Incarcerated: Letters From Inmate 92510

by Inger Iversen

  “Ha, I think I get what you are trying to say, drunkie. You want me there with you. Do me a favor.” Logan’s voice lowered, and the unmistakable tone of his voice told Katie he was about to ask her something he shouldn’t, at least not while their conversations were recorded. “Don’t drink anymore tonight.”

  Her eyes popped open. “What? Why?”

  “Because, I won’t be there in the morning to help you nurse that bad ass hangover you’re gonna have,” he whispered. “Who is going to help you to the bathroom when you gotta puke? Hmm?”

  She was silent because there wouldn’t be anyone there.

  “Who is gonna hold your hair back, baby? Actually, what color is your hair?”

  “Brunette ombré.”

  “I have no clue what that means.”

  Katie snickered. “Like Beyoncé when she had it dark at the top and copper blonde on the bottom.”

  “I have no clue who that is, but it sounds nice. So who is going to hold your hair out of the way, get you water, and an aspirin if you are there all alone?”

  Unfortunately, Katie hadn’t thought about any of that. Even though it was easy to nurse a hangover alone, she thought it was sad and pitiful to do so. Grateful that Logan hadn’t treated her like a child or admonished her mistake, she agreed.

  “Okay, I’ve had enough anyway.” Katie pushed the empty bottle as far away as possible. “I drank a whole bottle of white wine, Logan. I think I’m going to puke my kidneys out tomorrow.” She couldn’t help but laugh at her own statement.

  “You’ll be fine. I’ve been drunk plenty of times. Just drink water.”

  “You aren’t mad at me?”

  “No, just mad that I’m not there. I know you’re in Vermont, and I’m stuck in here.”

  “Yep, but not for long, right?” Katie was nervously excited for Logan’s release. Her drunken brain wouldn’t let her think of the consequences of meeting a convict; all she could think about at that moment was being next to him. “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, is that weird? I don’t even know what you look like, but all I can think about is holding you in my arms,” she lowered her voice, “and kissing you. I cannot stop thinking about kissing you,” she admitted. Luckily, she’d had a full bottle of liquid courage and was more than willing to tell him how badly she wanted him.

  He cleared his throat before he spoke. “And what else, baby? What else do you think of doing to me?”

  “Logan, are you asking me to talk dirty to you?” she gasped in mock offense.

  He laughed. “Hey, you started it!”

  “I just said that I want to kiss you—”

  “And I want to kiss you, too.” His voice was sure and strong, as if he were challenging anyone to say otherwise.

  Katie smiled, but was stricken with sadness. He was there, and she was alone in her home wishing for him to walk through the door.

  “When you get out. We’ll go on a date. You’ll take me to dinner and a movie. Afterward, you’ll bring me back home and make love to me, Logan.” Katie sat up, dizziness be damned. “And neither one of us will ever be lonely again, you hear me?” She meant it.

  No hesitation. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Satisfied with that, Katie lay back down and adjusted her pillow. “Logan?” A wave of nausea hit her so hard that she grabbed her belly. “I think I’m ready for you to come and hold my hair now.” Her stomach rolled and her head ached. Why the hell did she drink?

  “Go take care of yourself, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow. Early this time, to check on you.”

  Katie appreciated that. “Okay, bye.”

  “Bye, baby.”

  She hung up the phone and lifted her head. Not as dizzy as before, she grabbed the afghan and crawled onto the couch, cuddling up for the rest of the night.

  Katie imagined Logan’s hands would be rough from the type of work he’d done before prison, and maybe even in prison. She expected a life of labor would harden any man, but when he touched her so gently, she thought she felt it in her soul. Her bed had been empty most times, so she slept on the couch, hoping to forget the emptiness of the bed made for a king and queen. She expected he’d be more experienced, but Katie was a fast learner. His hands were in places that recently Katie reserved for herself. His lips, tongue, and teeth were on her skin and . . . light. There was light.

