“Cool. Have fun with that! Wait,” I say to Danny, attempting to lighten the mood. “Is it mean to say ‘Have fun with math’ to someone who doesn’t like math?”
Danny shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I know how you mean it. And it’s like, it’s not not fun, if you know what I mean? I, uh, I still prefer words over numbers, but Linus is an excellent teacher. You are!” he adds when Linus opens his mouth to protest. “You’re making it interesting.”
“He is good at that,” I agree. “He is good at many things.”
And, really, just the way they look at each other, this shy, awkward little glance—what even is that? They spent the entire weekend together. They spend so many afternoons together. How are they not boyfriends yet? I don’t understand it.
Just then Danny turns his head, eyes sort of lighting up as he sees someone down the hallway. “Oh,” he says, “there’s Stella. I just have to—I’ll catch you later, okay?” He directs that last part at Linus, who nods and doesn’t seem worried at all, but I watch closely as Danny walks away in the direction of Stella, who’s just a few lockers down trying to wrestle several heavy-looking books into her book bag.
Linus, who had been busy opening his own locker, turns his head to look where I’m looking. “Huh,” he says, frowning. “I didn’t even know they were friends. It’s nice that they’re friends, isn’t it? Like, outside of the drama group? Since he’s new here and all?”
I think I can detect just a touch of jealousy in his voice, and I do share his worry, if I’m being honest, but I don’t want to say anything in case I’m wrong. “What do you mean? That’s just Stella. You know her. She’s our Sherlock.”
“No, yeah. I know. I didn’t mean—forget it.”
“They’re probably talking about the play.” I can’t look away from those two. The way Danny is leaning against the lockers next to her, and he’s smiling so widely, and—is she putting her hand on his arm? What is going on there?
He sighs. “He was just saying something earlier about having plans to see a movie with someone. It’s probably about that. Or about the play.”
I bite my lip and really hope that he can’t tell how much I’m freaking out on the inside. I’m really afraid all of a sudden. What if Danny isn’t gay at all? Or bi? “Yes. Probably.”
Linus stares at his shoes. “Do you think they are—um. A thing?”
I shrug. “Why would you think that? They’re just talking.” Friends talk. Linus and I talk. This doesn’t have to mean a thing.
“Oh!” He looks over at them, too. “I have no idea. He never said anything.”
I let him take my arm and pull me away from the lockers and down the hall so that we won’t be late for class. But I can’t stop thinking. My brain literally won’t shut up about this. Danny and Stella. Danny and Stella?
We have only walked a few steps when I spot Alyssa a few lockers down, and I stop in my tracks. “Hey, um, meet you in class?” I say to Linus. “I just need to ask Alyssa something.”
“Oh,” Linus says. “Sure.” He lets go of my arm and waves at me before hurrying down the hallway by himself.
I quickly make my way over to Alyssa, who smiles at me when she sees me.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hi,” I say, smiling back at her. “Hey. Good to see you. I—uh, can I ask you a quick question?”
“Yeah, sure.” She grabs a book from her locker and works on shoving it into her backpack while I lean my hip against the locker next to hers, trying to figure out how to ask this.
“It’s—um. Promise you won’t tell anyone?”
She gives up on wrestling with her book and looks up at me. “Of course.”
“Is—I was wondering—do you know if Danny is gay?”
“Oh, uh.” Alyssa frowns. “I—no idea. I didn’t think so?”
“Oh.” I can feel my heart sinking. This is not good. “But I thought—in drama club, when he and Linus performed that gender-bent scene together—it just seemed—”
“Danny is a really good actor,” Alyssa says, but she must see something in my eyes, because she bites her lip and seems to think for a minute. “But, you know,” she continues, “I don’t really know him that well, so don’t take my word for it. It’s totally possible that he’s gay. It just literally never crossed my mind. Like, this is honestly the first time I’ve ever thought about his sexual orientation. So, I guess it’s possible?”
I look over at Danny and Stella, who are still talking. Danny looks really, really happy to see Stella. And they just—the way they’re leaning their heads together as they’re talking … they just look awfully friendly. “What about Danny and Stella?” I can’t stop myself from asking.
Alyssa follows my line of sight. “Maybe?” she says. “I don’t know.”
“Does he have any close friends here who might know?” I ask. “Anyone he might have told about it if he likes anyone?”
“You should ask Linus,” Alyssa points out. “I thought he was Danny’s closest friend, honestly. Or—oh. Wait. Are you asking for him?”
I feel almost sick. What if I have made a terrible, terrible mistake? Have we ever had any sort of confirmation that Danny was into boys? Because I have always just assumed that he was gay or bi, but what if … oh my god, what if he does like Stella and isn’t into guys at all?
Have I seriously orchestrated this whole thing without ever even getting all of the facts? I can’t believe I could have been so stupid.
I can feel my face getting red and I feel so bad for talking about Danny behind his back. I know how much I would hate it if I ever overheard some guys speculating about whether I was gay or not behind my back. I feel like a terrible person.
“Sorry,” I say. “This is really none of our business, is it? I shouldn’t have asked.”
Alyssa smiles. “Well, it’s not like I could really help you out anyway.”
