by A. T Brennan
She clung to him as he moved. Everything about her felt incredible from her soft skin to her strong legs around his waist.
He felt her body contracting around him and he just held her, kissing her and moving inside her, pushing through it. He wanted to prolong the pleasure for as long as he could as he held her close.
For the first time in years, since before his injury, he was making love and not just having sex. He didn’t want the moment to end.
He felt her tighten around him, felt her clinging to him and heard her crying out, and he paused as she hit her release. Letting her enjoy it as he kissed her and took a moment to try and get some of his composure and control back. He was very close to his own end, but he wasn’t ready for it to be over. Not yet.
After a moment he felt her relax and he slowly started to move again, pressing his lips against her neck as he let himself get lost in her.
He felt her body tightening under his again, pulling him deeper, and heard her crying out to him, and he gave into the pleasure as they came together. He held her close as they enjoyed the release, and when it was over he just stayed where he was, unable to move and not really wanting to.
She held him close as he lay over her. She didn’t seem to want him to move just yet either.
After a long time he took a deep breath and rolled off her, his arms sliding under her as he pulled her up against his body so she was cuddled up to him. He glanced down and saw she was smiling as she looked at his chest.
“What?” he asked with a smile as he reached over and brushed a few damp locks of hair off her forehead and cheek.
“Just thinking.” She shook her head and looked up at him.
“About?” he pressed.
“That was amazing,” she said, keeping eye contact with him.
“Yes, it was,” he agreed and bent to kiss her. She was a little too far down on his body to kiss her lips, so he kissed the bridge of her nose and she giggled.
“Are you tired?” she asked as she shifted up on him slightly.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” He nodded to the pillows on the bed and they shifted so they could slip under the covers. As soon as they were settled he reached up to turn off the light. This time the lamp was off.
When the room was dark he slipped down into the sheets and slid his arm under her again. Even as he was pulling her close he didn’t know what to do. He was falling for her. He was pretty much already there, but was he ready to be there for her the way she needed? Could he give her the support and love she deserved? Or was he still so screwed up it wouldn’t be fair to her to even try?
His mind was racing even though he was exhausted. He’d have more clarity in the morning, right now he just wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms and dream a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning Tyler was the first to wake up, and even as his eyes were blinking open he glanced over at the other side of the bed.
Kenzie was sleeping on her stomach with the sheets pushed down around her waist and one leg free. She looked so peaceful, so happy and beautiful he could only smile as he looked at her.
He didn’t regret a moment of the night before, and he’d slept through the night without a single nightmare, but he still wasn’t sure what he should do and what he could commit to.
It wouldn’t be fair to her to string her along if he wasn’t going to be with her completely. He knew he could keep toying with her, teasing her, and she’d put up with it for at least a little while if he kept going back and forth, but that wasn’t right.
She deserved to be more than a fuck buddy. She deserved to be treated like a girlfriend, but he had no idea if he could do that. It had been more than seven years since he’d had a girlfriend, but even that hadn’t been a really serious thing. He’d committed to being with only one woman, but they’d both known it wasn’t a long term thing. They’d known that the moment he was posted out it would end, and she’d been fine with that.
He’d never been with someone and felt it was going to last forever. He’d never been in a relationship and thought it was the last one he’d ever have. He’d always seen an end to them, and when they had ended they’d ended amicably, and they’d both just moved on.
After everything Kenzie had been through she deserved more than that. She deserved more than him just passing time with her and keeping things casual. She deserved to find her forever, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t built for forever. At least not anymore.
He glanced over as she started stirring and smiled as he watched her wake up. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times before she was able to focus on him.
“Morning,” he said as he rolled over so he was on his side, facing her.
“Morning.” She smiled as she pushed her hair back off her face. “Have you been awake long?”
“Not too long.” He shook his head and smiled. “I was enjoying watching you sleep, in a non-creepy way,” he added.
She just laughed and started to pull the sheet up. As she did she lifted her chest off the bed and he saw the side of her breast.
The move wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t on purpose and it wasn’t even that coy, but it made him instantly grow hard and he wanted her, bad.
He reached out and took her hand, stopping it before she could raise the sheet.
Kenzie looked up at Tyler in surprise, and a little in shock, as he slid closer to her on the bed, putting his arm around her waist as he did so he could press his body up against hers.
He bent his head, and as his lips touched hers, she could feel him, hard and hot against her abdomen, and she sighed as she melted against him.
After a moment he gently pulled away and pushed her shoulder down on the mattress so she was laying on her stomach as he moved to lay over her. His hands ran down her arms, and when he reached her hands he entwined her fingers with his and held her tightly. She angled her body up to meet him so he could slide inside her.
