Maldeamores (Lovesick) (Heightsbound #0.5)

by Mara White

  “To us,” I repeat and tap my glass to his. I take a sip and try to swallow all of my inhibitions. Jeremy is great, I tell myself. I couldn’t do any better.

  The timeshare is gorgeous, maybe the nicest place I’ve ever stayed. Everything is clean and white and decorated like an old Southern plantation. There is one king-sized bed in the room where we put our luggage and I look at it with apprehension.

  It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just disappointed in how lackluster it all feels. Shouldn’t it feel magical and exciting? Shouldn’t I be swooning and having dreams of our beautiful ever-after? I just want him to stick it in like you prod a roast in the oven. Take it out, check the temperature and then take a really hot shower.

  We get dressed up. I wear a flowy, white shirt with a turquoise mini-skirt. I have on heels, blush, the whole nine yards. Jeremy’s shirt matches his eyes.

  His dad’s friend owns the restaurant and not only do they let me drink, but they comp the whole bill. We eat oysters and sip dark rum and the entire night Jeremy’s hand keeps returning to caress my thighs.

  “Belén, I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you in school,” he says, gliding his hand a little higher. He slips a finger in my panties and I almost choke on my mojito.

  “I think I need to get a little more drunk,” I whisper. He skims his finger over my clit. My nipples respond. I exhale slowly. “Can we go to a bar?”

  We drive fifteen minutes to a place that looks like a sports bar in the middle of nowhere. We get out of the car and Jeremy slams the door, a little more than annoyed with me. I wish I could channel Yari and revel in my sexuality.

  “I’ve been here a few times on the weekends. It gets kind of crazy, people like to get wasted. They’re easy on IDs, I got in before I turned twenty-one.”

  It’s loud inside, without a lot of light, and some people are dancing. There are pool tables and dart boards, but mainly there are a lot of intoxicated guys shouting and drinking.

  We sit at the bar and Jeremy orders us two shots. I tip mine back. It burns on the way down and suddenly I feel pretty good. I can do this. I can be a good sport.

  “Thanks for bringing me here, Jeremy. I really needed to loosen up. This is just what the doctor ordered.”

  “Let me get you another one!” Jeremy yells and kisses me on the lips, quickly slipping his tongue in.

  My phone rings in my purse and I pull it out and stare. My screen’s lit up. Lucky is calling me. He’s never called me before.

  “Lucky?” I say into the phone, immediately fearing the worst.

  “Bey, tell me you’re not at a Marine dive bar in North Carolina with that rich prick from the party,” he says, sounding pretty drunk.

  “I didn’t know it was a Marine bar—hang on, I’ll ask Jeremy.” I put the phone down to my chest and look at Jeremy and smile. “Well, wouldn’t you know it, my cousin Lucky is in this bar.”

  The thought did cross my mind when we decided to come here. I even fantasized about calling or accidentally running into him. But I kept that in check and forced myself to concentrate on Jeremy. What the hell is fate up to? Is she just being cruel or is she trying to tell me something?

  “I thought he’d shipped out?”

  “I guess he’s back and he’s having a few drinks with the guys.”

  “Not surprised, they all come here to get trashed. Where is he? Let’s go find him, maybe he’s got some good shit!” Jeremy says, knocking back another shot. Jeremy seems more excited about seeing Lucky than getting into my underwear.

  “Where are you, Lucky?” I ask into the phone.

  “By the pool table, Belén. Staring at your legs.” I uncross my legs slowly and slip my phone back into my purse. I peer into the corner and feel a creeping recognition when my eyes make contact with a pair of yellow ones searing through the dim light. It’s Jaylee with Lucky; they stand up from their table. They look so good together, and they stick out like crazy, two boys from the Heights surrounded by straight-laced Marines and North Carolinians.

  “That’s Jaylee with him. The whole neighborhood is here. Come on, Jeremy, they’re over there by the pool table.”

  Lucky and Jaylee shake Jeremy’s hand and both kiss me on the cheek. Jeremy grabs a chair and pulls me onto his lap. I watch Lucky’s jaw tick ever so faintly as he scrutinizes Jeremy’s arm wrapped suggestively around my waist.

