Should Have Been Her Child

by Stella Bagwell

  Victoria opened her mouth to defend herself, but before she could utter a word, Jess whirled back around and his eyes were furious as they raked her white face.

  “That was my child, too!” he practically shouted. “Why did you keep it a secret from me? From everyone? Were you that ashamed to be carrying my baby?”

  Tears pooled in her eyes and trickled onto her cheeks. “I wasn’t ashamed! I was proud! Thrilled that even though you were gone, I still had a part of you.”

  Mockery twisted his lips. “Yeah, it really sounds like it.”

  Ripped by the condemnation in his eyes, she stepped forward and wrapped her fingers around his forearm. “If you’ll stop being angry for a moment and listen, maybe you’ll understand,” she pleaded. “I loved you desperately back then. But I didn’t want you to return just because of the baby. I wanted you to come back to San Juan County for me.” She paused to swallow as emotion threatened to choke her. “I was waiting, hoping and praying that you would come home before my pregnancy grew advanced enough to show. But then the miscarriage happened and it didn’t seem to matter—our child was gone.”

  Dark pain filled his eyes. “But it did matter!” he muttered roughly. “It does matter!”

  Her head swung sadly back and forth. “Lay all the blame on me if you must. But just so you know, I was making plans to get in touch with you to tell you about the pregnancy when I got the news that you were married. Can’t you see how I felt? You had a new wife. You obviously didn’t want me in your life and I didn’t want to interfere in yours. And then the miscarriage happened and telling you didn’t seem all that important anymore.”

  Pain such as Jess had never felt before blindsided him. Not until the barbed wire on the pasture fence stuck him in the chest did he realize he’d turned away from Victoria and started walking.

  The physical sting jerked him back to reality and he cursed loudly. At the fence, at himself, and the cruel loss of it all.

  Across the yard, Victoria watched his fist close around the top wire of the fence, watched as his head bent and his shoulders sagged as though she’d just handed him a load too heavy to carry. In all the years that she’d known him, she’d never seen him react to anything like this. And it shocked her to think he was so devastated to learn of their lost child. What could it mean? Would he have loved their baby as much as he loved his little Katrina?

  The notion squeezed her heart and filled her with a desperate need to comfort him. Walking across the yard, she came up behind him and placed her hand on his back.

  “I’m sorry, Jess,” she whispered. “Truly sorry.”

  Slowly his head turned and her heart winced at the loss and confusion she saw in his eyes.

  “Why did it happen?”

  “The miscarriage?”

  He nodded grimly. “Weren’t you taking care of yourself? As a doctor—”

  “Of course I was taking care of myself! It was just one of those things that can’t be medically explained. I suppose a higher source decided that it wasn’t time for you and I to have a baby together.”

  His head bent as a long breath drained out of him. “If I’d been here it might not have happened.”

  Victoria shook her head. “No, Jess. Your being here wouldn’t have changed anything.”

  Jess wanted to throw his head back and shout at the unfairness of it all. He and Victoria had lost so much. Not just each other, but a child, too. His decision to go to Texas had done all that.

  Suddenly guilt was pouring over him, filling him with a dark weight. He’d made such a mess of their lives. Far worse than he’d known. And for what, he wondered bitterly. His pride? He’d hated the idea of being one of Tucker’s cowhands, but looking back on it now, that job would have been a hell of a lot better than losing Victoria and their child.

  He never thought he would ever admit such a thing to himself. But he’d just been slapped with the truth and the jolt had shattered him.

  “You’re probably saying that to make me feel better,” he mumbled.

  “No, I’m saying that because it’s the truth. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. And there wasn’t any damage. I can get pregnant again.”

  When Jess had first walked up on the porch he’d wanted to kiss her, but now as he took in her solemn green eyes and sad face, he simply wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her close, feel the reassuring beat of her heart against his. If that meant he loved her, he couldn’t help it.

  His features softened. “I…wasn’t thinking the other night when we…could you be pregnant now?”

  In spite of their strained relationship, Victoria wished there was a possibility she could be pregnant. To be given another chance to have Jess’s child would be a precious gift. But the appearance of her monthly cycle had doused that hope. “You don’t have to worry about that,” she assured him.

  He didn’t say anything for a few moments and then his hand lifted and he brushed his knuckles gently against her cheek.

  “I could think of worse things happening to me, Tori.”

  His reply took her by surprise. So did the gentle shadows in his gray eyes. But just as she was wondering what it all could mean, he turned and walked a few steps away from her.

  Bewildered by the abrupt change in him, she stared at the back of his broad shoulders. Then after a moment of indecision she went to stand in front of him. “Jess, why did you hustle Katrina into the house?”

  “Not for the reason you think.” He lifted his head to look at her and wondered how much worse things could get. “And if you’d not leaped to conclusions, you would have heard my explanation. I had something to talk to you about and I didn’t want Katrina overhearing anything or being a distraction.”

  Even though the evening was comfortably warm, the grim expression on his face caused icy chills to run down her spine. There was something else on his mind besides everything she’d just told him about the baby. “What’s wrong, Jess? Why are you looking at me like the world is about to come to an end?”