The moment he slipped into her she felt her body tighten around him. He kissed the side of her neck and squeezed her hands as he moved, and she gave herself over to the moment.
It was quick, passionate and a little hard. And by the time Tyler jerked against her and collapsed on her back they were both breathing heavily and very satisfied.
“Wow,” she muttered as he kissed the back of her shoulder before letting go of her hands and sliding off her. “Now that’s a great way to wake up.”
“I would have to agree.” He grinned as she blinked a few times. She needed a moment to get her bearings back. “Better than last time for sure,” he teased.
“Definitely,” she agreed, grinning at him.
“As much as I would love to lie here all morning, we should probably get up,” he said as he glanced at the door to the bathroom. “And I do need to go in there.”
“Same, but you first.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” She nodded.
He gave her a quick kiss and swung his legs out of the bed.
She watched as he walked to the bathroom, and she could only marvel at how strong and perfect his body was.
It was true he was handsome, by far the most handsome man she’d ever known, let alone kissed or been with, but it was more than that. There was more to him than just a gorgeous, cocky playboy, and she felt a real connection with him. For the first time in her life she felt a real and true emotional connection, and it was then she realized that she was in love with him.
In three days over the span of three weeks she’d fallen in love with Tyler, and she was shocked. She flopped back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as the reality of everything settled over her.
She was attracted to him. Anyone who looked at him and liked men would be, but there was so much more to him, and that was the part she was falling for. She wasn’t in love with his looks, she was in love with who he was as a person.
She was setting herself up
for heartbreak, but she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t help falling in love with him any more than he could help not falling in love with her.
She sighed and closed her eyes as the events of last night, and that morning, came back to her. She’d never felt like this after sex before. She’d had good sex in her life, she’d had amazing sex with Tyler just three weeks ago, but the emotions she was feeling made today different. The love she felt for him and the connection they seemed to share had heightened and enhanced every moment.
This was the first time she was truly and honestly in love, and not just thinking she was. This was the first time she’d truly made love with someone, and it was the first time her heart had been as involved as her body.
* * *
After they’d both showered Kenzie wasn’t sure what was going to happen. She desperately needed new clothes and to charge her phone. At the moment her panties were in her purse, she was wearing a second shirt of Tyler’s, and her phone was dead. She didn’t want to leave and he didn’t seem to want her to go, but they were at a loss as to what to do.
Finally she made the decision for them. She needed to get home and she was sure he would appreciate having his space back.
He walked her out to her car and kissed her goodbye. He promised to call her, and after another quick kiss she’d gotten in her car and driven away.
As she drove home she couldn’t help but smile. She was still wearing his shirt and she couldn’t shake the memories. She wasn’t delusional, she didn’t for a second believe that anything life changing had happened for him. She knew she’d been much more moved by the entire experience than he had and he didn’t feel even a fraction for her what she felt for him, but she was still happy.
She hoped he called. She wanted him to call, but at least they’d left on good terms this time. If he didn’t call she wouldn’t be heartbroken and hurt.
That was a lie, she would still be heartbroken and hurt, but at least she wouldn’t be surprised.
* * *
That evening Tyler was still at a loss as to what he should do. He liked Kenzie, he was half a step away from falling completely in love with her, but he didn’t know if he was ready to be with her.
For every reason he could think of to be with her, to try having a relationship with her, he could think of a reason not to.
He’d gone to the gym and then picked up some groceries, hoping that doing something and getting out would clear his head, but it hadn’t. He’d cleaned up his apartment and he’d done a load of laundry in the shared laundry room hoping he’d be able to distract himself, but he really hadn’t.
There was no easy answer as to what he should do.
He was so distracted that when his phone rang just after nine he picked it up and didn’t look at the contact photo until he was answering it.
“Hey.” He knew exactly who it was, and he half wished he hadn’t picked up the call, but he was also glad to talk to her.
“Hey yourself. You’re a tough man to get ahold of,” Olivia said in a bright voice. “Did you not get my messages?”
“I got them. Something happened and I kind of forgot.”
“I was getting worried. It’s not like you to completely blow me off.”
“You worried I’ve been looking down the business end of a gun?” he asked sarcastically.
“Don’t even joke about that, Ty. I’m still angry I had to find out about that robbery in the paper and you didn’t call and tell me what happened.”
“I didn’t want anyone to worry.”
“You were in an armed robbery. Someone was shot in front of you,” she said slowly. “How could we not worry?”
“I’m sorry.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed. He still hadn’t told them he’d been shot as well, or at least grazed, during the robbery. “I should have told you.”
“Mom’s worried about you.”
“What else is new?” He sighed.
