Kissed

by Ms. Carla Krae

  No, it wasn’t about guilt…he just communicated in his usual awkward fashion and let her deal with the consequences. Her legs gave out and her butt landed on the bed.

  A lump. A lump in her mom.

  The phone started making that noise of a disconnected call and she turned it off.

  Would they know when they looked at the…the thing? There would be tests, right, and waiting…that’s what you always heard. People frustrated by the waiting.

  Vivian knocked softly on the open door. “Elizabeth, you’re white as a sheet. Is everything alright?”

  She felt her head turn toward her though she hadn’t told it to. “My, uh, my mom’s having surgery Monday. He wanted me to know.”

  Vivian came and sat next to her, taking the phone from her hand. “Is it serious?”

  “I don’t know. He said it’s for a biopsy.”

  “Well, I’m sure it’ll turn out alright. Do you want to schedule a flight right away?”

  “I…I have something to do tonight, but…can you find out what’s available tomorrow?”

  “Of course.” She pulled Beth into her arms. “I care a great deal for your family, dear. Whatever you need.”

  Tears coursed down her cheeks onto his mother’s blouse. She stayed in the hug and closed her eyes, willing herself to be strong until she had information. Lawsons didn’t panic. “Thanks,” she said, pulling away.

  Vivian handed her a tissue. “I’ll make those calls.”

  Once she left, Beth closed the door and changed clothes for tonight. The band t-shirt on, she combed out the braid in her hair and brushed it up into a high ponytail. After wiggling mascara on her lashes, she took out the chubby eye pencil she’d bought on a whim and colored her lids smoky blue. Surprisingly, the dark color didn’t look scary on her image in the mirror. Her glasses back in place and a swipe of gloss completed her routine.

  She double-checked there was a fresh roll in the camera—digital was still too expensive—and went downstairs to wait for the cab she ordered. Her hands shook during the ride to the club. Whether from the shock about Mom, seeing Jacob, or nerves about working with Kit, she couldn’t say.

  From the outside, this was a nicer venue than last Saturday’s. Inside, it was twice the size and, from her limited knowledge, pretty dang cool. Jacob’s band was setting up their instruments onstage for the sound check. He walked out of the back with Kit, discussing something. She had a tripod set up in the middle of the room with a digital Canon on top. He hopped on the stage and picked up his guitar.

  “Hey,” she greeted Beth.

  “Nice camera.”

  She grinned. “Yeah. What you got?”

  “My mom’s old Pentax. It’s not fancy, but she had a lot of lenses.”

  “Hey, gotta start somewhere.” She put her eye to her camera, then adjusted settings. “Wait until you get up to editing software. Lots of fun. Been in a dark room, yet?”

  “Practically grew up in it. My brother’s former bedroom is Mom’s image factory.”

  “Awesome.” She stepped away from the tripod. “Well, until they turn on the lights, I’m in limbo, so let’s have a seat.”

  “Okay.” Beth pulled out a chair at the nearest table.

  He started singing You Got It All. He hadn’t looked at her, yet, since she walked in the door. It hurt. Kit watched her watch him play.

  “How long you and Jake been somethin’?”

  “Huh? Oh, we met my freshman year of high school. How long have you been friends?”

  “Wouldn’t say ‘friends’. I’m a fan, and they’ve been appreciative of my work.”

  “Oh.” Yet Jacob felt comfortable asking her for a favor?

  “Don’t get me wrong. He’d be good for a tumble or two—look at him, but I like my men seasoned,” she said. “Boy put out his best sales pitch to get me to meet you, though. I don’t like people lookin’ over my shoulder, but it was hard to say no.”

  Beth’s cheeks warmed. “He’s like that sometimes, but I don’t want to be in your way. If you’d rather e-mail me a few shots with some notes, that’s fine. I didn’t ask him to bug you.”

  “Nah, it’s cool, as long as you don’t mind bein’ a gopher.”

