The Midwife's Dilemma

by Delia Parr

  When she peeked into the basket and saw the veritable feast packed inside, she groaned so loud they might have heard her miles away in town. “Oh, how I love those two sisters.”

  Thomas laughed. “They’re rather fond of you, too, and they refused to let me fetch you home unless I promised to see that you ate properly first.”

  “I always eat when I’m called out to duty, though not always this well,” she quipped, but she neglected to mention that all she had managed to eat since the morning was the food Fern had packed for her, and she had polished that off before she had even arrived at the Crowder farm.

  As she set the goodies out onto the blanket, she remembered the winter picnic she had shared with Thomas in the lakeside cabin, which he had restored in anticipation of her agreeing to marry him and move out into the countryside with him.

  She did not doubt for a heartbeat that he had planned this picnic, too, and it was a true feast. In addition to hunks of ham and cheese and several biscuits, there were half a dozen molasses cookies, a small tin of salty pretzels, a pair of sugar-crusted fritters, and a jug of water.

  She reached back into the basket for a tin plate and a napkin and handed both to Thomas, which he promptly filled with biscuits he then sliced and filled with ham. In turn, she snatched one of the fritters and polished it off in two bites. She licked the sugar from her fingers before setting a couple of molasses cookies onto her plate.

  When Thomas started to laugh, she added one more cookie. “I do believe I’ve earned the right to eat dessert first today,” she offered, making it clear by the tone of her voice that she was not apologizing one iota.

  “I’m not suggesting you haven’t. All I’m saying is that having dessert before dinner is one of your more endearing habits I’ve discovered over the years.”

  She huffed. “What you mean is that I’m predictable.”

  “Exactly,” he replied and turned his attention to devouring his biscuit and quickly filling another one with cheese.

  Annoyed by his response, she looked more closely at him. When she noted the thin, jagged scar on the web of flesh between his thumb and forefinger, a battle scar he had suffered last year when he had rescued Will from drowning, she recalled the boy’s claim that all females were unpredictable. Maybe it was time she made herself a bit unpredictable in the hope that she could nip at some of his confidence.

  She smiled at him. “You seem to relish making fun of my little habits,” she retorted playfully, although she accepted the fact that he was far more skilled at flirtatious banter than she was or ever could be.

  “Sad to say, I’m at a disadvantage in that regard since I have so many more foibles than you do,” he protested and snatched a molasses cookie from her plate.

  Martha polished off the last of her fritter. “Perhaps that’s a topic we’ll save for a discussion another day, since I have more important questions about the time you were away. And about why you couldn’t write to explain the reason you were delayed or how long you might be instead of leaving me to worry about all of you,” she added.

  He set his cookie down on his plate, and his expression sobered. “I traveled with Fern and Ivy as their escort and friend, but I was also their lawyer. I still am, and while I can talk about some things, there are others I can’t discuss with you at all because I can’t break the confidentiality I owe to them.”

  Reluctantly, she nodded. As a midwife, she also shared a sacred trust with her patients, and there were times when it was awkward, if not incredibly hard, to maintain that trust. She had never once divulged any of the private information she was privy to during the course of her work in too many households to count, and she was proud of the respect she had earned as a result.

  He let out a long breath. “What I can tell you is that Fern and Ivy have nothing to worry about now.”

  “They told me as much, although we hadn’t quite finished our conversation when I was summoned out to the Crowder farm. They will no doubt explain the rest as they see fit, but I’m still confused as to why none of you could write anything after the single post you sent to let me know that you’d be delayed a short while before coming home.”

  He took her hand. “I’m sorry, but all I can tell you now is that we spent a great deal of time in Philadelphia, but we also had to travel to Harrisburg and a fair number of smaller towns before we even located Mr. Pennington. Between the bad weather, the abominable roads, and the need to file any number of legal petitions just to keep those two sisters from doing anything illegal, there were actually days when I wasn’t even certain of the name of the inn or even the town where we were staying.”

  “It sounds exhausting,” she admitted, feeling downright foolish and completely selfish for expecting Thomas or the two sisters to write to her when they obviously had so much to do.

  Turning her hand, she entwined her fingers with his and tightened her hold. “You’re a good man, Thomas. A good friend. And a good lawyer. And I suspect you might make an awfully good husband. Now that you’re home again, we can take our time and sort through our concerns properly,” she said as bittersweet memories came to the forefront of her mind.

  Nearly twenty-five years ago, she had had second thoughts about marrying him and had ended their courtship, which had inspired more than a bit of gossip at the time. She had married John Cade instead, and in turn, Thomas had married someone else, too. Eventually, each of them had experienced the pain of losing a spouse. They had only recently rediscovered the affection that had initially brought them together.

  Thomas sighed, as if he were thinking about the past, too. “I’ve already told you that I won’t object to anything you want or need me to do to get you to fully accept my proposal. Can’t you do the same for me?”

  7

  Could she?

  When Martha did not answer him right away and averted her eyes, Thomas sighed and got to his feet. “I need to tend to the horse. Perhaps you can give me your answer when I get back. If not, your silence will be answer enough.”

