Vision of Shadows

by Vincent Morrone

  My grip tightened on my book bag, and it was all I could do to keep myself from shaking.

  “Maggie,” I said, “listen. There’s just something about Payne…I don’t know how to describe it. I may be wrong. I hope I am, but I’d feel better knowing that you know I’m going to be alone with him. So, if something should happen, and I disappear, you tell my uncle what I told you. Okay?”

  Maggie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, and her mouth formed a perfect O. Her hand flew from her open mouth to her beating heart and then back again several times.

  “You think something might happen to you?” Maggie asked. “That’s crazy! I can’t believe…”

  “What do you mean you can’t believe?” I asked. “After what you just said to me about being worried about his intentions and his history? What was that all about?”

  “I was afraid he was going to pull the ‘can’t we just be friends’ card on you,” Maggie explained. “It never occurred to me you were really afraid of him.”

  I couldn’t believe it. What was it about this girl that made me keep putting my foot in my mouth? It must be the fact that she gotme to talk more than any other living—emphasis on living— person.

  “What did you mean by his history?” I asked.

  “Bristol, he’s had a rough life. I figured that was part of what you were talking to him about?”

  “Keep going,” I demanded.

  “You know,” Maggie answered, “about the car accident.”

  “What about my parents?” I asked.

  “Not your parents. Payne’s Mom was killed in an accident. He was thrown clear from the car and survived. But his Mom…” She shrugged and shook her head, unable to finish her sentence.

  Was it his mother’s grave he was visiting?

  “Okay.” I sighed. “I think I get some of what was going on. He hadn’t told me that part yet, but let’s just say I sensed something. I was just…misinterpreting things.”

  Maggie nodded. “Okay, I’ll leave it at that, but listen. Blackburns and McKnights have a long history, and it’s not a good one. Be careful. Call me tonight and tell me what happened. Okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Really, Bristol,” Maggie said. “Call me. Tell me.”

  I could tell she wasn’t looking for gossip. She was just trying to be a good friend.

  Looking her straight in the eye, I said, “I promise to call. As for telling you, if it’s private, I may not be able to give you details. But I’ll do my best.”

  “Okay, good,” she said as she headed for the door. “But if today ends with any kind of kissing that involve two sets of lips, I want details! No excuses.”

  She wiggled her eyebrows one last time and ran out the door.

  * * * *

  “I don’t like it.”

  I was in my room, getting ready for my rendezvous with Payne. Obviously, I wasn’t alone.

  “Really, Jay, I’m sure everything is going to be all right,” I said while I tried to decide what to wear. I needed something a bit more comfortable to move in while with Payne. And I guess I wanted to try to look nice for him at the same time. I don’t know why, since there was absolutely no chance of anything romantic happening between us. Guys like Payne didn’t kiss girls like me.

  “Bristol, are you listening?” Jay asked. “I don’t want you to go.”

  Jay had heard me telling Maggie about my scheduled meeting with Payne and was worried. He waited until we were alone to approach me.

  “I’m listening,” I said. “And I think you’re sweet for caring, but I’m sure everything will be fine. Besides, Maggie knows where we’re going, so if I should suddenly disappear…”

  “If you should suddenly disappear…” Jay interjected while lying on my bed. “Are you listening to yourself, darling? There would be a very excellent chance the good sheriff will be able to arrest Payne for your murder, but you’ll still be dead.”

  I stopped brushing in mid stroke and met his eyes in the mirror. “Yeah, I get that but…I’ll be fine.”

  “Then why are you worried about being alone with Payne?” Jay asked. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  “There’s nothing to tell,” I insisted. “Look, you’re worrying for nothing. I’ll be fine.”

  Jay looked unconvinced. “No, darling, I don’t think you should go. Stay with me.”

  “I promised Payne I’d meet him.” I sighed. “Now turn around.”

  “What for?”

  “I want to change my top,” I said, pulling out a soft pink blouse that showed off my attributes a little without being overly obvious. “C’mon now, turn.”