  She shook her head. “I like to keep busy.” Anything to keep from running to a phone to talk to Mom.

  The house lights dropped and the spots and colored accent lights shone on the stage. Kit got up and started snapping shots while the band played through Figured It Out. She gave them a thumb’s up at the end and started dismantling the tripod.

  “You’re done?” she asked.

  “With the paid gig, yeah. I’m stickin’ around to shoot the live show.”

  “Oh.” Beth took the collapsed tripod she handed her.

  “My bag’s over there,” she said, pointing to the wall at Beth’s left.

  She had a duffle by the stage door. Beth put the tripod inside and crossed past the stage on her way back. He crouched in front of his amp, pulling the cord out. Their eyes met, but his expression was blank.

  “Break a leg,” she said. He carried his guitar offstage, ignoring her. Ouch again. “Jacob…” She went after him.

  “What?” he asked in the hall.

  “I have to leave tomorrow. Something’s come up.”

  He kept walking past the others. “Have a safe flight.”

  She caught up and touched his arm. “Can you stop being mad at me for a second? I’m serious. My dad called and I have to go. I don’t know if I’ll get to say goodbye.”

  He finally turned around. “What happened?”

  “My mom’s having a thing on Monday. He wanted me to know. She didn’t. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but…I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “Are you okay?” She shrugged, not sure how to answer, or if she could. He stepped forward to give her a one-armed hug and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Bethie.”

  Several things popped in her head to say, but all she did was inhale his scent. The lack of his presence at home would be a hole in her life when she could need him most and she wanted to memorize everything.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kit instructed Beth on her camera through the opening act. They were working with the same terms, only the controls were different. Had to admit—seeing instant results was pretty cool. Once Jacob’s band came on, she moved through the crowd, getting shots from all sides. Beth kept watch over her stuff at a table along the wall. She came back to Beth twice for drink refills, once to switch memory cards. “Honestly, he’s too good for ‘em,” she shouted over the music.

  “Who?”

  “That one and that one,” she said, pointing to the bassist and drummer. “Neither one can keep time.”

  And Beth thought the cacophony was intentional. Learn something new every day.

  Some girl in the front of the mosh pit passed Jacob a slip of paper during the interlude. He winked at her and stuck it in his pocket.

  Bastard. Back to friends for mere hours and he was already flirting with new girls. Guess that proved what he felt for me, huh?

  Only big, fat, lust.

  Yay, me.

  He could feel her eyes on him, but refused to look. He wasn’t going to let her toy with his heart until she figured out what she wanted. This afternoon’s pain proved there was a name for what he felt—love.

  Terrifying, heart-consuming love. It snuck up on him, then whacked him in the head like a hammer. This week had been the catalyst for knowledge, but not the emotion. She’d been making a home inside him since the day he walked into her kitchen.

  Four years. But it wasn’t the right time. He couldn’t make her try.

  They finished the set and he threw his guitar pick into the crowd and escaped backstage.

  “Nice job, gentlemen. I’ll have the proofs for ya in a couple days,” Kit said. She handed him a beer.

  “Thanks, love.” He took a long swig, feeling parched. “Beth still here?”

  “Somewhere.
” She finished handing out drinks and left.

  They were the last band for the night, so the club was playing piped-in music now. The mosh pit had dispersed, leaving couples slow-dancing on the floor. No immediate sign of his girl. He didn’t want to walk out into the main room, since the birds at this club tended to swarm him, so with a curse, he exited the building out the back.

  Beth stood by the curb talking to the bouncer.

  “Hey,” Jacob said.

  “Hi. Going home?”

  He turned to his band-mates coming out the same way. “Don’t know.”

  “Ah. Well, goodnight.” She smiled at the bouncer, who’d flagged her cab a few feet down the street.

  “Wait.” Jacob slid in after her before she could close the door.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You tell me.”

  “I really do have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered.

  “That’s tomorrow.” He touched her cheek. “I know you, love. You aren’t going to sleep a wink when you’re worried, so why suffer insomnia alone?”

