by Skyla Madi
“And did you figure it out?”
“Well, in that particular book, the conclusion was just man up and ask her. Unfortunately, I tried that already.”
Cassia kisses me on the mouth, quick and sweet. “Now I’m saying yes.”
I kind of deflate. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve died over and over again waiting for her to deem me worthy, but now that she has…I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I pressured her. She didn’t want to be with me and I reacted negatively. Did that shape her train of thought?
Cassia kisses me again. “Are you all right? You don’t seem happy…”
“I am happy.” And it’s true. It’s the first time in nine days I’ve felt anything. “I just want to make sure you’re happy. To be honest, I don’t know how this is going to go.”
“You worry too much. We’re young. We’re dating. We’re not promising forever.”
I open my mouth and she cuts me off with a kiss, sucking all of the air from my lungs. Positive energy pulses from her pores and dances along my skin. With every push of her lips and brush of her tongue, my body ignites like the Fourth of July. The urge to shout eats at me, wrestling with a desire to dance or fucking cry.
To feel…
…to feel…
…to feel…
That’s all I want. That’s all I have been searching for this whole time.
Cassia takes me back. She takes me back prior to the day I lost my sister. She fills me with nervous, boyish energy and exciting uncertainty. She fills me with something I never found between the pages of a dusty Bible or on the sharp edge of a razor blade.
Love.
Self-love.
A selfless love.
A love that transcends the Heavens.
*Cassia*
I questioned the purpose of my existence for nine days. I questioned God’s plan for me and why he allowed someone like Caleb to waltz into my life if following the righteous path was indeed my destiny. I didn’t know the answer until it hit me when he smiled against my lips.
I took a dark soul and showed it light. I don’t know about celibacy, but I do know Caleb needs me like no one else does. He needs my companionship, my support, my emotional solidity, and my sexual ability. Maybe helping him is my purpose…
I rock my hips against his thighs and he hisses in pain, his muscles tensing underneath my ass. I pull back, frowning. Is he hurt? Caleb doesn’t allow our eyes to lock as he clenches his beautiful jawline and tugs me closer for more kisses. I let him kiss along my jaw and down my neck as his hands slide underneath my dress and over my ass. Frowning, I rock my hips again and his hands clench me, his lips tightening against my skin.
I lower my hands from his hair and grab his wrist. He exhales as I lift myself from his lap and stand in front of him.
“Are you all right?” I ask, swiping hair out of my face.
He tips his head, his eyes as dark as night. “I’m fine.”
I glance at his jean clad thighs. He’s been at it again, hasn’t he?
A sharp arrow of guilt pins me in the stomach. Is it because of me? Because I didn’t want to see him anymore?
I kneel between his legs and he frowns as I reach underneath his shirt for his belt. He watches, his stare burning my skin.
“Stand up.” I say, shuffling back to give him space.
Exhaling, he pushes himself to his feet and I unbuckle his belt. He sucks air between his teeth as I curl my fingers around the hem of his jeans. I pull them down, catching his boxers at the same time. I hold my breath as they slide down his hips before dropping to his knees. I gasp at the state of his thighs. The old scars…the healing cuts…I’m so transfixed I completely bypass the erection that stands so proudly.
A strange tingling sensation radiates in my cheeks and spreads over my face, pooling behind my eyes. Some scars are thin, barely a scratch. Others are thick, so thick they’re worthy of stitches. The surface of my thighs burn.
This has to stop.
I don’t chastise him. I don’t make him feel stupid for what he does. Instead, I kiss his thighs in all the places he hurts. Under my lips, his thigh muscles tighten and in the silence, his hard swallow is thunderous.
“Cassia…” He squeezes out, his voice tight and uncomfortable.
“I don’t want you to do this anymore.” I tell him, planting a kiss against a white scar at the top of his thigh. “It hurts me.”
He snatches my wrists in his hands and pulls me to my feet. Caleb locks me in his stare, his green eyes pinched into pained slits.
“It hurts you?” He asks and I nod.
