Registry's Secrets (The Mengliad Series Book 2)

by Jana Janeway

  Marcy turned back around. “That’s what they bank on – people assuming the rumors are just that. And trust me, that is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go into story after story…” She hesitated, remembering the state he was in due to Jessica’s. “…but I won’t. Not right now, anyway.”

  Craddock nodded in understanding. He wasn’t so sure he could handle any more, either. Moving away from that subject, he asked, “This… this mode she’s in… it won’t hurt the baby, will it?”

  “No,” she answered absolutely; of that she was certain. “But she should eat soon. We’ll give her a little more time; if she doesn’t come out of it on her own, we might have to force her out.”

  He tensed further, his protective nature kicking in. “Force her how?”

  Explaining that would only upset him, Marcy decided, so she dodged the question. “We’ll cross that bridge if or when we come to it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Hours had passed, and there was still no change in Jessica’s catatonia. She seemed to be on autopilot, moving if redirected, but otherwise lost to the world around her.

  It was horribly unnerving, but somehow, Craddock found a way to remain calm. Outwardly, at least. Inside, he was a bundle of nerves, every wrongfully perceived movement by her causing him to flinch.

  This didn’t go unnoticed by the others, but it was Marcy, once again, who broached the subject.

  “She’s going to be fine, Doc. Right now, I’m more worried about you.”

  “I’m fine,” he snapped. “Or I will be, as soon as she comes out of this. It’s been hours!”

  “I’ve seen people stay like this for days.” Her tone was almost dismissive. “Her mind is just protecting itself from the emotional pain.”

  Her assumed indifference had the opposite effect. Instead of soothing him, it infuriated him. “You’re seriously not concerned that she’s sitting here like a vegetable?”

  “I’m seriously not. I would have done something about it if I were.”

  His anger flared. “I’ve been going out of my mind with worry, and all this time, you could have helped her?”

  “I was hoping she would come out of it on her own. I’ve seen it done, but I’ve never tried it myself. I don’t think it works for everyone, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up, just to fail in the attempt.”

  “Don’t worry about me.” His body tensed again, but this time in desperation. “If it could possibly help her, you should try it. Whatever it is. Unless you plan on hurting her,” he added, scowling.

  Logically, he knew she would never hurt Jessica – she was a caring friend and a sensible warrior, all at the same time – but his ability to reason had vanished the moment his wife had locked herself away from the rest of the world.

  “Of course I’m not.” She turned to face him. “But you might think it’s ridiculous.”

  “If it could possibly help her…” he repeated, trailing off to give her the chance to explain. When she didn’t, he prodded. “Well?”

  She avoided answering directly, facing forward once again. “I’d rather just show you. Jeramey…”

  That was all she said to him, but Jeramey knew what she was asking for. “Just let me get off the freeway. I’ll find a quiet place to park.”

  For the next four minutes and twenty-eight seconds, Craddock ran scenarios through his head. Since he had no idea what Marcy was about to do, his imagination ran wild.

  Slapping her – that wouldn’t really hurt her, but that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t allow any form of physical assault on his wife.

  Threatening her – like maybe seating her outside the van and telling her they were going to abandon her there. He wouldn’t allow that, either. With everything she had been through, he refused to subject her to further trauma.

  Shaking her to startle her back into reality? Throwing a bucket of cold water on her to shock her out of it? Did they even have a bucket of water? Insulting her, forcing her to fight her way free?

  While none of those things would actually hurt her, they seemed mean, or potentially embarrassing for her. How unhappy would she be if she had to sit in dripping wet clothes for the remainder of their trip?

  Suddenly, forcing her back from the abyss she was in didn’t seem so important. In a way, it was almost selfish of him, at least in his line of thinking. According to Marcy, she would reemerge on her own when she was ready to.