  She glanced away and sniffed. “You’re a good friend.”

  Friend… Right. He gave the cabbie his address and settled back in the seat, the soft case for his guitar between his legs. She stayed on her side, her face turned to the window.

  He sighed. It was going to be a long night…

  Jacob was too sweet, to offer to keep her company. She didn’t deserve it. She hurt him this afternoon, yet here he was, still supportive. “You should be celebrating with the band. It was a great gig.”

  “It was alright.”

  “The applause was deafening.”

  He cracked a grin. “Yeah, it was. Though that crowd would cheer on a foghorn by ten o’clock, they’re so knackered.”

  “Knackered?”

  “Hammered. Drunk. Three sheets to the wind.”

  “Got it. Still fun, though, right?” Least she could do was try to cheer him up.

  “As long as we don’t get booed.”

  She shifted a little to face him. “Kit said you could use some better back-up.”

  “Huh.”

  “She had a lot to say about working in that kind of lighting, and I got to play with her camera a little. It was cool.”

  “Glad you had a good time.” He smiled at her, first she’d seen all day.

  It still did things to her tummy. The car stopped in front of his building. She paid the cabbie.

  “Went to the market this mornin’,” Jacob said, unlocking the door to the lobby.

  “How grown up,” she teased. It earned her an eye roll.

  He pushed the button for the elevator. “They finally fixed the lift.”

  “Cool.” She hoped it’d been fixed well.

  It opened on the third floor without incident. Once more to 3B—had she been here since her drunken attempt to seduce him? Insane that was only a week ago.

  He let them in and set the guitar on its stand. “Thirsty?”

  “Water’s fine. I’m going to use your bathroom. Promise not to make it smell like vomit.”

  “Ha, ha.”

  Whoa, he cleaned. Actually frickin’ cleaned. The room wasn’t going to look new due to its age, but it was clean and tidy.

  “It looks nice,” she told him when she came out.

  “Couldn’t sleep last night.” He nodded to a glass of water. “Want a sandwich?”

  “Maybe later.” She took the water and sat on his futon.

  He went all out, toasting the bread, then using mayonnaise, mustard, and piling on cold cuts from three packages. Amazed her that man could keep a thirty-inch waist with how much he ate. He grabbed a bottled beer and brought his plate to the futon. The TV clicked on a second later. Sports channel.

  Sitting quietly while he unwound from the gig, she watched him eat, the chewing motion making his cheekbones stand out. He wore a white tank tonight with an unbuttoned black short-sleeve shirt over it. The shirt had been absent during the concert, the girls in the audience drooling over his defined arms. He only got more gorgeous with every year, and she wondered how long it’d be before he got mobbed by fangirls everywhere.

  She wished she could doze off. It’d let both of them off the hook for making conversation. “I still have the pics in my bag.” Her bag was on her lap, so she pulled out the envelope.

  “Oh?”

  “You left them last night.”

  “Oh.” He took it from her, setting his plate on the coffee table.

  “I ordered four-by-six prints. Normally get the three-by-five, but they’re kind of small for portraits.” Please stop me from babbling.

  He started flipping through the photos, holding the stack by the edges. It surprised her he remembered to not leave fingerprints. It’d been two years since she showed him her work.

  “A lot of me in here.”

  She blushed. “You’re the only one I know.” Only one she wanted. “I know they’re not as good as Kit’s—”

  “They’re fine, love.”

  Fine. Fine… “Just fine?”

  He let out a breath. “Actually, they’re pretty damn flattering.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m singin’ and there’s not a single shot where I look weird.”

  “I had a good subject.”

  He looked up then. “Beth, your timing and choices are excellent. You’re going to knock the professors’ socks off.”

  “Don’t know about that. I’m still not as good as Mom.” If she’d be around long enough to teach her.

  “You’ll learn.”

  Reaching the end, he slid the prints back in the envelope and tried to give it back. She stopped his hand. “Those are your copies.”