“I have to get to class,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t sound as shaky as I feel.
“Oh, okay.” She nods. “Of course. I—I’ll see you in drama club?”
“Of course,” I promise, and throw one last look back at Danny and Stella. They seem really happy together. Maybe Danny did just want to be friends with Linus?
I’ve not been feeling very good all weekend, but suddenly I feel way, way worse. Because if my suspicions are confirmed, I have not only hurt myself but my best friend as well.
Oh no. What have I done?
Chapter 44
Linus
SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT SINCE THAT day in the coffee shop when Danny told me that he actually liked hanging out with me and I don’t have to assume he is just being nice all the time.
I guess it makes sense that he wants to be friends, especially since he’s new here, but I have to be honest, I really had no idea. It’s just that the possibility had never even crossed my mind. I’m not usually the kind of person that good-looking new guys single out to be their new friends. And it’s baffling, to say the least—Danny already has friends from drama club. Friends he is not seeing as much because he spends so much time with me. It’s a simple mathematical fact. A day only has so many hours. And we’re usually meeting twice a week now, and one extra afternoon over the weekend. I tutor him, and then he helps me run lines for the play. Which was his idea, because I would never have dared to ask. That’s a lot of time to spend together, isn’t it?
My own social life has never been exactly flourishing, but even I notice how much less time I suddenly have for spontaneous Thursday afternoon coffee with Meg or even our carefully scheduled Star Trek rewatch. We are already way behind schedule with that. And once again I’m spending my afternoon at Danny’s coffee shop tutoring and running lines.
“Do you think you can try that scene without the script just once?” Danny asks, and I look up at him and can feel myself going pale.
“Without the script?”
“Come on.” He laughs. “I bet you have that entire thing memorized by now. Just try it.
Just once.”
“I—no, I—” I swallow heavily and don’t quite know what to say. I do have the scene memorized, and all my other scenes as well. Memorizing things isn’t the problem here. It’s more that I kind of like being able to hide behind my script. And yes, I know I have to get over that. Just … not now. Not yet.
“If you get stuck, I’ll help you,” Danny assures me.
I shake my head and lower my eyes. “I don’t—just one more time with the script? Please? Just to make sure?”
Danny tilts his head at me. “You said the same thing last time.”
“I know. It’s only—”
“You’re doing great, you know?” he interrupts, and smiles at me encouragingly. “And I’m not just saying that. I like what you’re doing with the character.”
“Thanks,” I say lamely. I’m not sure I believe him. I’m not sure that Mr. Hudson is supposed to be so shy and awkward. “This is just … new.”
“Of course,” he says. “It can be weird at first.”
“I’m still afraid I’ll forget my lines in rehearsal next week and make a fool of myself in front of everyone,” I confess.
Danny laughs. “I don’t think you’ll forget your lines. And if you did, no one in the club would care. It happens. You won’t be the only one who forgets something. You’re allowed to mess up at first. No one expects you to start out perfectly.”
“I guess it’s mostly that I don’t know all of them that well yet,” I admit. “I’m still stuck on trying to make a good first impression.”
“Hmm.” He picks up his coffee mug, wraps both hands around it as if soaking up the warmth of the drink. “You know, we could do something about that quite easily, don’t you?”
Danny is not popular—he’s not one of those guys who always have to be surrounded by a million people hanging on their every word—but he seems to be slowly building a nice, solid circle of friends and I feel honored to be included, like I have accidentally fallen into a different dimension where being me is way cooler than it actually is. Because he still hangs out with me so many hours in a week.
But he also keeps bringing this up, keeps trying to get me to meet the rest of the drama people. Or, well. I have already met them, since we’re all in the same club, obviously. But he wants me to keep meeting them, even outside of drama club. I know they’re all friends and do stuff together outside of school; Danny has mentioned it a few times. But even though I have apparently suddenly transformed into someone who is acceptable company for an entire group of people, I’m not quite sure that I am ready for that yet.
In fact, I am quite sure that I’m not! I may be a little cooler than I thought I was, but I’m still not a social butterfly. I fear I may be perpetually stuck in the caterpillar stage. Because it’s been weeks now of hanging out with Danny, and I still prefer the company of one or two people I like over the company of large groups of people.
“I know,” I say hesitantly. “I just—I’m not really a party person, I guess.”
“Well, I’m not saying we have to go to a party,” Danny says over the rim of his coffee cup, and I sigh in relief.
“Oh, thank god!”
“I’m not even much of a partygoer myself. But how about a movie? We were all going to go tomorrow night. You could come with us!”
“What movie were you thinking of seeing?”
“Does it matter? We haven’t really decided yet.”
“How does that not matter? Don’t you go to see a specific movie? Otherwise what’s the point?”
“The point is to do something with your friends that you can talk about later!”
“Okay, but—how can the movie not matter to you? Especially if you plan to talk about it later?”
“It’s not so much like it doesn’t matter at all. It’s just not the entire point of going.”
