The Vnfortunate Traveller, or The Life Of Jack Wilton

by Thomas Nash

daie not a Romane (if he be aright Romane in deed) will kill a rat, but he will haue some registredremembrance of it There was a poore fellowe during my remainder ther,that for a new trick he had inuented of killing _Cymess_ & scorpions,had his mountebank banner hung vp on a high piller, with an inscriptionabout it longer than the king of Spaines stile. I thought these_Cymesses_ like the Cimbrians had bene some strange nation hee hadbrought vnder, & they were no more but things like sheepelice, whichaliue haue the venomost sting that may be, and being dead do stinke outof measure. Saint Austen compareth heretiques vnto them. The chiefestthing that my eyes delighted in, was the church of the 7. Sibels, whichis a most miraculous thing. All their prophesies and oracles being thereenroulde, as also the beginning and ending of their whole catalogue ofthe heathen Gods, with their manner of worship. There are a number ofother shrines and statues also dedicated to their Emperors, and withalsome statues of idolatrie reserued for detestation. I was at _PontiusPilates_ house and pist against it There is the prison yet packt vptogether (an old rotten thing) where the man that was condemned todeath, and could haue no bodie come to him and succour him but wassearcht, was kept aliue a long space by sucking his daughters breasts.

  These are but the shop dust of the sights that I saw, and in truth I dydnot beholde with anie care hereafter to report, but contented my eie forthe present, and so let them passe. Should I memorize halfe the myracleswhich they there tolde me had beene done about martyres tombes, or theoperations of the earth of the sepulchre, and other reliques broughtfrom Jerusalem, I should bee counted the monstrous Her that euer came inprint.

  The mines of _Pompeies_ theater, reputed one of the nine wonders of theworlde, _Gregory_ the sixths Tombe, _Priscillas_ Grate, or the thousandsof Piliers arreared amongst the raced foundations of old _Rome_, it wereheere friuolous to specifie: since he that hath but once drunke witha traueller talkes of them. Let mee bee a Historiographer of my ownemisfortunes, and not meddle with the continued Trophees of so olde atriumphing Citie.

  At my first comming to _Rome_, I being a youth of the English cut, waremy haire long, went apparailed in light coulours, and imitated foure orfiue sundrie Nations in my attyre at once: which no sooner was noated,but I had all the boyes of the Citie in a swarme wondering about mee. Ihad not gone a little farther, but certaine Officers crost the waie ofme, and demanded to see my rapier: which when they found (as also mydagger) with his poynt vnblunted, they would haue hal'd me headlong tothe Strappado, but that with money I appeased them: and my fault wasmore pardonable in that I was a stranger, altogether ignorant of theircustomes.

  Note by the waye, that it is the vse in _Rome_, for all men whatsoeuerto weafe their haire short: which they doo not so much for consciencesake, or anie religion they place in it, but because the extremitie ofthe heate is such there, that if they should not doo so, they should nothaue a haire left on their heads to stand vpright, when they were scardwith sprights. And hee is counted no Gentleman amongst them that goesnot in black: they dresse their iesters and fooles onely in freshcolours, and say variable garments doo argue vnstayednes andvnconstancie of affections.

  The reason of their straight ordinaunce of carrying weapons withoutpoints is this. The _Bandettos_ which are certaine outlawes that lyebetwixt _Rome & Naples_, and besiege the passage that none can trauellthat way without robbing: Now and then hired for some few crownes, theywil steale to Rome and doe a murther, and betake them to their heelesagaine. Disguised as they go, they are not knowen from strangers,sometimes they will shroude themselues vnder the habite of grauecitizens. In this consideration neither citizen nor stranger, gentleman,knight, marques, or any may weare anie weapon endamageable vppon paineof the strappado. I bought it out, let others buy experience of mebetter cheape.