“Yes.”
The thought of him being alone here…the thought of him being so lost he feels he has to inflict pain on himself is heartbreaking. No one should feel like that. No one.
With patience, Caleb closes the distance between us and kisses me. It’s soft…and magical. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt from him before. He slides his hands up my waist, over my breasts, and onto my shoulders, where he curls his fingers around the thick straps of my dress. A rush of air blows out of my lungs as he gently pushes them over the curve of my shoulders. They slip down my biceps, the sagging fabric threatening to expose my pink nipples.
“I’ll stop.” He promises in a whisper. “If it hurts you, I’ll stop.”
Swallowing hard, I give my arms a small shake and the straps of my dress fall further, taking the only fabric that covers my breasts with it. Caleb sucks air into his lung the second my body is exposed to him. One last, subtle jitter is all it takes for my dress to pool around my ankles. My heart is in my throat.
This already feels different.
We already feel different.
He tucks his index fingers around the hem of my underwear and pushes it down my legs, lowering himself onto the bed when they reach my knees.
Neither of us utter a word. Why? Because nothing needs to be said. I’m a firm believer in the beauty of silence. Sometimes, more is said in absolute silence than in an hour long conversation.
Caleb tugs me into his lap, my thighs resting either side of his. I position myself carefully, cautious not to pull on his healing skin and kiss him, desperately. His hands snap to my hips as I rake my eager fingers through his hair and squeeze, pulling his mouth harder against mine. His firm, bare cock is squeezed between our bodies, the base of it torturously pressing against the apex of my thighs. He whispers my name, making something in my chest flutter, and drops his forehead against my collarbone.
This isn’t about pleasure.
This is about pain—his pain—and trying to manage it with his drug of choice.
Me.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I jolt, dropping my hands to Caleb’s shoulders as angry fists slam against the door.
“Ignore it.” He groans, catching my skin between his teeth.
What if it’s Father Andrews? I lied to his face about a sexual relationship with his son. He’ll be furious. I swallow nervously as Caleb kisses his way up my neck. The soft press of his lips is enough to lull me back into my stupor and ignore the rest of the world. They no longer matter.
“Caleb!” A deep, scared voice shouts. “You gotta come out.”
My heart beat accelerates. He sounds really scared. Caleb growls and eases me off his lap. I grab my dress and slip into it as Caleb pulls his pants back up his legs and buttons his jeans.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
He storms across the room, furious for being interrupted. With quick, angry hands, he flicks the lock and snatches the handle.
“What?” He snaps, as he tugs the door open.
From the bed, I bend a little, trying to catch a glimpse of who is on the other side. What’s so important?
“Drew needs your help.” The stranger I can’t see gasps. “His girl has overdosed.”
Fuck.
Cassia shoves past me and rushes into the crowd of gyrating men and women. I call her name, but she doesn’t stop. She screeches for people to move, the panic in
her voice sounding like it’s tearing her voice box apart. My brain throbs in my skulls, bruising itself against bone. Fuck! Will someone please remind me why I thought having a party was such a good fucking idea?!
I bend low and pull my shoes on. “Where are they?”
“They’re in the kitchen.” Max says, nervously rubbing his hands over his shaved head. “I’ve got to call an ambulance and you gotta get these people out of here.”
Shit. “Don’t call the ambulance.”
I rake my fingers through my hair and dive into my room. I run to my t-shirt drawer, pull one out and toss it over my shoulder.
“Don’t call an ambulance? Caleb, Fiona’s in bad shape.” He shouts from the door.
“I’ll take her.” I grab the keys to my truck and slip my driver’s license into my back pocket. “You and Jason work on clearing everyone out of here. Drew, Cassia and I will get Fiona to the hospital.”
Taking Fiona to the hospital myself is the only option. The police could show up at any second and I’m totally fucked if a girl dies on my kitchen floor. Not to mention the shitstorm that will ensue when they discover all the different kinds of drugs that are floating around the house—and what about Dad? He’s not going to be able to handle this kind of scandal. His flock will turn on him like a thirsty pack of wolves.
