Night of the Living Ted
Page 4
“Urgh! Cut it out! Stop it!” he protested, rolling out of the puddle on the floor.
“I’ll stop pouring water on you if you stop fainting,” said Lisa Marie. She was using her sternest voice, the one she saved for emergencies. “Pull yourself together.”
“I’d listen to your sister,” Bearvis suggested.
“Stepsister,” Vernon corrected automatically.
“Well whatever. Sounds like she means business.”
Vernon looked down at the smiling sequin-suited bear and felt his head go light again. He breathed deeply, bringing his panic under control.
“Um, OK,” he mumbled. “I’m all right. This is just a bit … weird,” he said, then he turned to Lisa Marie. “And we’re sure this isn’t a dream?”
Bearvis punched him on the thigh. “Ow!” Vernon yelped. “That hurt!”
“Then it looks like it ain’t no dream,” the King said.
Lisa Marie had crept over to the window and was now peering out from behind the curtains. The bears were still outside. Hundreds of them. Maybe as many as thousands, all criss-crossing in different directions.
A pack of foot-high zombie bears shuffled along the pavement to the left. A gang of vampire bears skulked along the road on the right, their capes billowing in the wind. Werewolf bears darted this way and that, occasionally stopping to howl at the moon, or to pee against the lamp posts.
Above the street, the air was filled with ghost bears, witch bears and flying alien bears, zipping around, trying not to crash into each other.
“What’s going on?” Lisa Marie wondered.
“Ain’t nothin’ good,” said the King. “I don’t like the look of those guys one little bit.”
“Maybe they’re not all bad,” Lisa Marie reasoned. “You aren’t.”
“Yeah, but I ain’t got fangs or claws or some such. Those guys got them and more. They’re bad news. I can feel it in my bones.”
“You don’t have bones,” Lisa Marie pointed out.
“Good point, little darlin’,” the King conceded. “But I got a bad feeling all the same.”
One of the aliens swooped past the window on a jetpack. Lisa Marie ducked out of sight and held her breath, waiting to see if the bear was going to turn back.
“D’you think it saw us?” she whispered.
Bearvis shook his head, making his dark hair flop around. “If it saw us I reckon it would have hit us with some crazy Zap-o-Matic Death Ray,” he mumbled. “Turned us to ashes, quick as you could say ‘peanut butter and banana sandwich’.”
Vernon crawled to the window and peeked out so just the top of his head was showing above the sill. “This is nuts,” he said.
Lisa Marie couldn’t really argue with that.
“What are they carrying?” Vernon wondered.
Lisa Marie squinted. She’d been looking so closely at the bears that she hadn’t noticed the items they were carrying or dragging along behind them. A few had games consoles tucked under their arms, just like Grizz had done with Vernon’s. Others were pulling televisions along by their power cables or carrying stacks of phones and tablets. A few were decked out in expensive-looking necklaces. Unlike the trinkets the King wore, these were all too large for the bears, and dragged along the ground at their feet.
“They’re pilfering stuff,” Lisa Marie realized. ‘Pilfering’ was another of her favourite words and one she felt she didn’t use often enough.
“They’re what?” asked Vernon.
“Stealing,” Lisa Marie explained. She pointed along the street to where a Frankenstein’s monster bear was shuffling out of a house carrying a laptop computer. “They’re stealing everything!”
“Wait, I’m remembering something,” said Bearvis. He placed his paws either side of his head and concentrated. “We were all given some kinda hypnotic command or some such. I’m supposed to be robbing the place.”
Lisa Marie gasped. “You wouldn’t!”
“Course not, honey. I ain’t no bad guy,” the King assured her. He pointed to the window. “Unlike them.”
“Of course! They must assume the personalities of whatever they’re wearing,” Lisa Marie realized.
“They must what?” Vernon asked.
“If they look evil, they turn evil,” Lisa Marie said. “That’s why Bearvis is on our side, while the rest of them are looting the town.”
She drew herself up to her full height. “We have to stop them.”