  To tell you of the rare pleasures of their gardens, theyr baths, theirvineyards, their galleries, were to write a second part of the gorgeousGallerie of gallant deuices. Why, you should not come into anie manshouse of account, but hee had fishponds and litle orchards on the top ofhis leads. If by rain or anie other meanes those ponds were so full theyneed to bee fluste or let out, euen of their superfluities they mademelodious vse, for they had great winde instruments in stead of leadenspoutes, that went duely in consort, onely with this waters rumblingdiscent I saw a summer banketting house belonging to a marchant, thatwas the meruaile of the worlde, & could not be matcht except God shouldmake another paradise. It was builte rounde of greene marble, like aTheater without, within there was a heauen and earth comprehended bothvnder one roofe, the heauen was a cleere ouerhanging vault of christall,wherein the Sunne and Moone, and each visible Starre had his truesimilitude, shine, scituation, and motion, and by what enwrapped arteI cannot conceiue, these spheares in their proper orbes obseruedtheir circular wheelings and turnings, making a certaine kinde of softangelical murmering musicke in their often windings & going about, whichmusick the philosophers say in the true heauen by reason of the grosenesof our senses we are not capable of. For the earth it was counterfeitedin that likenes that Adam lorded out it before his fall. A wide vastspacious roome it was, such as we would conceit prince Arthurs hall tobe, where he feasted all his knightes of the round table together eueriepenticost The floore was painted with y beautifullest floures that euermans eie admired, which so lineally wer delineated, that he that viewdthem a farre off, and had not directly stood poaringly ouer them, wouldhaue sworne they had liued in deede. The wals round about were hedgdewith Oliues and palme trees, and all other odoriferous fruit-bearingplants, which at anie solemne intertainment dropt mirrhe andfrankensence. Other trees y bare no fruit, were set in iust order oneagainst another, and diuided the roome into a number of shadie lanes,leauing but one ouer-spreading pine tree arbour, where wee sate andbanketted. On the well clothed boughes of this conspiracie of pinetrees against the resembled Sunne beames, were pearcht as many sortesof shrill breasted birdes, as the Summer hath allowed for singing menin her siluane chappels. Who though there were bodies without soules,& sweete resembled substances without sense, yet by the mathemeticallexperimentes of long siluer pipes secretly inrinded in the intrailes ofthe boughs whereon they sate, and vndiscerneablie conuaid vnder theirbellies into their small throats sloaping, they whistled and freelycarold theyr naturall field note. Neyther went those siluer pipesstraight, but by many edged vnsundred writhings, & crankled wandringsaside strayed from bough to bough into an hundred throates. But intothis siluer pipe so writhed and wandering aside, if anie demand how thewind was breathed. Forsoth ye tail of the siluer pipe stretcht itselfe into the mouth of a great paire of bellowes, where it was closesoldered, and bailde about with yron, it coulde not stirre or haueanie vent betwixt. Those bellowes with the rising and falling of leadenplummets wounde vp on a wheele, dyd beate vp and downe vncessantly, andso gathered in wind, seruing with one blast all the snarled pipes toand fro of one tree at once. But so closely were all those organizingimplements obscured in the corpulent trunks of the trees, that euerieman there present renounst coniectures of art, and sayd it was done byinchantment.

  One tree for his fruit bare nothing but inchained chiriping birdes,whose throates beeing conduit pipt with squared narrow shels, & chargedsiring-wise with searching sweet water, driuen in by a little wheele forthe nonce, and fed it afarre of, made a spirting sound, such as chirpingis, in bubling vpwards through the rough crannies of their closed bils.

  Under tuition of the shade of euerie tree that I haue signified to be inthis round hedge, on delightfull leauie cloysters, lay a wylde tyrannousbeast asleepe all prostrate: vnder some two together, as the Doggenusling his nose vnder the necks of the Deare, the Wolfe glad to let theLambe lye vpon hym to keepe him warme, the Lyon suffering the Asse tocast hys legge ouer him: preferring one honest vnmannerly frend, beforea number of croutching picke-thankes. No poysonous beast there reposed,(poyson was not before our parent _Adam_ transgressed). There were nosweete-breathing Panthers, that would hyde their terrifying heads tobetraye: no men imitating _Hyonaes_. that chaunged their sexe to seekeafter blo
ud. Wolues as now when they are hungrie eate earth, so thendid they feede on earth onely, and abstained from innocent flesh. TheUnicorne did not put his home into the streame to chase away venomebefore he drunke, for there was no such thing as venome extant in thewater or on the earth. Serpents were as harmlesse to mankinde, asthey are still one to another: the rose had no cankers, the leaues nocaterpillers, the sea no _Syrens_, the earth no vsurers. Goates thenbare wooll, as it is recorded in _Sicily_ they doo yet. The torrideZone was habitable; onely Jayes loued to steale gold and siluer to buildtheir nests withall, and none cared for couetous clientrie, or runningto the Indies. As the Elephant vnderstands his countrey speach, soeuerie beast vnderstood what men spoke. The ant did not hoord vp againstwinter, for there was no winter but a perpetuall spring, as _Ouid_sayth. No frosts to make the greene almond tree counted rash andimprouident, in budding soonest of all other: or the mulberie tree astrange polititian, in blooming