“Then why don’t you just go bowling or to a pizza place?” I have no idea if kids these days go bowling or to pizza places to hang out with their friends. But I’ve seen it on TV a lot and it seems like a nice, fun way to spend an evening. A lot saner than sitting through a movie you decided on last minute. You can’t even talk to your friends during a movie. And if you do, Meg will murder you and I will go looking for the remote to rewind what we have missed due to all the talking.
“Maybe we could go bowling,” he concedes. “Would you like that? I’m sure the others would be on board. I haven’t been bowling in ages. The more I think about it, the more I like this idea.”
I have to think about it, because while it does sound awfully tempting, it also sounds a little scary. I’m in drama club with those people, but I don’t actually know them all that well yet. I like them well enough, though, and if they don’t laugh about me for my nonexistent acting skills, they might be okay with my complete lack of proficiency at bowling. I still don’t know if I can manage small talk with an entire group of people in a loud public place like a bowling alley.
“No, a movie sounds good,” I tell him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be difficult, I was only—”
“Linus!” He reaches across the table to cover my hand with his own and for a second I wonder if I have spontaneously developed asthma because breathing becomes a bit of a struggle just then. “You’re not being difficult. If we all go out, it should be fun for all of us, right?”
“I like movies. It does sound like fun. We can do that,” I mumble. If it’s this important to him, I think I can even live with their chaotically random system of picking a movie and tag along and I have absolutely no doubt that I’ll manage to have fun. This is just all so new. I am not used to having friends with whom I have to agree on those things. Meg and I pretty much always liked the same things anyway and Sophia was always cool with everything as long as Meg promised to make out with her afterward.
“I’ll text the others and ask around, okay?” he suggests.
“Okay. Cool.” I suck in a breath; time to dive in headfirst. New things. I have read somewhere that trying them is good for you. “But if everyone would rather go see a movie, that also sounds really good.”
“Awesome. I promise that you won’t regret it. I’ll even pick you up and drive you home after!” Danny beams at me before picking up his phone to start texting.
Well. Look at me being a teenager with friends and plans for Friday night. This is all kinds of exciting.
Chapter 45
Meg
“WHY WOULDN’T IT BE A date?” I ask, sitting cross-legged at the foot of his bed while he ruffles through the shirts in his closet.
I’ve decided I’m going to keep acting confident in front of Linus, even if I’m still a little nervous that I’ve misinterpreted Danny’s interest in Linus. Ever since I saw him talking to Stella I’ve paid close attention to Danny’s interactions with both boys and girls, and the only thing I’ve found out for sure is that he’s friendly. Very friendly, in fact. To pretty much everyone. Everyone likes Danny and Danny is nice to everyone in return. I overheard one girl in my math class whispering to her friend about how she thought he was cute and wondering if he had a girlfriend, but I know that doesn’t mean anything. It just means that she thought he was straight, and that happens to queer people all the time. To straight people, too, I guess.
But this invitation is a good development. Danny asked him to hang out. It has to mean something, right? Maybe I’m wrong after all about Danny being straight. At the very least it’s a reason to be hopeful.
“Because we are not dating, we are friends, and also all of his friends will be there and—oh my god, Meg, you can’t stop with all of that even now? Seriously?”
“You’re canceling our scheduled TV night to hang out with a boy! I just want the juicy gossip I am entitled to by being your best friend!”
“No. You just want to find new ways to push us together! You really have to stop doing that!”
“Fine.” I groan. “I solemnly swear to not bring it up again. I didn’t even mean it like that.”
He
lets his hands drop from his shirts, shakes his head. “It’s useless. Why do I only own nerd T-shirts or dress shirts with sweater vests?”
“What qualifies as a nerd shirt in your vocabulary?”
He holds up a shirt that says NERD in big bold letters across the chest.
I wince a little. “Yeah, don’t wear that.”
“But I don’t have anything!”
“Why do you care what you’re wearing if this so clearly isn’t a date?” I ask. I just really, really need to know what’s going on between them. In case Danny really isn’t interested.
He glares at me over his shoulder. “I just do, okay?”
“Okay. Fine. I’m sorry. Do you want my help?”
“No. Thank you, though.”
“Do you want me to go down to your kitchen and make us a cup of coffee?”
“That—would actually be wonderful, yes.”
I get up, look at him standing there in front of the open wardrobe all fluttery and excited about his night, despite the fact that he is not even expecting anything from it other than to go bowling with a bunch of theater geeks. “Danny would be lucky to have you, you know?”
“Meg, please, don’t start again!”
“Sorry, no. Sorry.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”
I shake my head. Alyssa and Danny had both texted me and invited me along since technically I’m a part of their group, too. But—I can’t help it, everything about them reminds me of Sophia and I can handle that during rehearsal but I can’t hang out with them on a Friday night. “Mom bought the Eureka box set. We were gonna start on that tonight. She even made cookie dough; I can’t bail on her.”
“Your mom is awesome.”
“Yeah. She is.”
“I’ll miss you, though!” He pouts at me. “And I’m sorry about the rewatch project. I’ll make it up to you.”
I laugh and hug him tightly because honestly, my best friend is the cutest best friend ever. “You can make it up to me by having an amazing night with your new friends! And then tell me all about it!”
Meg & Linus Page 19
