Keepers of the Flame: A love story

by Jeannie Wycherley

  “I don’t think I can do this. I’m not ready,” Jane argued.

  “It’s been six years. You need to get over yourself, lady,” replied Terri tartly and chewed on the cherry from her vodka cocktail.

  Jane looked at her friend askance, then laughed out loud. Terri was right of course. Six years was far too long to harbour either a grudge or a broken heart, but still Jane reckoned she did it so well, it made it hard for her to drop it.

  “Sorry. I’m stupidly nervous. God knows why. He won’t even see me. My head feels all over the place.”

  “It’s just another music event. We’ve been to millions over the years. Okay, maybe not millions.” Terri drained her glass. “Your round I believe.”

  Jane turned to the bar, but was stopped in her tracks by a voice she hadn’t heard for a long time. “Hold your horses there, sweetcheeks. I’m getting these.” She turned to see Dewey standing behind them, grinning from ear to ear. He enveloped Terri in a bear hug, and kissed her hard on the lips, before turning to Jane.

  Jane appraised him in surprise. Dewey looked amazing. He’d lost all of his endearing chubbiness, although he was still built like an American football player, as tall as he was wide. These days his beard was close cropped and neat, and his hair, once greasy and unkempt, was sleek and clean. He looked like a man who had a few bob, and was at ease with that. He was wearing jeans, a Wild Dogz band t-shirt, cowboy boots, and a soft grey jacket. Casually elegant.

  He held Jane at arm’s length for a moment, looking her up and down. She wore faded denim jeans, and a loose fitting white cheesecloth blouse, off the shoulder, delicately embroidered with red and pink roses, and green leaves along the seams. Her brown hair, now coloured, was cut well and often, and hung down around her tanned shoulders. “You’re still as beautiful as you were the first day I met you,” he said. “I can’t believe it’s been six years.”

  Jane smiled self-consciously. She’d rounded out over the past few years, had more curves than she’d had at 22, bigger boobs, a little more stomach, however she swam a lot and tried to keep herself fit. For a while she’d gone off the rails, eaten rubbish, stopped caring about her appearance at all. She hadn’t been able to cope with the comparison between herself and Nyree Seager-Lowe. Her ensuing depression had robbed her of any self-belief, but to be fair she cared about herself more now, worked a little harder at it. Not as much as Terri, but then who did?

  “It’s great to see you again, Dewey. You look fantastic!”

  “Shucks,” he said, and Jane spotted a small flush across his cheeks. “What are you both having?”

  Jane ordered a bottle of bitter, and Terri went for another large vodka cocktail. She twirled the cherry stick in her glass and ogled Dewey, playfully flirting, listening while he told them about how he’d had to fight his way out of the venue after being mobbed by fans. “It’s totally crazy,” he said, looking immensely pleased.

  “How have you been?” he asked Jane.

  “I’m sure Terri’s filled you in,” Jane replied tartly and Terri arched an eyebrow at her. She relented. “I wasn’t okay, and now I’m better.” She was itching to ask Dewey how much he had known about Silas’s illicit relationship, and when. Why hadn’t he warned her? She supposed it hadn’t really been his place to tell her. His loyalty was to Silas. They were best mates after all.

  “If it makes any difference to you, I’m sorry. About what happened,” Dewey said. “I often wanted to reach out to you, but I felt I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.”

  “What was she like? Nyree?” Terri asked, a question that Jane had long wanted an answer to although never vocalised.

  Dewey laughed. “My word, she was one mixed-up barrel of trouble, that lady. Spoiled little rich girl. Narcissistic. What is it you Brits say? She imagined the sun shone out of her back passage.”

  Terri snorted in delight. “Stick with me, Dewey, I’ll teach you all there is to know about British slang.”

  “Nyree came with an entourage. You have to imagine what that was like. Hangers’ on galore. All these people pimping and preening over her all the time. All at her beck and call constantly. I don’t think she’d ever had anyone say no to her in her entire life.”

