For the Love of a Duchess: A Historical Regency Romance Book

by Bridget Barton

  “But have you not already loved and lost him?”

  “Not fully.”

  “But there is nothing between you and Miles Gainsborough anymore, is there?” Lady Hanbury looked a little confused. “Or do you think that there was some significance in him appearing at the old Duke’s funeral?”

  “He was very keen to speak to me, but I was not in a frame of mind to be able to manage it. But yes, I do think it was significant. He did not know Augustus at all, and the way that Miles and I ended things, the argument that we had, would make the idea of him simply turning out to support me more than a year later rather improbable.”

  “So, in a way, you are having now to choose between the two. If not Miles himself, then the idea of somebody like him, I understand. But still, it is a choice between two men or at least two ways of life.”

  “That is exactly the case.” Eliza nodded seriously. “But even then, Daniel is not the sort of man who can be toyed with in this way. He is a very strong and very stoic man, one who would not be dangled on a piece of string by a young woman who simply cannot get her emotions in order. The truth is, I fear I really have lost him. He no longer undertakes any work for the Duchy at all, and I know that to be his way of cutting all ties. And it was most effective, truly, for I had never felt such a sense of loss.”

  “But he is not so very far away, is he? I mean, his home and office are not five miles from here, and I can only imagine that it is but seven miles from your own home. Such a short ride away.”

  “And yet I cannot make that journey because I have not answered my own question.”

  “Which you would choose,” Lady Hanbury said quietly to herself. “Yes, I think that you cannot move forward without asking that question and finding the answer. If you do, if you make a choice without knowing, you risk it being the wrong choice. And I think you have already had enough unhappiness and misfortune to last you a lifetime. You need not search for any more.”

  “That is very wise, Lady Hanbury.” Eliza felt a good deal better.

  Just talking the whole thing through with an older woman who had so much experience of life made her feel more settled, more confident that she could, in the end, get to the bottom of it.

  “In the meantime, I think you need a little relief from it all. What about my bridge afternoon at the end of the week? I know it is short notice, but I think it would do you good. It would get you out of the Dower House again, and you might even win a game or two. A little spot of winning is always good for the soul, I think.”

  “I must admit, that does sound awfully tempting.” Eliza thought for a moment and realized that she really did want to be out in the world. “Yes, I should be very pleased to attend.”

  “Then it is settled, my dear. Friday afternoon, and there is always plenty to eat, so do not have too much breakfast.”

  Lady Hanbury’s maternal care of her reminded Eliza painfully of her own mother. That was just the sort of thing Lady Bexley would have said, warning her against overeating when there would be so many other tasty treats to be had at a social event.

  But, as much as Eliza decided to face the truth of her feelings, to add her mother into the mix now was simply too much. Her family would have to wait a little while longer.

  Chapter 31

  By the time Friday came, Eliza realized she had had a very full week. Much apart from visiting Lady Hanbury already, she had received Ariadne once at the Dower House and had spent another morning with her dear friend shopping for fabric.

  Eliza realized that there was much to be said for having one’s freedom again, not just from a despicable marriage, but from the enforced mourning of it.

  So much time alone at the Dower House had made her introspective, but in such a way that it had done her no good. If she had been a little braver, she might have used that time wisely, coming to know herself well enough to understand what sort of life would finally be the one to suit the best.

  And if she had spent her time so wisely, she might well have avoided much of the heartache she had suffered in the last weeks.

  To have two such wonderful friends as Lady Hanbury and Ariadne Holloway made Eliza sharply aware of just how much she had to be grateful for.

  Throughout all her trials and upsets, both women had never deserted her once. They had always been there waiting, ready to receive a letter, to race over to her at a moment’s notice, to take her in when she had nowhere else to go.

  When she thought about life in such terms, she realized that to continue to feel sorry for herself, to wallow in her own fear and self-imposed loneliness, was something of an offence.

  It was true that she had not come to a conclusion and did not know how to set about it, but she had thought a good deal about Daniel and Miles. She knew that Miles was no longer entirely out of reach.

  After all, she was no longer a girl from a family on the point of financial penury. She knew that her father, despite their estrangement, would make the unusual move of paying a dowry on a daughter who had already been married, knowing that the money would never have come to him in the first place had she not made the greatest sacrifice.

  And she was not without means herself, having inherited a little private money from her deceased husband.

  But was that enough for her? To know that her old love might accept her simply because the old terms, the old settlement, now existed again?

  The fact was that Eliza cared very little about the money, and she never had. But she had cared greatly that her lack had been the thing which Miles had turned away from.