  Her heart begged her to say yes, that she could accept his proposal unequivocally, but she had to think long and hard before she gave him an answer. She glanced up and watched him as he carried the jug of water over to the horse, but she quickly looked down again when her heart started racing and threatened to keep her from thinking about anything other than loving him and desperately wanting him as her husband.

  Their circumstances, however, could not be more different. As a widower with two grown children and substantial means, Thomas had no one depending on him, which meant that he had nothing to consider more than what he wanted to do. A lawyer by training, he had always enjoyed his status and inherited wealth as the son of the founder of Trinity, and he had spent his life using his talents and energy for the benefit of the town and the people who lived there.

  She sighed and worried the napkin on her lap. She, too, held a revered status in town that was important to her. Once widowed, however, the meager rewards she earned had not been enough to support herself and her two children, and she depended on others for a home. After a fire last year claimed the one she had made with her brother, she had been fortunate to have found a home with Fern and Ivy.

  Granted, she hadn’t had to worry about supporting her son, Oliver, for the past ten years. At fourteen he had moved to Boston to live with his grandfather, Graham Cade, to claim the future his father had rejected. Under his grandfather’s tutelage, he had finished his education and now practiced law in his grandfather’s firm. He made every effort to return home for a visit once a year or so, but he had yet to come this year.

  Her relationship with Oliver was not as strong or as deep as it would have been if he had never left, but she suspected a son’s inclination to become independent of his mother was as natural as it was necessary. In recent years, however, she occasionally turned to her son for advice, especially where Victoria was concerned, although he did not fully comprehend the very difficult relationship a mother had with a daughter as op
posed to a son.

  Victoria, however, had only just turned eighteen, and Martha had an obligation to provide for her. Her relationship with her daughter was still contentious at times and was bound to get even more so once she confronted Victoria about her behavior with Dr. McMillan and her hopes to marry him.

  Martha nibbled at another cookie, found it tasteless, and set it aside. However different their circumstances might be, she and Thomas had one very important thing in common: a desire to change the way they lived their lives.

  Thomas no longer found satisfaction in his civic responsibilities to Trinity, and he was also weary of traveling for weeks at a time to monitor inherited family investments that were as far west as Clarion, some thirty miles away, and as far east as several major seaboard cities, namely Philadelphia and New York.

  For Martha, the demands of responding to constant calls in all types of weather and at all times of the day or night were taking a toll on her. The yearnings for the comfort of a husband, a home of her own, and a more ordinary life had grown stronger over the past year, and she was struggling to rediscover the peace and contentment she had once enjoyed in the life she believed God had chosen for her.

  Instead, Thomas had come back into her life and offered her the opportunity to satisfy the yearnings of both their hearts.

  When she heard him returning to the blanket, she took a deep breath. She had been confused about what to do for months now, but with Thomas by her side again, all doubt and confusion about how she would respond to his question slipped away. And she knew that she was ready to give up her calling. Ready to truly love again. Ready for the companionship of a husband and a home of her own. Ready to do all the things she had been too busy to do while tending to everyone else.

  But before she could seriously contemplate ending her days as a midwife, she had one final duty that had to be met. She was just afraid that Thomas would not give her the time she needed to meet that responsibility.

  When he finally sat down next to her, she reached out and took his hand with her own. “I can accept your proposal, unequivocally, with the exception of one issue that would force me to say no and turn you away.”

  His eyes deepened with an understanding that she knew stemmed from the past. “Your work as a midwife,” he stated in a flat tone of voice. He shook his head before he looked away from her to stare into the distance.

  “But it’s different this time—”

  “No,” he argued. “It’s exactly the same issue that kept us from marrying all those years ago when you were training with your grandmother to replace her. I wanted you to stop, and you refused.”

  He slipped his hand free. “Before I left, I thought we’d both agreed that we were equally tired of the constant interruptions in our lives, and that now that we were a little older, we wanted to make changes that would make both of us happier. That’s why I resigned as mayor and traveled east with Fern and Ivy, planning to dissolve my investments there. I’d hoped by now you’d be able to tell me that you were ready to let someone else take up your calling. Apparently I was wrong.” His shoulders slumped ever so slightly.

  She placed her hand on his arm. “Please stop and listen to what I have to say without interrupting me. I am ready to let someone else take over as midwife.”

  When he looked back at her, his eyes were wide with disbelief but shaded with hope.

  “Are you certain, absolutely certain you are?”

  “Yes, I’m absolutely certain,” she insisted, “but I can’t leave the women and children who depend on me without anyone to help them other than Dr. McMillan. I have a duty to find a competent woman who is willing to take my place. All I ask is that you give me the time I need to find her.”

  He lifted a brow and started to smile. “More time. That’s all you want? More time?”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  His smile drooped just a tad. “How much time do you think you’ll need?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that,” she admitted. “I haven’t been very successful so far after talking to several women I know who are very experienced with helping me during births or with all sorts of illnesses, but there are a good number I still need to approach. If one of them is interested, I don’t think it would take more than five or six months before she’d be ready to take over as midwife, although she might still need me occasionally for difficult cases.”

