by Shelly Bell
I pulled out a chair for her so she could get off her feet. I couldn’t imagine being responsible for three lives with a fourth one growing inside of me. She deserved a seat in my opinion.
Crystal turned to her mother. “I like her. At least someone treats me right!”
While Carol greeted and played with her grandchildren, Crystal and I got to know each other. If she lived in Michigan, she’d be a candidate for my new best friend. Although we led completely different lives, we had no trouble finding things to talk about, maybe because she reminded me of Caleb.
Her children ran through the house shouting at the top of their lungs while she tuned them out and talked up her brother to me. Meanwhile, Caleb periodically ducked into the kitchen to give me a quick kiss, and then continued chasing the kids, threatening them with tickles and belly blasters, which Crystal explained as raspberries on the tummy. It was hectic and crazy and I loved every minute of it!
I met Nancy and Chris, Caleb’s aunt and uncle, who seemed more conservative than the rest of the family. They didn’t like the noise of the kids and spent most of the time sitting on the family room couch drinking wine. Still, when we prepared to leave the barbecue at nine o’clock that night, I already felt like part of Caleb’s family. We hugged his family goodbye and then his mother burst my little fantasy of perfection.
“We’ll see you both in the morning at church.”
I didn’t say anything, too shocked to respond. I waited until Caleb and I got into the rental car before asking him about his mother’s statement.
Caleb seemed uncomfortable. “Yeah, my parents never miss a week of church, and I didn’t have the heart to tell them we wouldn’t be attending it with them.”
“Do they know I’m Jewish?”
“Yes, they know you’re Jewish. They just don’t know I’m no longer a practicing Catholic.”
“Couldn’t you have used my religion as an excuse not to go?” I didn’t want to have this conversation yet but apparently fate had other plans for me.
“I want them to like you. If I tell them you won’t go to church with my family, they may question whether we should be together.”
“Yes, but it’s not their decision. Only you and I are in this relationship. The only opinions that matter are yours and mine.”
“And, Missy’s.”
“What?”
“You always call Missy for her opinion before you make a decision. I’m surprised she doesn’t dress you in the morning.” The anger in his voice surprised me.
“Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”
“Why?” he asked, softening his voice.
“We had a fight, and she decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore,” I informed him, trying to hold back the threatening tears.
He absorbed the information for a moment, no doubt attempting to process the huge bit of news.
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
“How could losing my closest friend in the world be for the best?”
“She and you, well… ... you’re different.” He didn’t give further explanation, but what he did say hinted at the underlying meaning. He didn’t approve of us being friends because she’s gay.
I wanted to defend our friendship, but perhaps Caleb was right. Maybe, we need to lead our own lives now, without the other’s influence.
I was not going to discuss Missy with Caleb.
“Caleb, let’s say we got married and had children, would you let our children be raised Jewish?” I needed to know now before it was too late.
“Yeah, they’d be Jewish, but I’d want to expose them to Christianity, too. That way, when they became adults, they could make their own decision about religion.”
Not what I wanted to hear. “Would you want them baptized or christened or whatever your family does?”
“I wouldn’t care, but my mom might give us a problem with it.”
“Well, you would have to stand up to her. Do you think you could do that?”
“I would do anything for you, Sara. I love you.”
Just when I was ready to write Caleb off, he won my heart all over again.
“I love you too, Caleb, but I’m not going to church tomorrow. I’d rather you told your family the truth, but if you prefer to lie, just tell her I had insomnia and needed to get some sleep.”
“I’m not ashamed of your religion, Sara. I’ll tell them in the morning while I let you sleep in,” he said with a grin on his face.
Caleb returned from church and informed me he told his family I couldn’t attend church because I was too tired. He assured me his family didn’t think twice about it. When we had lunch with his family before our flight back to Michigan, Carol acted a bit more reserved than she had the previous day. Caleb didn’t seem to notice.
When I stumbled into my condo late Sunday afternoon, I had never felt more relieved to be home. I might make fun of Michigan as much as the next person, but I loved it. Call me sentimental.
I threw in a load of laundry and ate a cold slice of leftover pizza for dinner before checking my email to see if Missy had caved and written me.
She hadn’t.
My brother had forwarded me an email, which was extremely out of character for him. He hated email, preferring more personal communications. He wrote a short message informing me he thought I might be interested in going to Israel, like he had done a few years earlier and sent me the web flyer.
June 29 to July 8, 2008
An amazing experience with hundreds of twenty to thirty somethings nationally!
From Masada to the Dead Sea to the Western Wall, you’ll go to Israel’s most breathtaking vistas, historic sites, and holiest places.
For more information, contact Jewish Federation
(248) 555-1471.
I had been envious of my brother when he chose to go to Israel during the summer between college and graduate school. I had already committed to an internship for the summer and I never gave it another thought. He hadn’t gone with Jewish Federation, but with a Rabbi from a local Chabad, a little too religious for my tastes.
