Somebody to Die For

by Kris T. Bethke

“I got it,” she grumbled. “Leave that alone.”

  Avery laughed, even though she couldn’t hear, and he saw her smile. She picked up the phone and hit a button.

  “Michael? You got a ghostwalker needing to come back. Pretty sure it’s Avery, since he doesn’t feel like anyone I know. Okay. Thanks.” She set the receiver down and said, “Get ready. He’s going to pull you back.” And then there was only blackness.

  AVERY’S lungs burned as he coughed, and he was suddenly aware that Jameson was talking. He couldn’t make sense of the words, but that low soothing tone was enough to set him at ease. He focused on his breathing until it didn’t hurt anymore, and then he opened his eyes.

  Jameson was hunched over him, pressing on the wounds and murmuring. But when he saw Avery open his eyes, he stopped talking and smiled. Avery attempted to smile back.

  “Hi,” he whispered.

  “Hey there, handsome,” Jameson said, his voice full of affection. He glanced down to Avery’s chest, lifted the pad, and then smiled. “This looks good. How you doing?”

  Avery opened his mouth, coughed hard, and held up a thumb instead. Jameson chuckled and eased Avery to his back and then sat up the recliner a little more.

  “Let me know when you’re ready to move to the bed.” Jameson jerked his chin in that direction. “Then we’ll get you some water and pain meds. Okay?”

  Avery nodded and sighed deeply. Jameson was right there, and despite the searing, overwhelming pain in his chest, Avery felt good. Cared for. Safe. And as though he’d accomplished something monumental.

  It might have started out as something for Jameson, but in the end, Avery thought he’d benefited more. He closed his eyes, let Jameson take care of him, and smiled.

  Chapter Nineteen

  WHILE Avery was asleep, Director Johnson had stopped in and debriefed Jameson about the experience. He still had to write his postwalk report, but the director seemed really pleased with how far Jameson had come.

  “I’m going to put a commendation in your file,” she said quietly with a small smile. She glanced over at the bed where Avery was sound asleep. Then she leaned forward and dropped her voice even more. “I have news about your partner.”

  Jameson’s stomach clenched, but he tried to keep his expression carefully neutral. “Oh? Yes?”

  Johnson’s smile turned apologetic. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but she’s opted out of the program.”

  Jameson’s first instinct was to grin, but he checked it in time. “That’s too bad. I was looking forward to working with her.” Not a lie. He had been at one time, but not anymore.

  “Her instructors thought it might happen, honestly. It’s not a job for everyone, despite her skills. But don’t worry.” She patted his hand. “We’re looking and matching. There are several likely candidates, and one is already an established ghostwalker whose partner is retiring. With your outstanding track record in training, we’ll have no trouble finding you the perfect ghostwalker.”

  Jameson nodded and smiled in what he hoped was a believable way. Avery made a noise and turned onto his side, and Jameson pushed to his feet.

  “Thank you, Director,” he whispered.

  She smiled as she stood, and when she gathered her tablet, she gave him a knowing look.

  “I’ll leave you to your ghostwalker. When he’s ready, you may leave for the day. Make sure you send your report to me as soon as you’re able.”

  Jameson agreed and showed her out and then turned his attention back to Avery. It didn’t take Avery long to wake up, and when he did, he didn’t speak much. Though he came back with a smile on his face, he’d barely said anything before he fell asleep and nothing at all since he woke up. Jameson would have preferred it if Avery were talking, of course, but he wasn’t exactly worried. Avery probably had a lot of mixed emotions going on. So Jameson would leave him to his silence as long as he kept reacting when Jameson spoke to him.

  When he started to get restless, Jameson knew it was time to get him home. He checked to make sure Blake and Derek had left already, knowing Avery wasn’t comfortable in their house if they weren’t home. And then he bundled Avery up and drove the short distance to the community on the edge of town where the cozy townhouse was situated.

  Avery stumbled when he got out of the car, but Jameson was right there to steady him. He gave a passing nod and a smile to Derek, who held the front door open for them, and led Avery up the stairs to his room. Once inside, Avery blinked at him and turned his gaze toward the far wall.

