“Rosa showed me your photos,” said PJ. “I hope you von’t mind but I vanted to put zem vere you can see zem every day to remind you zat you’re not alone.”
“No, I don’t mind at all. PJ, thank you so much…” I felt lost for anything else to say and was relieved when Uri appeared at the door with a carrier bag.
PJ gave me a low bow. “You iz most velcome. Iz your birthday. Iz good present no?”
I felt a lump in my throat. “I thought everyone had forgotten,” I said.
“Forgotten? You iz Zodiac girl. How we forget? No. No vay. Now. Iz party time,” he said and produced a box full of silly party hats, poppers and blowers. When we joined the others back in the living room, we soon had the hats on and when Nessa suggested that we do a conga around the flat, it seemed the perfect thing to do. We lined up and with Joe in the lead wearing a Napoleon type hat and a patch over his eye. We put our hands on the person in front’s waist and set off.
“Ta dah dah dah dah dah da-aaa, ta dah dah dah dah daaaaaaaaaaa,” we sang at the top of our voices and kicked our legs out to the right and then to the left as we danced down the hall, back around the living room then back into the hall – just in time to see Aunt Esme come through the front door with her suitcase.
She didn’t look amused.
Chapter Sixteen
Freaky deaky
I tried to explain. I really did.
“Mr and Mrs Patel and Rosa you already know,” I said after she’d chucked everyone out and had properly taken in the makeover, “Sushila, Amy, Joele and Chloe are from school and I’d have thought that you’d be glad that I’m making friends.”
“And the others?” asked Aunt Esme.
“The others? Yes… well that’s what so totally amazing and I know it might sound a bit strange, I myself found it a bit weird in the beginning, but they are… er…um… planets…”
“Planets?”
I nodded. “Yes. Planets who have manifested in human form and live locally.”
Aunt Esme didn’t look impressed.
“And what’s more brilliant, they’re all my personal friends.”
She gave me a look of great disappointment and began to walk towards her bedroom.
“Honestly,” I said as I trooped after her. “Nessa is Venus and she runs the beauty salon. Uri is Uranus. He runs the magic shop and the internet café. Mario is Mars and teaches self-defence. He’s really cool when you get to know him. And Joe, he’s my favourite. He’s my personal guardian for a month seeing as I’m Zodiac Girl. He’s Jupiter and he runs the deli.”
Aunt Esme had looked at me in despair. “Zodiac Girl? Mars? Venus? What are you talking about? That chubby man is Jupiter!? You’ll be telling me that Neptune owns the bakery next.”
I burst out laughing. “No. He runs the chippie. It’s called Poseidon. You know, Poseidon, Neptune, king of the sea. I looked it all up in my astrology book.”
Aunt Esme gave me another long-suffering look. “In that case the Moon would run the cheese shop then?”
“As if! No. She’d be hopeless at that. The Moon is Miss Luna. She works as a counsellor at our school and between you and me is a bit loonie petunie. Of course there are a few others I haven’t met. I saw Hermie once in the deli, he’s… what is it? Oh yeah – the manifestation of Mercury and works as a motorbike messenger boy and he’s very, very handsome. Saturn is a headmaster somewhere…”
While I’d been talking Aunt Esme’s expression went through a kaleidoscope of emotions: disappointment, disbelief, outrage and concern. In the end, she put her hands up. “Enough! Enough Danu. Of all the things you’ve done to try to upset me, this has to be the most insane.”
“But Aunt Esme, this is true. It really really is.”
“Enough Danu. I won’t hear another word. Now go to your room.”
“But… but… you haven’t even said what you think of the makeover yet. Your room. The sitting room. Isn’t it all fabulous? Don’t you love it?”
Aunt Esme looked around her and her mouth did that shrinking thing it does when she’s angry. “Love it? Love it? Danu I don’t know how this all happened but how am I supposed to pay for it?”
