The Extraordinary Secrets of April, May, & June

by Robin Benway

  I thought quickly. “Well, if I were invisible, you couldn’t see me, anyway. So there.” I stuck my tongue out at her.

  “Oh, real mature—”

  “Can you both just shut up for a minute?” June said. “I’m trying to see if Chad’s a date rapist. God.” Her eyes moved fast, her fingers absentmindedly tapping out a rhythm on her jeans. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Not a date rapist. He thinks his dry cleaner’s is ripping him off. He keeps meaning to take his car in for an oil change.”

  “Well, that settles it,” I said. “Our mom can’t ride in a car like that. It’s a death trap.”

  June just sighed. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but he’s completely honorable. A little dorky, but so’s Mom.”

  April shrugged and then shoved her hair over her shoulders. “Well, that’s that,” she said. “Dating season has begun.”

  “Wait, so you’re both okay with this?” I said, gaping at my sisters. “It hasn’t even been six months since we moved here! She didn’t even ask us if it was okay until two hours ago, and you’re just gonna lie down?!”

  June just looked at me. “You,” she said, “need to take a pill.”

  “Does your best buddy Mariah have one I can borrow?” I shot back.

  June pretended to listen for something. “What? Did anyone else hear that? Is someone talking? They must be invisible because I can’t even see them, that’s how insignificant they are!”

  “Damnit, I am not a WWF referee!” April cried, stepping in between us again. “Stop doing this! You two are so freaking annoying.”

  June startled. “Why’d you just think of Julian?”

  April actually blushed. “I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did. You just thought of him.” June grinned slyly. “You liiiiiike him.”

  I looked at April. “Feel free to hurt her. I won’t say a word about it to anyone.”

  Our mom suddenly poked her head into the room. “Girls, we’re gonna go,” she said. “And May, we’ll talk later about appropriate venues for sarcasm.” She eyed me meaningfully.

  I sighed. “I can’t help it if my talents are unappreciated in this particular venue.”

  “Have fun, Mom,” April said.

  “If he likes it, he should put a ring on it,” June added. “Think like Beyoncé.”

  My mom laughed and ran her hand down June’s hair before grabbing her purse. “Okay, girlies, have a good night. Do not call me unless the house burns down or one of you breaks a bone.”

  “What about a concussion?” I said. “Should we just text you in that case?”

  Another meaningful glare from my mom and then she was gone.

  Five minutes later, I was upstairs, lying on my bed and looking at my Paris pictures. I had only really started collecting them after we moved here, when all I wanted to do was go somewhere else, anywhere else. I was just about to flip back to the beginning and look at them again when April flounced past my room. “Henry’s here, May!”

  I glanced at the clock by my bed. “Wait, no, he’s not. It’s only six forty-five.”

  The doorbell rang.

  “Told you so!” April’s voice called out as she retreated to her room and her beloved homework. “I love how you always think I’m wrong.”

  “Guess what else I’m thinking,” I muttered, but then I trudged downstairs and went to meet Henry.

  He was standing in the foyer where Chad had been only moments earlier, carrying a big Stanford backpack that was stuffed so full that its seams were stretching. “Oh, wow, what a surprise,” I said. “What, did you come over to spread your college propaganda to the neighbors?”

  “I thought I’d surprise you,” he replied. He attempted to smile at me, but it fell off his face when I didn’t respond. His hair was really messy, too, like he had driven over with the windows rolled down. What a rebel.

  “You know,” he continued, “seeing as how we … we sort of argued, and then you ran off and never came back.”

  “I think you also forgot about the part where you insulted my very existence. That was a high point for me.”

  Henry at least looked a bit guilty. “Yeah, well, I’m also obligated to tutor you for at least five more sessions.”

  “My heart just skipped a beat,” I muttered. “And you know, you didn’t have to bring every single book you own. We have books here, too. My sister April collects them. I’m sure we could have supplemented.”

  “Your sister said I could just go into the kitchen, so …”

  “Which one?”