“And how are we supposed to do that?” Vernon asked. “There are loads of them!”
Lisa Marie thought for a moment. “We could call the police,” she said, but she didn’t sound very sure about that.
“And say what?” asked Vernon. “That teddy bears have come to life, turned our mum and dad into slugs and are now stealing all our neighbours’ stuff?”
“And your stuff,” Lisa Marie pointed out.
Vernon gasped, suddenly remembering. “My console! That stupid bear took my console!”
“And they’re not both slugs,” Lisa Marie added. “Dad’s a frog.”
“Oh, well that’s much better!” Vernon yelped, his voice creeping higher.
“Now don’t you fret there, son, the King’s gonna figure out how to put all this right,” Bearvis said. He was pacing back and forth in front of the sofa and stroking his chin. “Just let me think for a second.”
Lisa Marie swallowed. “Uh, King…?”
“Don’t you worry about nothin’, little darlin’,” said the bear. “I’m gonna take care of this business, quick as a flash.”
“But—”
“I swear, a plan’s gonna pop right into my head here any second. I can feel it a-brewin’ around in there, just waitin’ to come out.”
“Bearvis!” Lisa Marie hissed the word, almost making the teddy jump out of his fur. He turned to look at her, then instantly froze. Through the gap in the curtains they saw a grey-furred bear hovering on its shiny silver jetpack. It fixed all three of the house’s occupants with a cold, calculating stare.
“I was trying to tell you,” gulped Lisa Marie. “The alien. It came back!”
The King nodded. His eyes were locked on the deadly looking weapon in the flying bear’s paws. The deadly looking weapon that was pointed right at them. “And I’m guessing that,” Bearvis mumbled, “has gotta be its Zap-o-Matic Death Ray.”
Josh, the new owner of Create-a-Ted, yelped in surprise when a little red-furred bear wearing a mishmash of Halloween costumes and carrying an Xbox under one arm appeared in a puff of crimson smoke in the middle of the shop.
“Whoa, that was quick,” he said, squinting down at Grizz over the top of his thick-rimmed glasses. He rubbed his hands together. “And ooh, you’ve brought me a present!”
Grizz looked down at the console, as if only just remembering it was there. He raised an arm and let it drop to the ground.
“Careful,” Josh warned, scooping the console up and cradling it to his chest. “It’s not worth anything broken.”
Grizz shrugged. “You ask me, it ain’t worth anything now.” He turned and took in the shop, then looked Josh up and down. “You’re the meatbag that brought us to life?”
“Meatbag?” said Josh. “That’s not very nice. But yes. Yes, I am the giver of life.” He laughed. “Bow before your Lord and Master!”
Grizz didn’t see the funny side. “Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen,” he growled. He frowned, trying to catch hold of a memory that was buried somewhere at the back of his head-stuffing. “You used a machine, right? Or … some kind of magic, maybe?”
“Both!” said Josh. “Don’t ask me how any of it works, of course – I stole it from some creepy science dude – but work it has. I mean, look at you! You’re alive. You’re actually alive!”
He danced on the spot and punched the air with delight. “And with you all working for me, there’s nowhere I won’t be able to break into, nothing I won’t be able to steal!”
Grizz’s lips curled up in a snarl, showing his va
mpire teeth. “Working for you?” he muttered.
“Of course!” said Josh. “That’s why I stole the TBA.”
“The what?”
“TBA. That’s what the guy called it. Teddy Bear Animator. Once I knew what it could do, I had to have it. Turning stuffed bears into living matter?! I mean … wow, right?”
He grinned, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “But then I figured, what if I could get a teddy in every house – one that I’d ‘programmed’ to be evil?”
Grizz raised a furry eyebrow, suddenly interested. “Programmed?”
“The costumes!” Josh cried. “See, you bears take on the personality of whatever you’re wearing when the TBA is activated. So scary monster parts…”
“Make scary monster bears,” Grizz said.
“Exactly! Then all I had to do was implant the idea to steal whatever they found in the houses and bring it here, and I could make a fortune. I’d have my very own army of furry little thieves, ready and willing to do whatever I told them.”
