Holding Her Hand

by Tammy Falkner

  I crawl back up her body, suddenly tired, and I want to hold her. But she scoots to the side of the bed and starts to put her clothes on. “Where are you going?”

  “I have to go home and get ready for your mom’s party.”

  “Get ready here.” I really don’t want her to leave.

  “I can’t. All my clothes are at home. And the present I got your mom is there.”

  My heart clenches. “You got my mom a present?”

  “Of course. It’s a birthday party, right?”

  I nod. “I might be falling in love with you,” I blurt out.

  She laughs and shakes her head. “I bet you say that to all the girls who give you blow jobs.”

  I freeze. Because she’s wrong. So wrong. I haven’t ever said it to anyone. “No. I don’t.”

  “Yeah, right.” She tosses her hair, pulling it free of her collar, and then she pulls it into a messy ponytail.

  She puts her shoes on, but I can’t stand the thought of her leaving with her feeling like this, like I only said what I did because she sucked my dick, so I grab her as she walks by me and pull her back in bed, then roll her under me. “I didn’t say that because of what you did.”

  She goes still beneath me. “Okay.” She avoids my eyes.

  “It makes you uncomfortable when I tell you how I feel?”

  “No…” But then she shakes her head. “Maybe… I don’t know.”

  “I’d still be falling in love with you even if you didn’t do that.”

  “Okay…”

  I kiss her quickly. “I’ll show you.”

  “Okay.” She nods. But she’s still being weird.

  “I’ve never felt like this before,” I tell her, looking into her eyes.

  “Okay.” She does that nod again, and it’s getting on my nerves, so I roll off of her and let her up. “Want me to come and pick you up? We can use my driver.”

  “Sure.”

  “What’s wrong?” She jabs her fists into her hips.

  “Nothing.” Everything.

  “You don’t want to use my driver?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “That’s fine. Pick me up at noon.”

  She bends over and kisses me, but I make it short. She stares at me for a moment, her gaze confused. Then she shakes it off, stands up, and leaves.

  I toss my pillow at the door, and throw myself back on the bed. I have no idea what to do about how she’s acting, but I know I have to do something. Shit. I finally meet a girl I have real feelings for, and this happens. What the hell do I do now?

  Lark

  I open my apartment door and step inside, and freeze when I see all five of my sisters lounging around the living room. Finny raises her hands and starts to clap. It’s slow, loud, and obnoxious as hell. Heat creeps into my cheeks, but I square my shoulders and step into the room, tossing my keys onto a nearby end table.

  “Congratulations,” Finny says. “You look like you knocked boots all night long.” She leans toward me and whispers loudly. “Just how big is Ryan’s dick? Inquiring minds want to know.”

  A grin teases the corners of my lips, despite the fact that I am mortified at being put on the spot. “None of your business,” I say as I flop onto the couch. “What are you all doing here?”

  “I called them,” Wren says. She stares out the window from her seat on the couch. Suddenly, she turns toward everyone and I see a tear roll down her cheek. “I needed some advice.”

  “Did you tell them yet?” I ask softly. Wren is laboring over this, and I would do just about anything to help her.

  She shakes her head, and dimples appear in her chin where she’s biting back tears. My sisters are no longer joking around. They’re serious and they all want to know what happened.

  “I’m pregnant,” Wren says. Then she buries her face in her hands.

  “How much pregnant?” Finny asks.

  Wren looks up. “Does it matter?”

  Finny sighs. “Yes, it does, depending on what you’re planning to do about it.”

  “You mean get an abortion.” She stares hard at Finny and she throws up her hands in frustration. Wren jabs a finger in her direction. “And you can’t tell Tag. You have to promise.”

  Finny shakes her head. “I can’t promise you any such thing. We’re a team.”

  Finny married Tag, who is Wren and Star’s biological brother. He didn’t grow up with them, but he carries their DNA, and he’s crazy-protective about them.

  “Give me time to figure out what I’m going to do about it, will you?”

  “What does the baby daddy say?” Star asks. Star is pregnant too, and she lays a protective hand on her belly.

  “He doesn’t want it.” Another tear rolls down Wren’s cheek. “Or me, for that matter.”

  “Boy, he’s a w-winner,” Peck says.

  “I got ten bucks that says he’ll want something to do with it when he realizes that being the baby daddy of a Zero’s baby could be a lucrative business,” Finny tosses out.

  Wren’s jaw drops open. Then she throws a pillow at Finny. Finny catches it and tucks it behind her. “What?” she cries. “He’s not a shining example of humanity, Wren. C’mon.”

  “He’s an asshole,” Star says.

  “A dickface,” Peck adds.

  “Peckerhead,” Wren mutters.

  “He’s a dumbass for passing up on something as fabulous as you and that baby could be,” I add.

  “So,” Finny says, clapping her hands together, “what are we going to do? Are we going to have a baby, or are we going to decide not to?”

  “It’s not that simple,” Wren protests.

  “No,” Finny cuts in, “it really is. A woman has the right to choose. Exercise your right not to have it. Or exercise your right to be a mother. Either way, we’re right here.”

  “But he’s not,” Wren wails.

