Rakitaki: A Jonas Quartermain Adventure

by Lee Alexander

  “I’m sorry, let me make it up to you. We’re going to order some pizza, and I’ll give you more than usual.”

  The librarian sighed, then waved at the phone. Lily smiled and used the phone to order two pizzas while he went back to their usual table. He took his jacket and coat off, then put his bag down next to the chair. He collapsed into the chair with a sigh, covering his face with one hand. He was still exhausted, though it was from the mind-bending mathematics required by his class instead of sleep deprivation.

  “Are you ready to read this?”

  “Yeah, let’s get going.”

  She sat right next to him and placed the translated notes from her uncle on the table. He had meticulously translated each sentence into English, and often given possible alternatives due to German words being used differently forty years before.

  “October first, 1941,” she started to read. “We have been ordered east, into Egypt proper.”

  “Hey, you’re pretty good at this,” he said.

  “Hush, let me read.”

  She continued from there. The account was dry, talking more about daily life than troop movements and the like. The officer frequently complained about the food, how it often had maggots, about the lack of proper beer, about the lavatories. Lily kept a straight face as she read through a harrowing section where the officer recounted an episode of explosive diarrhea brought on by bad water. Jonas, on the other hand, absolutely lost control. He was howling with laughter, first causing Lily to stutter, then to break with laughter of her own.

  “Stop! Stop it already! I’m trying to read this!”

  “I can’t! This guy has some of the funniest writing I’ve ever heard!” He said between bouts of laughter.

  “You’re an ass,” she said with a laugh.

  She gave up as they both continued laughing. Jonas picked himself up, wiping tears from his eyes. She started skimming through the notes, idly paging through the journal as she did so.

  “Here we go. Let’s see,” she backtracked up the page, then flipped to the previous one. “Here. ‘An errant tank shell has opened a mysterious tomb. I have heard nothing of tombs in this region. The front is advancing, but the Oberst’—” she paused for a moment. “Uh, hang on. Oh, there’s a note. An Oberst is a Colonel in the Army. Okay, where were we… here. ‘the Oberst has ordered me to take a unit and uncover this tomb. It seems communications are quick. A certain Oberst known to be in company of a society interested in alternative methods of power has let it be known the tomb uncovered is to be investigated. That was an awful sentence to write.’”

  Lily took a long moment before she spoke again.

  “That was an awful sentence to read.”

  Jonas burst out laughing. Lily joined him. The pizza guy arrived then, looking at them in confusion.

  “Uh, two pizzas for Lily?”

  “Oh, pizza’s here. Thanks dude. Uh,” Lily pulled her wallet out of her purse. She found a twenty and handed it over. “That should cover it, right?”

  The man nodded, dumbstruck. He took off before she could ask for change.

  “Wasn’t that like eleven dollars for the pizza?”

  “What, was that too big of a tip?”

  “Yeah. That was nearly a one-hundred percent tip. Have you been paying that much every time?”

  “Mhm,” she grunted and shrugged as she ate her first bite.

  He shook his head. “No wonder the pizza always shows up so fast.

  They tucked in, enjoying the pizza in silence. The librarian stopped by for a few slices, winked at them, then disappeared to the front again. Lily moved the box to the side and focused on the notes.

  “Alright. Let’s get back to it,” she said as she wiped her hands off using a napkin.

  She continued to read the notes aloud. Jonas wrote down a few sentences that seemed relevant. An hour later, they were a third of the way through the journal.

  “We have been working on the dig for fifteen days. The enlisted are not happy about digging all day and night, but when reminded they could be back on the front lines, they immediately cease complaining,” Lily read. “I think I would hate digging all day too.”

  “We didn’t dig during the day, too hot.”

  She looked up at him. “Why did the Germans dig during the day then? It’s insanely hot, especially during the summer.”

  “That’s exactly why we worked at night, even though it’s winter,” Jonas said. “As it was, our diggers were mostly local Egyptians looking for work.”

  “Makes sense. I’m betting they didn’t have any locals helping, not during an invasion.”

