Her Heart's Secret Wish

by Juliana Haygert

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Cohen stepped in Natasha’s way as she exited the kitchen. “Long time no see.”

  “Hey.” She offered him a fake smile.

  At the beginning of the year, she had slept with the guy, after way too many drinks—which was the reason behind most of her one-night stands. He’d been pursuing her ever since, even though she had been with other guys after him.

  “How about we leave this place, go to my apartment, and celebrate there, just the two of us?” With each word, he stepped toward her, and she, trying to retreat, ended up with her back against the wall.

  “But the party just started. We still have the Secret Santa thing Gabriela loves so much.” She glanced from side to side, searching for something to distract him, so she could escape.

  “I don’t get it, you know.” He rested a hand on the wall next to her head and leaned closer. “I’m not ugly, and well, you seemed to have enjoyed our night together. Why are you avoiding me?”

  “I’m not the relationship type, you know that.”

  “Give me a chance, I’ll make you change your mind.” He bent over her, his lips aiming for hers.

  She slapped her hand on his chest and forced him back. “Stop, Cohen, please. Don’t make me scream for help.”

  His eyes widened. “I like it when you scream,” he whispered.

  She pushed him harder, with all her strength, but he was way too strong for her. “Stop it.”

  The front door opened, missing Cohen by two inches. She froze, her heart skipping a beat, as Jason stepped inside.

  The last thing he had expected to see was Natasha in a corner with a guy, right at the entrance of the apartment.

  Disgust revolved in his stomach as his gaze whizzed from her relieved expression to the guy’s mortal stare. Maybe his idea of coming to the party hadn’t been a good one after all.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, his tone cold.

  The guy brushed him aside. “Nothing that concerns you.”

  “Cohen, back off.” She pushed him away from her. “This is Mr. Stone, a professor at the university.”

  “Oh.” The guy stepped back. “Nothing was going on. We were just talking.”

  “I see.” At least his title served for one good thing—to scare away ill-intentioned males. He looked at her, and her cheeks flushed. Embarrassment for being found doing what she was renowned for? He doubted it.

  “We can talk again later,” Cohen said. He glared at Natasha as he retreated into the living room.

  “Thank goodness, you arrived. I wasn’t strong enough to get rid of that creep.” Her delicate brows knitted together. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with your family?”

  “Change of plans.” His tone was as harsh as his disappointment. “I had to stay and saw a few posters hanging around the school. Thought it was a better option than spending Christmas Eve alone.”

  The corner of her lips curled up. “Definitely.”

  Though he tried, he couldn’t ignore just how beautiful and vulnerable she appeared. Her long, brown hair fell around her porcelain face and into a smooth cascade down her back. Her usually energetic green eyes shone with relief instead. She wore red lipstick, which only made her mouth more inviting. The dress hugged her perfect curves, the hemline promising fun things on the other side.

  Jesus.

  Jason shook his head and shifted his gaze away. He’d probably caught her making plans for later, and he still wanted her? His mind was so messed up.

  “You don’t seem so well. What is it?” She stepped closer and her spicy perfume taunted his will.

  He held his breath for a moment and focused. “I’m good.” He smiled at her, transforming into his usual self. The laidback gaming nerd, and fun professor he brought out for his students.

  “Come in.” She gestured to the living room. “The party is starting.”

  Somewhere over the last six or seven months, when their conversations had become more profound and frequent, he had lost his mind. Six or seven months ago, he would never have crashed a student party so he could stare at one of them.

  Helpless, he followed her.

  In the living room, Gabriela came to greet him, then she yelled, “Hey, y’all! Mr. Stone is in the house, so let’s behave.”

  Laughter bounced around the crowded room. One of his gaming students, Aidan, approached him, easily engaging in a deep discussion about games. Death Knight orc, level eighty-five, dual spec in unholy and blood, and his adventures through the new land. Interesting stuff that could get him going for hours. Or even days.

  Not tonight, though.

  While talking about the game with Aidan, Jason casually scanned the room, pretending to admire the party, but making sure his gaze passed through wherever Natasha was. And she was everywhere, talking to everyone, laughing, smiling, charismatic and content, and cheery. Everyone seemed enchanted by her. She had a way of grabbing attention. If she wanted, she could keep the interest of all the people in the room at the same time, effortlessly.

  Most guys kept glancing at her, desire written all over their faces, especially on Cohen’s—a fact corroding his insides. He wasn’t the violent type, but for some reason he wanted to punch the guy.

  “How is your project going?” Aidan asked. “I bet the game is gonna take a long while to be released, huh?”

  “You know how the gaming industry is.” He forced his focus back to his student. “They haven’t even revealed the name of the game yet. Don’t expect it to come out the next year. Or the one after that.”

  “Mr. Stone, nobody gave you a drink,” Natasha said, stopping beside him, and he grimaced upon hearing his formal name coming from her red lips. “What can I get you?”

  “Are you playing hostess?”

  “I’m helping.”

  “Then a Coke, please.”

  One of her brows cocked up.

  “Seriously. I don’t drink.”

  Shaking her head, she disappeared into the kitchen.

