Carrying the King's Pride

by Jennifer Hayward

  On the fifteenth morning of bitterly fought debate, he used his veto power at Council to dismiss military action and announced an international peace summit would be held in Akathinia in two weeks’ time to discuss the Carnelian situation. Idas would be invited, but it would proceed regardless of whether he attended. Nik was banking on the fact the international community would have his back, particularly those powerful nations with whom Akathinia had colonial ties.

  His veto in place, he dissolved the council and went home. Enough talk had happened. It was time to end this.

  * * *

  Dinner with Nik’s family was a painful affair. Another day of negotiations about the Carnelian situation had meant another day without Nik, and with Stella out on a date, it had been just her and the king and queen at the table. As soon as dessert was served, she excused herself and climbed the stairs to bed, exhausted and miserable.

  She knew she should try to sleep. She needed the rest. But she knew she wouldn’t, so she headed instead to her studio to work.

  The dress she’d been working on, a chic blue silk knee-length design, cut on the bias and forgiving for her thickening middle, beckoned from the table, pieces cut out and ready to be assembled. But the excitement she’d felt earlier for the dress didn’t spark her usual creative urge.

  How could she feel inspired when her relationship with Nik was falling apart? When he had spent the past two weeks avoiding her, saying no more than a handful of words to her before he resumed working or passed out, exhausted. Only one night had he woken her to make love to her. Once he had assuaged his frustration, he had slept again, leaving her emotionally and physically distanced.

  Which was what he was doing. Distancing himself from her, shutting her out. She understood he was stressed, under immense pressure, but the unraveling of all the work they’d done broke her heart. What kind of a partnership, as he liked to call it, did they have when he wouldn’t turn to her when he needed her the most? When he wasn’t there for her?

  Her vision clouded over. She blinked as hot liquid stung the backs of her eyes. Outside in the glittering harbor, lit up at night, the expensive yachts hosted million-dollar parties even as Nik struggled to prevent a conflict with Carnelia. She could tell herself he was leading Akathinia through its toughest times. That she couldn’t expect them to be perfect right now. But she knew even when he figured this out, which he would, there would be another issue to take its place. And another. And he would continue to shut her out every time. Compartmentalize her.

  It wasn’t enough anymore, she realized. She couldn’t settle for a partnership. She wanted more. She wanted all of him. She couldn’t spend her days waiting for him to decide he cared. She’d done that her whole life with her mother. She wouldn’t do it with him.

  Desperate for a familiar voice, she picked up her cell phone and called Katharine. The call went to voice mail. She tossed the phone on the table and looked back out at the night.

  “You should be in bed.”

  She spun around at Nik’s deep baritone. He stood just inside the door, his jacket draped over his shoulder, leaning against the frame.

  “It’s not midnight,” she noted, hating the bitter tone in her voice. “Was everyone passing out at the table?”

  He eased away from the wall, tossed his jacket on a table and walked toward her. “I’ve called a summit of international leaders for two weeks’ time in Akathinia. There will be no military action.”

  “You used your veto power?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” She twisted a chunk of her hair around her finger as he stopped in front of her. “I am sure the international community will band behind you.”

  “That is the hope.”

  Silence fell. He reached out and ran his thumb across her cheek. She flinched away from his touch, her chin coming up.

  A blaze of fire sparked in his eyes, but he banked it down. “You look exhausted, agapi mou. Is it the baby?”

  A surge of fury bubbled up inside of her. She shook her head, attempting to contain it. Nik narrowed his gaze on her. “What?”

  She yanked in a breath in an attempt to find calm, but it all came tumbling out. “You shut me out as if I don’t exist for two weeks, while I worry about you, while I worry about what’s going to happen, then you waltz in here and ask me why I look tired? Why I’m not myself? Did you ever stop to think at any point in this crusade of yours what this is doing to me, Nik? Did you even care?”

  His jaw hardened. “I told you this was going to be all consuming. That I wouldn’t be home much.”

  “All consuming? You haven’t said ten sentences to me. You’ve tuned me out like the unnecessary complication you like to view me as instead of that partnership you offered.”

  “Would you prefer I woke you at midnight to give you an update?”

  “Yes. At least I’d know you were okay. Instead I’ve relied on Abram to tell me how my fiancé is holding up.”

  Something she couldn’t read flickered in his eyes.

  “Unless,” she amended, “it had been the two or three nuggets you chose to enlighten me with before you used me to assuage your frustration.”

  The glitter in his eyes sparked into a dangerous blue flame. “You were wholly into that, Sofía.”

  “Yes, I was. I wanted to comfort you, to connect with you so desperately, Nik, I would have done anything to make you feel better. Including letting you use me for sex.”

  He stepped closer, clenching his hands by his sides. “I did not use you for sex.”

  “Then what was it? Me comforting you the way I do it best?”

  His lashes lowered. “I told you there would be difficult times. Times we had to get through together.”

