know now what it feels like to have my heart ripped out of my chest, and shredded. It sucks… Getting over her is going to take a while.
Nearly half the girls in the school commented on this. Half of them calling me an evil hussy, the other half offering a “shoulder to cry on”, and even a few sexual offers. I shouldn’t be surprised. Gabe is sexy. But the thought of him with another girl makes me slightly jealous, even though I have no right to be. I’m with another guy. I lost that privilege.
The fifth round of Halo comes to an end, and this time I actually got a few hundred points. Not bad.
“Awesome,” Brian says when he sees my score. “In a few days, you’ll be beating me.”
“You won’t be mad if I beat you, right?”
“Nah. My pride might be hurt, but I’ll mostly be proud.”
Once again, I’m reminded of the time I beat Gabe at playing pool. He was such a sore loser, he basically pouted about it. Brian and Gabe are so different from each other. It seems weird that I would be attracted to them both.
“I was wondering, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?” Brian asks.
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t actually thought that far ahead.”
“Well, my best friend, Nathan is home from college for the holidays and he’s throwing a small party. Do you want to go?”
The thought of going to a college party both frightens and excites me. Then I think, if I can handle a Bayside Academy party, I can definitely handle a college party. Especially since Brian will be there.
“That sounds fun.”
“Olivia will be there too. Her boyfriend, Keith, goes to school with Nathan,” he says.