  “Um, I think your kitchen—”

  I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be so literal. I meant which sister? There’s a couple of them floating around here.”

  Henry laughed a little. “Oh. Oh yeah, um, the dark-haired one, sort of shorter than you.”

  “That’s June,” I said. “April’s the other one. She’s upstairs. Another way to tell them apart is that June’s annoying and April’s boring.”

  “I heard that!” June cried from the living room.

  I looked at Henry. “See what I mean?”

  “Yeah, I have a sister, too,” he said. “I get it.”

  I looked towards the kitchen. I was suddenly in no mood to think about history or Henry or my sisters or my mom or Chad. My brain was too full already. “Follow me,” I said. “The wonders of history await.”

  After we settled at the table with water for me and a Sprite for him—I see what you did there, April—I looked at the mammoth textbook and sighed. “So how long does this have to go on for?”

  “An hour? An hour and a half? I don’t know, I’ve never tutored anyone before.”

  “That’s becoming pretty obvious,” I said. “I guess we’re both screwed now.” I glanced down at my feet just to make sure that they were both staying where they belonged, but then I saw Henry’s shoe. “Dude,” I said, leaning in closer. “Oh my God. Dude.”

  “What?” Henry followed my gaze. “What, did I track dirt in?”

  I was already laughing so hard I could barely talk. “Do your shoelaces say STANFORD on them?”

  Henry bristled. “They’re just shoelaces,” he tried to defend himself.

  “AHAHAHA!” I had to put my head down on the table while I composed myself. “Look, Henry,” I said as soon as I could breathe again, “if you ever need someone to tutor you in how to be cool, feel free to ask. I can help you.”

  Henry just muttered something about college educations being the foundation of a solid adult life, then flipped open his textbook. “So,” he said. “What do you know about Robespierre?”

  “Lame,” I replied, still wiping my eyes. “What kind of name is Robespierre, anyway? He was just asking to be beheaded with a name like that.”

  Henry just looked pleased. “So you know he was beheaded?”

  “I’m good on the gory stuff.”

  “So then you also know that Marie Antoinette was … ?” Henry waited patiently for me to finish the sentence.

  I just blinked at him. “ … played by Kirsten Dunst in the movie?”

  Henry sighed.

  I grinned and settled back into my chair. “Well, I’m not wrong,” I insisted. “Half-credit.”

  We spent ten minutes sitting there, Henry trying to get me excited about the French Revolution and me not getting excited about the French Revolution. I was so bored that I even thought about disappearing, just to make things more interesting, but I erased the thought before June heard it or April saw it happening. I was bored, not suicidal.

  “So when Robespierre …” Henry continued, but I interrupted him with another loud sigh.

  “Can we take a break?”

  “It’s only been ten minutes, and you haven’t gotten one question right yet,” Henry pointed out. To his credit, he didn’t even seem too annoyed with me, which meant I wasn’t trying hard enough.

  “All the more reason to take a break,” I told him. “I’m stressed. This isn’t a good frame of mind for productive studying.”

&nbs
p; “You sound like my sister,” Henry said.

  April came hurrying into the kitchen just then. “Hi, don’t mind me, I’m just getting some water,” she said, shooting me a mom-like glare before adding, “I’m May’s sister April.”

  “Hi,” Henry waved.

  “Uh, April, you’re killing my learning buzz. You see what just happened?” I said to Henry. “She came in, and I forgot everything that I had learned so far.”

  “You can’t forget what you don’t know,” Henry said.

  April grinned as she poured herself some apple juice. “Henry,” she laughed, “I don’t know what they pay you to do this, but I know it’s not enough.”

  Henry shrugged, blushing a little. “It’s volunteer work for my college application.”

  April glanced over at him, taking in his outfit, backpack, and ridiculous shoelaces. “Let me guess where you’re applying.”

  “It’s one of the best schools in the country,” Henry said. “And they’ve got a golf team that—”

  “April,” I interrupted, not wanting to even enter a golf discussion, “you got your juice. Mission accomplished. Now can you please leave?”