  “Together being the operative word. Since then, you have demonstrated how that will work for us. How you will let me in when it pleases you to, then shut me out when you decide I’m getting too close.” She lifted her chin. “It was never a real offer of intimacy, was it? I was just too stupid to figure it out.”

  “I have let you in.”

  “You think you’ve let me in. I’m sure you’d call it a superstar effort. But your fixation on proving yourself, on demonstrating to your father how wrong he is about you, how you have this all under control, leaves you with nothing left over for me or anything else.”

  His face tightened. “I am focused on preserving this country’s freedom. My father has nothing to do with it.”

  “Really?” She shook her head. “I suggest you think long and hard on that. Because to me you’re becoming more like him every day. You’re becoming just as dictatorial, just as obsessed about the end goal. And to hell with everyone and everything in between.”

  His face tightened. “I could question your own selfishness, Sofía. Now is the time for you to be supporting me, when this country is in the biggest crisis of its history. And what are you doing? Giving me grief about paying attention to you.”

  A strangled sound left her throat. She threw her hands up in the air. “And what happens when the next crisis comes? And the next? Life is never going to be simple for us. You said that yourself. You asked me to stand beside you, to do this together. I have done that, Nik. I am playing queen-to-be to the very limits of my ability. But if you can’t let me in, if I’m doing this by myself, it isn’t going to work. I will not commit myself to a marriage, to a life with a man who isn’t willing to share himself.”

  “You cannot claim these are ordinary circumstances, Sofía. The other things will be manageable.”

  “Not with you. You will compartmentalize me every time you need to. Bring me out to play when you so desire.”

  He blew out a breath. Turned to look out the window. When he looked back at her, his eyes were glazed with exhaustion. “You’re being unreasonable. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.�
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  She bit her lip, desperately resisting the hot tears that blanketed her eyes. “I’ve spent enough of my life alone, Nik. Craving the love I never got. I won’t do it with you. I won’t put our child through a marriage, a life where I am miserable. You can’t even manage a relationship with me, let alone a child.”

  His mouth flattened. A tear rolled down her cheek. He cursed and reached up to brush it away, confusion, wariness, darkening his eyes. “Sofía—”

  “Yes, that’s right,” she interrupted. “I’m in love with you, Nik. I realized I was in love with you in Evangelina. And you knew it. You have cleverly leveraged it to get what you want and I have played right into your hands.”

  His gaze dropped away from hers. Her heart broke apart at the unspoken admission. He had known. And somehow that made it so much worse.

  “Make up your mind,” she said quietly. “Figure out whether you actually have a heart, Nik, and you can share it with me. Or let me go. It’s your choice.”

  The damaged look in his eyes as he raised his gaze to hers tested her resolve. “I know you’re damaged, Nik. So am I. But I’ve stopped using that as an excuse to run away from how I feel.”

  She left him there and went to bed. It felt good to put an end to the misery. To know it wouldn’t continue. If he rejected her now, at least she’d know. At least she’d save herself a lifetime of pain. And really, how much more could it hurt?

  A whole hell of a lot more, her bruised insides told her. It was just beginning.

  * * *

  His confrontation with Sofía raging in his head, Nik avoided the whiskey bottle that had been calling to him a little too much lately and sought out fresh air instead. The palace gardens were quiet and peaceful, the night air crisp and clean. Unlike the frantic activity of the day with gardeners and machines buzzing relentlessly to keep the showpiece intact, the carefully manicured slice of heaven that covered ten acres was silent now, except for the breeze that came off the sea and rustled the leaves on the trees.

  There was a place on the outskirts of the gardens, a lone bench that faced the sea, where he and Stella used to come when they were kids to escape their father’s wrath. He headed toward it, found it unoccupied as it always was and lowered himself onto the worn wood, splaying his long legs out in front of him.

  He rested his head against the back of the bench and closed his eyes. But the usual peace did not come. He couldn’t deny every word Sofía had said was true. That he had known she was in love with him; that he had leveraged it for his own purposes. He had compartmentalized her to fit into his life because that was the only way he could operate. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but he had accepted that particular transgression weeks ago. Forgiven himself for it.

  But tonight, watching how miserable she was, when for a few weeks in time she had been so happy, tore him apart inside. He wanted her to be happy. Needed her to be happy after everything she’d gone through. He had promised he would be here for her, promised he would ensure that happiness, and then the Carnelian crisis had blown everything apart.

  And that was a lie. He knew it as soon as the thought entered his head. Idas taking that ship, going back on their agreement, had made him question everything. Himself, the leader he’d become, whether he’d made the right choices, whether he was cut out to be king. But he’d made the decision to distance Sofía before that. When she’d gotten too close. When his feelings for her had become too strong.

  Because making himself vulnerable, opening himself up fully to her, had meant abandoning his defenses, something he couldn’t do because he wasn’t actually sure he could function without them. Wasn’t sure Sofía would even want what he had left inside. Wasn’t even sure what was there anymore, he’d been closed off for so long.

  He stared sightlessly out at the dark shadow of the water, the ironic truth of it all settling over him. He had been afraid. He had allowed fear to rule him while defiantly brave Sofía had taken every jump he’d asked her to. A woman he was afraid he’d been in love with for a long time.

