Falling in Love in New York

by HILL, MELISSA

  “Abby, I was just telling Finn I think he really landed on his feet with you,” Frances’ husband, Ray piped up.

  She smiled, relieved that at least one of Finn’s friends didn’t seem to think he’d made the mistake of his life by walking away from the wonderful Danielle. “Really, why’s that?”

  “Because if you two have an argument, unlike the rest of us, he doesn’t have to put up with all the sulking and pouting for days afterwards, does he?”

  “Why not?” his wife asked.

  Ray chuckled and winked at Abby, clearly delighted by his own wit. “Sure, won’t the whole thing be forgotten about in the morning?”

  The rest of the evening passed quickly and without notable incident. After Ray’s cheesy joke (although Abby way preferred this to the incessant questions from his wife), Finn’s friends seemed to shy away from mentioning anything more about her situation and when the group retired to the banqueting room, she discovered to her relief that she and Finn were seated away from the dreaded Frances, and at the opposite end of the room from Danielle.

  She spent much of the day engaged in superficial chit-chat with Lyndsay, who was by far the nicer of Finn’s female friends, and unlike Frances wasn’t in the least bit inquisitive about her memory troubles, or indeed about her relationship with Finn.

  He was still incredibly distant though, which really worried her. While he’d chatted away throughout dinner and joked with the others about the length of the speeches, she couldn’t help but notice his gaze occasionally gravitate towards the direction of Danielle’s table.

  Abby tried to tell herself that she was just being silly, that it was only natural that Finn would be a little thrown by his ex-girlfriend’s presence after such a long time, but still she couldn’t help but feel threatened by it all. The fact that Finn had never really enlightened her about the reasons for their split didn’t help either. She knew that they’d lived together for a while in the house in Balbriggan and that according to Finn Danielle hadn’t settled there, but surely this alone wasn’t a good enough reason for them to split up? Or for Finn to have been so affected by the relationship’s failure that he hadn’t got involved with anyone else since?

  Still there was little point in her getting worked up about it now. She couldn’t possibly know what Finn was feeling at the moment and she wasting her time trying to second-guess him.

  So Abby resolved to put her concerns to the back of her mind and concentrate instead on enjoying herself at the first full wedding she’d attended since Claire and Zach’s a few years before. If Finn still had feelings for Danielle and as a result was having second thoughts about their own relationship, then she’d know about it soon enough.

  As the night wore on and the few glasses of wine she’d consumed started to take effect, Abby gradually began to relax and enjoy herself.

  She and Lyndsay were quick onto on the dance floor when the happy couple finished their first dance and the band ramped up the tempo. What will be will be, Abby decided bravely boogying as though she hadn’t a care in the world, although inwardly she was very concerned indeed.

  Finn had disappeared somewhere shortly after the meal was over and hadn’t returned to the table since. Abby tried to convince herself that there was nothing strange about this; it was his friend’s wedding after all and there were plenty of people he hadn’t seen in a while.

  But then at around midnight, for some stupid reason, she agreed to accompany Lyndsay outside to the terrace for a cigarette.

  “I can’t help it, I’ve been off the bloody things for months now but the drink is wearing me down,” the other girl persuaded. “Roger would kill me if he caught me. Come on, you can keep a look-out for him.”

  “Alright then,” Abby agreed. This was Lyndsay’s third request and she could do with a bit of fresh air, although achieving this amongst a crowd of smokers would be difficult, she thought giddily.

  But had Abby not done this–had she not gone outside and onto the smoking terrace–she would never have glanced idly around the hotel grounds, and spotted Danielle and Finn sitting together on a bench nearby.

  Engaged in deep conversation, the two seemed oblivious to anyone else, almost as if immersed in their own private cocoon. She would never have spotted the way Finn looked at his beautiful ex, the way his head inclined closely towards hers to hear something she was saying, the way he shook his head and smiled at whatever it was she had said.

  Lyndsay, who was facing in the other direction and busily lighting up her cigarette, was completely oblivious to Abby’s horror. “Yep Roger would murder me if he found out I’d taken it up again,” the other woman babbled. “He can be a complete nag sometimes. Is Finn like that with you?”

  “No,” Abby could barely get the words out. Now, their gazes seemed locked together, and Danielle was tracing a finger along Finn’s cheek, while her other hand was clasped in his. Oh God…

  Suddenly the ground began to sway beneath her, and Lyndsay’s words swam out of focus as Abby stared wordlessly at Finn, hardly unable to believe what she was seeing. Why would he do that? And in front of all these people?

  “I have to go,” she gasped, racing inside before the other woman could react. What did it matter? After this, it wasn’t as though she and Lyndsay were ever going to see one another again, was it? Abby hurried back to the table to retrieve her things, barely registering the inquiring looks on the others’ faces, before going outside to reception to call a cab.

  She’d been such a fool to think that someone like Finn would choose someone like her over Danielle, someone like her over anyone else she realised, pacing out front as she waited for her cab.

  She’d been a fool to think that he might love her; that anyone might love her when there was a very real chance that someday she wouldn’t be able to remember something as simple as what she’d had for breakfast. How could any relationship be expected to cope with that?

