Maldeamores (Lovesick) (Heightsbound #0.5)

by Mara White

  “Are you really a doctor?”

  “I am; as much as you are a soldier, my boy. Now, get some rest. Your vitals are quite good. I’ll check on that phone call.”

  Belén

  I trudge up the hill that passes Trinity Cemetery. I walked up this hill hand in hand with Lucky so many times. He pulled me along, never ran up ahead of me or left me behind to fend for myself. Luciano was always watching over me, like I know he is now, whether he’s passed on or not. From the time we were small children, when kids are supposed to be cruel, not look out for one another, Lucky protected me. I guess he always took what our mothers said seriously—either that or he loved me strongly from a young age. Lucky was my hero. Even when he did things that hurt me—those same things made me stronger.

  Lucky

  When the doctor leaves, I realize a few things. One is that life is short and you never know when you’ll be taken. If I did die out there in the desert, they would all have to go on without me—my ma, Betty, and of course Belén. I guess they’d be heartbroken, a lot of tears would be shed, but eventually they’d get on without me. I’d become another memory with a pretty sad ending.

  If I went home right now, Belén and I would be together, we’d tell the rest of them to fuck off and think we were blessed with a second chance. I can’t even let myself think about our reunion in bed. That would rival the stuff legends are made of— they’d name a constellation after us. Belén and I are explosive together—I’ve never known anything like it and I don’t expect to again.

  But the other sort of significant thing that keeps playing—if they all think I’m dead, maybe that’s the best thing that could happen. A clean break, a fresh start, help Belén separate herself from me. She deserves so much more and the two of us being together only causes a sickness. A sickness that, when it takes hold of us, is strong enough to do us in. Nothing lasts forever and that probably applies to us. I don’t think I could ever survive Belén falling out of love with me. No fucking way.

  It’s not just about being able to have kids or our family and the rest of the world thinking it’s wrong. It’s about Belén not hating herself and believing in her heart that she’s bad. Take me out of the picture and suddenly, even from this far away, I can see Belén’s future better.

  That’s when I decide I’m neither in heaven nor in hell. I’m stuck in purgatory and it’s up to me to decide if I stay or if I get myself out of it.

  I just don’t know if I can walk alone when my whole life I’ve walked beside her.

  Epilogue

  Belén

  Luke’s hands look tiny as he struggles to rub the charcoal crayon over the inscription. He’s only three, but he’s been so excited about doing this, counting down the days to Memorial Day. He’s told all of his teachers at pre-school about our project. I hold down the corners of his paper as the wind tries to snatch it.

  “Is that all of it, Mommy?”

  “I think so, Luke. Let’s have a look at it.”

  All of the words came through perfectly onto the paper.

  Luciano “Lucky” Cabrera

  US Marine Corps

  July 16, 1989 – June 23, 2012

  I still get a lump in my throat just reading it. We never got a body or even a positive ID on DNA. For such an incredible person, it’s hard to accept that there’s really nothing left of him.

  “You named me after my Uncle Lucky, right, Mommy?” Luke asks.

  “Yes. And after Daddy’s brother Luke who died in the war just like Lucky did.”

  My phone pings with a text and I pull it out of my pocket.

  Honey, they don’t have lemonade. Iced tea instead? Is Luke eating egg salad these days? I forget.

  I smile when I read it.

  Yes and Yes I text back.

  Adam lost his twin brother Luke in Afghanistan, so he’s got a deep hole in his heart just like I do. We bonded over those losses and helped plug each other’s heartache up.

  “Let’s go find Uncle Luke, and then meet Daddy for lunch.”

  “Okay, Mommy. Why did Uncle Lucky go to war?.

  “It’s called making a sacrifice, Luke.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A sacrifice is when you care about someone or something more than you do yourself. It’s taking a giant leap of faith when you don’t know what the outcome will be.”

  He tugs on my hand as we make our way to Adam’s brother’s grave.

  Adam is a research scientist just like I am. We met on a project and soon discovered how much we had in common. I was completely up-front about the sex from day one. Adam took it so extremely slow and gentle with me, it was impossible not to fall in love with him. He never once accused me of being shameful or weird.

  “Gene mutations I can tell you about, Belén. But love, that is the universe’s greatest mystery,” he would say.

  Mami and Titi love baby Luke with a passion that is ferocious. He’s our family’s new little light and nobody can get enough of him.

  My life is so full that it would be ungrateful to say that it’s lacking in any way. I adore my husband and my son and I try to live every day like it’s my last one.

  My heart is full too, a glowing chamber of cranberry-colored beach glass meticulously pieced back together. And I would be remiss not to mention that there is a light that hovers over me—always protecting. It shines so bright that sometimes it illuminates me from the inside out. I’ve had a great deal of pain, but I hold onto that too. My pain from loving Luciano isn’t a sickness—it’s a source of magnificent strength, it’s the most beautiful part of me.

  I don’t consider myself cursed; I consider myself lucky.

  About the Author

  Mara White is a contemporary romance and erotica writer who laces forbidden love stories with hard issues, such as race, gender and inequality. She holds an Ivy League degree but has also worked in more strip clubs than even she can remember. She is not a former Mexican telenovela star contrary to what the tabloids might say, but she is a former ballerina and will always remain one in her heart. She lives in NYC with her husband and two children and yes, when she’s not writing you can find her on the playground.

  If you feel like reaching out, she’d love to hear from you!

  authormarawhite@gmail.com

  https://www.facebook.com/heightsbound?ref=tn_tnmn

  https://twitter.com/authormarawhite

  https://instagram.com/authormarawhite/

  Acknowledgements

  A tremendous thank you to:

  My husband and my kids as well as my extended family.

  My early readers, Ramona, Jill, Yaya, GMG, Leslie, Ellen, Autumn, Jenae, Supreet, Jiya, and Stylo.

  To Robin Bateman and her family for the technical information.

  My editor, Leanne Rabesa, who did a beautiful job with this story.

  My copy editor, Sue Rohan.

  My cover designer, Daniela Medina, who always has the magic touch.

  My cultural consultants, Leslie De Jesus and Diana Rosa, Carlos, and Saralinda.

  My graphics people, Glendon and Tabatha at Streetlight Graphics and Michele Catalano at Michele Catalano Creative.

  My publicist, Neda Amini at Flirty Subs PR. Thanks for finding me and coming to the rescue!

  All of the amazing bloggers who help me out so much. I have a great love and respect for the dedication it takes to do what you do—it doesn’t go unnoticed.

  My readers, you are everything, there’s no way I could do this without all of your kindness and enthusiasm. Thank you for reading, for reaching out to me and for leaving reviews.

  To Katy Evans, who not only writes amazing stories but also gives the best advice. She was the first person to read Maldeamores and the first person to love it.

  And finally,
to Luciano and Belén. It was a pleasure to work with both of you, even though you hijacked my mind for seven weeks straight and barely let me sleep! (Just kidding, I loved every minute of it! Let’s do it again sometime!)