Falling in Love in New York

by HILL, MELISSA

  But life with him was so laidback that stress was unlikely. What would it have been like if she’d never met him? OK, so she would have worked through her list and enjoyed every minute of it, and as a result would still have grown closer to Erin and family, but would that still hold true if they, and not Finn, had been the ones to eventually tell her the truth?

  If Abby hadn’t met him that time in New York and again back here in Dublin, who knew how long the fantasy that her memory was fine would have been upheld? Would she ever have discovered the extent of her problems without meeting him, and if she had, how would she have coped?

  It was all academic now of course, but at the same time, it merely brought home to Abby how important Finn was to her and how lucky she was to have him. And Lucy too, of course, she thought smiling. Again, another complete turnaround, this time with her fear of dogs.

  She and Hannah had since tried to uncover the root behind that too, but it was becoming clearer and clearer to Abby as time went by that before the accident, she’d had an irrational fear of pretty much everything! But as to where this particular anxiety had stemmed from, she really hadn’t a clue. All she knew was that the Labrador, through her lovely gentle ways had helped her overcome it, and that was enough for her.

  She picked up her keys and checked that her purse contained enough money to buy the Sunday papers and a litre of milk before heading out to the shops. Blast it, she thought as she headed in the direction of the corner shop, she’d better get some tampons too, her period was due today, and she had no supplies left.

  Which meant that a trip to the cash-point was in order first.

  It was a lovely, clear October day and Abby had a spring in her step as she walked to the end of the road and in the direction of the nearest ATM.

  There was a small queue ahead of her and as she waited obediently in line to use it, she began daydreaming yet again about her and Finn’s upcoming honeymoon to Antarctica. It would be fantastic and such a great start to their life together, she mused, a smile on her face.

  In fact, she was so caught up in these pleasant thoughts that she barely noticed that the queue had very quickly dispersed and it was now her turn to use the machine.

  A tap at her shoulder quickly brought her out of her reverie.

  “Excuse me, are you waiting to use this?” a man asked.

  At the sound of the voice, every single nerve ending stood to attention and Abby stood rooted to the spot, almost afraid to move.

  It couldn’t be … could it?

  Time seemed to stand still, and so did Abby as she tried to get her head around what was happening. Numbly, she finally turned around and came face to face with …

  “Kieran?”

  “Oh!” her ex replied, evidently just as taken aback as she was. “Em, hello Abby,” he mumbled. “I …em …didn’t recognise you.”

  Contrary to what she’d assured Hannah and indeed what she’d believed herself, all the old insecurities came flooding back at once. Her hair was unwashed and greasy, she had no make-up on and was wearing the most hideous grey zip top, the first thing that had come to hand that morning.

  But her embarrassment about her appearance wasn’t just brought on by Kieran’s presence; it had in fact, much more to do with his companion.

  Or should she say companions.

  Kieran’s wife Jessica was watching her with undisguised interest. The two women had never come face to face before, and Jessica was undoubtedly wondering why on earth Kieran had taken so long to break it off with a girl who was clearly no competition.

  Abby however, barely noticed this; she was too busy staring at the buggy sitting between them.

  “You have a child?” she gasped, stepping backwards in horror as she stared from the child back to Kieran, an avalanche of emotions crashing over her, followed just as quickly by a rush of questions.

  It was just over a year since her accident, so Kieran and Jessica could only be married a year too, but this child … this child was–

  “Yes his name is Alan and he’s almost one,” Jessica supplied, confirming Abby’s horrified suspicions and the faint smugness in her tone validating them even further. Her mind reeling, Abby scrambled to get her bearings.

  Almost a year old … But he and Jessica had only got married last year, which had to mean … it must mean …

  “I’m sorry I have to go,” she cried, suddenly desperate to get away from them.

  “But don’t you want to…?” Abby was moving so fast she barely heard Kieran call out something about the ATM, and she knew he and Jessica were probably a bit taken aback by her sudden haste to get away from them.

  No scratch that, why would they be taken aback? It was much more likely that they were now laughing at her, laughing their heads off over what she was too stupid to realise at the time. Kieran and Jessica had a one year old son …

  She’d been right all along; Kieran had betrayed her, despite all his bullshit about doing the right thing, the honourable thing, by saying he was breaking up with her before he and Jessica would get together. Honourable my foot! And to think that she’d given him that, had respected him for it even, despite the fact that he was breaking her heart in two. How could he be so callous and deceitful?

  Abby felt like she had lead in her veins as she tried to put enough distance between her and the man she’s spent so long trying to forget. But now having discovered the full extent of his betrayal, all the old grief came rushing back. A one-year old son… Which meant that the child must have been conceived way before they split up… Abby tried to remember back that far, tried to recall what Kieran’s behaviour had been like at the time and–

  “Abby wait!” Suddenly, she heard a voice call out behind her. Kieran.

  At this, and despite the fact that she didn’t want to speak to him, didn’t want to even look at him, her legs began to slow almost as if by their own accord.

  Seconds later, he appeared in front of her. “Are you OK?” he asked, and the fake sincerity in his voice was the final straw.

