Before I could talk myself out of what was probably an extremely bad idea, something I seemed to have a lot of lately, I ran upstairs and changed into a pair of faded jeans and a pink T-shirt that was a gift from Faith. She'd given me a designer T-shirt after she'd realized there was not much hope in talking me out of wearing my favorite piece of clothing on pretty much an everyday basis. She'd followed up the gift explaining that the least I could do was wear a shirt that didn't look like it came from a thrift store before flinging the shopping bag at my face. Then she'd given me the type of charming grin only Faith could pull off after throwing something at someone's face and waited anxiously as I pulled the soft material out of the bag.
I hated to admit it, but as far as T-shirts went, it was definitely one of my favorites. I'd voiced my opinion to her and was rewarded with a quick hug that was so tight, it nearly took my breath away.
A glance in the mirror proved what I already knew. My hair was its usually unruly mess, but for the sake of time, I decided to leave it down. It took me only a few more minutes to finish getting ready, and then I was out the door. Keller was no longer within view of the house, so I headed down the shortcut path that connected Fairvue to Mr. Mac's farm, hoping Keller would be there now.
The night was perfect, and for the start of summer, the temperature was mild. There was still enough light that I could easily see where I was going, but I'd still slipped a small flashlight in my back pocket for later. I hadn't grabbed a jacket, but I was glad I'd worn my jeans instead of shorts.
My own steps, which had been in such a hurry before, began to slow the closer I got to Mr. Mac's property. One part of me wanted to face Keller. The other half argued that this was a very bad idea. If I had any sense I would listen to the part of my mind that was screaming for me to turn around and go home, but if there was one thing I knew about me, it was that I didn't always listen to good advice, even my own.
So I kept walking.
I hadn't gone much further when I began to hear voices. I was too far off to be able to recognize them clearly, but I was fairly certain one belonged to Granger. The tone sounded angry, so I quickened my footsteps.
When I came to the end of the path, there was a small clearing right in front of a gray-colored barn. Sure enough, it was Granger's voice I had recognized. He was there, standing just inside the opening of the large double doors. He was arguing with someone, but I couldn't see who. Intent on his conversation, Granger hadn't yet seen me. I quietly stepped around a tree which had fallen across the edge of the path before I scurried, unseen, to the side of the barn.
When the second voice spoke, I recognized the deep timber that was unmistakably Keller. I was surprised to hear him sound so upset. I had been around Granger and Keller both now for quite a while, and I had never really seen either one of them angry with the other. Myself, on the other hand, well, I had yelled at both of them plenty of times. Even when I'd been the one doing the ranting and raving, they'd never raised their voices back at me.
Seeing them both acting so out of character, stopped me from barging in on their conversation. I knew I should have made them aware of my presence the minute I arrived. Instead I stayed quiet, compelled for some reason to find out what was going on and wondering if perhaps Granger had gone straight to Keller after all to talk about me. If that was the case, then I knew I should definitely let them both know I was here, but I was too curious to do the right thing.
As quietly as I could, I moved until I was as close to the doors of the barn as I dared to be without being seen. I pressed myself against the wooden planks, planning to listen to what was said before I gave away my location.
Granger's voice wasn't as loud now, but the tone confirmed he was still angry.
"When are you planning to tell her what's really going on, Keller? You can't keep playing babysitter and expect everything to remain the same."
I could see Keller between the cracks in the wood. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he looked like he would rather be anywhere than having this conversation with Granger.
"I don't know, okay? You keep asking me the same questions over and over, but nothing's changed. I didn't have an answer for you the first time you asked me, and I don't have one now."
Granger wasn't backing down. "Well, you better figure something out. You volunteered for this as you constantly point out to me, and we are running out of time. Her eighteenth birthday is coming up fast. We've got little more than a week left, and it doesn't feel like we're any closer to figuring anything out."
I watched as Keller's stance shifted. He took a quick step toward Granger. For a minute I thought he might hit him. Instead, he placed one hand on his shoulder. When he spoke his voice was calmer, and his shift in mood seemed to calm Granger, too.
"We'll finish this job. We always do things right. You know we're a good team. When I think back on all the impossible jobs we've made possible over all the times we've worked together, how can you even doubt things won't go our way?"
Granger shifted into my limited view, and even from my distance I could see him rolling his eyes at Keller's words, but he was definitely more at ease now and nearly smiling.
"You missed your calling, Keller. You really should have been one of those speakers who greets everyone at the gate and make them feel welcome instead of wasting your talents as a guardian. You could have had crowds standing and cheering."
Keller shook his head and moved away from Granger until I could no longer see him. I didn't understand what Granger meant calling Keller a guardian? Keller wasn't old enough to be anyone's guardian. Maybe it had something to do with the court system making Keller his own guardian. Nothing was making sense to me, including why I was still standing here. It was obvious Granger wasn't going to go away anytime soon, and I didn't want to talk to Keller in front of him. I made the decision to leave the way I had come, with no one being the wiser of my visit, but Granger's next words stopped me cold.
