The rest of the class began to filter in and take their places on the mats that Mario had set out around the floor of the hall. I glanced at them as they took their places. It was exactly the same group as yesterday.
“Right then you ugly bunch of losers,” Mario started when everyone was seated. “This is the class that gives you the skills to get by. Will make you into prettier specimens. Now I want there to be an atmosphere of trust here so I’d like you all to get up and introduce yourselves to this creature here who has crawled in off the pavement.” He checked my face to see my reaction to his insults but I just smiled back at him. Call me what you like mate, I thought. This girl ain’t budging. “I know you did it yesterday,” he continued, “but you’re going to do it again. Why? Because I say so. Each of you, up, say your piece then back to your place as I don’t want to spend all day on this.” He motioned to a chubby blond boy to get up.
“Name?” asked Mario when the boy got to the front.
“Matthew.”
“And you’re here because?”
“Kids laugh at me at school. Call me fattie. Tubs. Had enough sir.”
After Matthew was another fat boy. “Name, Cuthbert. Same as Matthew, had eeeeeeenough SIR.”
The old lady in the pink track suit got up next. “Nancy. Used to be a victim until I came to these classes. Poor me, little old lady. Not anymore thanks to Mario, I’m rough and I’m tough and no-one’s gonna get me on a dark night and steal my handbag. No SIR!” And she did a couple of high karate-type kicks and split her trousers. “Oops! No matter. I’ve got another pair in my holdall.” As she dashed off to change, I swear I saw Mario’s face almost twitch with laughter but he soon recovered his stern expression.
The other old lady with the broken arm and bandaged leg got up. “My name’s Lily and someone did get me on a dark night. Four of them there were. Nasty boys who smelt of cold chips and warm beer. Never again. Let me tell you all about it and my operations, ooooh I can tell you some stories, ooooh mi leg, mi arm, the pain, the pain, mi lumbago, awful it is…”
“Good for you, Lily,” interrupted Mario. “You can fill everyone in more on your operations in the break. Today I’ll be showing you how you can use that walking stick of yours as a weapon.”
“Bring it on,” said Lily as she held her stick aloft and shook it at an imaginary assailant.
The three skinny boys were next. Archie, Paul and Ian had similar stories. iPods nicked, mobiles phones stolen, teased at school, picked on for being puny.
“No worries lads, few more sessions here and the bullies will run a mile when they see you coming,” said Mario as the boys beamed back at him. “Archie, I rename you Axeman, Ian, I rename you Iceman. Paul, I rename you… Paul the powerful. Now toughen up you big girls!”
Last up was the pretty Indian girl. “Usha’s my name. Same story. Picked on for being a different colour. People call me Curry Head or tell me to get back to Thailand which is very insulting because my family are from Kerala in Southern India. I want to be able to walk down the street without feeling scared.”
“You got it girl,” said Mario then he jerked his chin at me. “Okay. So, good. Okay, now you, no-hair girl.”
I got up and went to the front. “Last night someone tried to break into the flat where I live. I was really really frightened and although we scared them off, if it ever happens again I want to be able to defend myself. Also, not long ago, some kids tried to nick my phone and would have succeeded if a friend hadn’t come by. I’m here to learn to fight back.”
“Excellent,” said Mario then clapped his hands. “Now on your feet you ’orrible lot! Let’s get fit!”
Everyone got to their feet, even Lily who wobbled up with the help of Matthew and Cuthbert.
“Are you puny?” yelled Mario.
The assembled group shifted about on their feet and looked at the floor as if it held the answer.
“For heaven’s sake, get some ENERGY up you lazy lot. ‘HELL NO SIR’ IS THE ANSWER. Now let me hear you.”
“Hell no SIR,” we attempted.
“AGAIN,” roared Mario. “Are you losers?”
“HELL no SIR.”
“A bunch of big girls?”
“HELL NO SIR,” we roared back at him.
“Are you fighters?”
“HELL NO SIR,” yelled Ian who wasn’t thinking what he was saying, “I mean HELL YES SIR.”
“HELL YES SIR,” the rest of us joined in.
