The Vnfortunate Traveller, or The Life Of Jack Wilton

by Thomas Nash

Emperour, they reported how he shewed the nine worthies, _Dauid,Salomon, Gedeon_, and the rest, in that similitude and lykenesse thatthey liued vpon earth. My master and I hauing by the high waie sidegotten some reasonable familiarities with him, vpon this accesse ofmyracles imputed to him, resolued to request him something in our ownebehalfes. I because I was his suborned Lorde and master, desired him tosee the liuely image of _Geraldine_ his loue in the glasse, and what atthat instant she did, and with whome shee was talking. Hee shewed hervs without more adoe, sicke weeping on her bedde, and resolued all intodeuoute religion for the absence of her Lorde. At the sight thereof heecoulde in no wise refrayne, though hee had tooke vppon him the conditionof a seruant, but hee must forthwith frame this extemporall Dittie.

  _All soule, no earthly fleshy why dost thou fade, All gold, no worthlesse drosse, why lookst thou pale, Sicknesse how darst thou one so faire inuadey Too base infirmitie to worke her bale, Heauen be distemperd since she grieuedpines, Neuer be drie these my sadplaintiue lines.

  Pearch thou my spirit on her siluer breasts, And with theirpaine redoubled musike beatings, Let them tosse thee to world where all toile rests, Where blisse is subiect to nofeares defeatings, Her praise I tune whose tongue doth tune the sphears, And gets new muses in her hearers eares.

  Starres fall to fetch fresh light from her rich eyes, Her bright brow driues the Sunne to clouds beneath, Her hair es reflexe with red strokes paints the skies, Sweet morne and euening deaw flowes from her breath: Phoebe rules tides, she my teares tides forth drawesy In her sicke bed hue sits and maketh lawes.

  Her daintie limbes tinsel I her silke soft sheets, Her rose-crownd cheekes eclipse my daze led sight, O glasse with too much ioy my thoughts thou greets, And yet thou shewst me day but by twielight Ile kisse thee for the kindnesse I hauefelt, Her lips one kisse would vnto Nectar melt._

  Though the Emperors court, and the extraordinaire edifieng companie of_Cornelius Agrippa_ might haue beene arguments of waight to haue arestedvs a little longer there, yet Italy stil stuck as a great moat in mymasters eie, he thought he had trauelled no farther tha Wales til he hadtooke suruey of that Countrie which was such a curious moulder of wits.

  To cut off blinde ambages by the high way side, we made a long stride& got to Venice in short time, where hauing scarce lookt about vs,a precious supernaturall pandor, apparelled in all points like agentleman, and hauing halfe a dosen seuerall languages in his purse,entertained vs in our owne tongue verie paraphrastically and eloquently,and maugre all other pretended acquaintance, would haue vs in a violentkinde of curtesie to be the guests of his appointment. His name was_Petro de campo Frego_, a notable practitioner in the pollicy ofbaudrie. The place whether he brought vs, was a pernicious curtizanshouse named _Tabitha_ the Temptresses, a wench that could set as ciuilla face on it, as chastities first martyr _Lucrecia_. What will youconceit to bee in anie Saintes house that was there to seeke? Bookes,pictures, beades, crucifixes, why there was a haberdashers shop ofthem in euerie chamber. I warrant you should not see one set of herneckercher peruerted or turned awrie, not a piece of a haire displast.On her beddes there was not a wrinkle of anie wallowing to be founde,her pillowes bare out as smooth as a groning wiues belly, & yet she wasa Turke and an infidell, and had more dooinges than all her neighboursbesides. Us for our money they vsed lyke Emperours, I was master as youhearde before, and my master the Earle was but as my chiefe man whome Imade my companion. So it happened (as iniquitie will out at one time orother) that she perceiuing my expence had no more ventes than it shouldhaue, fell in with my supposed semant my man, and gaue him halfe apromise of marriage, if he woulde helpe to make me away, that she and hemight inioy the iewels and wealth that I had.

