Beat of His Heart

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  Noah: I think I’m falling for you, Amy McBeth.

  My eyes grew wide and my stomach dropped while I read that text a couple times and the goofiest grin spread across my face.

  Me: I feel the same way, Noah. You pretty much complete me right now.

  Noah: You make me pretty happy.

  Me: Wish you were here…

  Noah: Me too, but I really need to finish these reports babe. I’ll see you in the morning?

  Me: Of course. Goodnight…Noah…*kisses*

  Noah: * sloppy kisses *

  I laughed because that was Noah. But I loved his sloppy kisses. I really loved his kisses. I closed my eyes, clutching my phone to my chest.

  7 - CHAPTER seven

  Noah showed up right after I got home from the airport. It was called perfect timing. I was a hot mess. My hair was tossed on top of my head in a messy bun. The sweats I had on had a hole in the knee and my shirt fell off one shoulder letting my shoulder show. I wasn’t wearing any makeup after all the crying I did at the airport. I craved a hug. I craved his touch.

  I cleaned up after ourselves from last night’s mess we created. It wasn’t much, but when I got in these moods where I was a mess and upset, I tended to clean. Washing the last dish, Noah sat across from me on the island as he watched me finish.

  “It’s ok babe. You’ll get to see her again,” he reminded me.

  “I know, it’s just rough for me, that’s all. We were so close back home.”

  “That reminds me, where in Chicago were you at?”

  “I was by the lake along the Gold Coast. It was beautiful.”

  My phone pinged. I checked the message and it was from Sara.

  Home safe. Funny story, I knew Noah looked familiar. As soon as I got home, I asked the hubs and they went to school together! What a small world. Love you to the moon and back, girlfriend. Miss you tons. I love Noah, he’s a good guy.

  I slow blinked a second, taking in the fact that Sara’s husband knew Noah. It was a small world, because we must have lived close to one another and not even know about it.

  “So, where exactly did you live?” I smiled and looked at him watching me back.

  “Well, I was close to the lake too…” He trailed off as his phone went off. “I got to take this, babe, give me a few.” He blew me a kiss and walked over to the patio as he slid the door open and escaped out on the balcony as he talked on the phone to who I assumed was a work related call. Running a business I’m sure was tough work.

  I re-read Sara’s message a couple times, trying to see how crazy that sounded. We were both in Florida, yet both came from Chicago. That was so strange to me, but it was something that would probably connect us somehow. We’d have a place to visit together. This crazy bond that we had, I was believing to be more like fate. He was going to heal me of everything. He was going to make my heartbreak and loss go away because he was going to make me feel again. He was already making me feel but we were in the process of making something great together.

  I stared at the pile of mail in front of him stacked high. It was neglected after the few days Sara was in town. I didn’t pay attention to my mail as usually it was all junk mail, since most bills everyone pays online and are paperless. I tossed through some of it, until I came across the letter from Olivia. I ran my finger over it, trying to guess what was inside. Maybe it was a check? But who would have sent me a check to Olivia? Nothing made sense as I couldn’t figure out why Olivia would get my mail in New York when I lived in Florida. I dug my finger under the flap of the envelope and broke the seal across the top. I took out the folded paper and unfolded it looking at the title, it read;

  To Mrs. James,

  There is no right way to write this letter to you, but I knew I had to. I need to thank you. Its so cliché, but I need to thank you from the bottom of my heart for Bradley’s donation. His heart was donated to me, and I couldn’t ever be more thankful for that blessing in my life. Now is where it gets hard. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ll never know how sorry I actually am, but I’m deeply sorry and can’t imagine how life must go on for you knowing a part of your life was taken away tragically. My condolences to you and the James family. You have been in my prayers since the moment I got word that they found me a heart. It’s never a good scenario when someone is giving you their heart. Because that means there was loss, before there was life. I promise you, that I’m living my life to the very fullest. See, I’m a fireman. I go into burning buildings when everyone is running out. I’m saving the lives of people who need me. I’d like to think that Bradley saved my life, so I could go out there and save the lives of the innocent. I know it’s been two years, but it’s taken me that long to write what was right in hopes enough time has passed where this will be accepted, rather than upsetting or discouraged. I guess no time is the right time to say you’re sorry for a loss. But know this one thing, I’m blessed, and I’m so incredibly thankful for his heart. Thank you.