  Deciding there wasn’t anyway to soften it, Jess didn’t hesitate. “We received the coroner’s report back from Albuquerque this afternoon and the news isn’t good.”

  She went still, her senses alert. “What do you mean ‘not good’? Do they know the identity of the person?”

  Jess shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. He’s still a John Doe. The case is going to require a lot more investigating before we uncover his identity.”

  Her eyes widened as she caught his last words. “He? Then you know the remains were that of a man?”

  “A man. White and somewhere around the age of sixty-five.”

  Clearly confused, Victoria made a palms-up gesture. “Well, as far as I’m concerned that should be good news. At least you know a bit more than you did before.”

  Taking her by the elbow, he led her over to the shade of the juniper and urged her to take a seat in one of the lawn chairs.

  Jess pulled a chair up closely in front of Victoria’s and took a seat himself. Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned toward her. “We know more than that, Victoria. The coroner discovered a bullet hole in the victim’s skull. The case has been declared a homicide.

  Her mouth fell open. Her head swung back and forth in denial. “No, Jess! Oh no! That can’t be true!”

  “I’m sorry, Victoria. But someone—a man—was murdered on the T Bar K.”

  Devastated by the news, she stared at him. His suspicions about the body had been right all along, she thought sickly. Jess hadn’t been throwing ungrounded accusations at her just as a way to get back at her family.

  “How can that be, Jess? Murder seldom happens in San Juan County! And certainly not on the T Bar K!”

  “I don’t have any answers yet,” he said flatly. “But I will get them. I can promise you that.”

  Fear, wrapped in myriad questions, swirled wildly through Victoria. Once Jess started digging into this evil act, there was no telling what he might uncover, or who might try
to stop him. And how was this going to affect her family and the survival of the ranch?

  Suddenly shaking, she leaned forward and reached for his hand. Gripping his strong fingers for support, she said, “Jess, this is…scary. Murder isn’t some petty misdemeanor. For all we know the murderer could be close by! If you start uncovering the truth, he might come after you!”

  Was she really concerned about him, he wondered. Or was she worried his digging would uncover that someone in the Ketchum family was involved in John Doe’s death? He despised himself for even asking himself such a thing. More than anything he wanted to believe her concern was all for him. But now that the case had turned into a homicide, there was too much at stake with his job, and his heart, to simply trust her.

  “Give me some credit, Victoria. I am a professional lawman. I know better than to take unnecessary risks. Is it me that you’re really worried about? Or maybe you’re more worried about your family being involved in this.”

  Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Especially after what she’d just shared with him about their lost baby. But then she should have known that nothing could soften Jess for very long. Especially where she was concerned.

  Her features stiff, she pulled away from him and rose to her feet. Lifting her head with pride, she said quietly, “No one in my family is a killer, Jess. But I understand that you have a job to do and you can’t leave any stone unturned. I just hope while you’re looking that—you’ll be careful.”

  As Jess watched her walk away, he wondered which part of her words he wanted to believe the most.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next morning, Jess called Deputy Redwing into his office to discuss the John Doe case and only a few minutes had passed before both men realized they had no concrete evidence and very few, if any, clues to work with.

  “I think we should back up here a minute,” Daniel said from his seat in front of Jess’s desk. “We’re not exactly sure the murder took place on the ranch. The body could have been dumped there.”

  “Could have been.” Jess drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair. “If the body had been discovered weeks ago, forensics could have told us so much more. For instance, blood splatters, drag marks, horse tracks. As it is—”

  “Horse tracks?” Redwing quickly interrupted. “My mind wasn’t working in that direction. You think someone might have carried the body to that remote area on horseback?”

  Jess rolled his shoulders in an attempt to relieve the kink in the back of his neck. He didn’t know it was possible to be this bone weary. If he totaled up all the sleep he’d gotten in the past three nights, he doubted it would equal eight hours. This T Bar K case was going to be a difficult one. But that wasn’t the reason he’d been lying awake staring at the dark walls of his bedroom for hours on end. Victoria was consuming his thoughts to the point where he could hardly focus on anything, much less a homicide case.

  “Possibly,” Jess answered his deputy’s question. “It’s a cinch the country back on that part of the T Bar K is damn rough. A four-wheel drive vehicle with a high ground clearance can reach it, but a horse is easier going.”

  Daniel nodded with the same conclusion. “Or a four-wheeler. That’s how the medical examiner took the body out.”

  Leaning up in his chair, Jess rested his elbows on a patch of desk that wasn’t piled with papers. “That’s true. But I seriously doubt that any of the hands on the T Bar K has ever tried to drive a vehicle to that range of the ranch. It’s simply too rough. I doubt anyone has ever tried it.”

  Redwing arched a brow at him. “Even a killer who is desperate to dump a body?”

  Picking up a pen, Jess began to scratch down several words on a notepad. “Even a killer,” Jess answered.

  “So what are you trying to tell me?” Daniel asked curiously.

  “I think whoever took John Doe back to that arroyo knows the country well. He rode back there with intentions of killing the man. Or he’d already killed him and hauled his body out there on horseback.”