  But then again, why had Finn insisted that theirs could, that the two of them could get through it, no matter what? Why had he gone to so much trouble in trying to help her come to terms with what was happening to her, in helping her to admit that there really was something wrong? And why had he told her he cared about her, when all the time he was waiting for an opportunity to run off with someone else?

  God the irony, she thought, realising that history was yet again repeating itself, irrespective of her memory problems.

  However in this case she mused, her thoughts racing; in this case her situation could very well be a blessing in disguise, because this time, Abby had a sure-fire way of ensuring that Finn’s betrayal wouldn’t be the same as Kieran’s. That she wouldn’t think about it and be hurt by it every waking moment from now. That the image of Finn and Danielle together wouldn’t keep replaying itself over and over in her mind the way the image of Kieran marrying Jessica had.

  No, this time Abby realised grimly, this time she had foolproof way of ensuring she’d never have to experience that kind of pain again.

  About an hour later, Finn appeared at the front door of the flat.

  “What the hell is going on?” he demanded, running a hand through his hair. “Why did you just leave like that? Jesus Christ I thought something might have happened, that you might have had some kind of … episode or something.”

  “As if you’d care,” Abby shot back, slightly overwhelmed by the intensity of her feelings. It wasn’t as though they’d been together as long as she and Kieran had, but Finn had been there all throughout the most difficult period of her life. So much so that it almost felt like he’d been around forever. She’d shared everything with him, all her fears and worries and all the happier, optimistic feelings too. He knew pretty much all there was to know about her, she’d trusted him, and he’d let her down. She’d fallen heavily for him and he’d thrown it back in her face.

  So what else was new?

  “Why wouldn’t I care?” he asked, frowning. “Why are you being like this Abby? What the hell happened?”<
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  “What the hell happened?” Abby couldn’t believe he was even asking her that. “You and Danielle sitting and cuddling in a corner happened. You not being able to take your eyes off her all day happened. Why did you do it? Why bring me to that wedding when all you wanted was an excuse to get back with Danielle?”

  “Abby calm down, you’ve got it all wrong.”

  “Finn, I might have a head injury but I’m not stupid! Don’t patronise me by trying to tell me I’ve got it wrong. I saw the way the two of you looked at one another. I saw the way she was stroking your cheek, and the two of you holding hands. The only thing I am thankful for is that I managed to get out of there before you got down to the serious business!”

  “The serious business…” Finn breathed out heavily. “Abby look, you have all of this completely wrong. Yes, Danielle and I were sitting together, and yes it felt a bit strange seeing one another again after all this time. I told you before that things didn’t end well with us and…”

  “End? End? To me it looked like nothing at all had ended, in fact, it looked like everything was about to begin all over again! What I can’t understand is why you thought you felt it was OK to string me along all this time, when you were clearly still in love with your ex,” she said, her voice breaking. “Or were you just planning to carry on regardless, because even if I did find out you were sneaking around behind my back, chances are I wouldn’t be able to remember anyway, would I?”

  “Abby, for God’s sake please calm down…”

  “Actually I’m perfectly calm, but to be honest, I’d be even calmer if you’d just leave now and stop trying to explain all of this away. You can say what you like, it doesn’t matter to me anyway because unlike what I told your friends today, I have absolutely no plans to make a record of today, in fact I have no plans to keep a record of anything concerning you at all!” Folding her arms across her chest, she looked away, and tried to blink back tears.

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Look, we made a mistake in trying to think we could make a go of this, and luckily there’s no need for you to feel guilty about it. Just me give it a bit of time and soon I’ll have forgotten you and everything about you. So then you can go on back to your precious Danielle. I certainly won’t stop you.”

  “I don’t understand,” Finn said frowning. “What are you saying?”

  Her jaw tightened. “It means that I’ve got rid of it all Finn, everything from the last couple of months … the memory chest, it’s all gone.”

  He looked horrified. “You deleted the records, all the ones of us?”

  “Yep.” Abby’s mouth was set in a firm line.

  The blood began to drain away from his face, and Abby wondered why he appeared to be so worried. At least this way it would all be over and done with quickly, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t have to worry about leaving her in the lurch, and the two of them could move on with the rest of their lives without looking back.

  He could have the gorgeous Danielle and Abby would have … well Abby would have all the other memories apart from the ones featuring him. It was quite liberating in a way; it meant that instead of spending months trying to get over a broken heart and mourning his absence, she could now do it as easily as the flick of a switch.

  What broken-hearted woman in the world hadn’t wished for that at some stage or another? Wished there was some way she could magic away all the hurt and pain a broken relationship caused?

  Once again this whole thing had proved a blessing in disguise. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, never would be probably, so it was better to find all this out now before she and Finn wasted any more of the another’s time.

  “I don’t believe you,” he was saying. “I don’t believe that you would throw away all we have just because you think you saw something between me and an ex?”

  “I know what I saw.”

  “No, you don’t. What you saw was two people who hadn’t spoken in a very long time catching up.”

  She stared at him. “Do you normally catch up with people by crawling all over them?”

