Entwined

by La Plante, Lynda

  She bit her fingernails. “She never tried to find me. Luis, I could have forgiven everything, if she’d just tried to find me. With her rich husband, her children, she had money, she could have found me. I know that now.”

  “It was a long time ago, she was a child. Maybe you…”

  “Maybe I nothing, Luis. Everything with you is always maybe this or maybe that. I know she knew what they were doing to me, she knew because she could see. They starved me and fed her like a pig. They put these things on my brain, and they gave her dolls. She knew what they were doing to me. I hate her.”

  He tried to put his arm around her, but she shrugged him away.

  “Ruda, what difference does it make now? She’s here, you’re reunited. You can’t really hate her, she’s part of you. Now you can make up for all the—”

  She screamed at him: “You don’t understand!”

  Luis put his hands up. “Jesus Christ—I am trying, Ruda! I wasn’t there, Ruda. All I know is what I hear, what you tell me. You’re angry because you blame what went on in the ring tonight on her.”

  Ruda kicked at the table. “Shut up! You don’t know! You weren’t there!”

  “I know that, sweetheart, of course I don’t know.”

  “No you don’t know. How could you? Nobody can even imagine what happened there. Nobody did, it’s forgotten. They kept on telling me to forget. It was over, I should forget. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t tell them. The longing, Luis, I longed for her so much, it was like a well inside me, that filled up and drowned me. I drowned with longing for her to come to me, to…make what had happened real.”

  “Who told you? I can’t follow what you’re saying. Who are they?”

  She sighed. “The doctors, the nurses, the stupid fat-faced nurses in the asylum. They put me in with crazy people because there was no place else. Just forget, just forget, they said. Take this, swallow this, this’ll make you sleep. Nothing happened, it’s all over. Forget? How could I forget when every white coat made me remember, every needle terrified me, until I learned to keep silent, until I learned never to speak to anyone. There was no point.”

  Her lips trembled. “Forget? Tell me how! There were all these babies, newborn babies. But not one was alive, they were blue from cold. Some were bloody, some still had their cords dangling out of their bellies. And they were stacked on a concrete block. Rebecca thought they were dolls. She asked if she could have one. But I knew they were dead babies. I knew, because from my window, where they kept me, I would see them being born, outside on the slabs in the snow. Don’t touch them, Bekki, they’re not to play with. Don’t touch them. But she had one, Luis, she had one in her arms.”

  Her face twisted into a silent scream. She covered her mouth as the wounds that had been locked up inside her for so many years began to open. “You remember. You can’t forget. Every time you see a baby you remember. Papa told me it was all right, he used to stand with me and watch the babies coming. He held my hand, and I didn’t think anything was wrong because he whistled. He was always whistling. The next time I saw Rebecca she had a doll, he had given her a real doll so she could play at being a mama.”

  Luis felt sick. The image of the dead infants haunted him. Ruda’s hands plucked at her jacket. “He liked me to call him Papa.”

  Her voice became no more than a whisper. She tried to say the name of the man whose face was buried inside her mind, the man who had tortured her and caused her indescribable anguish. For deep beneath her scarred body lay a consuming, confused, and heartbreaking guilt. Slowly it began to surface: She was once again the little girl sitting on his knee, hands clasped around the sweet he had given her. The little girl who said, “It’s mine!” He had kissed her cheek and pinched her chin, teasing her. She could hear his voice.

  “Open it, you can open it!”

  “No.”

  “Don’t you want it?”

  “My sister, I want it for my sister.”

  He had laughed then and jerked his knee hard so that she fell to the floor. “What is your sister’s name?”

  “Rebecca.”

  “Ah yes. Is she well?”

  Ruda nodded, and he crouched low, resting on the heels of his polished boots. He traced her cheek with his white-gloved hand. “Tell me, do you feel pain when your sister is hurt?”

  “Yes.”

  He seemed delighted. He brought out a box of sugar almonds with a pink ribbon, and gave a small bow, clicking his heels. “These are for you and your sister.”