  To his surprise, he found Aidan had moved three steps away and was talking to another group. Taking advantage of the sudden solitude, he walked to a corner with a small bookcase filled with used college books, mostly about math and physics. Boring stuff.

  Natasha returned and handed him a glass with his beverage. “Here you go.” She had another glass of soda for herself.

  He eyed the drink. “Coke?”

  “I think it’s better if I don’t drink tonight.”

  Why, so she didn’t throw herself at some guy, or was there another reason? He fought the urge but ended up glancing to the other side of the room, where Cohen still ogled her.

  The conversation around them was loud, but even so, he lowered his tone and asked, “Doesn’t it bother you?”

  “What?”

  “Being at a party where there’s a guy ready to…I don’t know, attack you or something.”

  She glanced to the floor. “I try not thinking about it.”

  “Why not?”

  She seemed unsure about answering him. Finally, she stared into his eyes. “Because everywhere I go, there’s a guy who looks at me as if I was some sort of prey. If I let myself think about it, I would never leave my room.” She turned to the bookcase and fingered the books’ spines. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything.” Jesus, he had to blow everything. He raised his hand to comfort her in some way, pat her back or maybe touch her skin, but he stopped himself before the situation became more awkward. “I had no idea you felt that way. You never gave me that impression.”

  She smiled, and though it was weak, it didn’t stop his heart from doing a somersault. She was too damn beautiful.

  “Sorry, I’m the one who shouldn’t be this honest.”

  “I like you honest—”

  Her finger stopped midair from one book to another, and he realized what he had said.

  “I mean, I like it when you’re honest.” He cleared his throat. �
�I thought you were always honest when we talked.”

  She leaned against the bookcase. “I am, but maybe I omit some parts. I know you know about my reputation and how people seem to think I’m some kind of love goddess around here, but I didn’t really want you to think that badly of me.”

  They stared intently at each other. His heartbeat slowed for two seconds before going into overdrive.

  He was losing the battle.

  Chapter Three

  Heat spread through her cheeks before diving low, under her belly. As much as she fought against it, she wasn’t immune to his charms.

  Once again, Natasha hadn’t seen her professor or her friend in Jason’s eyes. And once again, he’d pulled back before she could discover what was hidden behind his blue gaze.

  He turned to a commotion forming around the dining table, and she checked out his profile. The chiseled jaw and proud chin. The tousled black hair hanging over his eyes, and the five o’clock shadow starting to show. Every little detail of his being called to her.

  But she couldn’t have any of it. For several reasons.

  She shook the inappropriate desire off, approached the dining table, and soon sensed his body hovering close to her. Why were all the efforts she made to stay away from him in vain?

  A girl she didn’t know placed several boxes on the table. Gabriela rushed to the newcomer’s side and started opening them. The females at the party squealed and literally launched themselves at the cases.

  “Aren’t they beautiful? Julie here makes them.” The hostess picked up a necklace and showed it around like they were at an auction.

  “If you’re interested,” the jewelry maker said, “the price is on the tag.”

  Natasha picked up a shiny ring. After examining it, she flipped it over and read the tag. “Ouch. Pricey.” A slow smile formed on her lips. “I have an idea.”

  She told Julie about the fashion design program and how she could use the jewelry in one of her shows. The next one was scheduled for the middle of the next semester, but they could start planning for the show now. Thankfully, the girl seemed interested.

  “Look at this one.” Jason touched her arm, and she spun to him. “Isn’t this just like the one you have?”

  He held a bracelet of thin golden strands twisted together, forming diamond-shaped holes, with small, round amber stones where the pieces connected.

  “Wow,” she whispered, a lump forming in her throat. “It is. Just like it.” She touched the bracelet. “But I don’t have mine anymore. I lost it two or three weeks ago.”

  “Really? How did you lose it?”

  She shrugged. “I was robbed.”

  “What?” He stepped closer to her. His body loomed beside her, its delicious heat dripping into her senses. “How?”

  “At the bus stop, one block east of campus. It was dark. The jerk took my money, my cell phone, and my bracelet.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  She glanced up at him and saw concern shining in his blue eyes. There went the butterflies again, zooming around her stomach. Damn, she shouldn’t feel so attracted to him. “No, he didn’t.”

  Jason took her hand, his palm warm on her skin, and placed the bracelet over her wrist. “It looks good on you.”

  The lump in her throat became painful. “It was my mother’s. The bracelet. The last thing I had from her.” She examined the jewelry and spied the price. Just as she thought. It cost more than her monthly income. “I would love to buy this one, but as a broke fashion design student whose only money comes from a glamorous bookstore job, I can’t afford it.”

  She set the bracelet down and moved away from the dining table and its shining goods.

  Assaulted by a sudden wave of despair and shame, she rushed to the kitchen, sat down on a stool, propped her elbows on the table, and rested her head on her hands.

  What was she doing? Never before had she broken down at a party. Besides Fallon, nobody knew about her past, and she intended to keep it that way. Forever.

