by Shelly Bell
“Better now?”
He kept my hand in his and it no longer felt comforting to me. Each finger touching mine sent electric currents throughout my body, and I shivered in response. My heart no longer raced from fear of flying or fear of crashing. My heart raced in sexual awareness of Adam.
I had a feeling I’d be soaring high and crashing low before my vacation ended, but not from an airplane. From the one man who could turn my life upside-down if I let him.
CHAPTER 25
JUNE 30, 2012
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL
WEIGHT: 188
STATUS: IT’S COMPLICATED
My first impression of Israel was it was too hot to be seven in the morning. As we lined up at passport control, my second impression was Israel was much more organized than the United States.
An hour later, we all had our suitcases and we boarded a luxury bus, complete with a bathroom. I sat with Adam, and Alison and Hannah sat in the row behind us.
“You know, we may not want to spend all of our time together. People might think we’re, um, a couple,” I said.
“Would that be so bad?”
“You don’t want to pass up an opportunity to meet someone. You know, like, a girl,” I chattered.
“What if I told you the only girl I want to get to know on this trip is you?”
I couldn’t tell if he was flirting or playing me. The Adam I knew would have me admit to being attracted to him just so he could turn me down. He had sworn they were starting anew, the past to stay in the past. Could I trust him?
I opened my mouth to clarify his statement, but someone pulled out a guitar and everyone started singing a song I hadn’t heard since summer camp in the eighth grade. In fact, riding in a bus with everyone reminded me of camp, except at camp we didn’t have an armed Israeli guard sitting in the last row of a bullet proof bus.
Personally, if some psychopath wanted to blow us up with a bomb, I don’t think one guard with a gun could prevent it.
After singing for a few minutes, the tour guide introduced himself as Moshe Mandelbaum and began a safety orientation. As per Israeli regulation, an armed guard and medic would accompany us throughout the tour. We were not to leave the group for any reason at any time or accept any gifts or packages from unknown people. He also cautioned against leaving a bag or purse unattended because apparently the Israeli army would blow it up before we even realized we had left it. Our bus had a GPS, which was monitored by the tour’s security team and each of our locations had to be cleared by the Israeli government.
When he finished his spiel, three others stood to introduce themselves as the organizers of the trip from Jewish Federation. I had never met any of them before, but I often saw their pictures in the Jewish News. Craig, Lanie, and Brian had been to Israel three times already and promised us an “amazing time.”
We had a short drive to our first stop of the day. After the introductions and orientation, I closed my eyes to get some sleep. Adam had other ideas.
“Why didn’t Missy come on this trip?”
I still hadn’t told anyone about my fight with Missy, but it seemed silly to lie to him, so I told him the truth. “She and I haven’t talked in a couple of months.”
My response had caught him by surprise. “What happened?”
“We got into a fight. I don’t want to talk about it.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and choked down the sorrow of Missy’s absence.
“If you change your mind, you can trust me, Sara. Maybe I could help,” he offered.
“I don’t think anyone can help, but thanks.”
“I’m sure Caleb was thrilled you two aren’t talking.”
“Why would Caleb be thrilled?”
“It was pretty obvious he didn’t approve of her sexual orientation.”
“He’s never said anything prejudiced to me,” I defended. I didn’t want to admit to Adam that even though Caleb hadn’t said anything outright against lesbians, I’d gotten the same impression as Adam.
“How are things going with him by the way?”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to know anything about him, remember?”
“Just answer the question, and I promise not to ask you anymore.”
“He asked me to marry him,” I admitted quietly.
“Did you say yes?”
I didn’t have the heart to point out he had just promised not to ask me any other questions.
“I told him I needed time to think. That’s what I’m doing here.”
He swallowed hard and took my hand in his. “Give me a chance, Sara.”
We arrived at our first stop of the tour. I felt overwhelmed by Adam’s request. I didn’t know what to say or do. I ignored it, pretending I didn’t hear it and left him behind while I clung to Hannah and Alison.
When we returned to the bus, he staked his claim and sat next to me again. I sighed in acquiescence, not wanting to cause a scene.
“Did I give you enough time to come up with an answer?”
I decided to play dumb. “What are you talking about?”
He gritted his teeth in anger over my lack of acknowledgement of his earlier request. “You and me. I’m sick of playing this game with you, Sara. It’s gone on for long enough.”
My heart slammed in my chest. “What game are you talking about, Goldman?” I said, trying to sound casual.
“Adam! Call me Adam! The game we’ve played since high school. Pretending we’re not attracted to each other. Pretending we’re not jealous when we see each other with a date,” he growled.
“Adam, I, uh ...” I couldn’t deny it. I looked out the window.
“Tonight, after our evening program, I want to talk to you. Alone. Would you come to my room?” he quietly asked.
I knew if I went to his room, we’d make love. I hesitated before answering, not because I didn’t know how to answer, but because I didn’t want him to think he’d won me over that easily. I turned to him. “Yes, I’ll come to your room.”
He smiled at me. “I’d get some rest right now, while you can.”