  All right, then. Avery needed more sleep. Unlike the first time, Jameson took charge. He retrieved cotton pants and a T-shirt from the drawer and silently stripped Avery out of his dress pants and button-down. Avery wouldn’t look at him, but he cooperated. Jameson handed Avery the sleep clothes and let him dress himself.

  Jameson wanted to do more. He wanted to put his hands all over Avery, but instead he stayed close. He wanted to make Avery talk, but he didn’t want to push either.

  When Jameson pulled back the edge of the covers, Avery crawled in without so much as a word and then turned over onto his side and faced away from Jameson. It was a dismissal if Jameson ever saw one, but he wasn’t going to leave. He needed to know that Avery was okay.

  Jameson slipped off his sneakers and sat on the edge of the bed so his hip pressed against Avery’s back, but Avery didn’t react. Cautiously Jameson placed a hand on Avery’s arm, and when Avery didn’t pull away, he rubbed gently.

  Keeping his voice low and soothing, he said, “I bet you have lots of thinky thoughts.”

  The half of Avery’s mouth that he could see quirked up in a tiny smile. “Thinky thoughts, huh?”

  Jameson gave a small laugh. “Yes. I’m sure there’s lots going on in your head.”

  Avery didn’t say anything, but after a long moment, he nodded.

  “Makes sense.” Jameson leaned a little more fully against Avery, so he’d know he wasn’t leaving. “I bet I can even guess some of them.”

  Avery lifted his head just a bit and turned so he could see Jameson better. Then he put his head back down and closed his eyes. “You think so?”

  “I do.” Jameson wrapped his fingers around Avery’s forearm and slid his hand down till he could tangle their fingers. “Want me to try?”

  Again Avery was silent. He kept his eyes closed, and if it weren’t for his slightly erratic breathing, Jameson would have thought he’d fallen asleep. Then he squeezed Jameson’s fingers and nodded.

  Jameson took a moment to gather his thoughts. He needed to be careful about what he said, but he also thought it was important that he talk.

  “I think the smile on your face when you came back to life means that your ghostwalk was successful. I think you helped Colin Smith, and that he crossed over.” Jameson glanced at Avery and got a nod of confirmation, so he continued. “I had no doubt you would. But I also think that it wasn’t as easy a case as you thought it would be. Because he left his wife, the love of his life behind, and you know exactly how that feels. How it feels to be the one who was left. But knowing you, you used that. You let Colin see how much you hurt and how much better it was to know Luke had crossed.”

  Avery’s eyes snapped open, and he squeezed Jameson’s hand hard.

  “How’m I doing so far?”

  “Jameson, I….” Avery’s voice was barely a whisper, and because Jameson was watching, he saw Avery swallow. He leaned over, partially covered Avery’s body, and held on to him.

  “So you’ve got to be feeling a lot of conflicting things right now. You were successful, but it also brought up your feelings about Luke. And you ghostwalked without him, so that’s magnified.” Jameson took a breath and decided he needed to say the next part because Avery needed to acknowledge it. “So I’m sure there’s guilt involved, maybe a lot of it.”

  “Not….” Avery cleared his throat and turned his body slightly so he was halfway on his back. “Not a lot. But some, yes.”

  Jameson slid his free
hand up Avery’s arm and neck so he could hold Avery’s face. He smoothed his thumb along Avery’s cheekbone.

  “Makes sense. And that probably won’t ever completely go away.” Jameson smiled. “And that’s okay, you know. Luke was yours for a long time, and the things you did together, the bond you shared, that can’t ever be replaced.”

  Avery’s eyes were wide, a mixture of surprise and affection swirling in the dark depths. Jameson wanted to kiss him, to hold him close, but he kept a rein on his desires. Because this was about Avery.

  “I’m not trying to replace him.” Jameson’s voice was soft but sure. “I never could. I wouldn’t want to. Anything we have… it’s different than that… something else. And that’s how it should be, right?”

  Avery nodded and tugged a little on Jameson’s hand, pulling him down farther. Jameson got the hint and, glad that he’d taken off his shoes, adjusted his position so he was lying beside Avery. When Avery turned onto his other side, they faced each other.

