by Jaci Burton
“Oh, no,” Becks said. “You should go out to celebrate. Just the two of you.”
“No. We dragged you along with us,” Laurel said, “so we all go out to celebrate.”
“Okay,” Becks said.
“I’m kind of in the mood for Thai food,” Josh said.
“How about Asia Bay?” Laurel asked.
“Sounds good to me,” Jackson said, then turned to Becks. “What do you think?”
“I think it sounds perfect.”
They climbed into their cars and drove over to Las Olas Boulevard. By the time they parked and went inside the beautiful restaurant, Becks’s stomach was rumbling.
They were seated with a view of the canal. Becks ordered an iced tea and Jackson and his dad ordered beer. Laurel opted for water.
“Excited?” Becks asked.
Laurel shook her head. “Feels like a dream. I thought we’d live in that old house forever.”
“You know, you could just move into the house we’re living in,” Jackson said. “It’s big and spacious and has a pool. And it was Grandma’s house.”
Laurel laid her hand over Jackson’s. “No. You and your brothers put a lot of sweat equity into remodeling that house. And the location is perfect for all of you, being so close to the station.”
“But it’s your house, Mom.”
“It belongs to the family. Aren’t you happy there?”
“I like it there just fine. I just thought before you go investing more money in buying another house, you might want to consider one that’s already paid off.”
“That’s sweet, Jackson. But, really, your dad and I like the new place, don’t we, Josh?”
“Yup.”
Becks fought a smile. Josh was a man of few words, and it was obvious that whatever made Laurel happy was good enough for him.
They ordered sushi appetizers, and Josh and Jackson went outside to look at the canal.
“That means Josh wants to smoke one of his cigars,” Laurel said. “I’m after him all the time to get rid of those things, but since it’s only once or twice a day, I let it go.”
Becks smiled at the sweet way Laurel looked out the window at her husband. She could tell how much she loved Josh. “You two seem so happy together.”
Laurel pulled her gaze away from the window. “It’s been a great life.”
“About to be greater, I think.”
“You would think after twenty-five years together, there wouldn’t be any way he could surprise me. And yet he still can. I had no idea he wanted to sell the house. But either way, I’m thrilled to death.”
“I don’t blame you. The house is beautiful.”
“Thanks. I think so, too. But enough about the house. Let’s talk about you and my son.”
Uh-oh. “Is there a problem?”
“Lord, no. I’ve never seen him so relaxed. And happy.”
“You think so?”
“I know so, honey. I’ve noticed the difference in him since he reconnected with you. He smiles more, jokes more with his brothers. He’s more talkative and expressive.”
She didn’t want to ask the question, but curiosity got to her. “Has he said something to you about . . . us?”
Laurel laughed. “Of course not. Boys don’t typically share relationship information with their parents. But I can tell there’s something special going on between the two of you. Do you feel it?”
“I . . .” She’d been in denial for so long, had tried to come up with any excuse or explanation for how she was feeling. But hearing Jackson’s mother talk about her son’s behavior opened something up inside her, made her feel warm and happy in ways she couldn’t begin to explain. “I feel a lot of things where Jackson is concerned.”
“But neither of you have talked to each other about your feelings.”
She looked down at her glass. “No. Not yet.”
“What do you think is stopping you?”
She inhaled a deep breath and let it out. “On my part? Fear. Love hasn’t really been in the picture for me throughout my life.”
“So you’re afraid if you tell him you love him that he won’t return your feelings.”
Jackson’s mom sure cut to the chase. “Yes.”
Laurel gazed a sympathetic smile at her. “I understand. I can’t speak to Jackson’s true feelings, only my own observations. My best advice is for you to talk to him.”
Easier said than done. “I’ll do my best.”
The guys came back inside, so conversation about her relationship with Jackson was put to rest. Not that Becks had stopped thinking about it. She kept shooting glances toward Jackson, who obviously had no idea what was on her mind.
He kept smiling at her and sliding curious glances her way. And she couldn’t say anything to him. She just smiled back at him and tried to communicate her thoughts to him psychically.
We have a lot of stuff to talk about, buddy, she thought to him. A lot of “feelings” related stuff.
But later. When we’re alone.
CHAPTER 27
As much as he enjoyed spending time with his parents, Jackson was happy to say good-bye to them and get back home with Becks.
Fortunately, Rafe and Kal and their dates had disappeared, which suited him just fine, because he wanted to be alone with his woman.
His woman. Whenever he thought about Becks lately, that was all he thought about. Not that she belonged to him, but that he wanted her to stay in his life. Because when he wasn’t with her, he missed her. And though their housing arrangement was supposed to be temporary, he wanted it to become permanent.
