by Shelly Bell
“Remind me.”
“On our first date, before our walk. I’ll never forget our first kiss or any other firsts for that matter,” he said, grinning from ear to ear, obviously alluding to the first time we had sex.
At least that idea temporarily cheered him up. His response confirmed what I already surmised. Caleb was not my mystery kisser from my brother’s wedding.
That meant he was still out there.
Could I marry Caleb knowing full well there was someone out there who made me feel ... more?
Caleb again grew somber. “Why are you asking about our first kiss?”
I should tell him the truth. How could I lie to the man who just asked me to marry him?
“Just seeing if you remembered,” I lied and hugged him to me feeling the warmth of his body. Unfortunately, he stayed rigid in my arms, a sign of his undisclosed anger.
I wanted to call Missy and ask her to make this decision for me, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t have her to help me or tell me what to do. I kept Caleb’s proposal to myself, praying to God I’d find the answer waiting for me in Israel.
CHAPTER 24
JUNE 29, 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
WEIGHT: 188
STATUS: COMMITTED
I hate to fly. No, hate might not be strong enough a word for how I feel about flying. I didn’t always feel that way. As a child, my parents would take Seth and me to Florida every winter break and the airplane ride was one of my favorite parts of my vacation. I’d make my father buy a pair of headphones that plugged into the arm of my seat in order to listen to the Disney channel playing classics from The Jungle Book, Dumbo, and Snow White. Most of the time we didn’t even go to Disney World, but just hearing the music excited me for my trip. Then as I got older, I would bring my own disc player, in order to listen to more mature music like Madonna and Britney Spears as the plane both departed and approached the airports.
Now that the airlines insist all electronic devices be turned off and stored while taking off and landing, all I hear are the unknown noises the plane makes. Each one convinced me we were going to crash.
I usually took a Xanax to zone out, but since I have to change planes in New York, I had to come up with a different plan.
I had lunch in the airport lounge, mostly indulging in liquid spirits.
By the time I got on the plane, I was already flying high and takeoff was a breeze. I don’t think the lady sitting next to me appreciated my inebriated chatting, but I’d never see her again, so what did I care?
Landing was a different story. Even though the flight from Detroit to New York was under an hour, it was enough time for the alcohol to have worn off. No longer chatty, I dug my nails into what I assumed was my armrest. A shriek from the lady sitting next to me notified me my nails had actually penetrated her thigh.
Oops.
I spent the rest of the flight apologizing. At least that kept me from thinking about crashing.
I had three hours before my flight from New York to Tel Aviv. According to the letter I received from Jewish Federation, I was to meet the tour group at the gate at least an hour before takeoff.
Because I signed up late, I didn’t get the chance to go to the meet and greet that had been organized for the participants of the tour. All I got was an email with pages and pages of information and my airline tickets.
I took a train from Terminal 3 to Terminal 4 to get to El Al airlines. I had to go through Passport Control, where armed security guards grilled me on such details as where I was born, why I was going to Israel, and why was I going alone. The guard gave me a hard time about the fact if I was going with a tour, I shouldn’t be checking in alone, but I explained I hadn’t planned the trip.
Apparently, he didn’t approve of my sass because he pulled me aside for an additional security check. I was interrogated by another guard, who I could only guess was my new friend’s superior. After answering his questions, they sat me down to wait for FBI clearance.
The fact I had traveled alone placed me as a higher security threat. It didn’t escape my attention if I had checked in with a husband, I’d be at the gate right now, introducing myself to the forty people I’d be spending every waking moment with over the next ten days. I’d have to add that to my list of reasons to marry Caleb.
Apologizing for the delay, the guard assured me I had passed clearance and could now proceed to the gate. I had only thirty minutes before the flight departed. I begged them to drive me in one of those little electric carts to the gate, but they laughed at my request, thinking I was joking.
I had to run to make my flight. I tried not to pay attention to all the stares from the travelers as sweat poured down my face and my breasts bounced as though I didn’t wear a bra. I did, but because I’m so, well, large, I need to wear an additional sports bra if I’m planning to exercise. I definitely hadn’t planned on exercising today.
With ten minutes to spare, I arrived at the gate, expecting everyone to have boarded the plane. Instead, the gate was packed with waiting people because the flight was delayed. Now having some more time, I could freshen up before introducing myself to everyone. A familiar voice foiled my plan.
“What are you doing here?” Goldman asked me, apparently amused by my heavy breathing and sweaty face.
“What do you think I’m doing here, Goldman? I’m going to Israel on the single’s mission.”
“I thought you were no longer single,” he sneered, reminding me Caleb awaited my answer to his proposal back home.
Good thing I hadn’t told anyone about it.
“I’m still single.” I laughed, making eye contact with the others around us listening in on our conversation.
“Not for long from what I hear.”
“Listen, we’re going to be in close quarters for ten days. Why don’t we pretend we just met? Forget we can’t stand each other,” I proposed, delighted with my idea. Then he wouldn’t be able to use any inside information against me.