Heat spread throughout my body as I considered the implications of his words. I nodded and closed my eyes for the ride to our hotel.
I didn’t get one minute of sleep on the bus. Instead, I kept my eyes closed and considered all the reasons I shouldn’t go to Adam’s room. At the top of the list was Caleb. Even though we agreed we were taking a break, I cared for him. I was supposed to be in Israel deciding if I wanted to marry him or not.
Once I got to my room at the hotel, I quickly unpacked my toiletries and took a brief shower to wash the grime of travel off of me. I didn’t want to continue thinking about Caleb, but I couldn’t help it. I knew I should feel guilty over my plans with Adam for this evening. I didn’t.
Caleb would never know I cheated on him. If I said yes to his proposal, he’d be so happy he wouldn’t even care about what I did in Israel. If I said no, well, then it wouldn’t matter anyhow.
I could almost believe what was happening between Adam and I couldn’t be avoided even if I tried. I’ve wanted him for so many years I didn’t dare fight him on this. I needed to get him out of my system once and for all.
I sat with Hannah, Alison, and David at dinner, as well as two others introduced by Hannah as Lauren and Gabe. Alison and Gabe seemed to hit it off much to Hannah’s chagrin. I got the impression Hannah may have also liked Gabe. Meanwhile, David spent the entire dinner hitting on me. Adam sat on the other side of the room surrounded by a bunch of girls I hadn’t met yet.
I knew I had no reason to feel jealous. I considered going over to Adam and kissing him on the lips in order to mark my territory. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I felt jealous.
I leaned into David, laughing at his terrible jokes while making sure I touched his arm every now and then. I caught Adam’s eye, and he was not happy. In fact, I worried he might come over and punch out David.
That made me extremely pleased.
“Are you?” David asked. I must have missed his question, too engrossed in watching Adam to listen.
“Am I what?”
“Are you going to the meet and greet in the hotel bar? It’s optional, but everyone’s going.”
That would be the perfect time to sneak off to Adam’s room without anyone noticing.
“No, I’m going to get some sleep. The schedule has us up at six, and I need to get at least ten hours of sleep to catch up,” I lied.
“In fact, I’m going to head upstairs right now. I’m beat,” I said, loud enough for Adam to hear.
David looked disappointed, but he’d get over it. I said goodbye to my new friends and headed to my room. I got on the elevator, and Adam ran in right after me.
“I think you’re supposed to come with me,” he said, backing me against the wall of the elevator. He trapped me placing one hand on either side of my head and leaned to kiss me. Before our lips touched, the elevator door opened and an elderly couple came in with us.
I squeezed my thighs together to tamper down on my building desire, but all it did was cause it to spike higher. I was in serious trouble. He hadn’t even kissed me yet!
I could barely breathe, the sexual tension was so thick. As soon as the elevator door opened to his floor, he grabbed me and pulled me to his room. Flinging the door open, he yanked me into the room and slammed the door behind us. He turned around, stepping toward me and trapping me like a caged animal against the door of his room.
“You seem to have this thing about trapping me. Afraid I’m going to run away?” I teased.
“Yes,” he answered sincerely. Then the man I’ve fantasized about since childhood lightly pressed his soft lips against mine.
He sighed and deepened the kiss, using his tongue to lick my lips before slowly penetrating my mouth with his tongue. The taste of his mouth and the feel of him against me sent me reeling.
I recognized it.
I had dreamed of it for months.
I pulled away and placed my hands flat against his chest. “It was you. You kissed me at my brother’s wedding. Why?”
He must have known I’d figure it out, but my question still threw him for a loop. “I had the opportunity, and I took it.”
“Why didn’t you reveal yourself to me? Why kiss me in the dark?”
“I didn’t have the guts to tell you. I was afraid you’d reject me.” He brought me to his bed, and we sat on the edge, thigh to thigh.
“You? Afraid?” I said in disbelief.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since we watched A Nightmare on Elm Street, he admitted.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I think I knew you’d be it for me. I wasn’t ready for you. Instead, I pushed you away. Like a stupid kid pulling a pretty girl’s ponytail, I’d tease you just to get a reaction out of you. I figured you hating me was as close to you loving me as I was going to get.”
“But all these years ...” Adam’s declaration of his intense feelings for me confused me.
“That night at your brother’s wedding, I tried to tell you how I felt, but you were intoxicated, and then you swore to get married by next February ...” He paused and then revealed, “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date you on a time table.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to have to date you if it meant we had to be married within the year. It’s a lot of pressure.”
“Well imagine being the one to announce it to a room full of friends and family,” I retorted. “Then you’ll know pressure.”
“Sara?” he said quietly.
“Yes?”
He put his fingers on my lips. “Stop talking.”
That’s all I needed to hear.
He kissed me and shifted my body so that I sat on his lap facing toward him. I felt his erection against my leg and I sent a silent prayer to God he’d be as big as he felt.
He took his time trailing soft kisses across my cheeks, my eyes, my nose ... He moved on to nibble on my ear, swirling his tongue lightly inside, gently blowing in my ear each touch of his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, more sensual than the last. My clothes tightened against my skin as I began to feel an ache in my breasts and between my legs. I wanted, I needed, to feel his naked skin against mine. The world tilted on its axis, the room spinning around me while I instinctively ground my pelvis against his and moaned in arousal.