  “Probably. Keep going,” Jonas encouraged Lily.

  “Strangely, we seem to have stumbled across not a tomb, but a stone house buried by sand and time. Further digging has revealed more houses, each of which was occupied in the distant past. Every building uncovered so far show signs of violence and brutal death. Skeletons impaled through head or heart. One digger slipped on sand and accidentally headbutted a skeleton that crumbled to ashes.”

  “That sounds like—” he started to interrupt. Lily cut him off.

  “Shh, it’s getting interesting. ‘The digger began screaming as he burst into flames in the intense daytime sunlight. We smothered him with blankets that were nearby, but he didn’t speak again today. He is under the watchful eyes of the medics now.’” Lily turned to Jonas. “That sounds like what happened to you.”

  Jonas nodded to acknowledge. He didn’t want to interrupt her reading. Lily skimmed ahead, finding the next relevant section.

  “The front has returned our way, and we have been forced to abandon the dig. I fear for my career and life now, because I have nothing to hand over to the Oberst.” Lily made a face as she tried to pronounce the German word. Jonas loved the cute wrinkle of her nose as she stumbled over the title.

  “Damn, that’s it?” He sounded crestfallen.

  “Wait, there’s a bit more. ‘Two weeks have passed and the soldier that fell into the skeleton has said little save one word- “Rakitaki”, over and over in a barely audible mumble.’ That’s the word right there.”

  “Is there anything else?” Asked Jonas.

  She quickly read ahead. After a solid minute of scanning, she shook her head and said “I don’t think so. I’ll keep reading, but that’s all I see right now. Why, do you have somewhere to be?”

  “Well, I had plans to go to a party with Elliott tonight.” He scratched the back of his head.

  She put the notes down and stared at him. “You mean like the one where you ended up fighting a football player hopped up on drugs.”

  “Hopefully I won’t get into a fight this time. You want to go with?”

  “No, I think I’m going to keep working on this,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll meet up with you tomorrow, let you know what I find out.”

  “You sure? I feel bad leaving you to research something I’m working on while I go party.”

  “I’m sure,” she said with a nod. “Besides, I actually enjoy doing research.”

  “Alright. I’ll catch you later.”

  “Not if I catch you first,” she said with a smile and a wink. He returned the smile as he donned his jacket and coat, then headed back to his dorm, where Elliott was already waiting for him.

  37

  “Finally, dude. Where have you been?” He said, leaning casually against the door of Jonas’ room.

  “Research assignment.”

  He leered at his friend before saying “you were with a lady, weren’t you?”

  “What gives you that idea,” Jonas said sourly.

  “Just the bounce in your step broha. Doesn’t matter, let’s go get shwasted. Oh, try to keep your clothes on this time. Unless you get laid,” Elliott said with a laugh.

  “Ha-ha, let’s go,” Jonas replied sarcastically. “What the hell is shwasted?”

  “You know what it is,” Elliott said as he turned to leave. Jonas quickly opened the drawer of his bedside table
and took the lighter. He tucked it into his jacket pocket, and followed his friend into the hallway.

  “Where are we going this time?”

  “Same place as last time. Kaala’s, though try not to piss her off this time. I think we can get you back in her good graces if you show up with something to drink.”

  “How would we manage that? I don’t have any money to buy beer.” Elliott’s pace caused Jonas to fall behind, despite having longer legs.

  “You know I have your back.”

  “Elliott, I get it, you have money. But why are you always covering me?”

  “You’re my best friend. I know how hard you’ve been working for the last three years. And after what you told me about Egypt, man I just want to be here for you. Besides, ten bucks is worth the cost of getting back in. Bringing a thirty rack should help your rep.”

  Jonas sighed. “Thanks man. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Probably freeze to death. Dumbass,” Elliott said with a smile.

  “Yeah, yeah. That was a wild night. Did you call for a taxi?”

  “Already waiting. C’mon, cheer up, we’re going to have a great time. Besides, you were in a good mood when you got back to your room. What changed?”

  “I just feel like I drag you down all the time. Always taking your money.”