  Noah Hendricks

  545 Broadway

  Miami, FL 33109

  I stared at the signature. I stared really fucking hard at the signature before glancing out the patio door then back to the letter. Was this some kind of joke? I re-read parts of the letter as my heart started racing. It was beating so hard out of my chest I thought I was going to pass out. Fireman…saved his life…thank you…Mrs. James…thankful. It all was a blur to me. It wasn’t clicking, and so I kept reading the signature…Noah Hendricks…Noah Hendricks…NOAH HENDRICKS. I screamed out loud before I backed into the fridge behind me as tears stained my cheeks. Bradley James; wow I haven’t heard his name like that in a long time. All the emotions running through my body. This couldn’t be true, Noah couldn’t be his donation recipient. How the fuck could Noah have received Brad’s heart? I was confused, my whole body shook. It racked with uncertainty.

  Noah stepped back into the condo and once his eyes locked with mine, he ran over to me. I placed my hand firmly out in front of me. I was scared. I was in shock, and mostly I thought this was some sick joke.

  “Stop. Don’t come any closer!” I screamed out.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” He held his hands up in defeat. He stopped and held out his hands for me to touch but I wouldn’t. Not now. Not till I figured out this whole mess. I dropped the letter into his hands and tears poured down my eyes. He looked down at the letter and back at me, then down at the letter again.

  “Amy…” he whispered quietly. “I don’t understand…how did you get this?” He stared at the letter and his eyes filled with sadness as they met mine. It was then I knew, it wasn’t a sick joke. This made me feel sick, my knees shook and I felt weak. We were speechless.

  “You need to leave.” I pushed him to the door. I took my hands and forcefully shoved him towards my door, screaming. “You need to leave! You need to leave now!”

  “Amy, please, stop, let me be there for you,” he begged, but it wasn’t working. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Just go!” I shouted. He closed the door and I locked it behind him. I slid down the door and felt sick. I crawled to the bathroom before unleashing whatever was in my stomach into the toilet bowl. I sat on the cold ceramic tile and hovered over the toilet. This wasn’t happening. I grabbed my phone and texted Sara.

  It was him. NOAH HAS BRAD’S HEART.

  Not being able to breathe after sending that message and repeating it back to myself several times, I left my phone there and ran out of my condo, barely closing the door as I flew to the elevator. As I took me down to the first floor, I ran as fast as I could until my body hit the sand. I collapsed into the sand and looked out at the water. If I found comfort in anything, it was the wide open ocean. It was like it spoke to me. I felt as though I could look out and see everything I needed.

  I looked out and decided to talk to Brad.

  “Brad, if you are there, if you hear me, I just need to know that I’m doing the right thing. How this happened I don’t know, but I want to pretend just for a second that y
ou led me here. You led me to Florida, you led me in the path of my life. God, this is so fucking stupid.”

  I stopped talking to myself. People scattered the beaches as it was clearly the early afternoon. I probably looked like a freaking lunatic talking to myself looking a hot mess. It all made sense now, it eerily made sense, but I was still in shock, I was still confused.