  He was about to say as much, when Jeramey drifted to a stop and threw the van in park, on a street with little light and zero traffic. As soon as Marcy unlatched her seatbelt, Craddock’s thoughts manifested themselves through his physical demeanor. He pulled Jessica closer to him, protectively, and glared hard at the woman who threatened her.

  Marcy rolled her eyes. “Relax, Doc. I told you, I’m not going to hurt her.”

  “What are you going to do?” He curbed his tone the best he could, but it still leaked anger and trepidation.

  “It’s called Tapping,” she explained as she slid past her seat. “A few words or phrases, said while tapping on specific parts of the body, help some people reattach to reality.”

  His eyebrow arched, a skeptical expression inching onto his face, but Marcy ignored it. Kneeling, settling herself into the limited space available between the seats, she took Jessica’s hand, turning it so that her inner wrist was facing up.

  “As I tap, I want you to say soothing things to her. ‘It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be upset. You’re a strong woman. Everything is going to be okay. It’s safe to come back to us.’ Stuff like that.”

  There was no way it would work, he was sure of it, but it seemed a benign enough exercise in futility. “Out loud?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Though you’ll probably know before I do if it’s working. Just… try not to react in the extreme, when you get her back inside your head, okay? It might scare her.”

  A sudden surge of optimism hit him like an adrenalin rush. To have her back inside his head… it was like dangling crack cocaine in front of a recovering drug addict.

  Eagerly, he nodded for her to start.

  As Marcy began tapping two of her fingers against Jessica’s inner wrist, Craddock whispered the suggested words, only vaguely aware when she moved from that location to her collarbone. He stopped paying attention to Marcy after that.

  Closing his eyes, he repeated his adopted mantra over and over again, his mind focusing to pick up any thoughts his wife might have. After several minutes, he was starting to lose hope, but then he caught the faintest sound – her voice, though she hadn’t spoken out loud.

  ‘Is it?’

  Craddock startled, his eyes flying open, his almost manic gaze shifting between Jessica and Marcy. They both stopped what they were doing, Marcy tapping, Craddock whispering, and watched her closely.

  “She asked me a question,” he whispered, “but she’s blank again.”

  “Answer her,” Marcy instructed. “Try to get her talking, even if it’s just in thought.”

  Nodding, he went back to whispering in Jessica’s ear. “It is. It’s going to be okay, I promise. You can come back now. I’m right here. We’re all right here. You’re so strong, Jess. We’ll get through this, I promise.”

  Her response was both physical and mental that time. She blinked heavily, her eyes seeming to finally focus, and then her thoughts flooded Craddock’s mind, almost setting him off balance. He fought against the urge to collapse, both from the intensity and from relief.

  Seeing this, Marcy dropped one hand to Jessica’s knee. “Welcome back.” The questioning expression on her friend’s face when they locked eyes brought a smile to her face. “You’ve been a little bit lost for a while now, but you’re okay.”

  “Lost?” Jessica flinched at the sound of her voice. It seemed distant. Detached.

  “You don’t remember?” Craddock asked. He was holding her tightly to him, but still felt the need to be closer. As she shook her head, her last memory took form.

&nbs
p; “I remember getting into the van, but…” She trailed off. “We’re not in the garage anymore.”

  Being able to read her confusion frustrated him. Not because he could, but because she was. “We haven’t been for a while. You sort of… blanked out on us. We’ve been driving for hours.”

  Scenes played inside his mind like movie clips; her guilt spiked for what she had put him through. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you. I guess I just didn’t handle the news of things very well.”

  “You handled them just fine,” Marcy countered. “You found a place of calm inside yourself. I told Craddock you were fine, but he wouldn’t believe me.”

  “I just missed you, is all,” he said to Jessica, forcing himself not to shoot Marcy a pointed look of irritation. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad to have you back.”

  “And on that note,” Wade interjected, “we really should get going.”