“Yeah, well we’ll see about that,” Grizz muttered.
Josh raised his eyebrows. “Sorry, what was that?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Grizz told him. “I want to see the machine.”
Josh glanced towards a door at the back of the shop. “Uh-uh. No way. That thing’s off limits to everyone but me. I don’t want it getting broken.”
“Maybe I ain’t explaining myself properly,” said Grizz. He leaped up and landed on Josh’s shoulder, giving him a close-up look of his fangs, claws and fiery demon eyes. “You’re going to show me the machine. Now.”
Lisa Marie and Vernon both raised their hands and stepped back as the alien bear drifted closer to the living-room window. Its spacesuit emitted a faint green glow, making the bear’s furry face look extra spooky.
Two little antennae on its head twitched as its jetpack brought it closer to the glass. Its little ray gun was pointed straight at the children, and while the gun looked like a toy, Lisa Marie was prepared to bet it was more lethal than it appeared.
“What do we do?” Vernon whispered.
Lisa Marie swallowed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Bearvis?”
Silence.
“Bearvis? What do we do?” Lisa Marie asked.
When she got no reply, she risked a glance back at the couch. The King was nowhere to be seen.
“He’s gone!” she gasped.
Vernon followed her gaze, keeping his hands raised. “Oh, great. So much for him being on our side,” he hissed.
Outside, a blur of sequins and fur suddenly slammed into the hovering bear. Taken by surprise, the alien let out a sharp, inhuman squeal. The sound pierced the night like a car alarm.
“Don’t you worry none about this guy, honey,” shouted the King as he tried to wrestle the alien bear’s gun from its grip. “I got this under control.”
Suddenly, the alien bear’s jetpack began to spit bright streams of orange flame from its exhausts. Both bears screamed as they were launched straight through the garden hedge, leaving a perfectly round hole in their wake.
Lisa Marie and Vernon rushed closer to the window. The army of bears out in the street had all stopped what they were doing, and were now watching the flailing paws of the battling bears.
The out-of-control jetpack dragged both teddies on a wild zigzag route along the road. One moment they were up above the street lights, the next they were bouncing off the tarmac.
The children watched transfixed until the fiery blast of the jetpack was just a faint glow in the distance. “Well, then,” said Vernon, puffing out his cheeks. “That’s him dead.”
Lisa Marie slapped him on the arm. “No, it isn’t! Don’t say that.”
Spinning on her heels, she ran out of the living room and raced for the open front door. She wriggled her bare feet into her shoes and grabbed her coat from its hanger on the way. It wasn’t very sensible to confront an army of evil bears while wearing only her pyjamas, after all.
Taking the wand from her waistband and raising it in front of her, she hurried out into the garden with Vernon stumbling along behind her.
“Lisa Marie, come back. What are you—? Ooh, it’s f-f-freezing out here,” he said, shivering in his thin PJs. He backtracked up the path. “Wait there, I’m going to g-get some c-clothes on.”
Lisa Marie ignored him. Instead, she peered through the hole in the hedge, searching for some sign of Bearvis. Just a few metres away, a glow-in-the-dark ghost bear floated past, its arms full of leather wallets and purses. It joined up with a growing crowd of bears who all seemed to be moving in the same direction.
She was so busy wondering where the bears could be going that she almost didn’t notice a high-pitched sound screaming along the street. It was only when a bundle of fur and flame came roaring towards her that she realized the King and the alien were still locked in battle, hitting and kicking one another as they wrestled for control of the Zap-o-Matic Death Ray.
Lisa Marie squealed and threw herself sideways as the zooming bears ripped another hole through the hedge. Henrietta’s wand fell from her grip and bounced on the grass. As she grabbed it, she felt it tingle against her fingertips.
“Bearvis, are you OK?” asked Lisa Marie, her voice quiet but filled with urgency.
“Just fine,” drawled the Elvis bear, holding on to the alien bear with one furry fist and flailing wildly with the other. “Have this taken care of in no time.”