  “Thanks.”

  Now what?

  He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture. “Uh, did you see anything interesting today?”

  “Well, it’s all new to me, but aside from Kit’s blue and black streaks in her hair, not really. I just wandered. Listened.”

  “Ah. What did the city say?”

  She smiled. “That I cannot comprehend all its wonders in one trip and it’d be foolish to try. That includes you.”

  He tilted his head, curious. “I’m a wonder?”

  “Stop fishing,” she teased. “But, in that I feel humbled and inadequate, yeah.”

  He frowned. “Beth, I’ve never thought of you as lacking. I’m just as flawed as the next bloke.” Sighing, he added, “I don’t get you sometimes. You simultaneously put me on a pedestal and point out my cock-ups, and it’s not fair. If you want to be with me, you’re gonna have to stop wrapping yourself in thorns.”

  “Nice word image there.”

  “I’m serious.”

  She put her hand on his knee to stop him getting up. “I know. I’m sorry. The deflection is one of those thorns.”

  He took that hand in his. “What are you so afraid of, Beth?”

  Loaded question. “The shorter list is what I’m not.”

  He persisted, tilting her chin up to meet his baby blues. “Enlighten me.”

  “Oh, only everything that could possibly go wrong between us…and I mean every scenario. I’ve weighed them all for years. And that’s just with you. There’s the whole rest of my life analyzed up here, too,” she said, tapping her temple.

  “You’re nuts.” At least he said it with affection.

  “Um, duh.”

  He caressed her cheek. “You know I’d never deliberately hurt you, right?”

  She leaned into his hand. “Yes. Though I don’t rule out me doing something to make you want to.”

  He shook his head. “Revenge isn’t my style, love. Might put my foot in my mouth, but—

  ”

  “I know. I can only think of one time you set out to hurt someone.”

  “Don’t know what you mean.”

  “Jacob, I know you gave Chad Cromlin a black eye.”

  “He was lucky he never touched you,” he said, an edge to his voice. It
was almost a growl.

  The protective fire in his eyes stirred her blood. “Only one man I want to touch me.”

  His hand slid to the back of her neck. He gave her time to stop him from kissing her. She didn’t want to. Their lips touched, and a cross between a whimper and a moan escaped her throat. Facing separation for who knew how long, she was sick of excuses, rationalizations, and deflections.

  He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her. Twisting sideways on the couch was awkward, so she crawled into his lap. His fingers tightened their grip every time she sucked on his tongue. She slid her hands under his open shirt, caressing his shoulders.

  “Missed this,” he said, before trailing kisses from her ear to her shoulder. One hand held her ponytail out of his way, the light tension pulling her head to the side.

  Normally, she’d protest being led by her hair, but Jacob doing it was hot. “Mmm…I’m going to miss you every day.”

  “I’ll come to L.A.”

  She gasped when he bit her neck. “Soon?”

  “I promise.”

  She pulled back to look him in the eye. “Gonna hold you to that.”

  He grinned and kissed her again. When his hands trailed down to caress her legs, she slipped his shirt off his shoulders. Her turn to kiss his neck and shoulders, the tank he wore displaying plenty of warm skin. She felt him relax into her attentions, until she sucked his earlobe between her teeth.

  “Beth…”

  “I’m not teasing,” she said in his ear.

  He gently pushed her back. “What?”

  “Take me to bed, Jacob.”

  His eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded.

  He practically growled in response, kissing her fiercely, his arms tightening around her. His hands slid under her shirt up her back as she ground against him. She had the brief thought of what am I doing? before surrendering to his attentions and twining her tongue with his. She wanted this, even if it was the only time she ever got.

  He picked her up and carried her to his room.

  The pace slowed once he set her on the bed. Maybe it was something in her face or body language…she didn’t know, but once he set her down, his touch became more deliberate, reverent. He bent down on one knee to take her shoes and socks off. She stared down at his bowed head.