  He was sympathetic to the situation, as were Bibi and Josiah, but none of them felt comfortable contributing. Like anything they said or did would be detrimental rather than helpful. Staying quietly out of it, they had all watched the odd therapeutic technique with curiosity, also doubtful, as Craddock had been, that it would be remotely successful.

  Being proven wrong had never felt so good. The atmosphere in the car had improved tenfold, everyone seeming to be in better spirits as Jeramey threw the van in drive and headed off in search of the freeway onramp.

  “We’ll need to find a gas station again soon,” Jeramey mentioned as he merged into traffic. “And I’m guessing everyone is hungry?”

  At the mention of food, Josiah whined, causing Bibi to laugh.

  “That’s one vote yes,” she said, finally able to relax for the first time in hours.

  She settled in against Wade’s side when he draped his arm around her; Josiah went back to staring out his window. Jeramey concentrated on driving, but Marcy kept one eye on the couple seated directly behind her.

  ‘I really am sorry for worrying you like that. I don’t know what happened.’

  Not wanting her to relapse, Craddock worded his response carefully. ‘Please, you don’t need to apologize. You were just overwhelmed, I think. Probably. You’re better now, and that’s all that matters.’

  ‘Shea’s probably freaking out.’

  ‘He doesn’t know. He’s in the other car with Elsa and Kiff.’

  ‘Oh. Right. Let’s not tell him, then. He’s too overprotective of me as it is. I hate pity attention even more than in-awe attention.’

  ‘The only people who know are in this van. I think we can keep it to just us, if you want.’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.’ Her following thoughts caused him to stiffen.

  ‘I won’t lose it again. Promise. But what’s going to happen to them, do you think?’

  ‘I don’t know, baby. There are just too many variables to consider. I’m sorry.’

  Since dwelling on it wouldn’t change anything, she changed the subject instead. ‘Are we going to talk about what Marcy said? It’s been flitting about inside your head since I first snapped out of my coma.’

  He shrugged, not in answer but in question. ‘I don’t know what to make of it. Did I somehow force you to feel Chimie for me?’

  ‘How it happened isn’t nearly as important as where we are now.’

  ‘You say that now, but if you’d had a choice in the first place…’

  ‘How quickly you forget. I was drawn to you from the beginning, way before the Chimie happened. If given a choice, I would have chosen to be with you forever.’

  With a grateful nod, he dropped it, partly because he believed her, but mostly because he was afraid he’d lose her again, mentally. He pushed that thought aside, though, and focused on something else entirely.

  ‘What do you think of joining Pardaze Ahme? I mean, officially. Help them with their cause.’

  ‘Help, how? We’re not like most of the others. Most of them are ex-Registry agents, trained to do stuff.’

  ‘Right now, with as pissed as I am at them, I’d be willing to take on any job they needed me for.’

  ‘I’m not necessarily against joining them, but… the thought of losing you…’

  ‘You won’t lose me. I’m not planning on doing anything stupid, trust me. But these people can’t continue like this! It isn’t right! And if there’s a chance of bringing them down, I want to be a part of it. They’re not hurting my family anymore!’

  His mind was made up, Jessica could tell. Asking her opinion was just a formality. Try as she might, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from turning to fear.

  ‘I’m not doing this to scare you. I’m doing this to protect you.’

  ‘Under the guise of protecting me. What you really want is revenge.’

  He pulled her tighter against him, ignoring Jeramey’s muttered words about a gas station ahead.

  Revenge was part of it, but it was more than just that. The thought of his wife, and eventually his child, having to endure one more moment of anguish at the Registry’s hands created an ache so deep, it was like a knife being stabbed into his body and twisted.

  He would do anything to ease the agony, even go against his wife’s wishes. In time, she would come to understand. That was his hope, at least. With the way she was feeling right then, it looked likely to be later rather than sooner.

  The previous several hours of deprivation made her emotions seem especially strong to him. Anger, fear, frustration, confusion… not a one of them was dominant over the others. It was dizzying.