  “Look, we’ve talked about this a hundred times. You don’t have cash to throw around. You’re spending it all on school. I have a stipend from my parents.”

  “It’s an allowance, and you know it.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. But because of that, I’m dead set on making sure you, my best friend and brother, don’t have to go without.”

  Elliot opened the door to the winter world, and they trudged over to the waiting taxi with their coats drawn tight.

  “We’ve got two stops,” Elliott informed the cabbie. The driver nodded, waiting to be told where to drive to. They buckled in and Elliott gave an address that sounded familiar to Jonas. Five minutes later, they stopped in front of a run-down liquor store.

  Elliott jumped out of the car and hurried inside. The glass door had a grill on it, and the windows were tiny. A steel gate was retracted to one side of the doorway. Trash littered the street, and more than one homeless person watched from their nook or sleeping bag. Two minutes later Elliott emerged with a large white and red box.

  Elliott paused outside the cab with the beer. Jonas opened the door and moved over to make room for the box.

  “There we go. Let’s get going to the party,” Elliott said as he sat. He recited another address, the cabbie nodded and they were off.

  The next song out of the crackling taxi speakers drew a groan from deep in Jonas. Elliott grinned wildly and elbowed his friend.

  “What’s the matter dude?”

  “You know exactly—” Jonas started to say as he pushed back.

  “I hear the drums echoing tonight,” shouted Elliott. He started jumping in his seat with the beat of the song. “But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation!”

  “Dude, don’t, I already hate this song.”

  The cabbie joined in, singing with Elliott, unable to resist his infectious energy. The two belted the song out at the top of their lungs, destroying any sense of harmony. Elliott, still as stocky as ever, harassed Jonas as he sang. He pushed and pulled on the sullen young man, bouncing around and generally having entirely too much fun.

  “I bless the rains down in Africa,” the cabbie sang with Elliott. Finally, unable to maintain the scowl any longer, Jonas joined in.

  “Gonna take some time to do the things we never had,” Jonas bellowed, bringing the energy to a new level.

  “Yeah buddy,” Elliot shouted between lines. He and Jonas were bouncing in the back of the cab, making it rock back and forth. People in nearby cars gave them strange looks as the three grown men sang their hearts out. When they arrived at the party, the much larger speakers in the house drowned out the cab. Elliott thanked the cabbie and left him with a generous tip. Jonas carried the box of beer. He saw why the music was so much louder than the last time; a pair of three-foot-tall speakers were sitting on the porch pointed out into the street.

  Shouts from the first row of partiers greeted them. When Elliott made Jonas lift the cube of beer, the shouts grew louder. They were pulled into the house, cries of greeting and backs patted in passing. The heat of the house was astounding. Walking through the door was like being hit with a hot wet towel. Someone grabbed Jonas’ ass as he walked by, but he couldn’t tell who when he looked around. They pushed through the crowded hallway into the packed kitchen.

  As it had been before, half the kitchen had been converted into a low-end bar. The same blonde coeds were standing behind the table that held the booze. Jonas handed the cube over to them and asked for something to wet his whistle. When the bartender looked at him in confusion, Elliott stepped in.

  “Whiskey coke, make it strong! He obviously needs it,” he said as he danced. He already held a red plastic cup in one hand. A moment later Angie leapt from cover in the crowd and attached herself to his back, nearly throwing him off balance.

  “Angie, baby!” Elliot put his drink down, then reached around his shoulder and pulled her to his front. She was so small he was able to maneuver her easily. He gave her a long kiss. The bartender handed over a drink to Jonas, then blew him a kiss. He thanked her for the drink and walked out the open slider to the backyard.

  The air outside was cold. Snow was still piled around the outside edges of the yard. A bonfire roared in the fire pit in the center. Jonas eyed the two Joshua trees as he passed. He was still curious how two desert dwelling trees managed to live in the frigid environment. He took a seat by the fire and started to relax. Elliott and Angie joined him a moment later. They talked late into the night, downing cup after cup of whatever concoction the bartenders handed over.