  Katie hated the sun. She hated light, sound, and scent. Yep, that damned automatic coffeepot that Teal had bought her for Christmas was going through the window as soon as she worked up the ability to move. Most of all, she hated the dream ended without her being able to see her man’s face. With a glance at the digital clock, Katie knew she had missed Logan’s first call, since it was already past noon and he said he’d call in the morning.

  Wait. A. Minute. The coffee pot is working. It took her brain a few minutes to work out that her power was back up and running.

  Katie sat up, releasing a groan that could wake the dead. She stood on wobbly feet and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. After downing two glasses, she filled another and headed into the bathroom. Once inside, she grabbed some aspirin and choked them down, too. She glanced at herself in the mirror, and was startled by her reflection.

  “What the hell?” Her normally chocolate-brown eyes were bloodshot, her shoulder-length hair stood at odd directions and was matted in the back, and her nut-brown skin seemed a few shades lighter. “What was in that wine?”

  She started the shower and jumped in as soon as the water was hot enough, hoping to scrub away the remnants of last night’s wine binge.

  Thinking back, Katie was embarrassed at the things she’d said to Logan on the phone. As they’d made love in her dream, she couldn’t see his face and that creeped her out. Screwing a faceless man wasn’t sexy, but on the other hand, the body attached to it was the type that made panties drop all across the US.

  Katie shivered as her hand softly moved across her tender breasts. Her eyes popped open as soon as she realized what her body was begging for. “Nope.” Snatching the two-in-one shampoo and conditioner off the caddy, she squirted a liberal amount in her hands. “I can wait, it’s not that long, just a few more months,” she said as she lathered her head.

  It was crazy. Meeting a man from prison, falling for him, and waiting for him to get out. Never in a million years had she thought she’d be in this situation. The oddest place she’d ever met a man was in a cemetery after leaving roses on her mother’s grave. She’d given the man her number, but to her relief and disappointment, he’d never called.

  Rinsing her hair, she washed quickly, and got out of the shower just as the phone rang. Since it was her cell, she decided she’d call whoever it was back in a minute. Heading to her room, she sat at her desk, pulled out her photo album, and searched through it. There were hundreds of pictures, but Katie had her heart set on one in particular. It was the one when she and her mother were in Greece with her father on a business trip.

  While he’d been working, she and her mother lived on the beach. The picture showed her in a light pink bandeau bikini top, covered with a white beach wrap landing just above her knees, which were submerged in the crystal clear water. She’d never been happier and her face showed it. When she finally found it, she smiled. Her hands were in the air above her as a gentle breeze blew through her long brown locks.

  Katie grabbed another more recent photo of herself at a dinner party with friends. Teal had caught her in mid-laugh. She wore an emerald green sweater that stopped far above her belly button and black leggings. It took Teal four hours to convince her to wear the six-inch heels, and it’d taken her two more hours to get all the little corkscrew curls to perfectly frame her face.

  She scribbled Logan’s address on the envelope, and wrote a short, sweet letter to go along with the pictures. After she placed everything inside, she went to her closet to dress. She was sure the mailman wasn’t working, but a two-minute walk to the corner was a blue drop box for mail. When the storm was over and the mailman ran ag
ain, Logan would get her letters.

  Katie didn’t have the strength to blow-dry her hair, so she towel-dried it and threw it up in a messy bun. Just then, the phone rang again, but it was her cell. Katie ignored it and left the house to her destination.

  After putting the letter in the mailbox for the mailman, she ran to her living room to see that it was Teal calling on her cell . . . again. Just as she was about to answer it, her house phone rang and she knew it was Logan. With a grin, she picked up the phone while ending the call on her cell.

  “Good morning, baby,” Logan’s warm voice came across the line.

  “Yes, for me. Good afternoon to you, Logan.”

  “Yeah, I’m up at six every morning thanks to my damn roommate and his stupid ass rap. That damn boy can’t remember he’s white to save his life.”

  Katie laughed. “Well, there are white rappers.”