  She started to leave, but then doubled back and grabbed the roll of paper towels off the counter and put them down between Henry and me. “Here,” she said, then winked at me. “Trust me.”

  “You really didn’t have to do that,” I told her. “I mean it.”

  April grinned. “Oh, that’s nothing. Just you wait.”

  Henry looked between us, frowning a little. “Thanks,” he finally said. “It, uh, never hurts to have paper towels.”

  “Yeah, they’ll be good for soaking up the bloodshed,” I muttered. “Are you leaving now, April?”

  “Ta ta,” she waved. “Have fun!”

  I glared at her and turned back to Henry, shoving my hair out of my face just as he was lifting up his can of Sprite.

  I hate when my sister is right. I hate it so much.

  My arm hit Henry’s, and the Sprite went flying over both of us. “Oh, shit!” I cried as it fell over my jeans and the floor and the table. “Oh, sorry!”

  “It’s a good thing your sister brought the paper towels,” Henry said. “What a mess.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ve got more Sprites in the garage.” I was already blushing from mortification. “Here, hand me some.”

  He started to mop up the table while I attacked the sticky floor. “Well, at least it didn’t land on the textbook,” Henry said. “That’s good.”

  “How wonderful,” I replied. “Maybe I could spill it again.”

  Henry laughed, and when he went to take the paper towel from me, our hands met and our fingers touched. “Sorry!” I said, pulling away fast, just as Henry said, “Sorry!” and yanked his hand back.

  Guess what disappeared soon afterwards?

  You got it.

  I rammed my now-missing left hand into my hoodie pocket, burrowing it deep so that Henry wouldn’t notice I was now one hook short of a pirate. Then I laughed nervously. “Wow,” I said. “That was … ”

  “Yeah,” Henry said, then cleared his throat again. “So. Robespierre.”

  “Beheaded,” I said automatically. “Missing a body part. I feel for the guy.” I sat back in my chair and silently willed my feet to stay where they were.

  I could feel them for the next ten minutes, getting closer to disappearing every time Henry leaned forward to make a point or pick up the highlighter. It was probably the least productive tutoring session ever. He could have been teaching me basic math for all the good it was doing. All my effort was going into not disappearing, and besides my hand and my feet, I was doing a great job of hanging on. It’s too bad they didn’t give grades out for mind-body control, because I’d be rocking an A+ in that subject.

  “Are you getting this?” Henry asked after a while.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You’re not being sarcastic or making comments.”

  I smiled. “No, this is fascinating. I’m just fascinated. This is me being fascinated.”

  “Ah, there we go,” Henry said. “That’s more like it.”

  “Do I sound like one of ‘those girls’ now?”

  And poof, there went my feet.

  I swear to God, I’ve never been conscious of the back of my neck before, but I was pretty sure it was starting to go, too. I was trying not to panic, and I forced myself to think fast. “Wow, it’s cold in here,” I said. “Do you think you could grab the blanket off the back of the couch for me?”

  Henry looked at me. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. “It’s, like, eighty degrees outside.”

  “Yes, but … I’m very sensitive to temperatures.” I was nowhere near cold, and the idea of having a blanket on top of me was miserable. June was right—why couldn’t one of us (i.e., me) have been able to fly instead?

  “Well, okay,” Henry said, and he came back a minute later with the blanket. “Here. You’re not trying to give yourself heatstroke so you’ll pass out and miss tutoring, are you?”

  I took the blanket with my one hand and quickly spread it over my legs. “I wish it was heatstroke,” I said as I felt my ankle vanish.

  Who needs an ankle, anyway?

  “So after …” Henry started to say, leaning forward to push the book back in front of me, and I automatically pulled back, just in case I got overwhelmed and my nose disappeared. He actually smelled kind of good, like autumn leaves or—

  “Ew.”

  Henry and I both looked up as June came into the room, wrinkling her nose at me.

  The brat had been reading my mind.

  “June!” I said, so loud that it startled Henry a bit. “Can I do something for you? Lobotomy, perhaps?”