I rush out the door, launching into the throng of fucked up people. They’re oblivious to what’s going on inside. Slick, stranger skin slides against mine and it’s gross as hell, but I keep pushing through.
Before long, I’ve slipped into my gray tee and I’m standing in the empty kitchen watching Cassia and Drew roll Fiona onto her side. She’s foaming from the mouth, her body shaking violently. Her eyes are white, her skin blue. Half of the house is dead still, looking on like it’s a damn theatre show. The other half are as oblivious as the assholes outside.
“What did she take?” Cassia demands, pushing her hands through her hair.
Drew pushes himself to his feet and backs up, panicked. “I don’t know. Some pills. Coke. Weed. Whatever the fuck else she got her hands on.”
The front of his forest green shirt is wet and sticks to his skin.
“And you didn’t stop her?” Cassia demands, tears rolling down her face.
“You try telling the girl no. She’s a fucking nightmare!”
I step into the kitchen as Cassia jumps to her feet and shoves Drew hard in the chest. “You should have kept an eye on her!”
He bounces back a few steps before launching forward, shoving his face an inch from hers. “I’m not her fucking father! Where were you?”
“Enough!” I push Drew back a foot. The fucking nerve of him. “We have to get Fiona to a hospital.”
Looking at Drew I can tell he’s not sober either. His skin is clammy, his oily pupils dilated, and there’s a nervous twitch to his movements. He might not be sober, but at least he knew when to stop.
“Help me get Fiona into my truck.” I tell him. “We can deal with the rest later.”
He glares at Cassia over my shoulder. She should tread lightly because he’s going to snap. Panic glistens so clearly in his dark eyes. He already blames himself. He doesn’t need anyone else shoveling it onto him.
Drew nods. “I’ll carry her.”
Cassia moves out of the way as Drew steps around me. He bends low, scooping Fiona into his arms like she weighs nothing. Her body is limp. Lifeless.
“She’s going to be okay, right?” Cassia asks me, slipping her hand into mine.
I squeeze it and swallow my uncertainty.
“Yeah.” I tell her, tugging her into me. She wraps her warm, slender arms around my waist and I plant a kiss on her damp forehead. “She’ll be okay.”
I swear my ribcage compresses with my lie, constricting my heart. I don’t know if Fiona is going to be okay. I don’t know if we’ll get her to the hospital in time or if we’ve already taken too long…
…I just don’t know.
*Cassia*
We reach the hospital in record time. I sit in the front with Caleb while Drew cradles Fiona in his lap on the backseat. I glance over my shoulder as he smooths his hand over her head and wipes her face with his t-shirt. She doesn’t look good…her lips are blue and her skin is pale. I can’t tell if she’s breathing or if she’s even alive. I should have stayed with her. I should have used the bathroom and then went straight back to her. Maybe I could have prevented that final hit. I sniffle as I reach for my seatbelt and struggle to unclip it. I growl in frustration as Drew gets his door open, but I can barely undo my damn seatbelt! Caleb reaches over, slipping his hand underneath mine. With a gentle push, the seatbelt releases me. A tear rolls off the tip of my nose and drips onto the back of his large hand. I swipe at my face as Caleb slides his palm onto my thigh. I look at him and his expression turns sympathetic. I normally find reassurance in the depths of his beautiful green eyes…but not tonight.
“She’ll be all right.” He tells me, stroking my skin with his thumb.
I nod and the back door slams shut. Outside Caleb’s big, white truck Drew hands Fiona to Caleb who holds her weight effortlessly in his arms. Caleb glances at me with a frown, obviously as confused as I am.
Drew’s hands shake and he stuffs them underneath his armpits to stop it. “I gotta go.”
I flinch. Did I hear that correctly? He has to go? Where the fuck does he have to be at this time of night? When Fiona is flirting with death on his watch?
“Are you kidding me?” I snap, clenching my fists.