  “Yeah, and they need to stop.” Logan sounded serious, but he also sounded just like Teal. Apparently, they both thought rap only belonged to black people. It was a stupid thought to Katie, but to each his or her own.

  She shrugged. “I didn’t puke. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Honestly, yeah it does. When you told me you drank a full bottle of wine I thought for sure you were going to puke.”

  Katie looked down at the mess she’d left on the floor. She had opened another bottle; she didn’t remember doing it, but she had. Only one was completely empty, but she wouldn’t tell Logan that.

  She enjoyed his concern. “You didn’t have to worry, Logan. I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, I did.” He sounded resolute.

  “How was your morning?” she asked, changing the subject. While his concern and not admonition was refreshing, Katie didn’t want to dwell on it.

  He heaved a sigh. “I told you, baby, my cellmate thinks he’s black and keeps telling me he needs to ‘get his flow right’ for when he gets out. I swear, if they were to keep me in here for another year, I’d kick the white back into his ass.”

  Katie hated when people attributed race to a person’s actions. “You don’t need to kick anything into anyone. Maybe he’s just one of those white kids from the ghetto who picked up on what they heard and saw. It could be all he knows,” Katie reasoned, but Logan didn’t seem like he was trying to hear it.

  “I grew up in what you could call a ghetto, yet you don’t see me trying to be anything but the white male that I am. All I am asking is for that little shit to do the same.”

  “Wait, are you saying that you think only certain races act ‘ghetto?’” Katie was confused; Logan had gone from thinking rap wasn’t for white kids, to ignorant ways being reserved for non-white kids as well. Not cool. “Because—” A knock, no a banging, at her door stopped the words. “Baby, give me a sec. The cavalry is here,” she said jestingly, storing their conversation in her head for later discussions. “Don’t hang up. I’ll let them in and take this call to the other room to tell you goodbye.” She set the phone down.

  As Katie went to the door, she glanced at the mess she’d forgotten to clean up and groaned. A quick glance out the window showed Teal’s truck, which was good . . . her father would take one look at the place and scold her. She opened the door to a fuming Teal, who stormed into the house.

  “What the fuck, chick? Your damn dad has been all up in my ass asking about you.” Teal snatched off her coat and threw it on the hook by the door, before marching into the living room and glancing around. “Nice to know you aren’t dead or frozen to death, while my black ass had to come all the way from my house to check on you.”

  Katie laughed, which only seemed to infuriate her more. “I’m a big girl, you didn’t need to come all the way over here. I don’t care if he asked you to, you could have said no.”

  She placed a hand on her hip and cocked a brow. “Oh, a big girl are you now? I think a big girl would have answered her phone and let her friends and family know that she made it through the storm alive.” Teal threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know what to do with you.”

  Now it was Katie’s turn to get mad. “Maybe you want to leave then?” Teal’s gasp was so loud Katie had to roll her eyes. A loud beeping pulled then both from the argument.

  “The fuck is that?” She looked around for the source of the noise, and Katie followed her eyes as they landed on the phone.

  “Damn!” Katie ran over and placed it to her ear, only to hear the annoying ROH warning tone. “He hung up.”

  Teal moved over to Katie. “Who hung up?”

  Without thinking, Katie answered, “My boyfriend.” She wanted to slap herself in the face as soon as she’d said it. She had planned to tell Teal, but not just yet.

  A squeal flew from Teal’s mouth. “Oh damn! So you and Joe finally hit it off? I knew your dad was right about him.” She sat on the couch as Katie cleaned up the mess she’d made the night before. “He was like, ‘Teal, just give it time.’ At the time, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that shit just wasn’t going to work.”

  “It’s not Joe, and you and my dad need to keep your noses out of my personal life unless invited into it by me.” Katie stood and took her trash to the kitchen, and Teal jumped up to follow.