  “I wasn’t crawling all over her! It was emotional, yes, I’ll admit that but – ”

  “Well if it was so emotional, why don’t you go back with her then? Why make a fool of me in front of all your friends, most of whom think I’m off my head anyway,” she finished miserably.

  “What? That’s rubbish.” Finn said, exasperated. “Abby, you really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Clearly I don’t. But I know what I saw, and to me it looked far from innocent. In all honesty, I don’t know why I didn’t realise it sooner, Goodness knows all your friends kept going on about how well she looked and how affected you were by her.”

  His head snapped up. “What? Who said that?”

  “Well … Frances and Jayne, they couldn’t stop going on about how wonderful she looked and all that. It’s obvious they think you’re still in love with her, so I know it’s not just me being paranoid.”

  “Abby–”

  “Well isn’t it true? Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you went all quiet and unresponsive after bumping into her outside the church? Or that you couldn’t relax for most of the day, at least not until you’d managed to get near her again.” She closed her eyes. “Then, you looked very relaxed altogether.”

  “Abby stop it please!” Finn said, his voice rising in frustration. “You’ve got it all wrong.”

  “How could I get you crawling all over your ex-girlfriend wrong? Finn, you were holding her hand, the two of you were close enough you were practically entwined and– ”

  “Danielle’s sick, Abby,” he cut in flatly.

  “What?” she frowned, looking up. “What are you talking about?”

  Finn nodded and slumped into a nearby chair.

  “She got breast cancer. I only found out from Chris a while back. He thought he should say something before I bumped into her at the wedding.”

  Breast cancer … Instantly, Abby’s mind flashed back to Frances and Jayne’s comments about Danielle’s low neckline and the mention of surgery. She’d immediately assumed they were talking about a breast enlargement or something; she certainly hadn’t considered for a second that it could be anything else…

  “That’s why I was quiet after meeting her outside the church,” Finn went on. “And why I was fidgety for the rest of the day. I just didn’t know how to react. I knew I’d have to say something, let her know that I knew about the treatment and the operation …” He shook his head. “Abby, I spent three years of my life with Danielle and I cared about her a lot–I still do–but not in the way you think,” he added quickly. “At the moment, she’s going through something huge and I wanted to talk to her about it, let her know that if she needed anything …” His voice trailed off, and Abby knew for certain that this wasn’t a front; he was genuinely upset and worried for his ex.

  She thought back again to the two of them on the terrace, how intimate they’d looked. Straight away she’d assumed they were being flirtatious but thinking about it now, the whole thing looked ….well quite tender. Finn wasn’t trying to come onto Danielle; he was sympathising with her about her illness. This was why Frances and the others had kept going on about how well she looked, and Abby had stupidly assumed that they were alluding to the obvious differences between her and Finn’s ex. But they were merely alluding to how well she was looking, considering.

  Realising all this now, Abby felt like a heel.

  “I’m sorry …I had no idea…I couldn’t have imagined …” She shook her head, ashamed. “When I saw you two together, I just assumed…she’s so beautiful… and you’d been acting so strangely…”

  “Abby, what Danielle and I had is long gone. I still care about her in the same way I’d care about anyone who’s going through what she is now, and yes, I’ll admit that hearing about it from Chris and then seeing her today knocked me for six. But that’s all there is to it. It took a lot for her
to appear at that wedding today knowing that everyone’s heard, and she was nervous about how all her old friends would react. I wanted to let her know that we’re all rooting for her, that we’re all hoping she comes through it OK.”

  “And how is she?”

  He shrugged. “She’s devastated naturally, same as anyone would be. It’s difficult to explain but for a woman like Danielle…” he shook his head. “Granted, no woman is keen on the prospect of losing a breast, but for Danni the notion is even harder to take. She’s always been very insecure about her looks and something like this is a massive blow for her.”

  A woman like that insecure? Abby couldn’t comprehend it.

  “I know what you’re thinking, but believe me it’s one of the reasons we eventually split up. Danielle needs to be constantly reassured of how wonderful she is and how well she looks. That’s why she hated moving to Balbriggan. It was a world away from the bright lights and glamour of Dublin. Here in the city, she got all the reassurance she needed, but way out there…”

  “But surely she got all this from you?” Abby couldn’t help but be reminded of how she too had yearned for Kieran to say something nice about her appearance or pay her a compliment. But she knew now that this was because her own self-confidence was at an all time low, and her relationship with Kieran was on the rocks. She just couldn’t imagine how a woman as beautiful as Danielle could ever feel that way.

  “It wasn’t enough, nothing was ever enough for Danni.” He shook his head and looked away, and Abby could see how much this had hurt him. “She was like one of those rare exotic flowers who needed constant care and attention in order to thrive. I just couldn’t provide that for her.”

  “But you really loved her, wasn’t that enough?”

  He shook his head. “Not for Danni. I don’t know, I’ve tried to get my head around it for years but I could never figure out why she felt so insecure. Her parents split up when she was younger and I think she may have been a casualty of that, got left behind in all the upheaval, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that in all the years I’ve known her I don’t think she’s ever been comfortable in her own skin. And now, her body’s let her down in the worst possible way.”