  “What you had with Luke was extra special. I’d never ask you to ignore that or pretend it didn’t exist. Whoever you end up with, even if it’s not me, should feel the same way.” Jameson took a slow breath. “You deserve to have that again, Avery. Someday, when you’re ready. I… I want it to be me, even though I know that’s not practical.”

  “Why not?” Avery voiced the question, but Jameson knew Avery was aware of exactly the reasons.

  Jameson shrugged and kept his voice light. “The ghostwalker they were going to partner me with left the program, but they’re still looking. I have no idea where I’m going to end up. And you live in New Jersey. It’s too much to hope that I’d be assigned to that branch.”

  Avery nodded, and Jameson shouldn’t have been pleased when he saw sadness in his eyes.

  “But I still have a couple of weeks left here, and while I’m here, I would very much like to keep seeing you. Even if you don’t want to ghostwalk anymore.” Jameson swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “But more than that, I want you to take the time you need. I want you to work through whatever you need to work through. That’s the most important thing to me. Okay?”

  Avery moved fast and pushed Jameson onto his back and covered his body with his own. Jameson was surprised, but he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Avery and hold him close. Avery gave a little shudder, and then his entire body relaxed against Jameson, letting Jameson take his weight.

  The trust in that made Jameson choke up. He blinked back tears and lifted his head so he could kiss the top of Avery’s hair. Silently they breathed together and just held on. And from one breath to the next, Jameson felt Avery relax completely. He knew Avery had fallen asleep.

  Jameson loved the feel of Avery against him and let his mind wander. His heart hurt for Avery, for what he was going through, but he also felt lighter than he had. Avery trusted him completely, and he knew Avery felt something for him, even if Avery hadn’t said it out loud.

  Of course Jameson hadn’t said it either.

  It was more important that Avery showed him, and Jameson vowed he would do whatever he had to in order to be worthy of that trust.

  The man he held in his arms was different from who he’d been just two months before. Jameson liked to think he’d helped Avery get there, but it wouldn’t have happened if Avery weren’t ready to move on to his next stage in life.

  Silently Jameson gave thanks for Luke, because without him, Avery wouldn’t be who he was, and he wouldn’t be in Jameson’s life. Jameson promised never to forget that.

  Chapter Twenty

  AVERY woke up feeling warm and safe, and it took him a second to remember what had happened and why Jameson was in bed with him. He smiled to himself. Jameson. He’d known without looking, without thinking, that Jameson was the one pressed up against him.

  While they slept, they’d moved, and Jameson was spooned around him, holding him close without being smothering. Carefully Avery turned over so he could see Jameson’s face. Though they’d napped together the day before, there was something even more intimate with the room in shadows with the light from the streetlamp the only illumination.

  In sleep Jameson looked young—a reminder that he was only twenty-three, although he had a maturity Avery appreciated and admired. Sure, there were moments when his age showed, but for the most part, Jameson’s sense of responsibility and caring belied his years.

  Tentatively Avery reached out and traced a dark brow. Jameson was very handsome, and Avery loved looking at him. His face was expressive, even when he tried to keep it neutral. Avery had learned to read Jameson’s tells, and once he understood, it was easy to see what Jameson was feeling.

  He knew Jameson was being sincere.

  His mind played over the conversation from hours before. He’d been so confused and uncertain, and his emotions had been a mess. He was pleased about his success with Colin, but thinking of Luke, doing it without Luke, had hurt as well. How did he reconcile those two vastly conflicting emotions?

  But he didn’t have to. Jameson made him see that. He could feel both things without worry or fear. That Jameson understood that—that he believed that—made all the difference.

  Jameson gave a tiny snort, and then his breathing picked up. Avery stayed still as Jameson stretched. He blinked open his eyes, and the moment his gaze landed on Avery, he smiled, and Avery grinned back. How could he not when Jameson looked so happy to see him?

  “How’re you feeling?” Jameson murmured, and he hugged Avery tightly for a moment. When he stretched again, his long body rubbed up against Avery’s, and Avery sucked in a breath.

  “Good.” Avery cleared his throat and pushed a little closer. “I’m okay.”

  Jameson rubbed a hand along Avery’s back. “I’m glad to hear it.”