  “How can you ask me that?” Abby gasped wretchedly. “How dare you ask me if I’m OK!”

  Kieran looked perplexed and uncomfortable. “I’m sorry … look I know it must have been awkward back there, but I thought we were over that by now and …” he shrugged. “I know it’s been a while, but it’s good to see you Abby.”

  Now she felt as though she’d passed into some kind of parallel universe. What on earth was wrong with him? Why did he expect her to be happy to see him out of the blue like that, especially with what she’d discovered? Or had he been so caught up in his own life that he didn’t even realise the significance of what had just occurred? Was he really that stupid, that heartless even?

  “Kieran, you have a one-year old child,” she began, willing him to do the maths and make the connection. “I know it mightn’t matter much to you now, but it certainly matters to me!”

  “What does?” Again he seemed genuinely confused. “So I have a child–big deal, what’s that got to do with anything? You know I’m happily married now and what happened between us was a long time ago.” He wrinkled his brow. “As far as I’m concerned back then, I tried to do the best by everyone. Now I don’t think for a second that it was easy for you but– ”

  “Don’t you have any idea why I’m so upset?” He seemed so clueless that briefly, Abby wondered if he was the one with the memory problems! “Any idea at all? Kieran, you’re son is a year year old! Which means he must have been conceived while you and I were still together, in other words, behind my back! Yet back then, you swore that you and Jessica weren’t getting together until it was over between you and me.”

  Kieran frowned, and was it her imagination or was he now starting to back away a little?

  “Abby I really don’t know what is wrong with you, but somewhere along the line you must have lost the ability to add and subtract. Yes, Alan is one but believe me I know exactly when and where he was conceived and it certainly wasn’t behind y
our back’.”

  Abby really couldn’t believe she was hearing this. What did he think she was – stupid?

  “Why are you doing this?” she demanded. “Why are you still trying to pull the wool over my eyes? I’m not an imbecile, despite what you seem to think. The child is almost one so add in another nine months and you have almost two, whereas it’s barely a year since you two got married so …”

  She stopped in her tracks when she realised Kieran was looking at her very strangely, as if she’d lost her mind or something.

  “Abby,” he said then, his voice slow and firm, almost as if he were speaking to a particularly slow child. “I married Jessica in 2006. Alan was conceived on our honeymoon.”

  “What …?”

  But then suddenly, just like that, it hit her. Suddenly Abby realised that while she hadn’t exactly lost her mind, she’d almost certainly lost something else.

  Her world began to spin on its axis as she finally understood why dates –particularly the current year–had kept confusing her lately. That time with the cheque; she hadn’t been absentminded in writing it at all; instead something else had been at play.

  “You two got married in 2006?” she repeated in a whisper.

  “Yes. So you must realise that our son couldn’t possibly have been –”

  Her mind reeling, Abby reached out and held onto the wall for support.

  Although she’d questioned this privately a few times, it was indeed 2008, although Abby had initially believed it was 2007. But unwilling to admit to herself or anyone else that this had confused her, she’d eventually put it down to a possible side-effect of her injury, one didn’t really matter much in the scheme of things. No big deal.

  But one thing she could be absolutely sure about was the year of her accident, which had occurred shortly after Kieran’s wedding, and which he’d just confirmed had taken place in 2006.

  So if the injury had happened in 2006 and it was now 2008…

  It could only mean one thing, Abby deduced, flabbergasted. A full year had passed, a year about which she had no recollection, no clue as to what occurred.

  A lost year.

  But in order for this to have happened, she realised grimly, it wasn’t just her memory that had been playing tricks on her.

  Everyone else had too.

  Chapter 36

  “How long has this been going on?” White-faced with shock, and her cheeks wet with tears, Abby appeared at her mother’s door. “How long have you been lying to me?”

  Teresa visibly paled.

  “Love, what are you talking about–?”

  “Don’t lie to me!” Abby cried, brushing hastily past her. “You’ve been doing that long enough, you Caroline and Erin, and whoever else is involved!”

  After discovering through Kieran that she’d lost a year of her life and the significance surrounding it, Abby had raced back to the flat and immediately called Finn, who she suspected must have been involved in this too. But she couldn’t get him on the line and had no choice but leave a tearful, rambling message on his voicemail.

  “I really need to talk to you,” she sobbed. “I’ve just bumped into Kieran and he ... I found out that …I found out something and I don’t know what to do or what to think… I really need to speak to you, please call me as soon as you get this.”

  She didn’t know what she’d do if she discovered that Finn was in on this, if he too had deceived her in such an awful way.

  Now, Teresa stared at her daughter, her expression panicked. “Involved in what? Abby, I …” But just as quickly her face crumpled, and now she looked resigned and fearful. “Love, why don’t we both sit down and talk this over, OK?”

  “How could you do this to me?” Abby insisted, fraught with terror, distrust – a million and one things were going through her mind. They’d deceived her and she wanted to find out how, where, and most importantly why?