  Dewey sipped from his glass – a soft drink, Jane noticed. “She expected to be able to settle down with Silas and live the high life, maybe globetrotting from luxury resort to billionaire’s island, but Wild Dogz had the US tour to finish, so she wasn’t happy. Her melt downs were the stuff of legend, I tell you. She tried to lay down the law and Silas was having none of it, then he found her in bed with the pool guy and that, as they say, was that.”

  “Three weeks from start to finish?” asked Terri and winked at Jane. She was enjoying this immensely.

  “Oh less than that. The pool guy was about eight days after the wedding.”

  Jane shook her head. “Serves him right,” she said. Terri rolled her eyes while Dewey nodded sagely.

  “I completely agree with you. She had him by the short and curlies and he lived to regret it. Not least because he lost you, Jane.”

  Jane’s face clouded over.

  “I don’t think he’s ever gotten over it, to be honest. But hey! It’ll be great for you both to meet up, right?”

  “What?” Jane exclaimed. Terri made a neck slashing motion to Dewey who stared at them both in confusion.

  “Well, didn’t Terri mention that you’re both invited backstage? Of course you are. That’s why I’m here. To escort you over and through security.” Dewey grinned happily, “It’ll be just like the old days.”

  ***

  Jane’s resistance to the idea was roundly ignored by the other two, and thirty minutes later she found herself pushing through a crowd of people to get to the rear entrance of the arena. This time security was on the ball, and as soon as they recognised Dewey, the whole process became much easier.

  Jane had never seen so many security guards on hand before. She was handed a lanyard with her name on a bright yellow badge, and then she followed Dewey and Terri as they made their way further into the building.

  The arena was a labyrinth, with corridors wide enough to drive vehicles along. Wild Dogz could sell out these enormous venues in under thirty minutes. Their pull was phenomenal.

  Dewey took them through to the inner sanctum. There was a large reception area where some of the crew, and members of one of the support acts, and their associate hangers on were gathering. The music of the current support act was being piped backstage. Jane recognised them as an up and coming metal band from Sheffield. She hung back as they approached the reception area, hiding behind Terri and Dewey, glad when she didn’t see anyone she recognised.

  Dewey turned to Jane, and spotted how uncomfortable she looked. “I’m guessing you don’t want to stick around here? The boys will be out in a bit?” When she shook her head, Dewey nodded. “That’s cool. Let me take you through,” he said.

  ‘Through’ meant heading to a door to the left of the stage. It opened up onto a private seating area for around sixty or so people. Dewey opened the door and a wall of sound buffeted against them. More members of the audience were pouring in, filling both the seated areas and the standing areas of the auditorium. The group on stage were valiantly trying to entertain them, and on the whole being met with a sympathetic and supportive response. Not bad for bottom of the bill.

  Dewey pointed out a private bar area at the side. “There are waiting staff here. Have whatever you want. It will all be on the band’s tab.” He gestured at the other dozen or so people seated around them. “These are mainly record company, and media.” He turned to Terri. “If you need anything, you only have to talk to one of the security guys and they can radio me, okay?”

  Terri nodded enthusiastically, and Jane smiled uncertainly. Dewey waved and left them to it. He stopped for a quick chat, with one of the two security personnel stationed by the door leading back behind the stage, indicating Terri and Jane. The security guard nodded at the women. Jane gla
nced around. She had a fantastic view of the stage, and crossed her fingers that Silas wouldn’t see her sitting here. Part of her wanted to take to her heels and make a hasty getaway, however unless she fancied clambering over the barrier in front of her, with a steep drop onto the auditorium floor below, the only exit here would take her through to backstage, and there was every chance of bumping into Silas there. She was trapped, with nowhere to run.

  ***

  The show was phenomenal. In six years the budget had skyrocketed so that Wild Dogz only had the best of everything. The biggest lighting rig, the most cutting edge of video screens, the tallest stack of speakers. Additionally, there were a few more musicians who flitted on and off stage as they were needed, and a couple of backing singers.

  Mikhail had a raised plinth for his drum kit. Bobo, John and Silas, now into their thirties, displayed as much energy as they ever had, criss-crossing the stage to sing or play to each section of the audience. Silas, was as bold and as beautiful as he had been six years before.