  Jaylee orders a round of shots and pays in cash from a thick stash in his wallet.

  “What the fuck you doing here with my little cousin, Jeremy?” Lucky asks, his fist on the table.

  “We’re here for the long weekend at Jeremy’s parents’ beautiful time-share. You guys should come back with us—right, Jeremy? There’s a gorgeous pool and tennis courts.”

  “Hell yeah, they should, if they’re bringing the goods!” Jeremy says and knocks back another shot.

  We drink more and Jeremy’s hands gets loose and play up my ribcage. Lucky’s eyes wander with them and his face is set in a glare.

  I’m so drunk, I switch laps and throw my arms around Lucky’s neck. Jeremy doesn’t seem to care; he’s more interested in Jaylee. They have their heads together and are speaking in hushed tones. The two of them stand up together and go outside to smoke. Lucky stands and pulls me into a hard hug and I turn to soft butter, melting into his arms that feel so right and so familiar.

  “Sorry how we left it, Len. I don’t mean to lose control.”

  “It’s okay, Lucky. It’s just this thing between us, none of it’s your fault. I came to lose my virginity this weekend. Jeremy is sort of my boyfriend.”

  “Oh, is he?”

  “I still haven’t gotten it over with, so that’s why I’m here. I thought I should tell you before Jeremy said something.”

  “That’s fucked up, Bey. It shouldn’t be like that. It’s not a chore you put up with. Don’t let him fuck you just to get it over with! It should just happen naturally. Lucky’s hand lingers on the back of my neck. He’s in a white T-shirt and black military pants.

  “Like how it was with us? I thought that part wasn’t natural?”

  “I don’t fuckin’ know, Bey. I need another drink. I can’t get enough of you in a skirt. How come you never dressed like that for me?”

  “How come you didn’t go outside with them?”

  “’Cause I’m clean. A few drinks on the weekends, but that’s all for me.”

  “What if I ditched Jeremy and you took my virginity instead?” I ask, laying my head on his chest. I say it like it’s a joke. But it isn’t. At all.

  It’s what I want, how I’ve always imagined it.

  He grabs my hair and breathes in my scent at the top of my head, then his hand roams lower and stays at my hip.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think Jeremy would like that. He’s been working so hard, Bey, to get in your pussy. For years.”

  “What if I let him fuck me while you sit there and watch?”

  The booze is loosening me up and I’m saying whatever the hell I want to. I’m speaking the truth.

  “That’s about the freakiest thing I’ve ever heard out of your mouth. Come here.” Apparently he likes it because he grabs my chin and lifts it up. Lucky takes my mouth and kisses me savagely until my head spins and I can’t breathe. Lucky’s tongue is poison and all I want is for him to infect me.

  When I look up, Jeremy and Jaylee are staring and Jaylee is laughing. His huge fucking grin tells me they’ve been standing there watching.

  “Jesus, you two never quit!” Jaylee says punching Jeremy in the arm. “Let’s go back to your place, man, this looks like it could be fun!”

  I don’t think any of them should be driving. Jeremy and I call a taxi but Lucky insists that he’s sober. They follow behind us in separate cars because Jaylee isn’t staying and is
planning on driving back to the city tonight. Jeremy says nothing to me in the cab until we pull up at his place.

  “Are we still gonna fuck, Belén, or are you gonna cop out again, because we ran into Lucky?”

  “I still want to do it. Maybe even more than I did before. I think they should participate. We can all have fun and maybe it will be even better that way. ”

  We get out of the car and slam the doors. Jeremy storms after me on the gravel.

  “You, who refuses to let me tie you up, think you’re down for that much kink? You the perpetual prude, who won’t go past first base?”

  “Call me a freak if you want to, Jeremy, but I feel safe when he’s near me.”

  “All right, but you’re not my girlfriend if you’re messing around with someone else.”

  “Was I ever really in the first place?”

  He just shrugs in answer. I know Jeremy will do whatever Jaylee and Lucky think is cool. He’s always been a wannabe and looked up to those two.