He knew how independent she was, and he respected that, so he was going to have to approach the topic cautiously.
He should probably start by telling her how he felt about her. These feelings were all so new to him he wasn’t sure he could put a name to them. All he knew was he cared for Becks and wanted her to know his feelings ran deep. Why was it important to name them?
Becks had gone upstairs. When she came down, she’d changed into loose shorts and a tank top. He had pulled two beers out of the fridge, so he handed one to her. They went into the living room and she slid on the sofa. He sat next to her.
“Alone at last,” she said.
“Thanks for coming with me today.”
“Are you kidding? I had a great time. Your mom seems so happy about the house.”
“Yeah, she does. I’m happy for both Mom and Dad that it’s all working out, house-wise.”
“Me, too.” She took a pull of her beer.
“So how about a movie?” he asked.
“Sounds good.”
They cuddled up together and picked out a movie, a mystery suspense that had a little romance in it. They argued over who the baddie was, agreeing halfway through and then diverging on their guesses three quarters of the way.
They were both wrong at the end.
“I hate being wrong,” Jackson said.
Becks laughed. “I love being surprised like that. When you’ve got the plot figured out halfway through the movie, it ruins everything.”
“I guess.” He finished off his beer, then set it on the side table and turned to her.
“So I need to talk to you about something,” she said.
Okay, so he’d let her go first. “Sure.”
She took a deep breath, then let it out, and he could tell she was nervous. He picked up her hand and covered it with both of his. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. It’s just that there are all these feelings that have been building up inside me for a while now, Jackson.”
“Feelings about?”
She lifted her gaze to his and he felt that gut punch that always seemed to hit him every time she leveled her beautiful eyes on him.
“About you.”
He co
uldn’t help but smile. “Good feelings?”
“Yes. Good feelings. Like I know I’m falling in love with you.”
He exhaled, realizing he’d been nervous, like he’d been expecting something bad. This definitely wasn’t bad. In fact, it was just what he wanted. He kissed her, and everything in his world felt right, perfect and exactly as it should be. Becks in his arms, her mouth on his, and getting lost in the taste of her and the feel of her warm body against him.
When he pulled back, she was smiling, and her cheeks were pink. He rubbed her bottom lip.
“You make me happy,” he said. “Like, happier than I’ve ever been.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Why do I feel as if you’re holding back?”
“I don’t know. Why do you feel that way? I want the same thing you want. I feel the same way you do. I care about you, Becks. I want you in my life. I want us to be together.”
She crossed her legs and turned to face him. “I’m going to be honest here.”
“Okay.”
She squeezed his hand. “I love you. I just said that. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that I feel like you’re not all in.”
He had no idea where this was coming from. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been open with you about everything. My past, my feelings, pretty much everything. I don’t hold anything back from you, Jackson. I never have.”
And there it was. “And you think I do.”
“I know you do.”
He started to look away, but she palmed his face and forced him to look at her.
“I know you don’t see it, but I do. And I can’t help but feel it has to do with your past.”
Goddamn. “Are we doing this again? Come on, Becks.”
“Hey, I get it. The past hurts. It hurts me, too. But I think it holds you back from saying what you really feel.”
“Like what?”
“Like . . . I love you?”
He hadn’t said the words back to her. He didn’t know why. He felt them. He couldn’t say them. But they didn’t have a damn thing to do with the past.
“It’s not that. It’s not the past. It’s never the past. I told you my parents died. It was shit and I got sent to foster care.”
“Yes. It was awful and I know how hard that was for you to tell me. But what about that night we all got separated? The night of the fire? Have you ever talked to anyone about that night?”
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He stood, needing distance. “No. No point. It’s over. We got rescued and everything turned out okay.”
“Except you have nightmares, Jackson.”
He looked down at her and frowned. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. When we sleep together, you don’t sleep peacefully. You thrash around in the bed and mumble, as if something is troubling you.”
He didn’t believe her. “Why do you feel this need to drag it out of me, Becks? I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about it. Yet it seems like we keep having this same conversation over and over again.”
“I know.” She stood and faced him. “But I love you, Jackson, and I want you to be happy. And whole.” She laid her hand on his chest. “And I just don’t know that you can be happy—that we can be happy together—until you deal with those ghosts of your past.”
“So is this some kind of ultimatum? I talk to you about that night or we’re through?”
Her eyes widened. “Of course not. I just told you I loved you. I would never do that to you.”
“But you just did. Here I thought I was going to tell you I cared about you tonight. That it was going to be great. Instead, you start nagging at me to talk about the past. That’s not love.”
“There are those words again. You care about me? Is that all you’ve got?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you I loved you, Jackson. Can you say it back to me?”
He stared at her. Part of him was pissed, the other part confused. “I said I cared about you.”