  ‘You’ll be able to forgive me in time. It’s just something I have to do, Jess. Call it a male thing. Call it a husband and soon-to-be-father thing, but I just have to do this.’

  ‘What about what you said before? You said future decisions need to be made by both of us, for the good of our family. Now, with this, my opinion doesn’t even matter.’

  ‘It matters. Believe me, it does. But it doesn’t change anything. And this is for the good of our family. We shouldn’t have to live a half life, always looking over our shoulders, and if I can help it, we’re not going to.’

  ‘I’d rather have a half life than a life without you. Left to raise our baby by myself.’

  ‘That’s not going to happen, I promise.’

  ‘You can’t promise that, because you don’t know.’

  He kissed her temple, allowing his lips to linger there. “I know I can’t live without you, either,” he whispered. “That alone will keep me smart. Safe.”

  Visions began to take hold inside her head – Craddock in a room similar to what she and Shea had been locked in, him being punched, bruises on his face as the Registry violently interrogated him.

  “Stop that.” His tone was demanding but kind. Quiet. Then he began to imagine the life they could have. A proper wedding, their son with them at the altar as they pledged their forever in front of God and friends. A quaint house in a nice neighborhood. School assemblies. Little League games. Them making love for hours as their son slept peacefully in his bed, in his room.

  Wanting that more than anything, conflicted by the means in which he was planning to get them there, Jessica began to cry. It was a soft, almost soundless leaking of tears, but Marcy caught it, anyway, since she had been half watching them from the vanity mirror on her sun visor.

  “Everything okay?”

  Craddock continued to hold Jessica, but his attention turned to Marcy. “She’s unhappy about a decision I’ve made.”

  Marcy remained facing forward, but their eyes locked in the mirror. Curious, she arched an eyebrow. “And what decision is that?”

  An absolute calm washed over him. This was the right thing to do, he was sure of it. He had never been so sure of anything in his life, apart from his love for Jessica. He took a moment to reassure her one more time before responding, as Jeramey took the offramp and pulled into the gas station just off the freeway.

  �
�We will have the life you deserve. It’s my duty to see to that. Stay with me, okay? Don’t get lost again.’

  Jessica nodded, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Her stomach both growled and rolled, both hungry and nauseous. It felt like they were on borrowed time, like as soon as he said the words, his disappearance or death would be inevitable.

  The tears came faster, wetting his shirt, but it only added to his resolve.

  “I want to join Pardaze Ahme.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  A wide grin spread across Jeramey’s face as he cut the engine. “Infuriating, aren’t they? Makes you want to go to war, even if you’re not likely to come back from it.”

  Marcy promptly smacked him upside the head. Knowing Jessica as she did, she knew the comment would upset her. She was proven right when Jessica huffed and pushed away from Craddock, her teary gaze shifting to out her window. Allowing her space, Craddock only sighed in response.

  “You’re already a member, technically,” Wade chimed in from the back seat.

  “As a guarded victim,” Craddock corrected. “And I’m sick of being a victim. I want to be an active member. I want to help.”

  Marcy turned in her seat to face him, her expression incredulous. “Help in what way?”

  “In any way I’m needed. I want to help bring the bastards down.” His tone was firm. Unyielding.

  Marcy’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What do you know?”

  “Nothing concrete.” He held her gaze. “One hears things. Little slipups. I know something’s in the works, Marcy. I’m not stupid. I want in.”

  The stare-off continued for several moments, until Marcy called out, “Pit stop. Bibi, help Jessica. Wade, keep an eye on things. Jeramey, gas. Josiah, food. Craddock and I need to talk.”

  Sharing looks briefly, Wade and Bibi were the first to leave, followed soon after by Josiah and Jeramey. Jessica hesitated, swiping the tears off her cheeks before moving to join them. As she climbed over Craddock to get past him, he took her by the hips, encouraging her to sit in his lap, facing him.