  “Love, we were only doing what we thought was right– ”

  “You thought lying and pretending and making a fool of me was right? How did you work that one out, Mum?”

  “Abby please, sit down there and I’ll make you a cup of tea, OK?”

  “I don’t want a cup of tea, and I don’t want you to patronise me!” Suddenly weary, she sank onto the sofa, her eyes filling with tears. “What’s happening to me Mum? I don’t know what’s real anymore.”

  “Honey …” Moved by her distress, Teresa gathered her daughter in her arms and for a brief moment, Abby relaxed in her embrace. However, just as quickly, she remembered the reason she was here and she stepped back.

  “Mum, please tell me what’s going on.”

  Teresa exhaled deeply and shook her head. “What happened? How did you– ?”

  “How did I find out that everyone’s been messing with my head? I bumped into Kieran today–Kieran and his one-year-old son!”

  “Oh.”

  “Is that all you can say? Somehow I lose a year of my life and all you can say is ‘oh.’”

  “We never expected … we were going to tell you eventually,” Teresa struggled, not sure what to say.

  “You were going to tell me when? When another two or maybe three years had passed?”

  “Doctor O’Neill said – ”

  “What?” Abby’s head snapped up. “What’s Hannah got to do with this?” Then it hit her. “Of course, she has to be in on it too… God, I don’t believe this.”

  She slumped heavily onto the sofa – this, a blow too many. Hannah, to whom she’d confided so much of her thoughts and feelings, and whom she’d trusted no end…Now Abby realised that this too was all another charade, another betrayal. Wasn’t there anyone she could trust anymore?

  “Love, maybe it would be better if you spoke to her about it; she’d be able to explain it all much better than I could.”

  “For goodness’s sake Mum, you’re my mother! Why can’t you explain why everyone’s been lying to me all this time!” Now the tears had started to flow, despite Abby’s best intentions and again, Teresa floundered.

  “They advised us to wait until after the wedding, because of the stress of it all you see…”

  Abby shook her head vigorously. “Mum, you’re not making sense! What’s the wedding got to do with it? And what do you mean, ‘they advised you to wait’, who’s ‘they’? Please,” she implored, when she saw her mother hesitate, “I really need to know.”

  Teresa slumped onto the sofa. “Love, this won’t be easy for you to hear and I really wish you’d let me phone Doctor O’Neill; she really would be much better able to explain–”

  “Forget Doctor O’Neill,” Abby interjected shortly. “Whatever it is, I want to hear it from you.”

  Teresa waited a couple of seconds before speaking, as if trying to decide the best place to start. Then she sighed.

  “Love, when you woke after your head injury eleven months ago …It wasn’t the first time you’d woken up,” she continued, her gaze falling to the floor. “It was the fourth.”

  “What?” Abby gasped. “What do you mean?”

  “Abby, as you know, your accident didn’t happen last year like you think it did–it happened the year before.”

  Abby couldn’t speak. Even though she’d figured out that much, it still stunned her to hear her suspicions confirmed. All those ‘mistakes’ she’d made about this year’s date hadn’t been symptoms of her injury at all, they really had been spot on… Which meant that a whole year of her life really had been lost.

  “But how…why? Was I in a coma or something–what?”

  “No, no nothing like that. As I said, that last time was the fourth time you came to.”

  “Came to from what?”

  Teresa took a deep breath. “From another blackout.”

  “Blackout…”

  “Love, I can only imagine how confused you must be. So maybe I should just start from the very beginning, and then you might be able to understand.”

  Abby sat down across from her, feeling
dizzy. Blackouts?

  Her mother sighed again. “Abby, as you know well, that blow to the head you got caused terrible damage, especially to your brain.”

  She nodded, unable to speak.

  “But when you woke up in the hospital the first time, the extent of that damage was plain for all to see. There was a major gash on the side of your head, and the doctors had to shave off most of your hair.”

  Abby’s hand instinctively went to her head. “Shave it off?”

  “Yes. It was completely gone. But it’s grown back fairly well now, although I know it seemed so much shorter when you woke up the last time. ”

  “But Hannah said – ”

  “I know they told you they had to cut it shorter to examine the wound, but that was so you’d think it was the … first time. And of course the wound has also healed well.”

  Hearing all this, and the extent of their lies, Abby was gobsmacked.

  “Go on.”

  “Well as I said, you woke up that first time with a fairly severe head wound. But everything pretty much happened the same as it did last time, the doctors sent you for an MRI to try and determine the extent of the damage, and they came up with the same diagnosis, the damage to your hippocampus and how it would affect your memory.”

  Teresa paused and she looked pained. “But love, you took it very badly that first time,” she told her. “You were distraught about the prospect of losing your memory, none of us could comfort you, and you wouldn’t go outside for weeks on end because of your hair and the way you looked – not to mention that you were still broken-hearted about Kieran. The doctors suggested that you see a psychologist to help you deal with your emotions, but you wouldn’t have any of it.”

  Abby stared at her–unable to believe that all this had happened, actually happened without her remembering it. It was as though she’d stepped into some weird, parallel universe…