“But Auntie, it’s free. See, I haven’t told you about PJ yet. He’s Pluto which is the planet of transformation. I won him in a competition… at least not him but a makeover for the flat done by him. He works as an interior designer. So nothing to worry about. Don’t you love it?”
Aunt Esme pointed at the door. “Danu. Go to your room while I think about this and what to do next. Now!”
I did as I was told and spent the time in my new work area emailing my old mates. I had been rubbish about keeping in touch with them while PJ and his team had been in the flat and there were loads of emails from them all asking where I’d disappeared to and not to forget them. As I set about replying to them, part of me felt annoyed with Aunt Esme. Not a word of gratitude and she hadn’t even bothered to come and look at my room.
After ten minutes, I heard a knock.
“Danu, I’m popping out for five minutes to get some cigarettes.”
“But you don’t smoke.”
“I do now. I’ve just decided. And I might start drinking as well.”
I heard the front door open and close and went back to my emails.
As I was writing, a pop-up flashed up on the left-hand corner of my screen. It was from Joe. “Quick, follow your aunt,” it said. “She needs you.”
Hah! Just shows how little he knows Aunt Esme, I thought. She doesn’t need anybody. Then I remembered what Joele had said about me and how I looked like I didn’t need anyone or anything. Could Aunt Esme possibly be the same? Hiding behind her tough exterior.
I got up and went through the flat to the window in the kitchen which looked out over the square. It was wet, dark and windy out but there didn’t seem to be anyone around. I saw Aunt Esme come out of Mr Patel’s corner shop and begin to cross the square. She seemed okay. Maybe Joe meant she needed me to be more patient with her or something.
I was about to turn back and return to my room when a movement on the opposite side of the square caught my eye. I strained to see. Someone was over by the alleyway that led away from the square. My heart skipped a beat when I realized who it was. Oh nooooooooo. It was the terrible twosome, Trev and Bazza and they were creeping up on Aunt Esme.
I raced to my room and dialled Joe on my zodiac phone.
“Danu. You got my message?” he asked.
“Yes and you were right,” I said as I headed out of the flat and took the stairs two at a time. “Aunt Esme’s in trouble. Those boys who tried to steal my phone are after her.”
“How many?” asked Joe.
“Two I think but the others may be there too so hurry,” I urged as I reached the ground floor at full pelt. “Can you come and do that centaur thing?”
“You can take them,” said Joe and hung up.
“Jooooooooooe…”
Too late. He’d gone and the boys were almost upon Aunt Esme who was walking ahead of them totally oblivious. I shoved my phone into my pocket and burst out of the double doors to our block just in time to witness them grab her from behind.
She shrieked and dropped her bag.
“Leeeeeeeeeave her ALONE!” I yelled.
When Aunt Esme saw me, she looked even more horrified. “Danu, go back. Get back inside.”
Trev turned and saw me heading towards them. He immediately began to sneer. “Well if it ain’t little miss dreadlocks with the posh phone,” he said and quickly checked around the square. “Lost your locks have you?”
“None of your business,” I replied as I came to a halt.
“So where’s your fat friend tonight eh?” Trev jeered. “The freaky one with a backside like a horse’s.”
“He’s coming,” I said. “And if he doesn’t, one of his friends will.”
“Danu, please run!” pleaded Aunt Esme as she unsuccessfully tried to wriggle away from Bazza’s grip.
&n
bsp; Joe’s words echoed in my head. “You can take them.”
I took a deep breath and remembered Mario’s words on the last day of his class. “Don’t ever let them see if you are frightened. Explode and move.”
I took another deep breath.“HIYAAAAAAAAH,” I screamed as I leapt towards Trev, put my foot outside and behind his leg, my palm up to his chin, pushed with all the force I could muster and over he went. “Elbow Aunt Esme,” I called as I ran and wrestled Bazza from behind to let go of her. “Use your elbows.”
Aunt Esme did exactly as she was told and delivered a few swift back jerks. I went for his eyes and he quickly released her.