  The Unquiet Moon appeared to have been dropped from the set list. Jane found herself with mixed feelings about this. On one hand she was glad that she wouldn’t have to listen to Silas sing the song that had launched their relationship, and on the other she was oddly sad that he had decided not to sing it anymore. She wondered how she would have felt if he had been singing it to another woman while she watched from her VIP seat. Hurt? Possibly. Jealous? Probably.

  The band launched into an upbeat frenetic version of Killing Time, and now the three session guitarists came into their own on their Spanish guitars. They picked up the refrain, and gradually the incredible sound they made became louder and louder in the mix until they drowned out Bobo on lead guitar, then the three of them battled for supremacy for an extended version of the track, while Wild Dogz grabbed water and towels and urged them on.

  Gradually the guitars simmered down until just one remained. Silas accepted a guitar from one of the stage crew, and came to take a seat on a stool at the front of the stage, picking up the refrain as the final Spanish guitarist took a back seat.

  The crowd roared and applauded their approval, eventually settling down to allow Silas to sing Keepers of the Flame.

  Jane experienced a familiar feeling, the sensation of longing for Silas.

  A million unhelpful thoughts flashed through her mind. Perhaps she should have gone out to New York that day and confronted him. He had been taken for a fool, and he had needed saving from himself, from something bigger than him: Nyree’s ambition. Perhaps Jane could have held a mirror to the absurdity of his fling with the supermodel.

  The flip side of that of course, was that Jane would have looked desperate, and if he had rejected her, she would have been utterly humiliated. She had never been to the States in her life. Where would she have gone and what would she have done if he had rejected her?

  No, Jane remained confident that she had pursued the only course of action open to her at the time. Silas had made his bed with Nyree. Perhaps he genuinely had lived to regret it. How could Jane know? But as a silhouette of two people dancing in the rain was thrown onto the screens and she listened to his plaintive vocals, the stage faded to darkness and Jane found herself brushing away a few tears. She found herself longing to go back to that first encounter when their flame had first been kindled.

  Chapter 16

  Jane hung back when the security guard escorted Terri and Jane through to the Green room backstage. The usual gaggle of management personnel, PR and marketing people, record company reps and other bigwigs, mingled with the musicians and their assorted hangers’ on, stage crew and roadies. Wild Dogz were in residence for three nights and this was the first of their gigs, so there was bound to be a great deal of interest on this opening evening.

  Jane was relieved to see that Silas wasn’t among the musicians. Bobo was deep in conversation with several music journalists, and Mikhail had his arm around a tiny blonde. Not much change there. Dewey floated around, making sure everyone had what they needed or were linked up with whomever they wanted to see. Jane avoided catching his eye, and instead made a beeline for a dark corner and a vacant seat.

  Terri collected a couple of drinks and joined her. “Born to hand jive, baby,” she teased.

  “How long do we have to stay? You know this is my idea of hell?” Jane grumped.

  Terri sighed. “Not long, I guess. The thing is, I was hoping to spend some time with Dewey.” She looked knowingly at Jane.

  “You said I could stay at your place!” Jane was alarmed. She had dumped her bag at Terri’s and the last train back to Bristol would be leaving shortly.

  “Well, you can. I guess if I’m meeting up with Dewey, he and I can go back to his hotel, and you can get a taxi back to mine. That’s if you’re adamant about leaving us here?”

  “I guess so,” Jane said, feeling slightly hurt.

  “Or you could just party with us?” Teri beseeched her friend, but Jane shook her head, her mind made up.

  ***

  From her vantage point at the back of the room, Jane noticed Silas the minute he did join the party. She observed his slightly rolling gait, and surmised he’d already been drinking in his dressing room. Heads turned to watch him enter the room, and he greeted people politely, although without a great deal of enthusiasm.

  He was a babe magnet. More so than the other members of the band, with the possible exception of Mikhail who still preferred his women stupidly young. Bobo’s girlfriend Mel, now his wife and heavily pregnant, was still around. John enjoyed any attention that came his way, however most of the women in the room fixated on Silas.

