by Leslie Gould
Zane chuckled. “It’s good to see you too.”
Simon had grown. He was taller than Zane, and he’d filled out. He’d never be as big as his Dat, but he definitely took after that side of the family. His hair curled a little on his forehead and although he wore Amish clothes—the barn pants, the shirt, and suspenders—his hair was no longer in a bowl cut. Zane imagined that Simon would take full advantage of his Rumschpringe.
“So how’s the Army?” Simon asked.
“Oh, well, you know. It’s there.”
“So, are you finally all that you can be?” Simon grinned.
Zane laughed. “Jah. Pretty much.” He hesitated. It felt weird not to tell Simon about shipping out to Afghanistan. Simon had always idealized the Army and had grilled Zane’s dad through the years about his experiences in Iraq.
“You have a birthday coming up, right?” Zane said to Simon.
“Yep. I’ll be eighteen, next week. Adulthood here I come!”
Zane chuckled. “So you have big plans, I take it.”
Simon beamed. “Boy, do I.” He sighed and said, “I’d love to stick around but I’d better get going—against my better judgment. Rose is cooking tonight.”
“Say it ain’t so,” Zane joked.
Simon stood and then grinned. “Some things have changed since you left, but not everything. If anything Rose is feistier than ever—and not any better of a cook.”
“It’s good to see you,” Zane said, wrapping one arm around Simon.
“You should come down and see everyone.”
Zane shrugged.
“We’ve missed you,” Simon added, his voice skipping just a little. “All of us.”
Zane slapped his friend’s shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t say any more. The last thing he wanted was to show his emotions. “I’ll definitely see you again before I go.”
As Simon headed to the door, Zane walked with him and then waited on the porch. Simon turned around and pointed to the lights on the roofline. “Nice, huh?”
Zane cocked his head. “Did you put those up?”
Simon grinned. “Jah.”
“Denki,” Zane said, truly meaning it, erasing the image of his father on a ladder from his mind. Simon had always connected with Dad. Zane had been the odd one out.
He watched as Simon disappeared into the field. It was completely dark and overcast. No moon, not even a star shone through. Zane was sure Simon knew the way by heart though.
Zane was pretty sure he did too, but he wouldn’t go that way. He didn’t want to walk through the field or get that close to the old fort or go eat at the Plain Buffet on a Thursday or Saturday night. It was hard enough to fight his memories as it was.
He pulled the two nickel-size pieces of green jasper from his pocket. He’d found the stones, smoothed by time and water, down by the creek before he left for basic training. He’d kept them with him ever since. He’d take them to Afghanistan with him too. They were as close as he wanted to get to the past.
The next week, Zane hung out with Adam. They cleaned out the barn and the old chicken coop. Got chocolate cones at the creamery in Strasburg. Rode the train. On the day before Zane planned to leave, they went into Lancaster and had lunch with their dad while their mom was Christmas shopping. After Dad introduced Zane around the office, Zane couldn’t help but notice the photo on his father’s desk. It was of the two of them, taken after boot camp graduation. While his father had been proud of him, Zane was simply thankful he’d survived in one piece.
That afternoon, when they returned home, Rose brought Trudy down to play. Rose had grown up. “I’m sixteen now,” she said with a flirty smile. Her hair had darkened, and her brown eyes shone. She was pretty in a different way than Lila, in a way similar to what people in the Englisch world seemed to value. She was also gregarious in a way Lila had never been, standing close to him and touching his arm to make sure he was paying attention to her.
Zane was relieved when she left.
Trudy and Adam sat at the table and played a trivia game for kids. What’s the molten rock called when it’s inside the earth? Magma! What scent is most linked to memory? Smell! Zane couldn’t help but smile. They were geeks—just like he and Lila used to be.
Zane played with them until Trudy won, and then they bundled up and went outside. He followed. They didn’t head toward the creek as he expected. Instead they marched to the far side of the chicken coop, where a piece of plywood was flat on the ground. A branch bordered one side of the wood and a bucket sat on the other side.
It looked as if they were playing house. Zane headed to the edge of the field, just to have a look. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket, thinking about Daniel saying that Reuben wanted to be married by now. Why hadn’t Lila agreed? It would make everything easier. He felt as if he was holding his breath.
Someone started up the field toward him. Probably Simon. By the time the figure reached the halfway point Zane realized it was Tim. Lila’s father was still as big as a house. Some things grew smaller as Zane grew older, but not Tim. He wore a gray work coat, a straw hat, and work gloves. And he lumbered along, just like always.