  “And if none of them are interested? What then?”

  She swallowed hard. “If one of the younger women has a true desire to become a midwife but has little birthing experience, then it will take much longer. At least a year, and even after that, for perhaps another year, I’d feel obligated to work very closely with her, which means I can’t promise to marry you until you can agree to wait for me . . . for however long it takes.”

  His expression hardened. “And if I agree to wait, you can promise you’ll marry me and not change your mind?”

  “I won’t change my mind, but I still want to keep our plans to ourselves.”

  His smile returned. It was a little tentative, but it was there. “Then if you’re very, very sure that this is what you need to do, then I can agree to wait, although I must tell you that I’ll be impatient at times,” he warned.

  She nodded, reluctant to admit that she might become impatient, too.

  “And after you’ve gotten some proper rest, we’ll talk about picking out another horse for you. Obviously, you’re going to need one.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve already told you. That’s my responsibility, and I’ll take care of finding another horse, just as I’ll take care of finding someone to replace me.”

  “Which makes me curious about something,” he said. “Since you’re so determined to keep our plans to marry a secret, won’t folks find it odd that you’re actively trying to find someone to replace you?”

  “Not at all,” she insisted. “It’s been common knowledge for some time now that Victoria has no interest in taking up my work. I’ve approached several women in the past year to consider taking my place when I’m no longer willing or able to continue, and several others more recently while you were away, but only in very general terms. If none of them are interested, I’ll be discreet, but I’ll waste no time before I approach others. If I’m not as successful right away as I hope to be and it ends up that we don’t marry for another year or two, it doesn’t make much sense to announce now that we’re betrothed, would it?”

  “No, I suppose not,” he admitted, “but in all fairness, I do have a few matters to discuss with you that might give you pause and invite you to reconsider accepting my proposal.”

  “I trust you won’t ask me to agree to anything I’d find wholly unacceptable, especially now after you’ve been so willing to compromise with me.”

  He brightened. “In truth, there are two matters, although one is little more than highly inconvenient for both of us. I was so busy helping Fern and Ivy that I never got beyond Philadelphia to fully dissolve my investments in New York City. I’d like to stay here at home for a few weeks before I undertake another journey east, but I don’t expect that I’ll be gone for more than a few weeks this time, a month at the very most. I may have to go to Clarion in the meantime on a family matter, which wouldn’t take me away for more than a few days, but I’m not exactly certain of that yet.”

  Although she was disappointed by the prospect of his leaving again, she was too buoyed by his willingness to wait for her to find her own replacement to be cross with him. The fact that they would have time together before he headed back East again also helped to ease her dismay. “Is that all?”

  When her stomach growled, he laughed. “That’s all for now. We can discuss the other matter later, since it’s a bit complicated, but we do need to finish this picnic and get you back to Trinity before dark.”

  She grinned and snatched the half-eaten cookie from her plate. This time, she found it full of flavor.

  He handed her another. “I don’t suppose y
ou’d consider the idea that when I leave for New York that you’d go with me so we could look for a midwife there and bring her back with us, would you? Of course, that would mean we’d have to marry first since it wouldn’t be proper for us to travel together otherwise.”

  Martha pushed the cookie he was offering away. “Certainly not. Unlike Fern, who seems to think it’s perfectly fine to hire a stranger without any solid references, I won’t do that. I’ll find someone I know and trust who’ll make a good midwife right here, and you’ll have to live with your promise to wait until I do. Unless you’re already changing your mind,” she added with a scowl.

  He offered her a crooked smile. “I didn’t think you’d agree, but you can’t fault a man for asking.”

  “Perhaps not.” She smiled.

  “Then agree, at least, to spend a day with me. Not tomorrow or even the next day. You need to rest. But one day soon,” he said.

  When he leaned close to kiss her, she leaned closer and whispered, “Yes.”

  She knew the dangers of his kisses and that he knew she found them almost impossible to resist, which meant she really could not wait too long before thinking of ways to avoid them. One way, she supposed, was to make herself just a little less predictable.

  She just needed this one last kiss before she tried.

  8

  Martha didn’t awake the next day until midafternoon.

  When she spied Bird perched on top of his cage instead of inside, she sighed. He had escaped once again. Since she had also forgotten to put the cover on the cage last night, she must have slept straight through his morning serenade.

  After dragging herself out of bed, she filled his food bowl with a fresh supply of seeds. The instant he hopped inside the cage to eat, she closed the door, hoping for a little peace to say her prayers and dress for the day.

  Half an hour later, with Thomas’s invitation to spend a day with him the day after tomorrow wrapped around her heart of hopes, she descended the back staircase in the confectionery. She felt more refreshed and just plain happier than she had been for many, many months. The aroma of a heavenly stew awaited her. Famished to the point she was a bit light-headed, she held on to the railing for fear she might take a tumble and add yet another bump to her head.