My brother and his wife practiced Judaism in what I referred to as the Conservadox division of our religion, a cross between Conservative and Orthodox. My parents and I consider ourselves Reform Jews. We don’t attend synagogue more than a couple of days a year.
I had no excuse not to go to Israel this summer. My clients could do without me for a couple of weeks, and my mom could offer her services to be on call in case of any client emergency. I have the money for the first time in my life since I’ve paid off all my school debt.
The more I considered it, the more convinced I became that I needed to go. Maybe some time away from everything is just what the doctor ordered. Just because it’s known as a Jewish Singles Mission doesn’t mean I’ll be going to meet a husband. I’ll use the opportunity to explore my Jewish roots and, hopefully, come back a more centered and clearheaded woman.
I just hope Caleb understands.
CHAPTER 22
A Year to Remember Blog
Sara Friedman’s journey to find her soul mate
June 10, 2012 I Don’t Think We’re in Kansas Anymore!
Last week, Caleb took me to his childhood home in New Jersey. With the exception of flying on an airplane (it’s a rational fear!), we experienced a lovely time. His parents graciously welcomed me into their home. I’ve always heard terrible stories about meeting the in-laws, but Caleb’s parents made me comfortable. Of course, they’re not technically my in-laws yet. I didn’t leave you out of any big announcement. We’re not engaged or married (yet). Everything is perfect between Caleb and me. We both want the same things in life-marriage and kids. We never fight. Everything is very easy with Caleb. Easy is good, right?
Despite my dislike of air travel, I am going to Israel on a single’s trip. Let me say this once and only once. Just because I’m going on a single’s trip, doesn’t mean I consider myself single. I am not on the market! I’ve a
lways wanted to go to Israel, and I have the financial means available to me now. While I’ll miss Caleb terribly, I believe I shouldn’t deprive myself of a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit Israel. Would you? Didn’t think so!
I doubt I’ll have a chance to blog while in Israel, but I promise to write as soon as I return. Maybe I’ll even learn how to post pictures!
Until then, look for me somewhere over the rainbow!
CHAPTER 23
JUNE 16, 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
WEIGHT: 187
STATUS: COMMITTED
I signed up, paid the trip in full and bought the tickets to JFK Airport in New York, where I’d meet with the rest of the congregants from Michigan to fly to Tel Aviv, Israel.
I told Caleb I had forgotten to tell him about the trip eons ago and, unfortunately, could not get my money back. He actually offered to reimburse me for the entire cost of the trip if I stayed with him. I held firm, stating I needed to get away for a while because of Missy. It wasn’t a total lie.
The Saturday before my trip, Caleb planned a special evening for us at one of the most romantic restaurants in Detroit. Set in a mansion built in 1894, The Whitney had the reputation of both culinary excellence and romantic ambiance with stained-glass windows, dark hardwood walls, sweeping staircase, and fireplaces. According to rumor, a ghost haunted one of its rooms. In all my years, I had never had the occasion to dine at it and I couldn’t wait to share it with Caleb.
I had bought a special outfit for tonight’s date. I think I did it out of guilt over my decision to go to Israel as well as the fact I’d lied to Caleb about when I booked the trip. I owed it to him to give him my undivided attention and to make the same effort in the relationship as him.
I abandoned the color black for tonight, choosing a skirt and blouse in various shades of purple. Underneath it all, I wore a matching bra and panties for our time after dinner. I figured I could wear the new outfit in Israel as well, so it didn’t seem too indulgent.
Caleb arrived at my door wearing a tuxedo. I hadn’t seen him wear it since my brother’s wedding, and I had forgotten how handsome he looked in it. It also reminded me of my mystery kiss for the first time in ages. I never did confirm he was the source, but it no longer seemed important. I loved Caleb, and nothing would change how I felt about him.
“You look beautiful,” he commented, wrapping me in his arms.
“Thank you,” I responded, lifting my lips to his for a kiss.
While we drove to the restaurant, Caleb appeared nervous, wiping his sweaty hands on his pants a few times. He let me do all the talking while he listened with an enormous smile on his face.
Both of us stood in awe when we entered the restaurant. Classical music played as waiters dressed in tuxedo’s served dinner and drinks to the patrons. Caleb gave his name and the hostess led us to our table in the dining room, elegantly lit by a Tiffany chandelier.
“Is this place actually haunted?” I asked the hostess as she pulled out my chair for me and set a napkin in my lap.
“You’re referring to the Ghost Room. It’s on the third floor, and it’s used for after-dinner drinks. You’re welcome to tour the mansion if you’d like.”
“Maybe later.” He ordered us a bottle of white wine and fidgeted in his seat.
“Is everything all right?”
“Everything is perfect.” Caleb smiled and kissed my hand.
Dinner exceeded my expectations, as I imagined Caleb and I would someday celebrate all our milestones at this mansion.
“You know my family really loved you. They can’t wait for us to visit at Christmas,” he said, smiling, his love for me etched on his face.
“Christmas?” I asked nervously.