“I can’t…I’m not…” He runs a hand over his dehydrated lips. “They’ll question me and I’m fucked up.”
“You’re the only one who knows what she’s taken.”
Drew turns his back on us, clenching his hair in his fists. He tilts his head up to the sky, wasting precious seconds that could save Fiona’s life.
“Cassia, please.” He begs, his voice tight. “I’m going to be a lawyer…”
“Oh, well, isn’t that so fucking great for you.”
Drew apologizes over and over, but it doesn’t mean shit. He still turns his back on us and trudges down the street, walking against traffic.
What a pussy.
I keep my hand on the side of Fiona’s face as Caleb carries her towards the door. Nurses explode out before we make it and rip Fiona from Caleb’s arms. My heart wrenches in my chest and I barely mutter the word overdose before they’re shouting orders about beds and rooms, drugs and doctors. Sobbing, I cover my mouth. I’m so, so, sorry.
“What’d she take?” A woman demands as four nurses carry Fiona inside.
“We don’t know.” Caleb tells her. “We found her like that.”
The mature aged nurse pulls a small notepad from her chest pocket and quickly jots down a note or two. I step closer to read what it says, but she slaps it shut and slips it back into her pocket.
“Don’t go anywhere.” A woman orders as four nurses carry Fiona inside. “We’re going to do our best to stabilize her and then we’re going to need some answers.”
I nod and she storms away, disappearing into the hospital. Caleb slips in front of me, gripping my shoulders in his hands. “I hate to say it, Cass, but Drew is right.”
I wince, shrugging away from his hands. “You’re not serious?”
“They’re going to ask questions. We have to think about the consequences. She took the drugs, not us.”
He reaches out again and I swat him away. “I’m not letting her wake up alone in a damn emergency room. She needs somebody here when she wakes up.”
Caleb shrugs. “So they’ll call her family.”
How can he be so indifferent about this? He wouldn’t stay for Drew if he was hospitalized? Would he stay for me if I was where Fiona is right now? My parents are going to skin me alive, but I have no fear of that. I’d take any punishment they dish out, over and over, for Fiona—and for him too.
I shake my head. Un-fucking-believable. Exhaling, Caleb reaches into his pocket and pu
lls out his cell. It’s ringing. Again. For the first time since leaving his house, I catch the name on the screen.
Dad.
Father Andrews. Shit.
Caleb glances at me, his question as loud as day. I nod. He should probably answer it. He hits the green button and lifts the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
I hold my breath, waiting for the slightest hint on Caleb’s face to tell me what the nature of the call is. His lips purse and my stomach clenches.
“Yes.”
I slip my thumb into my mouth and chew the nail.
“I don’t know what you want me to say…I get it. All right.”
His eyebrows pull in, his eyes thinning into a scowl.
“Screw Marcus. I’ll drop her home.”
I suck air into my lungs. My parents know... I turn away from Caleb. I think I’m going to be sick.
“There’s no need—Dad?” Caleb growls. “Fuck!”
It’s safe to assume the jig is up. Our affair exposed.
In one night.
This isn’t how I wanted my parents to find out. I wanted to tell them—to see their faces when Caleb’s name fell from my lips. I wanted the chance to explain to them that I’m in love and that it doesn’t matter what they think. Now they’ll hold it against me forever, acting like they busted me.
Hanging up and stuffing the phone into his pocket, Caleb rubs the back of his neck. “He spoke to Drew…he told my father where we are.”
I turn to face him. “And my dad?”
“He’s on his way.”
My heart stutters. “What do we do?”
“We keep Fiona company and we deal with the rest as it comes.”
Caleb holds out his hand and I glance at it briefly. Now he wants to wait with Fiona? A second ago he wanted to ditch her and save himself.
“I thought you didn’t want to stay?”
“I changed my mind. If it’s what you want then it’s what I want too.”
My heart soars and I slip my hand into his. I step closer, wanting to be in his bubble, wanting to be as close to his comfort as I can get. We were the only good outcome of tonight.