  Silas himself appeared oblivious to the stir he caused. He posed for photos, sporting his trade mark grin, and signed whatever people wanted him to sign. Programmes, CD covers, paper, arms, backs and breasts. He did it all on demand.

  In a rare moment when he found himself alone, Jane watched as he grabbed a bottle of whisky from a table and drank deeply, his face falling. He looked older. Tired. A suit grabbed his arm and led him onto the next congregation of adoring spectators, where Silas listened attentively for a while, nodded in agreement several times, laughed at the right moments before beating a hasty retreat. Jane watched him leave.

  She felt sorry for him. He’d been touring and recording for years. Perhaps it was time for a break. She knew what Roy would have said. All good groups, if they want longevity, have to take the time to go out and find themselves as individuals again. Time apart will make or break a band. But if they survive the break, they transition to a new level.

  Jane gathered her things together. Now was the time to make good her escape. Terri was otherwise engaged chatting to several people grouped around Dewey, and Jane decided not to disturb her. It was time to shut the door on the past. In retrospect she was glad she had come, she felt as though she had finally laid some ghosts to rest.

  Now she had to find her way out of the vast backstage area. She slipped through several groupings of people, and turned to check that Terri wasn’t looking her way, before edging out into the huge corridor beyond.

  Jane drew in a sharp breath. Silas was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette, a bottle of beer hanging precariously from his fingertips. He looked exhausted. Jane took a step backwards, intending to creep back into the Green room, until a loud clanging from the stage area to their right, caused Silas to look up.

  They locked eyes. Jane’s heart thudded in her chest.

  “Jane Fraser?” asked Silas as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

  Jane nodded. “Hello Silas,” she said quietly.

  Silas’s face lit up. “Jane!” he exclaimed, pushing himself away from the wall and bounding towards her. Exuberant, he scooped her up and swung her about. “Is it really you? After all this time?”

  “Yes,” Jane tried to extricate herself from his embrace.

  “How come you’re here?”

  “Dewey …”

  “Dewey? He
knows you’re here?” Silas frowned. “He didn’t say anything to me, the toad. How the devil are you?”

  “I’m well, thank you.” Jane studied Silas. Up close she could see a few wrinkles around his eyes, a small scar on his cheek that she couldn’t remember being there. He looked a little more lived in. She guessed they both did.

  Silas pushed her away slightly to appraise her. He didn’t seem to find her wanting because he grinned happily at her. “You’re still beautiful, Jane.”

  And you’re still handsome, she wanted to say. Still incredibly hot. But she didn’t say anything.

  “Where were you going? You weren’t leaving, were you?” Silas asked anxiously.

  “I was, as it happens.”

  “Without finding me?” Silas asked in astonishment.

  “You were busy. Lots of people to see. I didn’t want to disturb you.” She smiled at him and moved away. He grabbed her arm.

  “Wait, Jane?”

  “No,” Jane said. “I need to go.” She wrenched her arm free and hurriedly walked away.

  ***

  It seemed to take an age to return to the back door. Jane handed in her pass and broke out into the cool air of the night beyond. There was a hardcore collection of Wild Dogz fans here, and they examined her curiously as she rushed past them. She waited for a security guard to unlock the gate for her and dashed into the street beyond.

  She heard some shouting behind her, and crossed the road in a rush. She had been intent on making her way around to the front of the venue. There would be cabs there, no doubt, and she could hurry back to Terri’s. Instead she decided to slip up the side alley and head out towards the main road and civilization beyond. She would find a cab as she went, or a Tube if they were still running.

  The alley was dimly lit so she scurried on, glad of the shadows which would give her a chance to lose Silas. He wouldn’t know the area and was less likely to search for her, however when someone grabbed her arm, she turned furiously, fully expecting Silas to be behind her. It wasn’t Silas, but a man she had never seen before, dressed in khaki-coloured trousers and a black t-shirt. She hadn’t previously noticed him in the vicinity.