  “Is that really necessary considering the circumstances?” Jay asked as he passed a hand through the wall near him. “It’s only me, darling.”

  “I don’t care that you’re a ghost,” I said as I twirled my finger. “I am not letting you watch me get changed. Now turn or disappear.”

  With a heavy sigh, Jay closed his eyes and turned away. I quickly changed tops, keeping an eye on him. He might be dead, but he was still a guy.

  When I was done, I moved over to the table where I kept my makeup. I didn’t really wear much on a regular basis, but for special occasions I put a little on. Did meeting a smoking hot guy, who may or may not murder you, to try to talk to the ghost of his cousin count as special enough for eyeliner or lipstick?

  “I don’t know why you’re bothering with that stuff, darling,” Jay said.

  “I guess you’re right. A little lipstick isn’t going to help, is it?”

  Jay came to stand before me. He was so close I would have felt his body’s heat, if he had a body. He looked me in the eyes and something deep within my heart twitched.

  “That’s not what I meant, darling,” he said. “You just don’t need it. You have no idea how beautiful you really are.”

  I felt my cheeks flush. I broke eye contact, unable to keep looking and see the raw attraction there. It was not only flattering and embarrassing, but it was also deeply sad. Jay was so young. Whenever it was that he had died, something he had yet to share with me, he was too young to have ever married. I wondered if he’d ever really fallen in love.

  “I’ll be fine,” I insisted again. “I’m supposed to meet him at four.”

  Jay sighed. “Then you better get a move on.”

  With a huge sigh and an unbelievable amount of apprehension, I waved goodbye and shut off the lights to my room.

  * * * *

  I walked along the stream, trying to ignore the battle of butterflies going on in my belly. As if meeting with Payne McKnight wasn’t bad enough, I was about to attempt to talk to a ghost in front of him. I never thought in my life that I would ever do such a thing. I learned at a very early age that speaking to the dead was something to be kept private, because as far as the living were concerned, it was really freaky.

  I found Payne waiting for me in the spot where I had seen his cousin yesterday. The little boy whom Payne called Jared was nowhere to be found, nor was his dog named Eli.

  “Hi,” he said. “I’m glad you came.”

  “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

  “I figured you’d show. I got a pretty good feeling of the type of person you are.”

  “Oh? Which type is that?”

  Payne took a step closer and I tingled. “The amazing kind,” he said, looking into my eyes with that melt my heart stare. “The kind that is willing to reveal her secret because it means so much. The type with a very beautiful heart and soul.”

  “So, I have a beautiful heart and soul, huh?” I wondered if that was the first sign Maggie was right. That Bristol Blackburn sure has a beautiful heart and soul, but she’s kinda plain to look at.

  Payne reached out and fiddled with my hair, and my mind filled with images of visions I’d had of us over the years. How his fingers would start in my hair and then slowly go elsewhere.

  “Among other things,” Payne said. “I could stand here and look into your
eyes all day.” Payne kept gazing at me, never breaking eye contact. As each second ticked away, I felt more and more wobbly.

  Finally, I backed away a few inches. “This isn’t going to help,” I explained.

  Payne nodded. “Sorry,” he muttered with a grin. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear there was a twinge of regret on his face that we were here to do more than ogle each other all day.

  Payne sighed as he looked around at our surroundings. “So what do we do? Should we call his name? Light candles? Is there a ritual?”

  “No.” I smiled. “That’s just stuff from the movies. If he feels like showing up, he will. It might help if we’re thinking about him, but no promises.”

  Payne nodded. “I know you can’t guarantee anything. And I do appreciate your coming here to try. It means a lot.”

  “By the way, about Maggie, I told her we were talking about some private family stuff,” I explained. “Just in case she says something to you.”

  Payne smiled. “Why didn’t you just let her think that we were meeting for a good make out session?”