  “Relax, I’m just thirsty. Hi, Henry,” June added, waving at him. “How’s it going?”

  “June!” I nearly shouted. “This is not your personal tutoring session. Quench the thirst and leave.”

  “Hi, June,” Henry said.

  Why was he nicer to my sisters than he was to me? He didn’t even say hi the first day we met!

  “No need to be jealous,” June mumbled, tossing her dark hair overdramatically as she reached for the Brita inside the fridge. She can’t even pour water without making sure that people notice her.

  “Don’t feed the animals,” I told Henry, giving my sister the evil eye. “It only encourages them.”

  June ignored my comment for the time being. “Aren’t you a little warm?” she said, eyeing the blanket. “Or do you just like wearing polyester and wool together?”

  “I’m fine,” I said stiffly, sending her the mental image of all my missing parts.

  June widened her eyes, then giggled to herself and pretended to look for a glass in the dishwasher. Henry’s back was to her, so he couldn’t see her. But I could.

  Unfortunately.

  “He likes you!” she mouthed at me, then pretended to make kissy faces before pointing at him and grinning.

  “And then when the Revolution started…” Henry droned. He had no idea that my sister was reading his mind.

  I widened my eyes at June and gritted my teeth just as the thumb on my good hand started to tingle.

  June must have seen it happen in my mind. “Oops,” she said. “Bad timing, huh?”

  “What?” Henry asked, glancing up.

  “Nothing,” I said with a grimace. “June, can you leave? Please?” Before my entire head disappears?

  “I’m just getting water,” June insisted. “Slow your roll.”

  Henry laughed. “My sister says that all the time.”

  June just nodded towards Henry, then gave me the thumbs-up signal and a wink.

  I’m missing two feet, an ankle, and one hand, I thought, but I will find a way to kick your ass. Try me.

  June pretended to look scared as she poured her water, then made a big deal out of rinsing her glass and putting it in the dishwasher. By now, I was blushing so furiously that I thought the blood vessels in my
cheeks would burst, and I kept my eyes on the textbook, not even daring to look at Henry.

  This was easily the most mortifying experience of my life.

  “So,” I said as soon as June disappeared upstairs, “those are my sisters. I’m sorry you had to witness that. They must have escaped from their cage. It won’t happen again.”

  Henry just laughed. “That’s cool,” he said. “My sister’s pretty crazy. I’m used to it.”

  “Really, I think I can one-up you in the crazy category.”

  “Yeah, well, do either of your sisters have a loser boyfriend like mine does?”

  “I don’t think so, but I will happily set them up with one if it keeps them away from me.” I shoved the textbook away from me. “Where can I get a loser boyfriend? eBay? Or do I just have to hang out in a McDonald’s parking lot?”

  Henry grimaced when I shoved the book away. “I’ll pay you to take hers,” he said. “No, I’m kidding. I wouldn’t want to do that to either of your sisters.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Yeah.” Henry eyed me carefully. “You sure you’re not too hot wearing that blanket and hoodie? You look a little … warm.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I said. I was sweltering. “Just fine.” I smiled with my mouth closed, just in case a front tooth had disappeared on me. “So … loser boyfriend?”

  “Oh, yeah. He’s an asshole. He’s supposed to be a senior, but he flunked junior year. And now I think he dropped out. He doesn’t even care about her.”

  “Wow,” I said. “That kinda sucks.”

  “Yeah.” Henry started wiping the condensation off the side of his empty can of Sprite. “Your sisters seem pretty normal compared to mine. I tried talking to her, but …” Henry shrugged. “You know.”

  I hoped that June wasn’t listening or April hadn’t seen this coming. They’d never stop talking about how my history tutor thought they were the bee’s knees. “I guess my sisters aren’t so bad,” I admitted. “But we don’t sell normal too well.”

  And as if to prove my point, my right knee went. I was so busy talking about Henry’s stupid sister that I wasn’t concentrating on keeping everything where they should be. “Oh, shit!” I cried before I could stop myself, which nearly gave Henry a heart attack.

  “What, what is it?” he asked.