  I made my way back in, I needed to drink. I needed to feel numb. Slowly the elevator made its ascent towards my condo. Once I reached the door, I realized I didn’t even fully close it. I walked in, slamming it behind me and went for the liquor cabinet. My phone was going off like crazy; I turned it off. I couldn’t talk to Noah, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I grabbed the wine glass that I just washed this morning and poured it full of wine. I didn’t know how well it would mix, but I added vodka to it. The numbness, and mindless Amy needed to come fast. I didn’t want to think. I picked up the letter that was on the floor and read it again. After reading it I read it again and again. I wanted to make sense of it, but I thought I was moving forward. This sent me backwards by five thousand steps. Maybe more. I tossed the letter on the counter and made my way out to the balcony and collapsed on my wicker couch that I had out there. Staring out at the water I tossed the wine back, feeling the burn in my throat. This tasted like shit, but it would do the job. My hands shook, my body was weak with confusion. Noah was supposed to heal me, and he was Brad. He wasn’t Brad, but he had a part of Brad that I wasn’t sure how I could handle. How I could handle a piece of him in a new lover of mine.

  I drank more until my glass was empty. I went back inside and filled a water bottle with vodka. I was desperate to feel numb. Making my way back out on the balcony, I continued to swig off the water bottle as it tasted horrible every sip I took. But the more I drank, the more I felt the escape I was looking for. I was escaping to the world I wanted to be in. Before I knew it, I was passed out. Perfect.

  8 - CHAPTER eight

  Noah….

  I made it home and collapsed on my bed. I just went over everything that happened in the last hour about fifty times to see what the fuck was going on. Clearly, Amy got the letter I wrote. How could that be? I received her ex fiancé’s heart and we were lovers. As much as that felt so fucking wrong, it felt so unbelievably right. Wasn’t that fate making her appearance to tell us it was what was meant to be? She had a piece of him with me all along and that explained our close fucking connection. I was somewhat creeped out that her ex had a part in this. Her dead ex. I could see how it would be very confusing for Amy, but holy shit if I wasn’t confused myself. I felt my chest and ran my hand over my scar. The scar that I was sure Amy felt on more than one occasion when we made love. I had to get a hold of her friend Sara somehow. I had to know she was ok. She was a fucking wreck when I left, but I needed to give her the space she needed.

  I started looking up on social media her friend as I was sure she was on her page and I’d contact her that way. Once I came across the profile, I sent a message.

  Hey Sara,

  Please check on Amy, we had some sort of weird circumstance. Apparently, I’m the guy who received Brad’s heart. I had no idea…This must be confusing…please just make sure she’s ok. She shut me out of her house and I need to give her the space she needs. I just need to know she’s ok.

  Within two minutes my alerts pinged telling me I had a message from Sara.

  I’m on my way back to Florida. I don’t think Amy will take this well and she needs me. My husband is coming with. We got on the first flight out, should be there in an hour. GO TO HER PLACE. Amy is NOT RESPONDING.

  I for a moment freaked out. Sara was coming back? Ok, maybe this was serious. She knew Amy best and the fact she was flying back out, told me the urgency in this. Amy and I never had the chance to talk too much about Brad because I knew it was a sensitive subject. Holy fuck, I should have put two and two together so long ago because it all made sense now. I hoped Amy was ok.

  I flew out of my bed and quickly grabbed my phone and keys. I soared to her condo, knowing it wasn’t that far away. Parking in the guest lot, my fingers pressed the up button on the elevator a million times as if it was going to make it quicker to reach its destination. I stood there pacing waiting for the elevator, and it was taking forever. Deciding it was taking too long, I hit the floor running and kicked open the door to the stairs. I had a long way up, but I was a firefighter and this was in my blood. I took step by step and skipped twos at times. The sweat started after I hit the third floor and I continued making my way up to the tenth floor. I needed to make sure she was ok. Even as weird as all this was, she was my girl, and I had to be there for her, I needed her. Finally, making it to the tenth floor I took off towards her door. I tried to compose myself, breathing heavily as I stood outside the door. After a couple seconds I started knocking.

  Nobody was answering and I started knocking more, and harder and louder hoping to get her attention enough or annoying enough to get her to answer.

  “Amy, please answer, let me in. I want to make sure you are ok!” I yelled through the door. I was sure I was pissing someone off in the hallway as I was being overly loud trying to get to open the damn door. Still nothing was happening. She wasn’t answering the door. I gave her the space she needed and backed away sitting in the hallway as I checked my messages and nothing was from Sara. I knew she was on the plane here but I was lost as what I should do. I was a firefighter, I could knock this door down but I didn’t want to be so dramatic if there was no threat.

