Analog Science Fiction and Fact 12/01/10

by Dell Magazines

  Sincerely,

  Calvin Dobbs,

  Editor in Chief, Pacific Weekly

  Dear Mr. Dobbs:

  I’m righting to confirm you’re recent higher Jared Jones is in deed a graduate of the NEIHE. Further more, not only did Mr. Jones Finnish his education, but he was inn the top ten per cent of his clasp. All though ewe don’t come write out an say it inn sew many words the imp locations of your letter are clear.

  I’ve been advised by council to inn form you any ax shuns taken by you against Mr. Jones will be brought up bee four the Non Ethnic Affirmative Action Council.

  Sincerely,

  Jeremiah Thompson

  NEIHE, Dean of Alum Nigh

  To: NEACC

  Dear Sirs,

  I’m writing concerning the matter of Jared Jones, which we spoke of on the phone the other day. As I explained to you then, I am not a racist, and have always supported affirmative action. My publication currently employs a wide variety of races and religions with no regard for gender or sexual preference. We always strive to maintain a seamlessly integrated workplace.

  Notwithstanding, our case against Mr. Jones is not a frivolous action based on a discriminatory policy. Mr. Jones cannot spell. How can we run a magazine with a copy editor who can’t spell? Do visually-impaired people fly jet planes? Do people with Parkinson’s syndrome perform surgery? Every vocation has its requirements, and I’m afraid Mr. Jones is not qualified to work for the Pacific Weekly.

  Sincerely,

  Calvin Dobbs

  Editor in Chief, Pacific Weekly

  Dear Mr. Dobbs:

  We have reviewed your case against Jared Jones and have determined it is entirely with out merit. Trance scripts from the NEIHE show that Mr. Jones is profishant in the use of world processors, and the Sam pulls of his work you for warded to this office donut sub stand she ate your claim.

  The problem seams to be with your spell Czech soft where. Perhaps it’s time for your publication to in vest in an up grade.

  Further more, yew say your not a big it. If sew, why due yew make taste less and ignorant state mints? The NEAAC is currently suing to have a visually-challenged individual obtain his Pilate’s license. And if a person with Parkinson’s sin drum wishes to be come a sturgeon we will assist them in every way passable.

  Eke quill opera tuna tee for every one is hour goal.

  Sincerely,

  Dustin Wynde

  Spokes Per Son, NEACC

  Dear Jared,

  You are hereby promoted to assistant editor. Your new assignment will consist of communicating with our freelancers over the telephone. If I catch you within fifty feet of a word processor, blue pencil, or red pen there will be hell to pay.

  Congratulations.

  Sincerely,

  Calvin Dobbs

  Copyright © 2010 William Michael McCarthy