  Jonas woke with the first rays of sunrise on his face. He shivered violently in the cold air. He still had all his clothes on, including his shoes. A strange woman was pressed against him, also fully clothed. Her face was hidden behind long red locks of hair. He extracted himself and walked into the house. He found Elliot in the kitchen, cooking up a storm. He worked around people passed out on the counter and the floor. None of them stirred as he chopped vegetables, whisked eggs and fried bacon.

  “Morning,” Jonas rasped. His throat felt dry and his head was starting to pound.

  “Morning, Johnny! Grab a seat, I’ll have food ready in a moment,” Elliott said as he poured eggs into the pan.

  “Don’t shout so loud,” Jonas said with a hand to his head as he sat in an empty chair.

  “Hangover? Don’t worry, I’ve got the cure for that too. Angie, one mimosa for our man here.”

  Having failed to notice the petite woman up to that point, Jonas looked around. She was sitting on the floor next to Elliott, one arm around his leg. She extracted herself, then started shuffling around the kitchen. She retrieved an unopened bottle of champagne, then a jug of orange juice from the fridge. She mixed the two in a glass and handed it over to Jonas. He thanked her, then took a sip. He could feel the bubbles all the way down his throat.

  “So much better,” he said after another long draw.

  “Great! Here’s breakfast.” Elliott placed a heaping plate in front of Jonas. It held a heaping portion of scrambled eggs, two strips of bacon, and two breakfast sausages.

  “Damn dude, that’s a lot of food,” Jonas said as he took the proffered fork from Elliott.

  “And I bet you’ll eat all of it. You’ll feel so much better after eating.” Elliott turned back to the range.

  “’Kay,” Jonas replied through a full mouth. When his glass ran out, Angie quietly refilled it, then went back to clinging to Elliott’s leg. Jonas thought it was strange, yet adorable. He shoveled the food in, enjoying the quiet of the morning. Elliott sat next to Jonas a few minutes later with his own plate of food. Angie sat next to her boyfriend.

&nb
sp; As they finished, the first of the partiers began to stir. Jonas watched the still-drunk man sit up, turn to his side, and puke all over the floor.

  “Welp, that’s my cue,” he said. He stood and started to pick his way out of the house. Elliott and Angie followed him to the front yard. “Did you just cook up a bunch of someone else’s food?”

  “Yeah. You didn’t have any objections when you were eating,” Elliott said as they walked. Angie clung to his side, buried deep in his outer coat.

  “That’s true, I guess. What now?” Jonas asked. He kept his eyes on the sidewalk in front of them, still feeling tipsy.

  “Do you have anything on your schedule?” Elliott started scratching Angie’s head like a pet. She seemed to love it, nuzzling her head in closer to his side.

  “I just need to check in with Lily at the library.” He checked his watch to confirm the time. “It’s early, but she might have already gone there. Wish I had some way to contact her at any time.”

  “I mean, you could have one of those mobile phones. Came out in October of last year, though I heard it’s been around in Sweden and Japan for a while. My uncle has one. Said he paid a few thousand for it. No thank you.” Elliott shook his head to emphasize his point. “If it’s really important, they can leave a message on the answering machine. I saw a professor recently that had a pager. I mean talk about a busy-body.”

  Jonas nodded, keeping his thoughts to himself.

  “Hey, are we really going to walk all the way back to campus?” Asked Angie from inside Elliott’s coat.

  “I don’t see why not,” Jonas answered. He tried to look at her, but she had closed the coat most of the way. One of her eyes peered out from the warm interior. “It’s only another twenty minutes of walking or so.”

  “Then why do you guys always take a taxi?” She asked. Her breath fogged out through the gap.

  “Because Elliott is lazy as hell,” Jonas said at the same time Elliott spoke up.

  “Because Jonas can’t be bothered to walk anywhere.”

  They both laughed. “Still twin-brained on some things,” Elliott said.

  They walked slowly to allow Angie to stay in her warm coat-cave under Elliott’s arm. Jonas found that he was envious of how close they were. He put the thought to the side, mentally chiding himself for even thinking like that. They made small-talk as they walked, enjoying the early morning.