“Deal,” he said rather quickly. He stood and walked to me, extending his hand. “Hi, I’m Adam Goldman, and you are?”
“I’m Sara Friedman. It’s nice to meet you, Goldman,” I responded, shaking his hand.
He tightened his grip, using his thumb to massage my hand. “I prefer you call me Adam.” Tingles ran up my arm and straight to the places I didn’t want to tingle just now.
“Okay, Adam.” We held hands a moment longer than necessary before letting go. If I didn’t know him, I would say he just flirted with me.
“Let me introduce you to a few people. Sara, this is David, Alison, and Hannah. This is also their first time in Israel,” he informed me.
“I didn’t say this was my first time in Israel,” I reminded him with a smile. It’s easier said than done to pretend we didn’t know each other when we’d practically grown up together.
“I just assumed. Is this your first time visiting Israel?”
“Why as a matter of fact it is.”
“Where are you sitting on the plane?” Hannah asked me.
I looked at my boarding pass. “Seat 35C. What about you all?”
“We’re in 20 A and B,” Hannah said, referring to herself and Alison.
“Well this must be my lucky day because I’m in 35B,” stated David.
“What about you, Adam?”
“I’m in 25D.”
Adam did not appear pleased with his seating arrangement. I wondered if he already knew who he’d be sitting with on the flight.
“I’m going to run to the ladies’ room before we board. Do you guys want to come with me?” I asked Hannah and Alison.
“Yeah. Would you watch our bags?” Alison asked David and Adam.
“Sure, no problem. Why do girls always go to the bathroom together?” David asked.
“So we can gossip about the men we meet,” flirted Hannah, causing me to laugh for the first time in what seemed like forever.
After washing my hands in the restroom
, I washed down a Xanax with some tap water. Hannah and Alison watched me with a questioning gaze.
“It’s a Xanax to relax me on the plane. I’m not a good flyer, as the old lady sitting next to me on the flight here discovered.”
“Here. This should help, too,” said Hannah, pulling a small bottle of vodka she’d gotten past security.
“I’m not sure I should mix them.”
“We’ve got a ten-hour flight. You’ll just sleep it off.”
“I never sleep on planes.”
“Well then, you really need this because if you don’t sleep on the plane, you’ll never make it through the first day. We go immediately from the airport to the Doggy School for the Blind and the Water Treatment Plant before even getting to our hotel. You’ll definitely need to get some sleep on the plane,” Alison informed me.
“Wow, did you memorize the entire itinerary?” Hannah asked Alison.
“Yes. I’m Type A and a control freak. I also have a very good memory. I memorize everything without even trying. It comes in extremely handy sometimes.”
“Did you guys know each other before today?”
“We’ve been best friends for twenty years,” Hannah said.
Just like Missy and me they could practically finish each other’s sentences. I missed her so much it physically hurt to think about it. I felt grief, a loss, almost like she’d died. But I wasn’t on this trip to dwell on the past.
“We also know a lot of people coming on this tour. If you want an introduction, let us know.”
“Did you know Adam before today?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
They gave each other a look. They didn’t have to say a word because they knew what the other was thinking.
“We’ve seen him around at various events, but we’ve never met him before today. What do you think about him?”
“I, um, he seems nice.” For a moment, I almost confided in them we had known each other for years, but then I realized I liked sharing a secret with Adam.
“He seemed into you,” Alison said, while Hannah nodded.
“Well, um, I’m not here to pick anyone up.”
“Why? Do you have a boyfriend?” Alison asked.
I should have said yes and told them about Caleb. I wanted to leave all my worries in Michigan, so instead I answered, “No, no one special.”
“Then you should go for it. Just use this time to have a little fun. Don’t think too hard about it.”
Alison had a point. Not about Adam, but about allowing myself to have fun while I’m in Israel. After all, this might be my last chance to have a fling before marrying Caleb.
At the announcement our flight would begin boarding, we returned to our bags.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I need an aisle, so Adam agreed to switch seats with me. I hope we’ll get a chance to know each other better in Israel,” David flirted.
Alison and Hannah shared another one of their knowing smiles then looked at me as if to say “told you so.” I sent them a look which hopefully they’d interpret as “not gonna happen.”
“We’ll come visit you on the flight if you’re still awake,” Hannah said.
At least I’d have two friends in Israel. The idea of being alone in a foreign country terrified me. Not that I’d be alone since I was traveling with a group of forty people, but now, I wouldn’t feel alone.
I found my seat sat to Adam. I’d never been on such a large plane before and regardless of the Xanax and vodka, I felt a spike in my anxiety.
“Are you all right, Sara?”
I couldn’t speak. I shook my head and started taking deep breaths.
“Not fond of flying, huh?”
“No. That’s an understatement.” Then it occurred to me I had just admitted a weakness to him. “Please don’t tease me about it. Okay, Goldman?”
Anger flickered across his face. “I told you my name is Adam. Has Adam ever given you reason to think he’d be so cruel as to tease you?”
“No.” Still, I had a difficult time trusting him.
He took my hand in his and squeezed. “Hold my hand and if you get scared, just squeeze it, okay? I’ll try and talk you through it.”