  She reached out, but he withdrew the box. “I want a kiss.” She stood on tiptoes, slipped her arms around his neck, and kissed first his right, then his left cheek. He smelled of limes. With the box of almonds tucked under one arm, her hand in his, they walked into the hospital wing.

  “Bring her sister, I want her sister! These are going to be my special twins…”

  Grimaldi said nothing, simply sat watching her. When Ruda lifted her face up to him, her eyes had a faraway expression. She stared unseeing as the face of the monster emerged. The face of the man who had embraced the child with love, and yet tortured her tiny body. The being who had twisted her mind for experiments that had benefited no one. Why had he never stood trial? Why had he never been punished? The Dark Angel’s wing had overshadowed her life. She could never pretend that it had not happened. It had…and slowly her rage against him began to unfold.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Rebecca pressed her body against the side of the trailer. She could feel the rage growing inside her. For the first time she could separate herself from the rage and watch it manifest itself. She could see her hands clench and unclench. Before when it started happening, she had always lost control and would have no memory of what had occurred. But now she knew the rage was not hers, but Ruda’s. Now their minds entwined, like an electric circuit fusing, ready to ignite…

  Rebecca fought against its taking over. She tried to reach the trailer door, to call out that she was there, that she had not tried to find Ruda because she had been forced to forget. But now the memories came back in a blinding, red-hot blaze.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Luis saw it happen and couldn’t stop it. The rage exploded inside Ruda: Her body tensed, the veins in her neck throbbed, her hands beat the air, and her mouth opened in a terrible silent scream. But above all, it was the madness in her eyes that made him freeze.

  The fury she had held in check for so long blinded her, and she attacked Luis—she believed him to be Papa, and she had to destroy him…

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Mamon lay with his head resting on his paws. Mike, easing open the trapdoor, pushed the feed tray inside. Vernon was carrying bales of clean straw. He called to Mike. “Eh! I wouldn’t try that, Mike.

  Leave it for her. They’ll be going to join the parade any minute.”

  Mike half turned, his hand still on the bolt of the trapdoor. At that moment Mamon lunged forward, his full weight hitting the side of the cage: The trapdoor flew open, knocking Mike off his feet. Mamon was out.

  Vernon dropped the bale of straw and threw himself out of the way, but Mamon wasn’t interested in either of them; he was loping toward the open tent flap, churning up the sawdust. His roar was terrifying in its volume and intensity.

  “Oh shit! Oh my God…Get the nets! Fucking get the nets!”

  Word spread fast; within minutes the area was cordoned off and gatekeepers and parking attendants warned that no one was to be allowed beyond the barriers. The helpers ran toward the trailer park, their flashlights flickering as they questioned anyone who might have seen where Mamon had run.

  As panic spread the security men were alerted.

  The grand parade was just drawing to a close, the audience cheering, flowers and balloons tumbling from the top of the tent.

  Thousands of chattering, laughing people streamed from the exits. They gathered alongside buses, or made their way on foot back down the road. Some walked to their parked cars. Ch
ildren were carried in parents’ arms, fast asleep, while others ran whooping and screaming, carrying circus maps, toys, and balloons.

  The sky opened again with a heavy roll of thunder. Rain came lashing down.

  Mike ran hysterically to the Grimaldi trailer, while Torsen and his group headed back to their car, via the trailer park.

  Helen and the baron were pushed and buffeted along by the crowd as they headed for the trailer park barriers.

  Inside the trailer Grimaldi tried desperately to control Ruda. It was difficult to move out of her reach. Twice he had caught her arms, but she had struggled free. She scratched, kicked, and tore at him. She had overturned the table, ripped the sofa cushions. She couldn’t hear him, the rage consumed her. Her jaws snapped like an animal’s.

  Grimaldi gripped her by the hair. Ruda twisted and punched her elbow into his stomach. As he released his hold and buckled over, she pulled his head up, forcing him back. Her hands clenched his throat.

  Rebecca banged and pushed at the door, hit it with the flat of her hand and then ran to a window, screaming to be let in. Ruda turned. For an instant she froze, then she picked up a chair and hurled it at Rebecca’s face. It shattered the window. Grimaldi got on his feet, but Ruda went for him again. Rebecca tried to crawl through the broken window. A jagged sliver of glass cut her cheek. Her hand flew up to her face.