After exercising our lungs, Mario made us run round the hall, march on the spot, touch our toes and stretch our muscles.
“Okay, everybody,” said Mario after we’d warmed up nicely, “up on your feet and let’s see how you walk. Just relax and walk how you normally do.”
We did as we were told and after a few laps of the hall, Mario clapped his hands. “Enough,” he called. “Back to the mats.”
Once again, we did as we were told.
“Paaaaathetic,” said Mario as we sat before him. “Bunch of victims the lot of you, Nancy excluded. But no wonder the rest of you have been picked on. Matthew you waddle. Cuthbert you walk like a frail old man with knobbly knees. Ian, you’ve clearly spent too much time in front of your computer with those round shoulders. Stop slouching. Paul you mince along like you’ve got ants in your pants. Dee – head up, head high. Walk boldly. Archie, you look like you’re begging someone to come and beat you. Oh poor me, poor little me. Anytime soon someone’s going to get me. WELL NOT ANY LONGER. Up you get again. Get attitude in your head that says I am confident. I am in control. DO NOT MESS WITH ME.”
We stood up and glancing around, I could see what he meant. We did look like a puny lot waiting to be pounced on.
“What do I hear? I said WHAT DO I HEAR?” Mario growled.
“YES SIR,” we shouted back at him.
“Okay,” said Mario. “Now I want you all to imagine that attached to the top of your head is a helium balloon and attached to the bottom of your spine is a lead weight.”
I did as he directed and felt myself grow two inches. It felt amazing. I glanced at the rest of the group and already I could see that we were all standing taller.
“Okay with that image in mind, go. GO. Walk. A one two three. NoOOOOO. Ian. Relax. All of you relax. Shoulders down. No slouching. Up straight. In charge.” Leading the way, Mario began to walk around the room like he was leading us into battle. I really got into it. It felt good to be walking as if I owned the world not as if I had the weight of it on my shoulders.
The rest of the morning flew by. We did more warm-up exercises then went into learning some defence techniques. Mario showed us how to block anyone coming in for an attack by using our arms or our legs and in Lily’s case, her stick. We learnt vulnerable points on the body and how to target them. How to use our elbows, feet, knees and hands by making a claw, using the heel or side of our hand, clenching it into a fist and using the knuckles. I never realized that I could do so many things with just my hands. It was totally brilliant. The heel of a hand to someone’s nose could do some serious damage. And foot to groin even more, especially if the assailant was male! Matthew got a bit carried away with that move and kneed Cuthbert with too much force. Poor Cuthbert had to hobble off to the side to recover and for a while I didn’t think he was going to rejoin the group. In the end he did and seemed relatively unharmed except for the fact that his voice had gone up a few octaves.
In the lunch break, I checked my zodiac phone. There was a text.
Jupiter meets Venus, it said.
I decided to call Joe to ask him what it meant.
“Hey Danu,” he said when I got through. “How you doing? Meet Mario?”
“I did. I have, I mean, someone tried to break into the flat last night.”
His voice sounded concerned. “You okay?”
“I am now but I was scared at the time…”
“It isn’t in your chart that you get hurt,” said Joe. “I would have warned you.”
“I thought th
at’s maybe why you had sent that message saying ‘Mars’ and sent me to Mario’s classes?”
“Not exactly. All I could see was that there was an encounter with Mars in your chart. How that manifests itself is up to you.”
“I don’t understand. You mean that it’s not all predetermined?”
“Some of it is, some of it isn’t.”
“Joooooooe, don’t do that talking in riddles again. What do you mean?”
“How you respond to events in your life, that’s not determined. That’s completely up to you.”
“Ah… You mean like seeing a glass as half full or half empty depending on how you view it and what mood you’re in?” I asked. Mrs Wilkins always used to say that back home.
“Sort of. It’s back to swim or sink, the choice is yours. You can sulk and moan and be miserable about your situation or you can get up and do something about it. Which I know you are beginning to do. How’s the flat coming along?”