"Pagan will die before her eighteenth birthday if we can't stop this thing."
Keller's sigh filled the night air. "Do you think I don't know that? But we will stop it. Failure isn't an option."
"Then I have to bring up something I know you don't want to talk about. We can't afford to let personal feelings get in our way."
Keller's voice was so low I strained to hear his next words. "I've already proven I can do that. I can put my feelings to the side when it's necessary. But what about you? Because we both know you're not practicing what you're preaching. Care to tell me what you were doing at her house this afternoon? Don't look so shocked. I saw you leaving. I know you, and I know how you operate. Let me make it clear, Granger, that if your own personal feelings involved putting your hands anywhere on her body, then maybe you're the one who needs to think about what you're doing before I have to knock some sense into you."
Granger laughed out loud. "And you think you've got your feelings under control? Puh-lease, you can barely look at me right now because you're so filled with jealousy, wondering where my hands went, and if there’s a chance she might have chosen me since you took yourself out of the picture as far as she knows. Whether she meant to or not, she's got both of us so mixed up that neither one of us is thinking clearly, and that's exactly why I went to her house this afternoon. It was past time we straightened out a few things and at least found out the truth, even if we can't do anything about it. I thought knowing her feelings might help both of us think a little clearer. Of course, before she threw me out, you should probably know, it wasn't only my hands that touched her."
My stomach plummeted. I watched Keller come back into view His hands were clenched at his sides, and the veins in his neck stood out.
Before he could say or do anything, Granger rushed to continue. "Will you wait a minute before you decide to hit me? I wanted to see what kind of reaction you'd give, and you did exactly what I thought you would. Maybe you should listen to what I have to say before you throw that punch, or did you miss the par
t where I told you she asked me to leave?"
Keller's voice was shaking now with emotion. "Don't try and smooth talk you way around this one, Granger. You can try and tell yourself you went there to help me, but everything you did today was for you, and you know it. You made me turn away from her with all your warnings about how we couldn't get involved, but you went over to her house, knowing how confused she is, knowing what her life has been like, ready to offer her - what? Comfort? But you don't expect me to want to smash your face in?"
Keller's arm swung out, arching wide, his fist purposely slamming into the side of the barn rather than Granger's face. The wood shook with the force of his anger.
"Geez, man. You're going to hurt yourself. Ya know, you may be a guardian, but while we're here, you aren't invincible."
Granger tried once more to explain. "Keller, you're my best friend. You know that, but you also know I have feelings for Pagan. I know they aren't the same as what you feel, and you are right about one thing - I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I went to see her. I doubt my intent was as noble as I wanted it to be. We both have to be near her to complete this thing, but we need to stay away from her to keep our heads clear to complete what we're supposed to do. But I couldn't get my head clear, because I couldn't get her out of it."
Granger shook his head as he continued to explain. "I just kept wondering...what if? I knew school was finished, and I wouldn't be able to see her as much. Then I had another thought. What if she turned away from you so easily because she was never that interested? What if it should've been me?"
He paused only a second before he added, "There's something about her, Keller. It has nothing to do with the job. I can't explain it. We're supposed to be the ones who have the control, the ones who can make people feel what we want or need them to feel. But, when she's around, it's like things are totally reversed, and she's pulling all the strings whether she knows it or not. It makes me feel human, Keller. I like the way she makes me feel human."
Granger let out a short laugh. "Hearing me say it out loud, it sounds crazy. But, having said all this to you, you should thank me."
"Thank you?" Keller's voice rose in anger. "You had a make out session with a girl you warned us both to stay away from, a girl you knew I didn't want to stay away from, and you think I should give you some kind of high five and tell you how proud I am that you've got my back? You're crazy or at least suffering from some kind of sickness. Maybe you've been on Earth a little too long this time, Granger. Maybe it's time for you to go back for awhile so you can remember what our job here is. Because I know it's not for us to turn on each other. And as you've pointed out time and time again, it's not to become romantically involved with the person we're guarding, either."
I tried to make sense of their conversation. My heart had thrilled to hear Keller say he hadn't wanted to stay away from me, but then I was so confused listening to their exchange. Surely I'd misunderstood something they'd both said because they weren't making any sense. I stood perfectly still and strained to hear Granger's next words.
"Pagan turned me away, Keller, using her own free will. I made sure she had that opportunity. If you don't understand anything else about what happened tonight, at least know that she doesn't want me. Even with my shield, she was fighting everything, and we all know the reason why."
If Keller responded, I couldn't hear him. My heart was beating so loud I was sure they both had to know I was there. The erratic rhythm reverberated in my entire head making it impossible for me to think straight.
Why were they acting this way about me? Surely they weren't really talking about me and that I might die? Why would Keller say Granger had been on Earth too long? What was a guardian? What did Granger mean when he said he made sure I'd used my own free will? I almost wanted to make myself believe the entire, insane conversation was about some other girl, but it had to be about me. I mean, it wasn't like there was an abundance of girls named Pagan running around that were friends with Granger and Keller.