  Ruda backed away, her hand pressed to her cheek as if she were the one who had cut herself. Then she reached out and hauled Rebecca inside, crushing her in her arms. It was a killing embrace, a furious protection. They were locked together as one.

  Grimaldi grabbed hold of Ruda from behind, wrenched her away and Rebecca screamed. She felt as if she were being plucked out of her own body.

  Grimaldi slapped Ruda’s face hard, jerking her head from side to side.

  “You’re killing her Ruda!”

  She seemed to calm down. He gripped her face in his hands. “Ruda, it’s me, it’s me!” Rebecca clawed Grimaldi, desperate for Ruda’s embrace.

  Running toward the trailer, Mike screamed out: “Ruda! Ruda!”

  Mike was at the shattered window. “He’s loose, Mamon’s loose. Nobody can find him, we’ve got the nets standing by.”

  Ruda’s push sent Grimaldi crashing into the wall, banging against Rebecca. They fell in a tangled heap as Ruda threw herself out of the window. Grimaldi staggered to his feet, but he was too late. He could see Ruda running after Mike.

  Rebecca started to scream and he crouched down beside her. “Listen to me, stay here. Do you understand? Don’t leave the trailer, stay inside.”

  “Ruda, I want Ruda. Ruda, Ruda!”

  Grimaldi lifted her off her feet, sat her down. “Just do as I say. Don’t leave the trailer. We’ll sort everything out.”

  Rebecca shook with terror as Grimaldi threw the bench cushions aside, searching for his gun. In her confusion she believed he was going to shoot Ruda. She lurched toward him, clinging to his arm. “No! Please…please don’t hurt her!”

  Grimaldi pushed her roughly away. “The hurting’s been done. Just stay inside, stay inside!”

  “She needs me. I have to go to her.”

  He turned on her in a fury. “You are too late. Stay in the goddamned trailer!”

  Grimaldi slammed the door shut and ran toward the torchlights and shouting voices. Every available man had formed a human wall cordoning off the trailer area from the crowds. A voice shouted that Mamon had been spotted. He was behind the animal tents. Hand-in-hand the men walked forward, step by step, drawing the chain of arms tighter as the helpers with the nets ran to the clearing by the tents.

  Ruda was running ahead of Mike, repeating: “Don’t hurt him…don’t let them hurt him.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Helen and the baron were confronted by two parking attendants. “Stay outside the barrier. No one is allowed inside.”

  The baron demanded to be let through.

  “I’m sorry. No one can come into this area until we have clearance. Please wait!”

  Helen explained that they were to meet Grimaldi at his trailer. She was informed that no one was allowed beyond the barrier.

  “This is ridiculous, Louis, we’ve been told we can meet him.”

  “Look over there, can you see?” Louis pointed to the lights. Helen looked, she could see the chain of men, some still in costume, moving closer and closer.

  “What’s going on?”

  Suddenly they saw Torsen and his group.

  “It’s the inspector. Maybe he can help us.”

  They hurried to Torsen, but he was unable to do anything. He too had been asked to leave. They all stared across to the lights.

  Two men ran into view carrying a large net. They were shouting. “They got him cornered on the open ground over by the garbage cans. We’re getting the nets around the back, too. Just in case!”

  Torsen stepped forward. “I am a police officer. What’s happened?”

  The gatekeeper waved his hand to indicate they should all stay behind the barriers. “Everything’s under control now, sir. Just keep moving, please leave this area.”

  Torsen looked to Rieckert, then to the baron. “What do you think’s wrong?”

  Again the baron approached the gatekeeper. “My wife is with the Grimaldis. Has something happened?”

  “Please. Just stay out until I’ve got clearance. It’ll soon be all over…”

  “What will, for God’s sake?” Louis was furious. He looked back to the lights, and caught sight of Rebecca. He shouted to her but she disappeared. “That was my wife. Please, please let me through!”