By this time, Trev had recovered and was struggling back to his feet. I didn’t give him time to recover and ran towards him, stepped between his legs and kneed him neatly in the groin. “I hope you have an excellent career as a soprano,” I said as once again he toppled to the floor.
On seeing Trev writhing in pain, Bazza looked uncertain but soon regained his composure. “No-one knees my mate,” he growled as he ran towards me. But I was ready. I ran towards him with my arms raised and he was so busy trying to work out if I was going to punch him that he didn’t notice that I’d put my right foot out and over he went, landing on a heap on top of Trev.
“Come on,” I yelled to Aunt Esme who suddenly seemed to have frozen to the spot. “Run.”
I grabbed her hand and raced towards the apartment block and up the stairs. We flew into the flat, quickly put the chain across the door and double-locked the locks. Behind us, I could hear the sound of police sirens while at the same time, my phone rang in my pocket.
Aunt Esme slumped to the floor as I answered the phone.
“You okay?” asked Joe’s voice.
As I was talking I ran to the kitchen window to see if the boys were going to try and follow us. No chance. Down below was the wonderful sight of them being handcuffed and carted off into the back of the police van.
“Joe, why didn’t you come?” I asked breathlessly.
“I called the cops instead,” he said. “In case you needed back-up. Sometimes you’ve got to make use of the facilities here on Planet Earth. Did they get them?”
“They got them,” I said. “Thanks.” Behind me in the hall, I could hear the sound of Aunt Esme sobbing. “Better go Joe. Aunt Esme needs me.”
“Told you she did,” he said then hung up.
I went back into the hall and sank down next to Aunt Esme. “Hey, it’s all right now. The police have got them.”
I put my arm around her but that only made her cry louder.
“Aunt Esme, what is it? We’re safe now. What can I do?”
“N…n… nothing…” she sniffed.
“Well I can’t leave you here on the floor. Come on, get up. Come into the sitting room.”
She did as she was told and snuffled after me with the meekness of a little girl who had had a nightmare. I let her cry a little then she finally wiped her eyes and looked around the room. That set her off again.
“Uhuh… uhuh… waaaaah…”
“Oh God,” I said as I looked around. “You hate it don’t you? I’m sorry. I… I… suppose I should have waited…”
“No. No… (sniff) uhuh… (bigger sniff) I… I… l… l… love it. I love it. I love all of it.”
“So why are you crying?”
“Because I’m so useless and have been rubbish at looking after you and you’ve been unhappy and it’s my fault and it’s no wonder you want to leave and no wonder no-one ever comes here and I don’t have any friends and have to work all the time to pretend that I have a life when really I don’t,” Aunt Esme blurted without stopping for breath, “and I’m lonely and so glad that you’re here so that I don’t have to come back to an empty flat any more. All I ever wanted was a real home but I am totally useless at it even the pot plant I bought died because nobody or nothing wants to stay around me for long… uhuh… buhuh… waaaahhhh…”
While she sat and cried like a baby, I scanned my mind what to do. Phone my dad? Phone Joe? Make her a cup of tea? In the end, I just held her hand and let her cry it out.
And then she began to laugh. And that was even more freaky deaky. I began to think that maybe she was cracking up altogether and I ought to call someone and get her carried off and locked up.
And then she hugged me.
“Danu. Do you think we could maybe start again. Me and you?”
Epilogue
Aunt Esme and I moved home three months later.
It was a shame to leave our new posh flat but we had outgrown the place and needed somewhere bigger – not only for entertaining the constant stream of visitors that always seemed to be round lately but also so that Rosa could have a room with us. When Aunt Esme realized that Rosa had been sleeping on the sofa at her cousin’s house, she invited her to come and live with us straight away.
The most perfect cottage came on the market only half a mile away from Osbury and Aunt Esme leapt at the chance to own it and put in an offer. At first we thought it was going to be too expensive but thanks to PJ’s marvellous makeover on the flat, we made a profit on the sale which helped pay for the cottage. Of course, we hired PJ’s services straight away and he made the cottage look wonderful. It has four bedrooms, one for me, one for Aunt Esme, one for Rosa and one for Dad or my brother should they ever come to visit.