  Since that one night at the library more than six months ago, when Jason and she had talked for over five hours, she hadn’t thought of him the same way. Before, he’d been a hot professor with whom it had been fun to flirt. Then, he’d become a friend, a fixture, someone she could count on for a good laugh and serious discussions. And, she might never admit it out loud, but she loved his geekiness and enthusiasm over games and technology, and just how young and sexy he looked in hoodies and graphic T-shirts. And his goofy smile. He was twenty-nine and hot as hell.

  If only he knew….

  There was nothing to know. He was a nice guy and deserved a nice girl who could offer him more, much more. Besides, he was a professor, and the university policy forbade their employees from socializing or having any kind of relationship with the students outside the classroom. He was at risk of losing his job by just being at the party.

  Damn it, what was she thinking? She wasn’t a relationship kind of girl. Why did everything seem so confused and tangled and difficult in her head? Things weren’t black and white anymore. She was tired of so many shades of gray.

  “There you are.” Gabriela halted at the doorway. “Time for Secret Santa.”

  If only she wasn’t a party girl, she could be home, embracing her pillow and crying over her pathetic life. Alone.

  No, not alone. Never alone.

  She stood up and put on a bright smile. As she walked into the living room, everyone gathered in a large circle.

  She avoided looking toward Jason—Mr. Stone—but she sensed the weight of his gaze on her, sizzling and teasing and tingling.

  “All right,” the hostess said when the guests quieted down, “everyone has a unisex gift, so I’m gonna pass the hat with our names. If you get your name, say it soon, so we can start it again. Understood?”

  Gabriela strolled around with the hat, stopping by the guests. Three times, someone picked his own name and the game had to start over. Then, the hat finally reached Natasha, who was next to last. She picked a paper and opened it.

  She willed her expression to deadpan as she read Jason Stone.

  How ironic was life?

  Damn. A whole lot.

  The hostess picked the last paper and smiled. “Everyone ready? Then, let’s start. Who wants to go first?”

  “Me,” Suzie said.

  And the game began. Some of her classmates had brought pranks and funny gifts, like chicken hats and plastic ties, and those temporary tattoos applied with water. Laughter surrounded her. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.

  Except me.

  If she had more courage, she would leave. Just needed to turn around and get out. She wanted to do it. She kept on repeating it in her mind, over and over. Just turn around and go. Just turn around and leave. But it didn’t work. Her legs weighed a ton, and she couldn’t take one step in any direction.

  With only three people to get to the end, Cohen revealed his Secret Santa as Suzie, and the game stopped.

  Oh, no.

  Her gaze locked with Jason’s, the power in his blue eyes breathtaking. For some reason, she realized she was mad at him, as if he had cursed her, made her feel things for him on purpose, things she didn’t want to feel, just to spit on her disgrace.

  “Oh my God, how cool,” Gabriela said. “You’re each other’s Secret Santa!”

  Jason stepped in the middle of the circle and extended the small package. Feeling heat invade her cheeks, Natasha took it and handed him an envelope.

  She opened the box and found two Christmas-themed mugs. One was red with snowflakes, the other green with candy canes. Cute.

  And he showed off the local Italian restaurant gift card. “Nice,” he said.

  “Yeah, see,” she started, hoping to regain some of her popularity for the night, “I bought it thinking whoever had the luck of having me as their Secret Santa would take me out for dinner.” A general ohhh sounded around them. “But since you’re a professor and, you know, too old, you’re excused.�
�

  Had he flinched? It’s only my imagination. I think.

  Sickened with herself, she whirled on her heels and marched away. The weight inside her was too much to bear. She strode into the bathroom, close to the front door, and waited in the dark until the music volume rose and the conversation returned to normal.

  Deeming it safe, she left her hideout, picked up her coat, and fled the apartment. It was almost midnight, almost Christmas, almost her…no. She didn’t want to think about it. And she couldn’t stand staying at the party anymore.

  Her best defense mechanism was being rude to others, and she had certainly been rude to Jason, to Mr. Stone, right in front of a dozen of his students.

  Points for player Natasha.

  Chapter Four

  He did his best to ignore the temptation. He wanted to resist the urge, like when she’d escaped to the kitchen after the bracelet incident, and he’d forced himself to stay away from her. He needed to do the same now.

  It was better this way.

  He didn’t want to pursue something he couldn’t have.

  Whenever he realized he was losing the battle against his emotions, Jason reminded himself of her reputation. She slept with any and every guy. He didn’t want a woman like that.

  An invisible band tightened around his chest, and for a moment, his breathing became shallow. Who was he kidding? She wasn’t like that, not the Natasha he had seen when they’d spent hours together talking. No, that Natasha was still happy and carefree, though there’d been a hint of solemnity to her, as if she understood the consequences of her actions and didn’t cower before them. As though she were trying to punish herself, accepting the penalty head-on.

  Why, though?

  He kept himself distracted, conversing with Aidan and Gabriela and other students about grades, exams, and vacations, but when Cohen left, he didn’t hesitate and slipped away from the party as well.

  He told himself to stop, to turn around and forget whatever craziness he was doing, but his body and soul wouldn’t obey. He needed to know if the guy was going after her, and if she would welcome him.