  “No, sir…I’m sorry, this is for your own safety.”

  “Would the public please leave the premises as quickly as possible. No one is allowed near the artists’ trailer enclosure. For your own safety, please remain outside the barriers…”

  The baron and Helen did not budge, but Torsen and his group began to make their way back to the patrol car. The loudspeakers repeated the warnings. The barrier was now heavily guarded. A group of boys in jeans and T-shirts soaked from the rain tried to climb over. The gatekeepers ran to chase them out. Overexcited and unaware of the danger, the boys dodged the gatekeepers, as if it were all a game.

  Helen and the baron pushed back the barrier and made a run for it, just as Torsen returned to help the gatekeepers catch the boys. They made their way toward where they had spotted Rebecca. They could now see clearly the human chain edging closer.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Torsen and Rieckert found themselves in an ugly scuffle with the boys. One of them knocked Torsen to the ground. He shot back on his feet and gave the boy a good belting. “I am a police officer.

  Now, do as you’re told or I’ll arrest you for disturbing the peace. Go on—out, get out!”

  The boys trudged away. The gatekeeper thanked Torsen. “A big cat is loose, sir. That’s what the panic is about. Obviously I can’t tell the kids, they’ll think they’re tough and try and get back in. But it’s under control now, the animal is over on the open ground by the trash cans, that’s what the nets were for.”

  Torsen wiped his bloody nose. “You sure they don’t need a couple of extra hands?”

  “Thank you, sir, but for your own safety just stay back there. It’s all under control now.”

  One of the clowns ran past shouting that more men were needed over on the far side. Torsen called Rieckert. “Come on, let’s go.”

  Rieckert and his girlfriend clung to the barrier. “Maybe I should stay with the girls. No need for both of us to go!”

  “Fine. You do that. Get them into the car, I’ll see if I can help.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Mamon was weaving in and out underneath the big trailers, his body low to the ground. The burning torches stuck at regular intervals provided some light. As long as they could see him, there was no reason to panic. They preferred to wait until all the crowds had gone before closing in o
n him. Meanwhile the nets were being linked up, cornering Mamon.

  Ruda put on a pair of heavy gloves and picked up a long pole. Mike followed with a bucket of meat as she pushed her way through.

  “Thank you. Please stay back, please back! And keep quiet. Thank you.”

  “He’s under the big trailer with the red shutters, been there a good five minutes!” a trapeze artist informed. Ruda moved on. She entered the circle, two men parted hands to let her in.

  Ruda looked around at the fearful faces. “Okay, everybody. I want to entice him back out into the open. Those with loose nets move in closer, everybody else stay back until I give word. He’s probably panicky, but I can control him. Stay back…and keep silent.”

  They did not need to be told twice: No one wanted to get close. The boys began lining up the barriers used in the act, to make an open-air caged arena. A tractor towed Mamon’s main cage in close. When everything was quiet, Ruda moved further into the clearing.

  The back wall of the tent cut off one route and now the barriers hemmed Mamon in on all sides. He slid between the trailer wheels, his fur flattened, his paws muddy. Then he darted under another trailer, but the lights were on him, and the trailer was low. He struggled, began to toss his head, and eased himself out backward.

  “Ruda, he’s between the two trailers,” Mike called out, then turned as Grimaldi came up behind him. Mike saw the gun, looked at Ruda, but said nothing. “They’ve got him trapped.”

  The cage was drawn closer, the trapdoor was open. Mamon could see it directly ahead of him. He was fifty to sixty feet away from the clearing, standing in an alley, trailers on either side. Behind him were the nets. The only clear route was ahead. He began moving slowly toward the arena. He paused, sniffing the air. He picked up Ruda’s scent.

  “Good boy! Come on, come on, Ma’angel…good boy. Come to Mama, come on…”

  Mamon’s eyes glittered like amber lights, his teeth gleamed as he approached her. Panic made his chest heave, saliva dribbled from his open jaw. Ruda bent down slightly, whispering encouragement. He kept on coming.

  “Come on, good boy…come to Mama! He’s coming, please keep silent. Don’t unnerve him.”