I nodded, and continued to take deep breaths. Then a feeling of tranquility fell over me as the pill and alcohol began to work its magic.
“I took a Xanax and had a shot of vodka. I’m starting to feel a little better.”
“Yeah, well, you’re slurring your words. You probably shouldn’t have mixed the two,” he scolded. He lifted the armrest between us and set my head on his shoulder.
“Why don’t you take a little nap, Sara?” he advised.
A nap sounded like the perfect idea right then. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to stay awake if I tried.
When I woke, I discovered my head still resting on Adam’s shoulder, now damp from my drool. I lifted my head to discover him and the rest of the plane asleep. Thank goodness, I had been spared the embarrassment of Adam knowing I drooled like a baby on him.
“Sleep well?”
So much for escaping embarrassment.
“How long was I out?” Judging by the crick in my neck, I’d wager and say at least an hour.
He peeked at his watch and smiled. “You slept about five hours. You missed dinner, but I saved you a couple of things I knew you’d like.”
“Five hours!” Then another thought occurred to me. “Did I snore?”
His grin grew even bigger. “A little.”
“Oh my God, just kill me now.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else heard and even if they did, you snore cutely. You reminded me of a kitten.”
No one has ever compared me to a kitten. To say I was a bit surprised would be the understatement of the year.
Apparently my reaction embarrassed Adam, because he stammered, “Yeah, well, you don’t always snore like a kitten. On Passover, you snored like a lawn mower!”
“Oh there you are, Goldman! I knew you’d show up eventually!” I said sarcastically, angry he had broken our agreement five hours into the trip.
He had the decency to appear remorseful as he apologized. “You’re right. That was stupid of me to say. I’m sorry. I really want to start fresh with you on this trip.”
“Then you might want to stop insulting me. I have plenty of other people to hang around with this trip. I don’t have to spend any of my time with you!”
“I know, Sara. You always have someone else.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Forget I said anything. I’d like it if we could spend some time together in Israel. I want to prove to you I’m not the monster you think I am.”
“I don’t think you’re a monster,” I said unconvincingly.
“Then will you hang out with me in Israel?”
Before I could answer, Hannah and Alison stopped by our row.
“Hey, guys, how’s the flight going? Wasn’t dinner good for airplane food?” Alison asked.
“Oh, dinner! Didn’t you say you put some food aside for me?” I asked Adam, suddenly ravenous.
“I did!” He pulled out two rolls, some cheese, fruit, chocolate, and a can of diet coke. “Bon Appetit!”
“Ooh, Adam, you’re the best!”
I didn’t miss another knowing glance between Alison and Hannah. I was too hungry to care.
“We’re going to try and get some shut eye. Find us when we get off the plane,” Alison said to me, and they returned to their seats, leaving me to my smorgasbord of goodies.
I turned to Adam as I bit into a banana. For some reason his eyes flashed and he made a noise that sounded like a growl deep in his throat.
“Are you all right?”
He shook his head in disbelief and shifted in his seat. “Great, just great. I’m going to try and get a little sleep before we land.” He closed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest.
“Do you want to lean your head on my shoulder and drool on me? It’s only fair,” I offered.
One of his eyes opened to give me a quick peek. Then it closed again and he shook his head again. “No, that’s all right. I’m comfortable.”
He didn’t seem comfortable, but I wasn’t about to beg. I could tell the moment he fell asleep because his breathing became slower and deeper. I took the opportunity to watch him sleep. He looked sweet and innocent, almost like a child.
I tried to fall back asleep, but I found it impossible without the Xanax, and I needed to save that for the flight home. I read an entire book and watched half of a very bad movie I would have walked out of if I had been at the theater.
At some point, Adam’s head flopped over and rested right above my breast. It occurred to me he had intentionally landed there, but he kept on sleeping, unaware of his location.
I couldn’t help myself. I might never get the opportunity again. I let my hand wander into his hair and found it just as soft as I imagined.
The flight attendant’s voice announced we’d be landing, and that’s all it took to bring on one of my anxiety attacks. I closed my eyes and tried counting backward from one hundred, breathing deeply, and imagining a happy place. Nothing worked.
Adam woke and realized where his head had been resting. “Sorry. I didn’t mean ...” He noticed my obvious fear. “Sara, are you okay?”
“No. Don’t worry about me.” There was nothing he could do to help anyway.
“You told me you had a fear of flying, but I didn’t realize ...”
He put his arm around my back and had me lean into him. He took my hand. “Squeeze as hard as you need to.”
I pulled my hand away. “I almost broke Caleb’s hand. I better not.”
He muttered something I couldn’t make out under his breath and grasped my hand again. “I won’t break. Don’t worry about me. I can handle it.”
“Now, do you know how a plane flies?” He didn’t wait for an answer. By the time we landed, he had taught me a lesson on aeronautics, identifying and explaining each of the plane’s mysterious noises. Although I doubt I would remember it all, listening to his voice soothed me through the remainder of the flight, even if he made everything up.