  Jeremy unlocks the door and we all four step into the lap of luxury. Jeremy is sighing loudly and running his hands through his blond hair. He kicks off his boat shoes and grabs a bottle from the counter and a handful of glasses that all clang together noisily. He’s acting like he’s annoyed with me, but it feels like it’s fake and he just wants to impress them.

  Jaylee relaxes on the couch, throws a leg up over the coffee table and winks at me suggestively. He’s so hot I almost feel like I could do him without needing my cousin. Lucky stalks over to a chair and sits down, spreading his legs into a wide V.

  “Yo, Belén, you up for a group fuck? Or what’s the deal?” Jaylee says after he pours straight whiskey into all four glasses.

  “Fuck off, Jay!” Lucky says as he throws back the shot and jerks his chin aggressively at his friend from the neighborhood.

  “She’s my girlfriend,” Jeremy adds, sounding a little whiny.

  “Dude, it’s her body,” Lucky says, glaring at Jeremy like he’s got no claim to me. “How’d this idea get started anyway?”

  “It was my idea,” I say, surprising myself. Suddenly I have three pairs of eyes studying me intently.

  “I have a really hard time getting turned on. Like, really hard. I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done everything from study human sexuality to special therapy to watching porn and using toys and kissing girls and nothing, nothing works for me!” I say the last part a little too loudly. All three of them are transfixed. I’ve got all of their attention.

  “Whoa,” Jaylee says.

  “Except for Lucky. Lucky works for me.”

  “You do it for me too, Bey,” Lucky says from the chair.

  It doesn’t sound taboo or disgusting. It sounds right to say it, just like it should.

  Jaylee claps his hands together and smiles at all of us. “This is seriously some fucked-up shit! I love it! Jer, you get us some ice and I’ll roll a blunt. I’m down for whatever the lady wants.” He looks ecstatic as he gets to work. Lucky sits in a chair and simply smolders at me.

  Maybe it’s weird to spend your life as abstinent and then one night while drunk, up and decide to have sex with three men at once. But I don’t care about judgment. I need to get the hell past whatever has been blocking me. I want a normal sex life. I’d settle for just a normal life. I want to feel something. Because I already know that love doesn’t feel good.

  All three of them are surveying my body and my skin is on fire. Jaylee is gorgeous. I’ve thought that since the first moment I saw him, years ago in the Heights. Lucky is irresistible and one hundred percent male. Jeremy is okay too in his sort of preppy way, with blond tousled hair that falls into his eyes. I could want all three of them. Maybe I do.

  I stand up and unzip my skirt and let it fall to the floor. I keep my heels on and lift my filmy white shirt over my head and toss it on top of my skirt. I’m in a white lace bra and panties and black heels, an ensemble I bought especially for losing my virginity. I unclip my hair and sit down on the couch between Jeremy and Jaylee.

  “All grown up, Belén,” Jaylee says, nodding and checking me out. “Feel good to get that shit off your chest?”

  “I just want to feel sexy for once. I know I’m not frigid. I don’t think I’m a prude! I’m barely able to feel attraction to a guy, let alone achieve an orgasm.”

  “I can help you out,” Jaylee says in a low voice, then leans in and takes my mouth.

  He’s aggressive, he’s fast. He has my bra off in a second and is sucking one nipple while he’s thumbing the other one. “You just want him watching or you want him to participate?” Jaylee asks like it’s a simple, everyday question. Maybe it is for him? Maybe they like it in groups?

  “Whatever he wants,” I say, leaning into Jaylee and seeking his mouth. His lips are full and soft; he has a kiss that’s intense and easy to get lost in.

  “I’ll watch. I can’t touch her. If she says stop, stop. You two bitches better listen or I’ll chop off your fucking dicks with a kitchen knife. This is about what Belén wants, not a fucking orgy. You assholes are gonna help her get off. It’s about her body!”

  “Word,” Jaylee says and slips his fingers into my underwear. He rubs my pussy just a little bit and then pushes me back on the couch. He leans down to my belly and brushes his lips over the button. His tongue dives in for a split second, spreading warmth all over my body. He bites at my hip and tugs at my panties with his teeth. I watch my own stomach quiver as they slide down my thighs. I’m undressed in an instant.