  “I know everyone you know, so I can list off names until I get it right.” Teal held out her hand, lifting a finger for each name as she said, “Marcus, Anthony, Will, Carlos, Danny, Eric, Lee, Randy—”

  Katie knocked her hands down. “I’m about to depend on you as my best friend by telling you this, and you can’t tell a soul.” For all of the things Teal was—loud, nosey, annoying, demanding, and crazy—she was more dependable than any of those other traits.

  Her brow furrowed in what Katie knew was concern and intrigue. “Tell me.”

  Taking a deep breath, she spilled her guts. She told her friend about Logan calling, their new relationship, and their plans to meet. Halfway through, Katie knew telling Teal was a mistake. She could see it in her eyes, but when Katie was done, she steeled her nerves and resolve.

  “You are one dumb-ass chick, you know that?” Teal was shaking her head. “Brave, but dumb. Come in here and tell me what this fuckery is all about, please.”

  Katie followed Teal. Well, so far so good, she thought, as she headed into what felt like the deep abyss known as hurricane Teal.

  There was always something that ruined the good things in Logan’s life, or at least that’s how he looked at it not too long ago. When he was a teen he’d had a good life until his stepfather had come along. He’d enjoyed Paris, Kentucky until the black kids had decided to use him as a punching bag, so he’d met the wrong people and ended up in prison. Back then, Logan would have blamed anyone except himself. He’d been a hardheaded kid who couldn’t live up to his stepfather’s militant standards, so he rebelled, letting his life take a turn for the worse. He couldn’t blame anyone except himself, but what he could do was keep his ass away from people who would, and could, make his life hell.

  Logan had decided years back not to associate with anyone outside of his race. He and Trent had decided there were just some things that made sense, and that was one of the many things they agreed on. Upon Logan’s incarceration, and being roomed with Aaron, Logan had learned that Trent’s connections with the KKK were weak at best.

  He believed Trent used the words KKK as a deterrent. The Mexican and black kids had kept their distance, and Logan’s life had improved markedly, which he could only contribute to the lack of “color” in his life. Aaron’s ties to the AB Brothers was real and deep, and Logan had learned on his first day in prison that men like Iggy ended up in the infirmary often.

  Laying on his bunk, he wondered how he could convince his girlfriend of this as well. When he’d talked to her about his cellmate forgetting his color, it seemed like she was siding with Iggy. Worst of all, was that person who’d come into her home sounded like the black women that Logan had to deal with in the ghetto. He couldn’t understand how a woman like Katie would even consi
der associating with someone who spoke like that.

  He’d hung up disgusted and a bit pissed. When he got out, he didn’t want that in his life, and as much as he’d grown to care for Katie, he had high expectations of his woman. Therefore, she wouldn’t be hanging around anyone like that woman whose disregard for good English and her foul mouth made his skin crawl. Hell yeah, Logan cussed like a sailor, but just like a lot of men, he wanted those words reserved for him—when he and his woman were home alone in bed.

  Logan silently watched as Iggy got dressed. He was always rapping, always acting so damned odd. Logan knew that he’d have to give Katie an ultimatum, because he was sure as shit not having anything like Iggy in his life when he left prison.

  He was supposed to call Katie back, but he knew the provision that he was going to place on their relationship would piss her off, if not push her away. Regardless, that was the way it was going to be. There were no other options in his mind. She’d either stop seeing that friend of hers, or him. Even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t right to place that kind of ultimatum on her. However, this was his life. It was how things would be, and most likely, Logan would end up without Katie.

  He closed his eyes, trying to relax for a nap, but his heart stuttered in his chest at the thought of losing her. He hadn’t even known her that long, but it didn’t matter; she took the stress away and made him look forward to getting out even more than he already did. It couldn’t matter.

  Even as Logan lay there lying to himself, he realized that he yet again was about to ruin something great . . . but the pains of the past were just too much and still cut deep.

  With her fingers digging into her temples, Teal paced the living room floor. She’d been repeating the same sentence over and over while Katie just sat there staring at the phone. It’d been three hours and no call back from Logan. It was Saturday, so she knew his day was open all day. Maybe he was giving her time with Teal and he’d call later tonight.