“My family goes all out for the holiday. We all meet at my parents on Christmas Eve and have a huge dinner before going to Mass.”
“Mass?” Caleb lost in the reverie of Christmas pasts, didn’t hear my apprehension and continued to drone on about the holiday.
“Then we all sleep at my parents and get up early to give each other presents. You’ll love it. It’s the first year I’ll have someone special with me to celebrate the holiday. I can’t wait.” His whole body glowed with expectation, which caused a burning fire in my gut, similar to heartburn.
Even though I intellectually understood we differed in our religions, I hadn’t given much thought to how it would affect us. He accepted my reluctance in going to church with him while in New Jersey, but did he process I would never step foot in a church to celebrate a holiday or religion I didn’t believe in? Even if he did, how would I feel not sharing fundamental beliefs and ideals with him? Would he understand that I wouldn’t want our children to celebrate Christmas?
“Caleb, you know I don’t observe Christmas, don’t you?” His eyes glazed over momentarily with what I’d describe as a moment of doubt, but then he returned to his glow.
“Christmas isn’t really a religious holiday and you don’t have to come to Mass. You can just enjoy the rest of it-spending time with family and giving gifts. You’ll love it.”
“If we lived together, are you going to want a Christmas tree?” Although I loved to drive around every winter to look at Christmas lights, I didn’t think I’d be comfortable having a tree in my home.
“We don’t have to, but you have to admit, they’re beautiful. Besides, it’s more of a seasonal symbol than a religious one.” He made a compelling argument, but the idea still made me wary. I decided to change the subject because I didn’t want to talk about our differences anymore. I didn’t want anything to stand in the way of us having our happily ever after.
“You’re right,” I lied. “I’m glad your family liked me, because I liked them, too.” I smiled at him and licked my lips. He always lost his train of thought at the sight of my tongue. What a guy.
As he caught my tongue darting over my lips, I saw arousal in his eyes and he adjusted in his seat. Unfortunately, my tactic didn’t take him off the subject of family completely.
“I met your parents through your brother, of course, but when are you going to introduce me to them as your boyfriend? I hoped we could have dinner with them,” he suggested.
That’s one of things I loved about Caleb. He really loved the idea of spending time with family. In fact, he talked about how much he missed his nieces and nephews. He’d make a great father one day.
“How about when I get back from Israel we go out with my parents and we can invite Seth and Emily, too?”
He smiled and nodded, appearing excited at the prospect of spending time with my parents.
Our dessert arrived and Caleb fed me bites of his rich chocolate cake, while I sipped on a cappuccino. I was stuffed from dinner and ready for a nap. Caleb had another idea.
We took a tour of the gardens hand-in-hand, while I babbled on about packing for Israel. Caleb stopped in front of bench and asked me to sit. I obeyed, not guessing what he intended.
“Sara, when I first saw your picture at your brother’s, I had to meet you. Then when I met you, I had to get to know you. Now that I know you, I never want to let you go.” Caleb got down on one knee and pulled out a small jewelry box, just like in the movies.
“I love you. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you happy. Sara, will you marry me?”
I had dreamed of this moment for twenty-nine years. Never did I ever imagine I’d respond like this.
“Caleb, I love you, but it’s a big decision and I need some time to think about it.”
His face crumpled in disappointment and for a second, I almost blurted out yes to avoid facing my guilt. But it would be worse if I changed my mind after accepting his proposal.
“I wish I could say yes right now, but I need to work out a couple things in my head before I can do that.”
“I understand. I shouldn’t have surprised you like this.”
“No, it was everything I ever dreamed and
more.” I took his hands in mine and stood, bringing him off of his knees. Then I put my hands on his face and brought his face to mine for a kiss.
“Don’t worry, Caleb. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. You know I have a hard time making my own decisions. This is one of the most important decisions of my life, and I need to do it on my own.”
“How much time do you need?”
“I don’t know. I can’t really tell you exactly.” I kept glancing at the ring. I could tell without putting it on it wouldn’t fit. Was that a sign?
“I think we should take a break, Sara.”
“I don’t want to take a break! I just need some time.”
“Maybe we both need to do some thinking. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t automatically say yes. I’m not sure how I feel about your need to think it over.”
“What are you suggesting?” I asked, worried Caleb would walk away from me forever.
“I just think we should spend time away from each other.”
“For how long?”
“I’ll pick you up from the airport when you get back from Israel,” he said bitterly. Even though he’d never voiced his opinion, I don’t think he wanted me going on a singles trip to Israel.
“Can we talk on the phone at least until I go?”
“Sure. I don’t know how to get through a day without talking to you.”
“I feel the same way.” Without Missy in my life, Caleb was my closest friend.
Caleb put his arms around me and gently kissed me. I didn’t want to say goodbye.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He nodded, refusing to look me in the eyes.
How should I phrase it so I wouldn’t offend him? “Do you remember the first time we kissed?”
Caleb eyebrows rose inquisitively. “Of course I do.”