  “What’s he got that we don’t?” Finny asks stoutly. “A dick? I can buy you one of those.”

  Peck rolls her eyes. “Have you been to the d-doctor yet?”

  Wren shakes her head.

  “I think that’s the first step. Make an appointment and I’ll g-go with you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good, so we have a plan,” Finny says. “We’re awesome. We get shit done. We rock.” She gets up and does a little dance.

  “You suck,” Wren gripes. But at least now she’s smiling. She turns to me and pushes my shoulder. “Speaking of sucking… How was Mr. Shepherd in bed? Did he suck?”

  “He…did…suck…on a few…things,” I say slowly as I cover my face with a pillow and sink down low in my chair. Laughter bubbles from my throat.

  “Told you!” Finny cries. She points at Star. “You owe me ten bucks. They totally did the deed.”

  “You made bets on whether or not I would have sex?” I ask.

  “Yep,” Finny crows. “And I won.” She holds out her hand. “Pay up, sister.”

  Star slaps her hand, and Finny pulls it back, grinning all the while.

  “Give us some details,” Finny says. “How big was Ryan’s dick? Are you sore? Can he last forever? Do those tattoos go all over?”

  “Big enough. Yes, I’m sore. He lasted just fine. And yes, the tattoos are all over.”

  “Is his dick pierced?” Peck asks. “Sam’s is. Just curious.”

  “No, he’s not pierced.”

  “Was he fun?” Star sits forward, suddenly getting into it.

  “Fun how?” I ask.

  “Was he all, like, serious? Or was he funny?”

  “He kind of…cried a little.” I wince. “After I did, and not as much as I did. But still.”

  Finny flops back. “He cried? Seriously, I would have punched him in the balls.”

  “Well, he didn’t sob, but he did get all teary-eyed one time.”

  “Was he good to you?” Star asks quietly.

  “Very. I don’t think it could have been any better.” I look down at my watch. “Oh, crap. I have to go and get ready. I�
��m meeting his mother.”

  Finny frowns. “Why are you meeting his mother?”

  I shrug. “It’s her birthday. There’s a party and he asked me to go with him.” I look at all their faces. “Why? What’s wrong with that?”

  Finny’s brow furrows. “Didn’t you just start dating?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you just had sex last night?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you haven’t made any promises to one another. No secret elopement or anything.”

  “No.”

  “Then why the fuck are you meeting his mother already?”

  “Because he invited me. I think it’s nice.”

  “It’s creepy.”

  “It’s not creepy.”

  “It is. I think you should cancel and just go back to his place and bang his brains out instead.”

  “I am not going to cancel.” I get up. “I want to meet his family. I already met his brother Mick.”

  “What are you going to wear?” Star asks.

  “It’s a cookout. Can you pick something out for me?” I put my hands together like I’m praying.

  Star gets up and goes to my closet and I follow her.

  “Shut the door, will you?” she asks.

  I close the door. “What’s up?”

  She sits down on the edge of my bed. “I’m really worried about Wren.”

  “I know. I am too.”

  “What do you think she’ll do?”

  “Honestly, I think she’s undecided.”

  “Okay.” She gets up and starts to rummage through my closet. “She didn’t tell me ahead of time. She made me wait until she told everyone else.”

  Star and Wren have always been the closest of the five of us, since they’re the only ones who are natural-born sisters. “She’s probably still in shock. I’m surprised she told anyone.”

  “I’m pregnant,” she says, as she holds a hand over her baby.

  “I know.”

  “I don’t like that she has to decide between abortion and having it.”

  “I know. I think that’s probably why she told you all this way.”

  “When I found out I was pregnant, it was the best day of my life.”

  “That’s because you have a husband who supports you and will love that baby to pieces. She’s alone in this.”

  “She’s not alone.”

  “She is. Where it matters.”

  “Okay,” Star says softly. She pulls a pair of jeans and a paisley shirt out of my closet. “Wear this. With your rhinestone sandals.” She points to the bathroom. “Go shower. I’ll fix your hair.”

  I sigh and go to Star. I lay a hand on her belly and feel the firm bump beneath my palm. “Wren’s going to be okay,” I tell her.

  “I know,” she says, covering my hand with hers. “I just worry.” She grabs my face and presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek with a loud smack. “Go shower. You smell like a man.”

  I laugh and go do as she says.

  She calls to me as I go into the bathroom. “Hey, Lark.”

  I look back. “Yeah?”

  She grins. “So how big is his dick?”

  I laugh out loud. “Huge. Like porn-star standard.”

  She chuckles. “Figures. It’s always the skinny guys with the biggest dicks.”

  Thirty minutes later, I’m primped and ready. I tell them all goodbye as they wish me luck, grab the box of cookies Marta made for me to take with me to the party, and I go to the corner and get a bouquet of pretty flowers for Ryan’s mom. Then I take a deep breath and get in the car to go pick up Ryan.

  I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m going to meet his parents. Parents who probably won’t like me just because I’m not deaf.