  “How glad I am that you are here, my dear Eliza. It is a very fine week for me when I see you twice.” Lady Hanbury took Eliza’s hands in her own and kissed her cheek in greeting in the beautiful entrance of Hanbury Hall.

  Eliza was truly glad to be back there, and intending to spend the afternoon as Lady Hanbury had designed it, she would enjoy herself and nothing more. She would not think for a moment any of the thoughts which had plagued her for so long. She would simply play bridge, drink tea, eat a little, and converse as much as possible. In short, she would enjoy it to its fullest extent.

  “I have been looking forward to this all week,” Eliza said truthfully. “And I have every intention of enjoying myself, just as you said I ought to,” she said brightly, smiling spontaneously for the first time in a long while.

  “Ah,” Lady Hanbury said and winced.

  “Whatever is the matter?” Eliza said and felt suddenly a little upended.

  “I think you might be just a little bit cross with me.”

  “But why?”

  “Because I am afraid I got you here under false pretenses.”

  “We are not to play bridge?” Eliza said and felt confused. She could see in through the open doorway of the drawing room where several guests were already settled down to their various games.

  “Yes, the bridge has not changed. But my true intention for having you here today was something very different. Of course, I would love you to enjoy yourself, but perhaps that will only truly come when you know what you are about, my dear.”

  “I do not understand,” Eliza said as her sense of disquiet deepened.

  “I have two guests here today in my drawing room whom I think will be instrumental in you coming to some conclusion. I have worried about it for days, but I think you must take some positive step if you are ever to answer your own question.”

  “And your two guests are …?” Eliza already knew, and her mouth had gone horribly dry.

  “They are both here, my dear, although very much apart. And I have a good number of guests, so there is nothing obvious in it. I have not exposed you to any potential awkwardness. I do hope you will one day be able to forgive me.” And with that, Lady Hanbury took her hand and drew her gently towards the drawing room.

  Lady Hanbury did not desert her as Eliza had immediately feared she might. Instead, the two women sat on one of the couches drinking tea for some time before Eliza finally set eyes on Daniel.
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  The moment she looked at him, his surprise was clear. And with her own eyes widening with the sheer emotional jolt, she very likely looked as surprised as he did.

  He was in conversation with two other men, both of whom looked very intent. Eliza had no doubt that it was some business or other, and she hoped that she had not destroyed his concentration with her presence.

  “Eliza, how very nice to see you.” The voice came from a different direction altogether, and it made her turn around sharply.

  “Miles,” she said softly and smiled at him.

  “I hope you are well.”

  “Thank you, I am.”

  “Would you both excuse me for a moment? I think my husband is trying to get my attention. I shall just see what it is he wants.” Lady Hanbury gave Eliza a smile of encouragement before leaving them.

  “Lady Hanbury is so pleasant, is she not?” Miles said and looked meaningfully at the chair opposite the couch.

  “The most pleasant,” Eliza agreed. “Would you care to sit for a while?” Eliza felt all at sea but knew she must make the most of the opportunity Lady Hanbury had created for her.

  It was time to do things properly. It was time to search her heart instead of relying on the old feelings of anger and injustice to shield her from the truth.

  “Yes, thank you kindly,” he said and took his seat.

  Eliza studied him for a moment, taking in his dark hair and eyes, the perfectly symmetrical features which made him classically handsome.

  It amazed her that the last two years had not seen him married away to some beautiful young woman of reasonable fortune. At six-and-twenty, he must be one of the eligible bachelors in the county who was on many a mother’s list. But it was his handsomeness and his pleasant demeanour which would set him head and shoulders above the others in the end. And yet here he was, unmarried.

  Perhaps it would have been easier for her in the end if he had married, however much the news of it would have upset her. It might have made things clearer, although she somehow doubted it.

  “And you are well, Miles?” Eliza said, knowing that she could only get to the bottom of everything with effort.

  “I am well, Eliza. Although I am bound to say that I am much improved by seeing you again.” He looked cautious, almost like a boy who was asking for something that was not assured.

  “How kind.”

  “I mean it, Eliza.” He seemed quite intent to labour the point.

  “Well, I suppose it has been a long time since we last saw each other. And longer still since we spoke properly.”

  “I am so sorry that I approached you at the Duke’s funeral. It was inappropriate, and I ought to have known at the time that it was not in your best interests. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “There is nothing to forgive, Miles. I appreciated your condolences; it was very kind of you.”