“Looks like an earthquake hit the building. Maybe I’ll say what you’ve just said to me when Aunt Esme gets back and sees her home ruined and starts frothing at the mouth. Oh Auntie, I will say, it’s your choice, swim or sink, you can either see this as a disaster and moan about it or you can be glad and respond with joy. At which point she will clout me over the head and probably kill me. So yeah, thanks for those words of wisdom Joe.”
Joe began laughing at the end of the phone. “I’m sure your aunt will be fine about it. In the meantime, enjoy the class with Mario.”
“Enjoy! Hah. You wouldn’t say that if you had seen what he’s making us do this morning.”
Joe laughed. “Ah but he’s a great teacher.”
At that moment Mario came to the door and called everyone to go back in. I noticed that he clocked my phone and raised an eyebrow.
“Quick Joe, your message,” I said as I got up off the wall I’d been sitting on. “What did it mean Jupiter meets Venus?”
Joe just laughed. “You’ve got the book. You work it out.”
“JOoooooooooe…” I objected.
“Danu,” called Mario. “In here NOW.”
It was no use. I could tell I wasn’t going to get Joe talking and Mario looked in a mean mood. I clicked my phone shut and went back in.
“Okay, you snivelling bunch of wimps,” said Mario as we all took our places ready for the afternoon session. “Who’s going to be my next volunteer to be mashed up by the master?”
I raised my hand. “Me SIR!”
I hadn’t had as much fun in ages.
On the zodiac site that evening, was a message from Mario: There are only two types of people in this world. The quick and the dead. Winners and losers. Successes and failures.
That’s six, I thought. These planet people really can’t count! But I knew what he meant and I knew which one I wanted to be. The one who was alive without too many bruises!
Chapter Fifteen
Conga
The half term seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Rosa and I fell into a routine of up early and out the flat, Rosa to her day job and me to the class with Mario. In the evening, to keep out of the decorators’ way, Rosa would come and meet me at Joe’s where we’d have supper and then we’d do a movie then home to bed. Sometimes Sushila would join us too. And a couple of evenings, her mates Amy, Chloe and Joele from school turned up with her. Seemed I wasn’t the only one who wanted to get to know new people. In fact Joele and Amy said that they had wanted to get to know me better from day one but had been intimidated because I always seemed so aloof like I didn’t need anything or anybody.
In the self-defence class, my skills improved daily and by the Friday afternoon, I could even throw Mario to the ground. At first I thought that he was letting me but he swore that he wasn’t.
“I’m a good teacher,” he said as he got up from the mat where I had leg locked him down.
Regardless of whether he was letting me win or not, I felt a million squillion times more confident and walked out of his last lesson on Friday afternoon feeling like I could take on anyone.
Best of all though was that I discovered what “Jupiter meets Venus” meant. Or at least meant for me.
I was about to go into Joe’s after the last class when who was coming out of the deli but Nessa. She took one look at me. “Zodiac Girl?” she asked.
I nodded and without another word, she had me by the collar and was dragging me off into her salon.
“Oh nooo,” I pleaded. “Please. Not after last time.”
“Trust me,” she said and almost threw me into a chair by the hair washing basin. I could have arm locked her and tossed her to the ground but I decided not to resist. Why not trust her, I thought, I haven’t got anything to lose. At least not any hair anyway.
I closed my eyes and let her do her work. She put on some space agey music and after all the physical exertion of the week, with the soothing touch of her hands as she washed my hair and the lavender scent of the shampoo, I soon drifted off. When I woke up and looked in the mirror later, I could hardly believe my eyes. A girl with shoulder-length glossy blonde hair stared back at me.
“Wha…?” I stuttered. “Is it a wig?”
Nessa tugged on the hair and I winced. No. It was definitely joined to my scalp. Maybe she’s a witch as well as a planet in human form, I thought.
“Magic?” I asked.
“Sort of,” Nessa grinned back. “Hairdresser’s magic.”
“But… how…?” I started.
Nessa showed me swatches of different-coloured hair that she had on a sample card by the mirror. “We can do anything these days. Good innit?”
“Really good,” I nodded as I swished my new hair around like I was in a shampoo commercial. It was a vast improvement on my “sergeant in the army” crop and it felt great to look like the old Dee again.