“We just want to see you happy. We love you and worry about you.”
“I know, Liv. I get it and I appreciate it, even if I suck at showing it.”
“You do kind of suck at showing it,” she teased.
“I’ll get better.”
“What happened? What distracted you?” she asked. “You sound tired.”
“Well, this will make me sound like a complete jackass and liar, but something happened at work.”
“What happened?”
“I walked up on some kind of altercation. A guy got shot and then I got shot at.”
“WHAT!” Her shout was so loud he had to pull the phone away from his ear. “What?”
“It’s not a big deal. It was a few days ago.”
“You got shot at and it’s not a big deal? Were you hurt?”
“Scraped up.” He decided right then that it would be best to lie about the ricochet too.
“You’ve been sitting in that apartment alone for days after getting shot at? Are you drinking again?”
“No more than usual.” There had been a time when he’d self-medicated and he’d drunk to try and forget and deal with his traumas. He’d moved past that, but he still liked to drink more than the average person. It was at that moment he realized he hadn’t had a drink since before that incident, not since before he’d called Kenzie. “And I wasn’t exactly alone.”
“Someone was with you?” she asked carefully, not quite managing to keep the hope out of her voice.
“Yeah, I called someone.”
“I’m glad you had someone, but I’m still pissed you didn’t call me.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“Who was it? A girl?”
“Yes, a girl.” He rolled his eyes.
“An important girl?” she pressed.
“It was that nurse who was in the robbery with me. I called her and she came over.”
“And did you watch movies and sleep on the couch like a gentleman?” she asked, barely keeping the laughter out of her voice.
“We didn’t watch movies, and no one slept on the couch.” He rolled his eyes again.
“So is it a thing? Or was it just a thing?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“You like her. I can hear it.”
“I do.”
“She single?”
“Yes.”
“Does she like you?”
“Pretty sure she does.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“Tell me about her.”
Tyler sighed and shifted his phone to the other ear. As annoying and nosy as his sister could be, it would be nice to bounce his thoughts off her.
“She’s a nurse. Her name is Kenzie and she’s a few years younger than me.”
“She have any kids?”
“No.” He didn’t bother to mention that she couldn’t have kids. It wasn’t his place to tell.
“Divorced?”
“No. She was with someone for a long time. Lived with him but was never married.”
“What’s she like, as in her personality?” she pressed.
“She’s smart, very kind and sweet,” he said after a pause. “She’s shy, second guesses herself a lot.”
“Shy? That’s not your usual type.”
“She’s pretty much the opposite of my usual type,” he agreed. “She was in an abusive relationship for a long time, it kind of messed with her.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Not a bombshell, but when she relaxes she’s beautiful.”
“So she’s smart, kind, beautiful, and she was the person you reached out to when you needed someone…” she said thoughtfully. “But she has her own traumas, and I’m guessing you’re worried that two traumatized people make for a complicated relationship?”
“Kind of. That and the fact that I’m still a mess. Is it fair to bring her into that?”
“Did she see your leg?” she asked carefully.
“The night of
the robbery.”
“How did she react?”
“She put her hand on it. Touched it and said that scars are a reminder of what we’ve survived, and they’re a part of us.”
“Wow.” Olivia paused. “That says something about her as a person.”
“I know.” He sighed. “She’s great. She deserves the world. She deserves to be happy, but I don’t know if I can be that guy. I don’t know if I can give her what she needs, and believe it or not, I don’t want to string her along because I think I can.”
“You’re not that guy anymore. You haven’t been since you were in high school,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed again.
“You more than like her. You’re falling for her,” Olivia said after a pause.
“Kind of.”
“And you’re scared.”
“Very.”
“Are you scared of hurting her? Or of her hurting you?”
He paused and thought over the question. It was true he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to give her what she needed, but then there was a part of him that was worried she would hurt him. If he opened up to her, loved her, then she would end up hurting him.
“I never thought of that.”
“You have to do what’s best for you. You’ve been alone for so long that I don’t think you really remember what it’s like to have a partner. Someone who’s there for you, who you can lean on and be there for so they have someone to lean on. It’s amazing how life can change when you find someone you want to see happy and you love.”
“I don’t really think I’ve ever found that kind of love,” he said, completely shocked that he was talking about this to anyone, let alone his sister. But now that he’d started he had to keep going. “I’ve been in love before, but it was never the love that you’re talking about.”
“Do you think you could love Kenzie like that?”
“I’m scared that I can.”
“Sounds like you have a lot to think about,” she said after a pause. “But I’m guessing you know my ulterior motive for calling you.”
“What, my wellbeing wasn’t on the forefront of your mind?” he asked in a shocked voice, smiling as he did.