  Daniel folded his arms against his chest as he digested Jess’s scenario of what might have happened. “Sounds logical. Except it would take a mighty even-tempered horse to carry a dead man.”

  Jess grinned, appreciating the fast mind of his deputy. “That’s right, it would be hard to find a horse willing to carry a corpse. So it stands to reason the two men probably rode out there together. Both alive. Both on horseback. And then for some reason, one shot the other in the head.”

  “Did the coroner’s report state what caliber of weapon was used?”

  Jess shook his head. “Not specifically. Only that it was a small caliber. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the weapon doesn’t turn out to be a simple .22 pistol. A man out riding the range often carries one.”

  “So what does that tell us, if anything?” Daniel looked to his boss for answers.

  Jess rose from the chair and walked over to the one dusty window in the office. From this vantage point he could see a part of the parking lot and the back end of a building that housed a law firm’s offices. Above the rooftop in the far distance were the mountains and the T Bar K. It was incredible how much he missed that place. Missed being there with Victoria.

  Clearing away the sudden thickness in his throat, he said, “Not a whole lot. Except that the killer had to be at close range when he fired the shot.”

  “Do you think the body was thrown into the arroyo? Or had these men already ridden down in it when the murder took place?”

  Jess rubbed a restless hand over his hair. It was a hell of a task to keep his thoughts on such hideous happenings, when the only thing his mind wanted to do was think about Victoria.

  He still hadn’t gotten over the fact that she’d been pregnant with his child. His child! How different things might have been if he’d known. Certainly he would have never married Regina. He would have come home to San Juan County, made Victoria his wife and said to hell with Tucker Ketchum. That’s what he should have done anyway. Baby or no baby. Jess could see that now. But now was too late. Or was it? He’d been asking himself that question for the past two days, but so far his heart had been too scared to answer.

  Forcing his mind back on Daniel’s question, he said, “The body didn’t have any broken bones. So it’s doubtful he was tossed off the ledge of the arroyo. I figure the shooting took place down in the bottom of the gorge. That way no cowhand riding fence line or hunting a stray calf would happen to see the deed.”

  Worried over the preoccupied look on Jess’s face, the deputy asked, “Do you think someone on the T Bar K did the killing?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Daniel grimaced at the automatic answer. “I’d like to hear your opinion.”

  Turning away from the window, Jess returned to his desk. Once he was seated, he scribbled several more words on the notepad. One of which was T Bar K. Next to the ranch’s name he wrote Tucker Ketchum. Below the old man’s name, he drew the ranch’s brand. A capital T over a bar with a capital K underneath.

  “If Tucker Ketchum was alive, I’d say hell yes,” Jess answered. “But Pa tells me the old man has been dead for a little more than a year now. And from what the coroner tells us, our John Doe has only been dead a few weeks.”

  “Ross is still there. And he’s plenty hotheaded,” Daniel was quick to point out.

  It would crush Victoria if it turned out that her brother was a killer, Jess thought. If he had to arrest the man, she would hate him for the rest of his life. Any chance for them to make a future together would be over. Or maybe he needed to face the fact that his chance with Victoria was over already, he thought ruefully.

  “Being hotheaded doesn’t make anyone a murderer,” Jess replied. “And as far as I know, Ross is still out of town on some kind of business trip. As soon as he returns, I plan to have another talk with him.”

  “I wonder if they’ve let the older brother know about all this,” Daniel mused aloud. “The one that’s a Texas Ranger.�
��

  “Seth? I imagine Victoria’s talked to him. I think she’s always kept her older brother abreast of what’s going on in the family.” Jess tossed down the pen. “You can bet if things get sticky for the Ketchums, Seth will show up.”

  The deputy shifted in his seat. “Look, so far we’ve been going under the assumption that the killer is a man. It could be a woman.”

  Jess cast him a wry look. “You think Victoria or Maggie is suspect?”

  A sheepish blush crept up the other man’s neck. “No! But I think it would be foolish of us to rule out the possibility that a woman might have committed the crime. A female can pull the trigger on a gun just as easily as a male. And some of them can be damned vindictive.”

  Didn’t he know it, Jess thought. Before she’d died, Regina had done everything she could think of to make his life miserable. Including snatching Katrina from day care, when she’d had no parental rights to their daughter.

  “I’m not ruling anything out. Especially not the gender of the killer,” Jess said rather sharply. “All we’ve done so far is to make a lot of suppositions.”

  “We’ve got to start somewhere. And without the identity of the victim, we don’t have much.”

  Reaching once again for the pen and notepad, Jess underlined the T Bar K brand. “Forensics is working on John Doe’s identity. While we wait for a break in that direction, you and I are going to interview the remaining cowboys on the ranch. Then we’re going to go over all of our notes with a fine-tooth comb.”

  Sensing that the discussion was nearing its end, Daniel rose to his feet. “What about Maggie? I still haven’t spoken with her.”

  Jess arched a brow at him. “Anxious to speak with the widow, are you?”

  Shrugging, Daniel moved to the corner of Jess’s desk. “She’s a beautiful woman.”

  “She’s also still grieving over the loss of her husband.”