  Jeremy sits behind me and maneuvers my head into his lap. He starts to play with my breasts while he kisses my neck. My whole body prickles and I keep eye contact with Lucky. I’m turned on, I can feel it, the warm slide of wetness between my legs. My muscles clench involuntarily, ready for someone to take me. I never stop looking at Lucky. He’s hard, but his arms are still at his sides. Even if he doesn’t want to touch me, it’s enough to just have him watching. It’s more than enough to have him looking at me. His eye contact escalates every single one of my senses.

  Jaylee smacks my ass hard and pushes my knees apart.

  “Relájate, chula! I’m not gonna do anything you won’t like.”

  He licks right up my slit and toys with my clit. I let my head fall back and moan. Jeremy stands up and drops his pants, taking the opportunity to stick his dick in my mouth. I taste precome on his cock and swirl my tongue around the tip. Two men at once is a sensory overload. So much is going on, it’s like being in two places at the same time. I know I’m being used but that’s what I like about it. I let go a little and it feels like the whole world opens up.

  I can’t stop looking at Lucky, even though I’ve got Jeremy’s cock in my mouth. He winces when we make eye contact but soon he relaxes and undoes his pants. He takes his penis out and slides his fist down his shaft. My blood races to see him with his manhood in his hands. His cock is thick and glistens at the head. I’m sucking Jeremy’s dick, but it’s Lucky who I want in my mouth.

  “Belén,” Lucky says. “Pretend it’s me if it helps you.”

  My heart charges when he says it. All I’ve ever wanted is for Lucky to take my body.

  “Up on your knees,” Jaylee says, smacking the outer edge of my thigh. I rise on all fours. He pulls my hips back forcefully until they hit his and he takes the wetness from between my legs and spreads it all over with his fingers.

  “I think we can make you come, Belén. How old did you say you were?” he asks, and I can hear him unwrapping a condom. He must be using his teeth because one of his hands is digging into the flesh of my hip hard.

  “I just turned twenty.” I can’t believe I’m about to lose my virginity to Jaylee, the drug dealer from the playground. Yari would go nuts. She and every other girl has made a play for him.

  “Len
, it’s me, putting on the condom.”

  Lucky’s voice is so soft and dominant. I visualize in my mind what he tells me and my adrenaline spikes a mile.

  I feel like I should say something because it all seems too unceremonious, but Jeremy is gently taking my mouth again and I can’t really talk.

  Jaylee pushes his cock into me hard and I yell out in surprise, pulling away from Jeremy.

  “Lucky!” I cry. I know there is fear in my face and Lucky looks alarmed.

  “Yo, Jay. Back the fuck up!” Lucky stands, looking ready to fight.

  “No, Lucky. It’s all right,” I say, never breaking eye contact with my cousin.

  “Holy shit, is she tight,” Jaylee says as he wags his dick around, making me seize up even more.

  “’Cause she’s a fucking virgin, Jay!” Lucky yells, raising his hands up and then slamming them down again. “Go the fuck easy on her!”

  “What the hell? Nobody told me! You okay, Belén? You want me to pull out?”

  I shake my head.

  No. Please don’t.

  “Good girl,” Jaylee says and smacks my ass again, causing a heated sting to rise in the spot. “Tight little cunt to go with that tight little body.”

  “Just be gentle with her, or I will kill you,” Lucky says, seething.

  It hurts and it feels amazing all at the same time to have him sliding in and out of me. When his hips crash into mine it ignites all sorts of desperate feelings in me. So full, yet so insanely hungry. I relax as he moves inside me and it starts to feel even better. The intensity increases. I’ve never felt such fire. I might go crazy with lust, the white-hot burn of desire.

  Jeremy stands and fists my hair, rubbing his hard length against my lips and cheek. I curl my tongue around the head of his cock and slowly work all of it into my mouth with suction. He moans and grabs my head lightly while he starts up a rhythm. I can’t believe I have two men inside of me.

  “Dude, Lucky, you gotta stop looking at me like that or I’m not gonna be able to fuck her,” Jaylee says.