  My eyes opened wide at the suggestion. “Oh my God! Because we’re not. And I didn’t want to lie. Besides, who would believe me?”

  Payne walked toward me, this time with a gleam of mischief in his eyes. “You don’t think I’m someone you’d like to kiss?”

  Okay, now I was getting very warm and flustered and more than a bit queasy. “Uh, no. I mean… yes. Of course you are… I mean… Ah!” I snapped. “That’s not what I meant and you damn well know it.”

  I expected Payne to laugh, but instead he just got closer—and I’m talking reallyclose—and started twirling my hair again.

  “Then what did you mean?” he asked.

  I stared up at him, determined not to gulp or babble. “I meant a girl like me doesn’t usually get a guy’s attention, especially a guy like you.”

  Payne listened and didn’t say anything, but the finger he had used to twirl my hair was now softly stroking my face. I was having one of those Oh, dear Lord moments. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back an inch. “So, why don’t we talk about Jared?”

  Payne nodded. “Why don’t we?”

  “I saw him wearing the same cap as in your picture,” I said. “Plus a T-shirt that matched. Were the Giants his favorite baseball team?”

  “Football. Not baseball,” he corrected.

  “But he was wearing a baseball cap.”

  “Well, football helmets are really uncomfortable for casual wear,” he responded. “Now, if it had been a party…”

  “Uh huh,” I said. “You are kidding, right?”

  “I should be asking you,” Payne answered.

  “Tell me about Jared. You were close?”

  Payne suddenly looked uncomfortable and that feeling of guilt rolled off him again. “Yes, we were. He was younger than I was. He kind of… I don’t know…”

  “He looked up to you,” I said. “Like an older brother?”

  “Maybe,” Payne answered. “Maybe more. His father died a few years earlier. My grandfather told my father to look out for Jared. Which meant it fell to me. My dad’s not really someone…” Payne thought better of finishing whatever thought was on his mind. “Point is, Jared kind of followed me around like his puppy followed him. And it could be kind of cool, but I was twelve when he vanished. I guess there were times I just wanted to be without a ten-year-old shadow. I had stuff of my own to deal with and… you get it.”

  I took his hand. “You were a kid. You hung out with him, but you needed your own space. It’s normal. You were never cruel to him.”

  Payne looked into my eyes. “How do you know that, Bristol? How can you possibly know if I was cruel or kind to him?”

  “Payne, it’s not in you to be cruel to a child who looked up to you.”

  Payne smirked. “I can be a piece of work.”

  “I’ll bet,” I said.

  “I’ve never met anyone like you before in my life,” Payne said.

  Now it was my turn to grin. “Yeah, girls who talk to ghosts are rather unique.”

  “That’s not what I mean,” Payne insisted. “You’ve never told anyone about your secret before, have you?”

  I didn’t answer, but I didn’t need to.

  “I cannot begin to tell you how touched I am,” Payne said. “Not only that you’re helping me, but also that you trust me. I know how big a deal it is.”

  “It’s not.” I shrugged. “Not really.”

  Payne touched my cheek, and my skin tingled underneath his fingers. “It is. Bristol, you’re braver than I am.”

  I looked up into Payne’s magnificently dark blue eyes and saw it. The emotion that I always saw in my Payne loves me dreams. It was the look in his eyes he got when we were making love, or at least would get if we ever did. There was a connection between us that went beyond anything I’d ever known. I knew Payne could feel it, too.

  Payne brought his other hand up, gently caressing both sides of my face. In that moment there was no doubt he would kiss me. I was ready. I didn’t care about anything else.

  When I heard the laughter from behind me of a little boy, it took me a second to blink back into reality. I backed away, and Payne’s face fell.

  “We’re not alone,” I explained.

  Jared McKnight had appeared, his little dog sitting obediently by his feet, its tail whipping back and forth. Jared had his hands by his eyes as if ready to cover them. A huge smile was plastered on his face.