Jupiter meets Venus. Jupiter is the planet of joy and expansion. Whatever it touches grows. Venus is the planet of love, harmony and beauty. The two meet and what do you get? Bingo. Hair extensions.
I laughed all the way to the bus stop.
Back at the flat an hour later, I opened the door expecting to see the usual dust and debris. Before I could step in PJ had pounced on me.
“Close your eyes, close your eyes,” he said as he covered my face with the palm of his hand.
I quickly did as I was told and he led me down the corridor.
“Okay, looking now,” he said. “Tadaaaah.”
“Surprise,” yelled a chorus of voices.
“Ohmigod,” I gasped as I opened my eyes to see Mr and Mrs Patel, Joe and Rosa, Uri, Mario, Nessa, (how did she get here so fast? I wondered) Nat and Alex, Sushila, Joele, Chloe and Amy all standing there in front of me with big grins on their faces.
“Wha…?” I blustered.
Rosa came over to me and put her arm round me. “Look. Looking around you,” she said.
If I had been shocked at the transformation of my hair, it was nothing in comparison with the change in the living room. It looked fabulous. The walls had been painted a soft honey colour and there were light gold muslin curtains at the window. The old faded carpet had gone and in its place was a polished light oak floor. The book shelves had been filled with books which on first glance were a mixture of fiction and travel. My favourites. In the fireplace, the empty vase at last had flowers in it – large stems of yellow roses. A two seater honey-coloured sofa had been added adjacent to Aunt Esme’s cream Italian sofa which had finally had its wrapping taken off it and been strewn with the most plush cushions in the same colour as the smaller sofa. The whole effect was warm and stylish.
“There’s more,” said PJ as he took my hand and led me into the kitchen. That too had been transformed. He had left the units where they were but put new light oak doors with silver handles on so giving the room a modern feel. The walls had been painted bright yellow with shiny green and gold tiles on the splash back areas giving the room a cheerful bright look. Best of all though was when Rosa came in
and opened cupboards and drawers to show that they had all been stocked with utensils, cutlery, pots, pans, plates, cups, saucers, basic food and in one gleaming storage tin on one of the surfaces were biscuits, cakes and chocolates.
As Rosa supplied our guests with drinks and nibbles from our newly furbished kitchen, PJ showed me around the rest of the flat.
In the bathroom, he had gone for minimal and modern. It was all white tiles, white walls and a whole wall of mirror which made the room look twice the size that it was.
“As it iz such a small space, I took out zat old bath and put in a power shower,” said PJ. “You are liking?”
“Fab,” I said as I looked around. No detail had been left out. A silver towel rail, a shelving unit housing big white fluffy towels, a shelf full of fab-looking scented bath lotions, potions and soaps to try out, and a dab of colour with a bunch of purple freesias in a small vase on the window ledge above the sink. “Fab, fab and fabber.”
I grinned at PJ as he led me down to look at the bedrooms. Rosa had been sleeping on the floor in my room for the last few nights while they worked in Aunt Esme’s room. I felt full of trepidation as I opened the door as this was the room that it was most important they got right. I needn’t have worried. PJ had worked his magic in there too and picked a soft lavender colour for the walls and sky blue for the blinds. The effect was simple, cool and clean, a reflection of how Aunt Esme liked to dress. I was sure that she was going to love it.
“And lastly your room,” said PJ.
As we crossed the corridor to my room, I thought that he couldn’t have done much as he’d only had one day in there because Rosa and I had been sleeping in there. Once again, I was wrong about PJ. In my tiny room, he’d managed to create more space by putting in a high bed that you climb up to with a ladder. It meant there was a whole area of space underneath. In there was a desk with my computer, a chair and bookshelf. On the wall opposite the bed were posters of all the places I wanted to visit some day: India, Africa, Europe, South America. The Moon. Jupiter. And on the bookshelf next to the desk, photos in bright coloured frames. There was one of Spot, Snowy and Blackie. One of Fran, Annie, Bernie and Jane. One of my dad and one of Mrs Wilkins.
Recipe for Rebellion (Zodiac Girls) Page 10