  He craved the peace she gave him. Knew she had the potential to heal the wounds inside of him. As she had done so again and again over the past few weeks, pulling him out of the darkness, steadying his path, convincing him to follow his heart. But he needed to pull his country back from the brink first. Solve this thing with Idas. Then he would address his relationship with Sofía.

  The question was, did he have the capacity to offer her all of him? Or would he destroy her by making her stay?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “THE FIRST CAR will be here in thirty minutes, sir.”

  Nik turned to nod at Abram, who had appeared on the palace steps behind him. “Keep me posted.”

  With a dip of his head, his aide disappeared inside. Nik turned back to the sun-soaked harbor, bounded by the two Venetian fortifications that had once protected Akathinia from seagoing marauders. He was hoping today the international community would join forces to repel a very real and current threat to Akathinia’s freedom in Carnelia.

  Idas had, as expected, elected not to attend the peace talks, so the world would judge him in absentia.

  He rubbed a hand to his pounding temple, operating on just about zero sleep after spending the past two weeks personally calling each and every one of the twenty-five world leaders in attendance today to persuade them to take the time out of their busy schedules to attend.

  His gamble had paid off. A playground for the world’s rich and famous, Akathinia was too bright a jewel of the Mediterranean, with too many colonial ties for its instability to be disregarded. All he had to do now was convince these powerful men to put their support on the table.

  “They will be here soon?”

  He turned to find his father making his way through the open front doors, moving slowly with his walking stick.

  He nodded. “The first in thirty minutes.”

  His father stopped beside him, leaning heavily on the stick. “It is remarkable what you have done, Nikandros. I did not think this would happen.”

  What usually would have evoked bitterness, this inability of his father to believe in him, bounced off Nik without hitting its mark. He had been through too much these past few months, had endured too many highs and lows to continue to let it hurt. He knew what he was doing today was right. He was secure in his mind as the leader of this country. He only hoped it would wipe away the mistake he had made with Idas.

  His father rested his gaze on him. “You have always been able to see the bigger picture. It is why you were successful in New York. In attracting the world to Akathinia. It’s what you are building on today. Your connections, the relationships you have forged with these countries. It isn’t something I nor Athamos could have done nearly as well.”

  “The world would not have abandoned Akathinia in its time of need.”

  “Perhaps not.”

  “It’s not done yet. We could walk away from this with nothing.”

  “But you won’t. The most powerful men in the world have not traveled here today to say they will not support you.”

  He surely hoped not.

  His father fixed him with his steely blue gaze. “My grief has ruled me these past weeks. My anger. It is very easy to feel nothing but rage when your flesh and blood is taken from you. But I apologize if I have failed you, Nikandros. Not just now but in the past. You will learn, are already learning, that being a king is not easy. It will ask things of you you aren’t prepared to give. Demand you make choices. Sometimes you will not always make the right ones.”

  How those words resonated in this moment. He fought the tightness in his chest at an apology issued decades far too late, resting his gaze on his father’s. “I think I will make different choices. But I understand the complexity now perhaps much better than I did.”

  His father incline
d his head. “I have always had equal respect for both my sons, but I fear I have not always shown it in the right way. Perhaps not much at all.”

  The fist in his chest grew. “That is in the past.”

  “Yes. Good luck today. I have every confidence you will be coming to me with good news.”

  Nik blew out a breath as his father leaned heavily on his stick and shuffled inside. Even when he’d told himself his father’s opinion hadn’t mattered, it had. It always had.

  * * *

  Sofía smoothed her hands over her hips as she surveyed her appearance in the mirror, a month’s work staring her in the face.

  Her dress. Her design. It was like exposing her insides to the world and hoping they loved her.

  She turned to Stella. “What do you think?”

  “Wow.” The princess’s gaze widened. “You look hot. Perfect, sophisticated, pregnant, queen-to-be hot.”

  Her stomach tightened. If she was to be queen. It had been two weeks since her and Nik’s blowout. Two weeks since she had tossed her ultimatum in his face and her heart along with it. Two weeks in which he hadn’t touched her, had spent all his time working on this summit while she worried they were done.

  She bit her lip. “You’re sure about the dress? If there’s any doubt in your mind, I’ll wear Francesco’s.”

  Stella poked her in the shoulder. “There is no doubt in my mind. You are amazingly talented. Now grab your bag. We’re late.”

  They were indeed late as they met the event liaison in the lobby of the palace for the photo op, to be followed by lunch with the wives of the foreign leaders. The buttoned-up, stern-looking woman frowned at them. “Everyone is gathered outside already.”

  “So we make a grand entrance,” Stella came back mischievously, hooking her arm through Sofía’s.

  Sofía smiled through her misery as she and Stella stepped out into the bright Akathinian sunlight, the gods electing to greet their international guests with the country’s usual golden splendor instead of the bizarre rain they’d had for the past week. Stella tugged her to a halt halfway down the steps. “Show off your dress.”