  “I can’t believe Payne was gonna kiss a girl!”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. Well, he was!

  It took Payne a few moments to realize what I was talking about. “He’s here? Now?”

  “Yup.” I nodded. “And his dog.”

  “Are you Payne’s girlfriend?” Jared asked. “Do you guys, like… kiss all the time?”

  “No, that would have been the first,” I explained, feeling quite ridiculous. “Payne is really here for you.”

  “Why?” Jared said. “I don’t want to kiss him!” He started to howl with laughter.

  “Ask what happened,” Payne demanded. “Ask him where his body is.”

  Jared looked startled at Payne’s statement. It looked like he might fade away.

  “Jared, please don’t go,” I implored. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”

  Payne turned to me, confused. I signaled to take it down a notch.

  “Has Payne kissed a girl before?” Jared asked, his humor returning.

  “I don’t know,” I answered. Then looking at Payne and realizing that he’d probably tripped over all the girls throwing themselves at his feet, I decided to amend my answer. “Probably, but I’m not asking him that.”

  “Asking me what?” Payne said. I ignored him.

  Jared started to move around, his puppy trailing behind him. He was watching me with both amusement and suspicion. Often times, spirits didn’t wish to talk about what killed them. It was a very unpleasant memory. Sometimes it’s completely blocked out, or they simply didn’t know.

  “Can you ask Payne a question for me?” Jared said.

  “Anything you want. What would you like to know?”

  “How’s my mom?” Jared asked. “She must be lonely. And ask him about Cooper, too. I miss him.”

  I turned to Payne, who was trying very hard to be patient. “Payne, Jared would like to know how his mother and Cooper are doing.”

  Payne nodded. “Tell him…”

  “You can just tell him,” I said. “He can hear you even if you can’t hear him.”

  Payne continued, “Well, Cooper is fine. He misses you like crazy, but he’s playing baseball and going to school. He still goes to see your mom. As far as your mom, um… your mom is okay. She uh…”

  Payne looked to me, unsure of how to proceed

  “Just be honest,” I urged. “He needs the truth.”

  Payne seemed to steady himself. “Jared, she’s still grieving. Still pr
aying for a miracle that you’ll turn up, even though she tells me that she knows in her heart you’re gone. I try to look out for her, but she hasn’t ever been the same. She loves you so much…” Payne was unable to continue.

  Jared sat on the ground. His very hyper puppy seemed to sense he was upset and nuzzled into his arm.

  “I miss her, too,” Jared said. “I was supposed to do some stuff like paint the fence and clear the yard. Me and Cooper were gonna do it. I kept putting it off.” Jared raised his head to look at me. “Do you think she’s mad at me for not getting it done?”

  “Oh, sweetie,” I said. “Of course not. She doesn’t care about the fence or the yard. She loved you.”

  “Jared,” Payne interjected, “the fence got painted. The yard is done. Me and Cooper get together every year in the fall and rake her leaves, every summer to cut her grass. We take care of her.”

  Jared smiled at Payne. It was a smile that conveyed so much love and gratitude that I wished Payne could have seen it.

  “I wish there was something I could do for her though,” Jared said.

  And that was my cue. I moved closer to Jared and sat down next to him. “Jared,” I said. “There is something you can do. If you’re up for it.”

  Jared knew what was coming, but he didn’t fade away. I decided that meant he was ready.

  “No one knows what happened,” I said. “Because of that, your Mom can’t stop looking. You heard Payne. She believes in her heart that you’re gone. She can feel it. Because when you died, a part of her died as well, but no one knows where your body is.” I stopped a moment to let him absorb what I had said. Once again, he listened and remained unmoving. I couldn’t help but admire the courage this young boy was showing. I had seen adult spirits that broke rather than face the reality of their own demise.

  “Jared, if there’s any way you can talk to us about what happened,” I urged. “Any way to help us bring your mom some sort of closure.”

  Jared picked up his puppy and hugged him close to his chest, rocking back and forth.