  “But if I am to be entirely honest, passing on my condolences was not my primary reason for attending the funeral of a man I had never met. I had wanted to see you, Eliza. I have never been easy with the way we left things that day.” She knew immediately that he was talking about that last, dreadful conversation.

  He did not need to go into details, for they were already there, lodged in her mind forever. But when she thought of it now, when she concentrated for a moment on his rejection and her own feeling of helplessness, it did not seem to hold the same strength it had once done.

  She did not suffer that same jolt of injustice, that same anger, that same feeling of grief. It was as if it did not matter anymore.

  “What is done is done, Miles. I will not lie and say it did not hurt me greatly at the time, but two years have passed now, and everything is different. At first, it seemed as if I might never be able to forgive, but I understand well the pressure that a father can put upon a person. Even in a gentle way, they still hold a great deal of power. And money of course, or sometimes its lack, is one of the most powerful forces in society today. Perhaps it always has been. In the end, I daresay I would have been expecting too much of you to go against all of that, to turn your back on a way of life that has existed far longer than we have.”

  “That is very understanding of you, Eliza,” he said and smiled at her in a way which reminded her just how handsome he really was. “But I wish I had turned my back on that way of life for I have regretted it every day since.”

  “Please, do not think about it anymore. We cannot live in such a way. You must only look to the future now; do not dwell in the past. I do not wish you ill, Miles, although it is true to say that I have suffered moments of darkness in which I did. But that seems like such a long time ago now.”

  “Then I shall take your advice and look to the future, Eliza. And what of your future? Now that your period of mourning is over, does that mean the county will see much more of you? I know that I would be very glad to see you out and about again.”

  “I have been somewhat isolated these last two years, Miles. But now that I am free to move about at will, I think I am going to take advantage of it. It has been such a long time since I have been out in the world that I had quite forgotten how enjoyable it is.” She smiled and meant every word of it.

  Miles had moved their conversation into something personal very quickly, and Eliza knew that she must gently bring a little more formality back into it. If she did not, she had the strongest sense that Miles was going to say something that they would both later regret.

  It was clear to her that he had decided to do what he could to win her back. In truth, she did not know if that was because he truly had regretted his decision every day since or if the idea that she was no longer financially embarrassed made her a rather more welcome prospect than she had been two years before.

  Either way, Eliza was not sure it mattered anymore. If she decided that her life would be better run in a marriage that did not demand absolute knowledge of one another, absolute truth, and the searing vulnerability that came with it, then surely it did not matter.

  And if she decided that she wanted a love that would consume her almost entirely, then Miles would not be the man she turned to, so again, his motive would not matter.

  “I hope you would not mind me approaching you again, Eliza? I am reminded today how much I enjoy your company,” Miles said hopefully.

  “You may always approach me when we meet, Miles,” she said and was careful to maintain a certain ambiguity.

  She looked over to where Lady Hanbury stood and widened her eyes to silently tell her that she wished to be released from Miles’ company. In a heartbeat, Lady Hanbury was making her way over.

  “Forgive me, my husband kept me a little longer than I had intended,” Lady Hanbury said brightly when she returned.

  “Not at all,” Eliza said and smiled, patting the seat next to her on the couch. “Do join me again.”

  “Well, if you ladies will excuse me, I shall leave you to your conversation,” Miles said, picking up on the social cue as any well brought up young man might.

  “Of course,” Eliza said with a smile. “And how nice it was to see you again, Miles.”

  He bowed at them both before turning to take his leave.

  “Well?” Lady Hanbury said in a whisper. “Has that made things any clearer?”

  “In a way, it has. This is the first time I realized that I no longer cherish my anger and resentment. I have forgiven Miles already, although quite when I did it, I could not say.”

  “Well, that is a good start,” Lady Hanbury said in admiration. “But what of the man himself?”

  “I am almost certain that he is keen to continue where we left off two years ago.”

  “And how do you feel about that?”

  “I know what I feel for him pales in comparison to what I feel for Daniel.”

  “But your question still needs an answer?”

  “Yes, I suppose it does. Perhaps things will be clearer when I have managed to speak to Daniel also.”

  “Ah,” Lady Hanbury said s
ignificantly and winced. “I am afraid that might be impossible; this afternoon, at any rate.”

  “But why?” Eliza said, having overcome her initial fear, and finding herself keen to get on with it, to confront herself.

  “Because I am afraid he has left.”

  “But it is still early, is it not? I cannot think that I was talking to Miles for more than a few minutes,” Eliza said and looked all around the room in the hope that Lady Hanbury was mistaken.