  The indifficultie of the condition thus she explaind vnto him, herhouse stood vpon vaults, which in two hundred yeeres together wereneuer searcht, who came into her house none tooke notice of, his fellowseruants that knewe of his masters abode there, should be all dispatchtby him as from his master, into sundrie partes of the citie aboutbusines, and when they returned, answere should bee made that hee laynot there anie more, but had remoued to Padua since their departure, &thether they must follow him. Now (quoth she) if you be disposed to makehim awaie in their absence, you shall haue my house at command. Stab,poison, or shoote him through with a pistol all is one, into the vaulthe shall be throwen when the deede is done. On my bare honestie it wasa craftie queane, for she had enacted with her selfe if he had binmy legitimate seruant, as he was one that serued and supplied mynecessities, when hee had murthered me, to haue accused him of themurther, and made all that I had hers (as I carryed all my masterswealth, monie, iewels, rings, or bils of exchaunge continually aboutme.) He verie subtilly consented to her stratageme at the first motion,kill me he woulde, that heauens could not withstand, and a pistoll wasthe predestinate engin which must deliuer the parting blow. God wot Iwas a rawe young squier, and my master dealt iudasly with me, for hetolde mee but euerie thing that she and he agreed of. Wherfore Icould not possibly preuent it, but as a man woulde saie auoide it. Theexecution daie aspired to his vtmost deuolution, into my chamber camemy honourable attendant with his pistoll charged by his side veriesuspitiously and sullenly, lady _Tabitha_ and _Petro de catnpo Frego_her pandor followed him at the hard heeles. At theyr enterance I salutedthem all verie familiarly and merily, and began to impart vnto them whatdisquiet dreames had disturbed me the last night I dreamd, quoth I, thatmy man _Brunquell_ heere (for no better name got he of mee) came into mychamber with a pistoll charged vnder his arme to kill me, and that heewas suborned by you mistres _Tabitha_, and my verie good friendhere _Petro de campo Frego_. God send it tourne to good, for it hathafrighted mee aboue measure. As they were readie to enter into acolourable common place of the deceitful friuolousnes of dreames, mytrustie seruant _Brunquell_ stoode quiuering and quaking euerie ioyntof him, and (as it was before compacted between vs) let his pistoll dropfrom him on the sodain, wherwith I started out of my bed, and drew myrapier and cride murther, murther, which made good wife _Tabitha_ readieto bepisse her.

  My seruant, or my master, which you will, I tooke roughly by the coller,and threatned to run him thorough incontinent if he confest not thetruth. He as it were striken with remorse of conscience (God be withhim, for he could counterfeit most daintily) downe on his knees, asktme forgiuenes, and impeached _Tabitha_ and _Petro de catnpo Frego_ asguiltie of subornation. I verie mildly and grauely gaue him audience,raile on them I did not after his tale was ended, but sayd I would triewhat the lawe coulde doe. Conspiracie by the custome of their countriewas a capitall offence, and what custome or iustice might affoordthey should be all sure to feele. I could (quoth I) acquite my selfeotherwise, but it is not for a straunger to bee his owne caruer inreuenge. Not a worde more with _Tabitha_ but die she would before Godor the deuill would haue her, she sounded and reuiued, and then soundedagaine, and after shee reuiued again sighed heauily, spoke faintlyand pittifully, yea and so pittifully, as if a man had not knowen theprankes of harlots before, he would haue melted in comiseration. Tears,sighs, and dolefull tuned wordes could not make anie forcible claimeto my stonie eares, it was the glistering crownes that I hungered andthirsted after, and with them for all her mock holyday iestures shewas faine to come off, before I woulde condiscend to anie bargaine ofsilence. So it fortuned (fie vpon that vnfortunate word of Fortune) ytthis whore, this quean, this curtizan, this common of ten thousand, sobribing me not to bewray her, had giuen me a great deale of counterfeitgold, which she had receiued of a coiner to make awaie a little before.Amongst the grosse summe of my briberie, I silly milkesop mistrusting nodeceit, vnder an angell of light tooke what she gaue me, nere turnd itouer, for which (O falsehood in faire shew) my master and I had liketo haue bin turned ouer. Hee that is a knight arrant, exercised in theaffaires of Ladies and Gentlewomen, hath more places to send mony to,than the diuell hath to send his spirites to. There was a delicate wenchcalle
d _Flauia Aemilia_ lodging in S. Markes streete at a Goldsmiths,which I would faine haue had to the grand test, to trie whether she werecurrant in alcumie or no. Aie me, shee was but a counterfeit slip, forshe not only gaue me the slip, but had welnie made me a slipstring. Toher I sent my gold to beg an hour of grace, ah gracelesse fornicatresse,my hostesse & she wer confederate, who hauing gotten but one piece of myill golde into their kandes, deuised the meanes to make me immortall.I could drinke for anger till my head akt, to think how I was abused.Shall I shame the deuill and speake the truth, to prison was I sent asprincipall, and my master as accessarie, nor was it to a prison neither,but to the master of the mints house who though partly our iudge, anda most seuere vpright iustice in his own nature, extreamly seemed tocondole our ignorant estate, and without all peraduenture a presentredresse he had ministred, if certaine of our countrie men hearing anEnglish earle was apprehended for coining, had not come to visite vs. Anill