Unable to stay out of sight any longer, I moved away from my hiding place and slipped around the corner of the barn. I walked straight to the double doors where they stood. I was shaking from emotions I couldn't identify. Anger? Fear? I wasn't sure. I felt like I was going to explode, and the two standing in front of me were the sparks.
Caught up in their own conversation, it took them a second to realize they were no longer alone. The matching looks of stunned disbelief on their faces were all that stopped me from demanding an immediate explanation. Granger's eyes were huge in surprise, and were identical to Keller's own gaze.
Keller was the first to mask his unease on seeing me there. The only clue to his obvious discomfort at my presence was the slight clinching of his jaw.
Surprisingly, my voice shook less than I thought it would when I broke the stunned silence.
"So, gentlemen, you both seem to have an interest in me, but obviously with the two of you it's not quite what I thought. The question of the night, however, seems to be why you believe you are my guardians, and why both of you seem to think there's a possibility I'm going to die before I turn eighteen."
My gaze moved from Keller to Granger and then back again. I was not in the mood to hear any lies, nor did I want to be placated by words that weren't true. The look I gave them must have conveyed exactly what I was feeling because neither one of them attempted to tell me to calm down or pretend they didn't know what I was talking about.
"We need to talk."
Keller's eyes locked with mine and his words were decisive as if he'd made a decision he would not back away from. I watched him look at Granger, and Granger gave a short nod of agreement in return.
"Go get in the truck, Pagan, and Keller will drive us all back to Fairvue. Out here in the open isn't the place to have the conversation we need to have."
I didn't respond verbally, but I headed in the direction of Keller's parked truck. Granger moved in behind me and put his hand on the small of my back to guide me across the uneven ground. His touch was no longer welcome, and I was quick to jerk away.
His eyes seemed sad when I turned to tell him to keep his hands off me. I bit the words back but kept my distance from him, certain I had made my point clear. Keller was walking in front of us, his stride swift and efficient as though he simply wanted to get there as quickly as he could.
The rest of the walk was made in silence. Granger and Keller climbed into the front of the cab, and I slid into the seat behind Keller. Keller turned the key in the ignition the minute I climbed into the back. I pulled the door shut, and the loud noise of it closing set loose something that had been shut off in my own mind.
I've been in the back seat of this truck before.
"You two brought me home from the club in this truck. You did something to me so I wouldn't remember."
Neither of them responded, but I saw Keller's eyes glance in the rearview mirror before returning to the road.
"Are neither of you going to answer me?" I demanded.
"Honey, it wouldn't matter what we said right now. You hate us both and maybe we deserve it, but why don't you try to save all your righteous indignation until you've heard the whole story."
Before the truck came to a complete stop, I was already opening the door and stomping up the front steps of the house. My hand shook as I pulled the key from its usual hiding place and hurried to undo the lock.
Granger and Keller shut the door behind them, and then followed me into the kitchen. Their presence filled the room in a way I couldn't understand.
With unspoken agreement we all sat down at the table. Now that we were here, no one seemed to want to speak first.
It was Granger who finally broke the silence.
"There's a lot you need to know, Pagan. There's a lot you probably shouldn't know, and there's a lot you aren't going to want to believe. Quite frankly, I don't even know where we should begin."
"I know where we should start," Keller spoke up. His dark eye
s stared into my own, and even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't have looked away.
"Let's start with the day you were born and the day you died, love."
Chapter Eleven
The silence in the room was tense as we sat around Gran's kitchen table. I didn't know what I was supposed to do except wait for one of them to explain.
"You deserve to know what's going on," Granger said.
I nodded, not trusting my voice to answer.
"You aren't going to like some of what we tell you, and like I said earlier, most of it you'll think is impossible. But try to believe that everything you're going to hear tonight is the truth."
Keller shifted in his seat, and then leaned his arms against the table as he let out a long sigh. The muscle in his jaw moved slightly as Granger continued talking.
"You have probably never heard of what we are. There are hundreds of us in the heavens. It's rare that people who are living ever meet us. We are called the sovereign guardians. Our job is to greet those passing from this world to the next. And before you even think it - no, we aren't angels."
"Definitely not angels, sweetheart" Keller quipped, his sarcastic wit breaking free despite his foul mood.
Granger ignored Keller and turned his chair toward me. I tried to focus my attention on his words and tried to stop my head from denying this conversation was even happening.
"Pagan, what Keller said earlier was true. You died when you were born. But only for a minute."
Granger watched me closely to see how I was taking the news. When I didn't fall apart, he continued.
"Throughout your mother's pregnancy, she insisted to your father that you be born at Fairvue. He had been born there, as well as past generations, and with no relatives left of her own, she wanted to begin their family with the traditions of your father's past. She planned for a midwife to be in attendance rather than a doctor. She was young and healthy and assumed the delivery would be easy. But there were...complications. Then you came faster than help could arrive. Your mother knew that night that she was dying. Her biggest fear wasn't for her own health, but it was for you. She was terrified you were going to die as well. And so, she did what people have done throughout time when they are in need of help and things seems hopeless."
Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel Page 18