“You can’t say it. Is it because you don’t love me?”
“I . . . I don’t know how I feel right now.”
He saw the hurt on her face, but goddammit he was confused.
“Talk to me, Jackson. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I just . . . I can’t believe you’re laying all this down on me tonight of all nights.”
Her gaze drifted down to the floor for a few seconds before she lifted it back to his face. He thought he saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes, but he couldn’t be sure.
“I’m sorry, Jackson. I can tell I put too much pressure on you and I didn’t want to do that. You need some time to think things over. When you get it figured out, or if you want to talk to me about it, let me know.”
She left the living room and he followed, watching her climb the steps and disappear into her room.
He wanted to follow her, but something kept him rooted to the floor, his feet unable to move.
Talk to her? About what? He’d already told her everything he had to say. So he went to the fridge and grabbed another beer, but after two swallows he realized it didn’t taste good.
It wasn’t what he wanted. What he wanted was to rewind the entire conversation he’d had with Becks.
He ran it all over again and again in his mind, trying to map out where it had gone wrong.
He knew where it had gone wrong.
With getting in too deep, with letting their emotions get involved. When they’d been having fun, everything had been fine. As soon as it had gotten serious everything had gone to shit.
But the alternative would have been letting her go, and he couldn’t imagine his life without Becks. So what the fuck was he supposed to do?
Maybe by tomorrow he’d have it figured out.
CHAPTER 28
Jackson was jolted awake by something shoving at his shoulder. He sat bolt upright in bed, only to find both of his brothers glaring down at him.
“What?”
“She’s gone,” Kal said.
His mind was still filled with sleep fuzz. “Who’s gone?”
“Becks,” Rafe said.
He blinked and rubbed his eyes. “What do you mean she’s gone?”
“Like packed up her shit and left, gone,” Rafe said.
Kal shoved him back against the mattress. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. And get the fuck out of my room.”
“We’ll be downstairs,” Kal said, narrowing his gaze.
They both left, Rafe slamming the door shut behind him.
He threw the covers off, went into the bathroom to take a piss, then slid on a pair of board shorts and went downstairs.
Rafe and Kal were waiting for him in the kitchen, glaring at him as if he’d just killed someone.
“What the fuck, man?” Rafe asked.
“Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had coffee.”
Kal slid a cup across the island to him.
“Thanks.” He took a couple of sips, hoping the caffeine would help clear the cobwebs.
They’d talked last night, but it hadn’t exactly been an argument. At least not on her part. She’d been upset, but not angry.
“She left this,” Kal said, sliding an envelope in front of him.
It had his name on it, so he opened it and read it.
Jackson,
I’m sorry I pressured you into doing something you aren’t ready for.
I don’t think this is going to work out.
I had a great time with you.
Thanks for letting me stay here.
Love, Becks
What the actual fuck? She left?
“So?”
He lifted his g
aze to look at Rafe. “So what?”
“So what does the letter say?”
“None of your business.”
“It is our business,” Kal said. “Becks is family. You had something good with her. And you obviously fucked it up.”
“What he said,” Rafe added.
Jackson turned his back on his brothers and focused instead on his cup of coffee.
“Seriously, Jackson,” Rafe said. “What happened with the two of you?”
He sighed, then sank into one of the chairs. “Hell if I know. Everything was fine last night. She told me she loved me. And then we started talking and things went downhill.”
“You told her you loved her back, right?” Kal asked.
“Not exactly.”
“So you don’t love her?” Rafe asked.
“I do. I just didn’t say it.”
“Well, why the fuck not?” Kal asked. “Are you stupid?”
“I said I cared about her.”
Rafe laughed. “Yeah, because that’s exactly what a woman wants to hear after she tells you she loves you. No wonder she left.”
“No, that’s not why she left. Or maybe it’s partly why she left.” He grimaced at the ache forming between his eyes. “I don’t exactly know.”
“Or maybe you do know and you just don’t want to face it,” Kal said.
He’d had enough of this inquisition. He whirled to face his brothers. “Oh, right, because you know me and my relationship with Becks so well.”
Kal held his palms out. “I didn’t say I knew your relationship. I just know you. And if there’s a way for you to avoid getting close to someone, you’ll figure it out.”
Jackson narrowed his gaze. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you avoid getting close to anyone,” Rafe said. “You always have. Ever since the fire.”
Again with that night. “I do not.”
Kal nodded. “Yeah, bro, you do. Don’t get me wrong. You’ve always been there to look out for Rafe and for me. And since that night, maybe more so. But we’re not your responsibility anymore, ya know?”
“Yeah,” Rafe said, coming over to grab Jackson by the shoulder. “We made it through the fire that night. All of us.”