Before the words were fully out of his mouth, a furry knee slammed into the King’s stomach, forcing him to release his grip. He hit the ground, a jumble of fur and rhinestones.
No longer under attack, the alien was able to quickly bring its jetpack under control. Lisa Marie watched on in horror as it turned its Zap-o-Matic in the direction of the fallen King. The end of the gun began to glow white-hot. Lisa Marie had to do something quickly. But what?
She felt her arm raise all by itself.
“Drop that thing or I’ll… I’ll zap you!”
The alien bear shifted its gaze to look at her. Its eyes narrowed when it spotted the outstretched wand in her hand. “I know how to use this,” Lisa Marie bluffed. “So put it down. Now.”
On the word ‘now’, three things happened, almost all at once: the alien pointed its Death Ray at Lisa Marie; the King leaped up and threw himself between the hovering teddy and the girl; and a blast of powerful energy scorched through the air between them.
At first, Lisa Marie thought the alien must have fired. But then, as the glow faded, she saw a small silver spacesuit and jetpack land in the garden with a faint thud.
A moment later, a family of ducks emerged from inside the suit, quacked in annoyance, then flew off. Lisa Marie stared open-mouthed at them, then down at the wand in her hand. A single curl of smoke drifted up from its wooden tip.
“Uh, did I do that?” she whispered.
“My hair,” groaned the King, patting his thick black locks with his paws. A round hole, just like the two in the hedge, had been burned right through his trademark black quiff. “You shot my beautiful hair!”
“I think we’ve got bigger problems,” Lisa Marie warned.
“Speak for yourself,” the teddy sighed. “This is just about the worst thing that could happen.”
“N-no,” Lisa Marie stammered. She nodded in the direction of the hedge. A dozen or more teddies had begun to clamber over, under and through the foliage. “That is the worst thing that could happen!”
Lisa Marie stepped back a few paces. She held the wand out in front of her for protection, hoping she looked like she knew how to use it, even though she didn’t really have a clue.
“You ask me, the hair’s still worse,” mumbled the King. He tugged on Lisa Marie’s pyjama leg, making her look down. “Pick me up,” he commanded.
Not asking why, Lisa Marie bent down and scooped up the bear. He gave her a friendly wink. “Now hug me, tight as you can.”
“What? There’s no time for this!”
Still keeping an eye on the Halloween teddies, which were now flooding the garden in their hundreds, Lisa Marie tucked the wand into her inside coat pocket, then pulled the King in tight against her. His fur felt soft and warm, and for a moment she almost believed this whole nightmare was exactly that – a bad dream she’d wake up from at any moment.
Around them, the vampires, werewolves, demons, ghosts and who-knew-what-else formed an ugly circle. As one, the bears began to advance.
Lisa Marie glanced at the door to her house. Vernon was still inside, hopefully safe.
“Whatever your plan is, Bearvis, do it quick,” she whispered.
The King’s top lip curled into a playful sneer. He thumped a paw against a button on the alien’s jetpack, which he now wore over the top of his rhinestone-studded suit. “Yes, ma’am,” he said.
With a screech and a blinding flash of flame, the girl and the teddy rocketed out of the garden and high into the dark night sky.
Grizz followed Josh into a storeroom at the back of the shop. It was around half the size of the main shop, and was mostly filled with bags of stuffing.
Something that looked like an upside-down umbrella stood in the middle of the room. Inside, where the handle would usually be, was a little spinning sphere. The energy it gave off made static electricity crackle from the ends of Grizz’s fur.
“That’s it?” The bear snorted. “That piece of junk is what brought us to life?”
Josh shrugged. “Yes. Well, that and some sort of chemicals in your fur. Like I say, I don’t know the science, but lucky for me, when I stole the TBA I also stole the instruction manual.”
He rocked back on his heels, obviously very pleased with himself. “Then all I had to do was get rid of the owners of this place, and set up shop for myself.”
“You got rid of them?” said Grizz, drawing a clawed thumb across his throat.