  I text Ryan before we get there, so that he’s standing on the sidewalk when the car arrives. He doesn’t wait for the driver to open the door for him, he just opens the door and slides in. He’s wearing a sweater the color of plums that’s tight across his broad shoulders but folds at the waist, and a pair of worn blue jeans. The smell of his subtle cologne washes over me as he pulls me close and kisses me.

  “I missed you,” he says.

  I look down at the watch I’m not wearing. “For all of two hours?”

  “I missed you the first minute.” He grins and kisses me again, and my heart does that flip-flop thing it does whenever he looks at me like that. “And the second. And the third.”

  I look up to find my driver staring at us in the rearview mirror and I realize he’s waiting for instructions. “Can you give me the address?” I ask Ryan.

  He types it into his GPS phone app, and shows it to the driver, who then pulls out into the street traffic.

  Ryan reaches over and picks up the box of cookies Marta made. “What’s this?”

  “Cookies for your mom. Don’t eat them.”

  He tips the box. “What kind?”

  “I’m not sure. Marta made them.”

  He sets the box to the side.

  “What did you get for your mom for her birthday?”

  “Nothing.” He points to his chest. “She gets the gift of my company for a whole day.”

  “Are you serious?” I stare at him until he starts to laugh.

  “I am serious. It’s a rule. No presents unless we make them.” He shrugs. “I drew her a picture.”

  “Where is it?”

  “In my back pocket.”

  “What did you draw?”

  “I’m not telling. You’ll have to wait and see.”

  He kisses me again and I feel like I’m going to melt into the seat.

  “Can we have a sleepover tonight?” he asks.

  I grin. I can’t help it. “What are you? Twelve?”

  He nods. “We can make a blanket fort and heap up some pillows.”

  “I love blanket forts.”

  His eyes grow hooded and hot. “I can lay you back on the pillows and fuck you in the blanket fort.”

  My heart skips.

  “So, is that a yes?” he asks, pressing his hands together like he’s praying.

  “It’s a maybe.” But inside, I know it’s a yes.

  “We can play the hot lava game, and make a path of pillows and we can only step on the pillows when we leave the fort to go the bathroom or to get something to eat.”

  “What happens if I fall off a pillow?”

  He laughs and rubs his hands together like a mad scientist. “Then I get to come up with wonderful things that will make you scream.”

  “In a good way or a bad way?”

  He shrugs. “Whatever way you prefer.” He licks his lips. “You liked it last night when I licked your pussy.” He makes the sign for “pussy” by making a triangle with his fingers and then licking down the center of it.

  I shove his hands down in his lap. “Stop it!” I cry, glancing toward my driver.

  He laughs and puts his arm around me, then kisses my forehead. “I did miss you when you were gone,” he says out loud.

  This time when my heart pounds, it does it for a completely different reason. I lay my head on his shoulder and settle against him.

  His phone goes off in his pocket and he pulls it out. Then his mouth falls open and he glares at me. “You told your sisters how big my dick is?”

  “What?” I grab for his phone and read the text that just came in.

  Josh: So I heard your dick is gargantuan and that you know how to use it. I guess things went well with Lark, huh?

  I bury my face in my hands and groan. Then I look up. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Star must have told him.”

  Ryan grins and kisses me quickly, and then starts typing into the phone.

  I take it from him when he’s done.

  Ryan: I can’t help it if your wife’s jealous because my dick is bigger than yours.

  Another text comes in and Ryan laughs.

  Josh: Dude, my wife likes my dick just fine.

  Ryan (with me watching him type over his shoulder): Then why are you
texting me about the size of my dick?

  Josh: Because that girl is like a sister to me, and if you hurt her, you and your gargantuan dick will soon be parted, because I’ll chop the fucker off. You feel me?

  Ryan (after giving the front of his jeans a little pat for good measure): I don’t want to feel you. I do, however, UNDERSTAND you.

  Josh: Good. Have fun today. Tell your mom I said happy birthday.

  “He knows your mom?” I ask Ryan.

  “She comes into the tattoo shop when we’re both there sometimes. She likes him. Says he’s funny.”

  “I don’t think him texting you about personal stuff is very funny.”

  “Are you kidding? That shit’s hilarious.”

  I hide my face a little in shame and then look up at him. “I’m sorry I talked about our private stuff with my sisters.”

  He kisses my forehead again. “It’s okay.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  He shakes his head. “If you told them really personal stuff, it might bother me. But not girl talk, no.”

  “What qualifies as personal stuff?” I bite my lower lip.

  “Like if we were arguing and I said something stupid and you told them and they held it against me. That might bother me. But not girl talk.” He grins at me. “You gloat about the size of my dick all you want.” He waggles his eyebrows playfully. “I want to shout to the whole world about how tight your pussy was. But I won’t say a word, because that was special to me.”

  I tilt his face up so I can look into his dark eyes. “It was special to me too.”

  He nods.

  “Peck was talking about how Sam’s dick is pierced, and I just kind of fell into the conversation—”

  “It’s okay!” he says dramatically. “I think it’s sweet that Josh wants to protect you.”

  “I’m going to kill him,” I mutter to myself.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “What did you say?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  He glowers at me. “It does matter. What did you say?”

  “I said I’m going to kill him for even texting you. That’s all.”