  I sat in the hall for two hours before I saw Sara and her husband running down the hallway towards me.

  “Nothing? Why are you out here?” she yelled in my direction.

  “She won’t answer the door. I’m not going to break the door down. There’s no threat or anything, she’s just ignoring me.”

  “No! You idiot! The threat was her turning her damn phone off. She’s not ok!” Sara started banging on the door.

  “She turned her phone off?”

  “Over an hour ago! She has to be a wreck.” She banged some more before giving up.

  “Wait, I think her neighbor has her spare in case she gets locked out. An older lady who’s always home. Let me see if I can get the key out of her,” I added.

  “Go!” Sara shouted. I could hear her talking through the door as I made my way down the hall to this lady’s apartment.

  The older lady answered the door and I explained the situation and the dire need to get into Amy’s condo. Once the lady peeked her head out in the hallway she noticed Sara banging on the door and she smiled while handing me the key. “I hope she is ok.” She said, but I took the keys and ran down the hallway.

  “Move over!” I told Sara as I placed the key in the lock and it turned right away as I pushed the door open. We piled into her condo and searched around but I couldn’t find her anywhere.

  Then Sara shouted as I came running; she was opening the patio door and heading out on the balcony. Amy was laying on the couch passed out and wet, just reeking with alcohol. I picked her up in my arms as we tried to wake her. Sara’s husband came running with a bottle of pills in his hand and showed them to us.

  “Maybe she took these?” he questioned, holding them up. “Anti-depressants.” He read the bottle.

  “Amy, baby, please wake up.” I shook her gently and she moaned. Her eyes slowly opened and I took a deep breath, relieved.

  “Did you take these pills, baby? Are you ok?”

  She shook her head and then quickly leaned over and threw up. The booze wasn’t agreeing, probably by the amount she had.

  “She’s ok. Let me get her cleaned up and in bed. She needs to relax. I’m going to stay here with her,” I told Sara.

  “Sara? Why? What’s going on?” Amy asked, confused to see her before her eyes wandered over to Jeff.

  “Sweetie, after your text I was so worried about you. We got on the first flight.”

  “I’m so confused.” Her eyes met mine and I could see th
e pain right through them. It seared through me in a way I’ve never felt pain. Not even all the stitches and operable pain I had was this bad. This was a whole other level of pain. I needed to help her heal from this. Our story wasn’t like any others. This would make us bond even more.

  “It's ok, baby.” I carried her in my arms to the bedroom. Sara followed to make sure she was ok. Jeff wasn’t far behind either.

  “Hey man, it’s good to see you. Maybe next time it can be under different circumstances.” I chuckled as I looked at Jeff.

  “You too; well, we couldn’t catch a flight out till tomorrow evening, so maybe tomorrow before we leave we can all get together.”

  “For sure, man. Thank you both for coming out here to check on her. I know how much it’ll mean to her in the morning.”

  “We knew we had to once she sent that text. It's just crazy how you found each other like this.”

  I nodded as I lay her on the bed. This was crazy. It was crazy in its own ways. But after tonight, our relationship took on a whole new level, I just hoped that Amy would accept it.

  “So, a drunk is better than me?” Melody stepped out of the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. My eyes sprung open wide seeing her standing before me. I looked over to Amy, who was passed out still next to me.

  “Melody, what are you doing here?” I asked shocked, sitting up in bed. “How did you get in here?”

  She laughed with an evil tone to it. “Door was open earlier, I let myself in. Couldn’t have been any easier.”

  “Why are you here?” I started to get alarmed. Something was off.

  “Well, see, you being here ruined this because you’re not supposed to be here. This was supposed to be easy, an accident.”

  “An accident?” I started to shift my legs off the side of the bed.