Best of all it has a garden out back with apples trees and a vegetable patch. My brother Luke has already been to stay a few times. I think he has a crush on Rosa which is why we’re seeing more of him. It’s nice to see him whatever his excuse for being here. Joe and Mario are also regular visitors and although my month as Zodiac Girl is over, I still go to Mario’s classes and Joe still passes on his favourite recipes. Rosa, Aunt Esme and I have all become tip-top cooks. My astrology book says that everything Jupiter touches expands. And that has certainly been true, including our waistlines!
Aunt Esme cut back on her hours at the office and is altogether more relaxed and happy these days. We’ve become good friends in fact. She still hasn’t accepted the idea about the planets being here in human form and I haven’t pushed it with her. One thing at a time and she does like Joe and Mario and that’s what is most important.
Best of all, we have a dog and a cat. Aunt Esme and I went to the animal rescue centre together and chose them. The dog is a red setter with gorgeous copper-coloured hair. We called him Bluey. The cat is a black Persian with vivid orange eyes. We called her Honey. Like Aunt Esme and I, I think both of them are glad to have a home and space to run around after being cooped up in a cage.
At school, things couldn’t be better. Nit Nurse is extremely happy that I no longer have dreadlocks nor hair extensions as my hair grows quickly and I don’t need them any more. Joele, Chloe and Sushila have adopted me as part of their group and although I will never forget my friends back home, it does feel great to have mates to hang out with who live nearby and go to the same school as me. My grades are back up again and next term we’re going on a school trip to Italy. I am going to write it up as the first of my “travel diaries”.
Dad will be back at Christmas. Now that I have a proper home, I don’t mind so much that he’s away, in fact I think it will be nice for him to come back to somewhere welcoming and cosy.
And as for Trev and Bazza, the police picked them up on the night that they tried to attack Aunt Esme. According to the local paper, the police found a whole pile of stolen goods from recent break-ins at Trev’s and now both of them are doing time.
Part of me feels sorry for them. They didn’t need to have acted so stupid but then they didn’t have the planet fabsters to help them like I did when I was acting like a dingbat. At the beginning of term, it felt like my life was over but now, it feels like it’s just begun. I feel more like my old self. The real Danu. Unafraid of the world and happy with my life. I was so unhappy when I was angry with everyone and everything.
At the end of term, when Mr Beecham asked me to stand up
in class and read my latest poem, this is how it went,
“My aunt is full of chocolate cake,
My guardian is a star,
The planets, they look over us
And home is not that far.”
The Sagittarius Files
Characteristics, Facts and Fun
November 22 – December 21
One of life’s positive people – that’s a Sagittarian in a nutshell. They see the best in others and they are always thoughtful and generous. They are good at seeing both sides of an argument . . . empathy could be their middle name. Their optimistic attitude is contagious.
However, being a fire sign means they can be impatient and even self-destructive if things don’t work out how they want them to. They can be oversensitive sometimes . . . chilling out a little now and again would help matters.
Element: Fire
Colour: Blue, purple, white
Birthstone: Lapis lazuli
Animal: Horse, dog
Lucky day: Thursday
Planet: Ruled by Jupiter
A Sagittarian’s best friends are likely to be:
Gemini
Aries
Leo
Sagittarius
A Sagittarian’s enemies are likely to be:
Scorpio
Pisces
A Sagittarian’s idea of heaven would be:
Going roaming on safari.
A Sagittarian would go mad if:
Someone kept proving them wrong all the time . . . it’s their way or the highway!
Celebrity Sagittarians
November 22 ✶ Scarlett Johansson
November 24 ✶ Billy Connolly
November 25 ✶ Christina Applegate
November 26 ✶ Tina Turner
November 27 ✶ Jimi Hendrix
November 30 ✶ Ben Stiller
December 1 ✶ Bette Midler
Recipe for Rebellion (Zodiac Girls) Page 11