I craved more of him, and I took it by possessing his mouth with mine. I licked his neck, his ear, and discovered he’d involuntarily moan when I nipped the area above his collarbone.
We stopped to gaze into each other’s eyes trying to catch our breaths. His index finger worked its way down from my neck to my cleavage before he lifted my T-shirt off my body and unhooked my bra with ease, baring my breasts.
I expected his touch to change, to become more frantic, more urgent. He savored each moment, using his fingers to circle around my nipple until I quivered with need. He never took his eyes off of my face when he brushed his knuckles against my nipples, then using his fingers to tease them and roll them. Then he smiled as he dipped his head to tongue each one, lightly sucking and biting them until I thought I’d burst from pleasure.
I shadowed his movements, tugging off his shirt to touch his chest and run my fingers over his dark, flat nipples. To me, Adam epitomized masculinity with his broad shoulders and hairy chest. I felt intoxicated on his scent, a combination of sweet and spicy I recognized as uniquely Adam.
He flipped us over, so that he lay on top of me, face to face, returning to kiss me as though the world would end tonight. Each touch, each kiss ignited my senses and my body responded to it as if it belonged to Adam, waiting for his commands.
He kissed his way to my stomach, paying careful attention to my sensitive nipples, while thankfully ignoring my stretch marks that marked my body since puberty. Then I felt his hands on the button of my jeans and then on my legs as he removed my pants leaving me wearing only a pair of unsexy black panties. I didn’t have long to think about it, because Adam removed the very last barrier between him and my sex.
While a small part of me felt shy and uncomfortable at my vulnerability, the majority strained to feel Adam’s touch. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, lost in the bliss of his fingers parting me to find the spot that cried out for attention. Adam needed no lesson on a woman’s body, stroking me the way I had always dreamed of being stroked, my body responding the way I had always dreamed it would respond. He took his time figuring out how to please me by listening to the cues of my moans and cries of pleasure.
Adam took me to the edge of climax again and again. When I finally came, I experienced the most intense pleasure of my life.
I expected him to demand his due share, but he continued to caress me. Then, with no warning, I felt his tongue inside of me and then on my clitoris. I think my body shot a foot off the bed, causing him to laugh and lift his head.
“Is this okay?”
“Mmm Hmm,” I responded, unable to talk at the moment.
He continued to work me with his mouth and tongue, using every technique that my friends and I had discussed at Drag Queen Bingo. When his fingers delved inside to find the right spot, I came a second time so forcefully it brought tears to my eyes.
Adam rolled over to grab his wallet, taking out a condom.
“Would you like to put this on me?”
“Hell yes,” I exclaimed grabbing it out of his hand. Before I put the condom on him, I moved my hand up and down to do some exploring of my own.
“Sara?”
“Yes, Adam?
“You’d better put the condom on before I embarrass myself. I need to be inside of you,” he growled sexily.
I giggled as I put the condom on him.
We returned to him on top of me, gazing deep into my eyes as I spread my legs to welcome him into my body. We moaned in unison as Adam and I made love for our very first time. When he cried out my name as he climaxed, he took me with him.
&nbs
p; I had never come so many times in my life. My body felt sore and used and wonderful.
He whispered, “I love you,” before I fell asleep, unable to stay conscious a minute longer.
CHAPTER 26
JULY 1, 2012
ISRAEL
WEIGHT: 188
STATUS: IT’S COMPLICATED
We woke a couple times during the night to make love again, each time better than the time before. A ringing phone woke us at six in the morning advising us to be at breakfast by seven. According to our schedule, we’d leave the hotel at seven-thirty for the day’s events.
Adam and I faced each other, both of us smiling. I don’t think either one of us wanted to get out of bed.
“At least this time I got to wake up with you,” I murmured, giving him a playful peck on the cheek.
“What do you mean?”
“The morning after our Seder. I woke up and you were gone.”
He sat up. “I have to admit something to you. I never went to sleep that night.”
“Yes you did. Your breathing changed, and I could tell you were sleeping,” I told him as I sat holding the sheet across my naked chest.
“I was breathing deeply because I had you in my bed and there was nothing I could do about it,” he confessed. He stood, displaying his naked body unabashedly. “I watched you sleep for a couple hours while I sobered up, and then I drove home, hard as a rock, cursing myself for being such a wimp.”
“I’m flattered.” I stood and held the sheet against me.
He sauntered to me and yanked the sheet away. He started to pull me toward the shower.
“As much as I’d enjoy trying to get clean with you, I have to go back to my room. All my stuff is in there,” I reminded him.
“Fine, but after we get back today, move your stuff in here. Stay with me while we’re in Israel.”
I didn’t even want to think about the ramifications of spending seven solid days and nights with Adam. If I felt this strongly for him now, how much deeper would I fall before returning to our real lives? I couldn’t help myself. He loved me and wanted to be with me. I could only answer yes.