  Avery studied him. Jameson’s sweet, sleepy expression did things to him that he hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was more than just lust. It was something else, something deep and meaningful that Avery refused to put a name to. Instead he surged up and pressed his mouth to Jameson’s.

  Jameson didn’t hesitate. He kissed Avery back with so much enthusiasm and desire that Avery whimpered and let him take over. He liked topping, and he’d needed to take Jameson the day before. But in that moment, something else swamped through him. He needed to be taken, needed to be held down and loved on. He needed Jameson to be in charge.

  Avery scrabbled his hands against Jameson’s back and tugged as he tried to roll over to get Jameson on top of him. Thank God Jameson understood, because he easily maneuvered them until his weight pressed Avery into the mattress, and Avery broke the kiss with a gasp, arching up and undulating.

  He wanted to feel Jameson everywhere.

  With a playful growl, Jameson nipped at Avery’s jaw and neck and latched on for a sucking kiss. Avery whined and tilted his head back. He wanted more, and Jameson didn’t need the direction, because he kept at it. Effortlessly he found all the spots that drove Avery wild. Avery loved having his neck bitten, kissed, and licked.

  When he tugged on Jameson’s shirt and tried to pull it off, Jameson slowed down and lifted his head. Avery tried to look away. He didn’t want anything deep right then. He just wanted to be taken.

  But he was caught in Jameson’s gaze. Its sheer power held him captive. Avery stilled and panted. He let Jameson look and stared right back.

  “You want me, honey?” Jameson’s voice was liquid sex, pouring over him and ramping up his desire even more. Had he ever gone from zero to sixty that fast? He didn’t think so, but it didn’t matter. He needed Jameson.

  “Please,” Avery whined, and then he laughed at himself. He sounded so young. “Fuck me.”

  Jameson gave a low, dark chuckle, and Avery’s dick became fully erect at the sound. He planted his feet and pressed up. When Jameson gasped, Avery did it again and groaned loudly as his dick made contact with Jameson’s zipper.

  “Off,” Avery panted, trying to get his suddenly uncoordinated hands be
tween them. “Get these off. Need to feel you.”

  Jameson practically sprang off the bed, and Avery dropped his hands to his own waistband, intending to get naked as well. But he got caught in watching Jameson strip as that lithe, strong body emerged from under the clothes. When Jameson was bare, he cocked an eyebrow at Avery.

  “Need some help with that?”

  Avery chuckled, a little embarrassed, but he shook his head. He sat up to pull off his shirt and gestured to the plastic bag on top of his dresser. “Condoms and lube.”

  The gleam in Jameson’s eye turned wicked.

  “Why, Avery,” Jameson said playfully, “did you go shopping just for me?”

  Avery scowled but ruined it a second later by laughing. He tried for a haughty-sounding sniff. “I thought it would be prudent to be prepared in case a need arose.”

  Jameson dropped a hand, grabbed his dick, and shook it at Avery. “Oh, something has definitely ‘arose.’”

  Avery’s laugh was loud, and he cut it off by clapping a hand over his mouth. Then he glanced at the door, but Jameson moved quickly and filled his vision.

  “Don’t even worry about anything out there,” Jameson said, his voice low and earnest. “This is just about us.”

  Avery lowered his hand and nodded, but his pulse raced for an entirely different reason. Jameson seemed to get the shift in mood, because he tossed the supplies up by the pillows and then grabbed the hem of Avery’s shirt. He pulled it off and tossed it behind him, then pounced and pinned Avery beneath him.

  His lips went right to Avery’s neck, and Avery had a split-second regret that Jameson knew his weakness already. Wasn’t he supposed to be mysterious? Wasn’t it supposed to take them time to learn each other’s bodies? Luke hadn’t figured out—

  No. Avery cut that thought off right there. Thinking about Luke right then felt wrong, both to Luke’s memory and to Jameson.

  Avery gasped as Jameson licked a particularly sensitive spot, and he moaned when Jameson slid his hands down Avery’s chest. The fingers on his nipple made him arch and whine, and Jameson’s low chuckle vibrated against his skin. God, it was almost too much.