Zane groaned. He both loathed and loved the guy. He’d spent much of his childhood dodging Tim, and yet he absolutely respected the man. Zane wouldn’t do anything against Tim’s wishes. Which meant his relationship with Lila stayed platonic, even though that wouldn’t have been his first choice. As it was, it was the right choice. Anything more would have made losing her all the harder. At least that’s what he thought. It certainly wasn’t what he felt.
Tim was more authentic than anyone he’d ever met. You never had to guess with the man. He pretty much never wanted anyone but his own kids around, except for Reuben. As helpful as Zane used to try to be with chores and fieldwork, Tim never appreciated it. Zane had never felt like anything more than a bother. Worse, he’d felt like a threat. But now that Lila was seriously courting Reuben and Daniel and Jenny looked like a sure thing too, Tim didn’t need to be worried about Zane’s influence on his children anymore. Maybe he’d be nicer.
“Zane,” Tim said as he approached, extending his hand. “Simon said you were home. I kept expecting you to stop by, and when you didn’t I figured I’d better come down.”
Tim shook Zane’s hand hard, and when he finally let go, he clapped him on the back. “I bet it’s good to be home,” he said.
“Yes, sir.” Zane cringed, realizing that he felt the same way toward Tim as he had his boot camp sergeant. Nevertheless it was good to see him.
Tim asked how Zane liked Texas.
“It’s fine,” Zane responded, “but it doesn’t compare to here.”
Tim nodded as if he’d expected Zane’s answer. “Well, I’m glad you miss us. And I’m glad your Mamm and Dat will have you home for Christmas.”
Zane shook his head. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
Tim stepped back and focused on Zane’s face. “Why so soon?”
Zane shrugged. “I need to go back, is all.”
“Is that true?”
Zane’s face grew warm. “Yes, sir, I need to report back to duty.”
“Well, it’s good to see you,” Tim said. “You’ve been missed by both households on Juneberry Lane.”
Zane nodded in response, trying to ignore the lump that had lodged in his throat.
“Rose asked me to collect Trudy,” Tim said, pointing toward the chicken coop. “Are they playing house?”
Zane nodded, a little jealous that Tim didn’t seem to mind that Adam and Trudy played alone. Then again they were still young. Tim called out to Trudy, and she quickly responded. In no time she was skipping off with her father, pausing for a moment to turn and wave both of her mitten-covered hands at Adam.
Trudy was three years younger than Lila had been when the Becks moved to Juneberry Lane, and had the same fairy look, blond hair, and blue eyes. It all took him back to that first day, standing at the gate, watching the Amish girl with her siblings.
Adam grinned.
Zane would rather have soup and sandwiches and stay home, but he didn’t want to disappoint his brother.
“We thought we’d go to the buffet,” his dad said once he turned on the highway. It wasn’t until they pulled into the parking lot that Zane realized it was the Plain Buffet. Thankfully it was a Friday and Lila wouldn’t be working.
“Let’s go, Bub,” he said to Adam. “And see who can eat the most.”
“We order our drinks and then go fill our plates,” Mom explained as she took off her coat and chose a booth. Zane’s mouth watered at the smell of the place. Ham. Roast. Mashed potatoes. Gravy. Stuffing. It smelled like an Amish kitchen.
A couple of minutes later, Zane spotted Lila coming out of the back with a tray of drinks. He began to panic, but Adam was sitting on the outside of the bench. It wasn’t like he could slip away without making a scene.
If she saw him, she did a good job appearing as if she hadn’t. By the time she made it to their table, Zane decided she was either the world’s best actress or else she no longer cared for him at all, not one iota. When she stopped by their table, she gushed, “Shani, Joel. Adam, Zane. It’s so good to see all of you.” She made eye contact with everyone but Zane.
Her eyes were bluer than he’d remembered. Her hair had darkened a little, probably because it was winter, but the part he could see that wasn’t covered by her Kapp was still blond.
“Daniel said you work on Thursday and Saturday nights,” Zane said. His mother glared at him, but he didn’t care. Lila had told him to leave her alone, and he didn’t want her to think he was stalking her.
“I picked up an extra shift.” She turned her gaze toward him. “What would you like to drink?”
“Water,” he answered.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll be right back. Go help yourselves.”
She seemed so poised. But not in a good way. In a plastic way. He’d always loved her honesty—now she seemed fake.
Adam waved his hand. “I want a Coke!”
“Oh, of course,” she said. “I’m sorry. What else can I bring for drinks?”
Joel ordered decaf for him and Mom.
As Lila started to leave, Adam announced, “Zane’s going back to Texas tomorrow.”
She turned back toward the table, her eyes a little watery, and finally focused on Zane. “So soon?”
He shrugged.
“He’s going to—”
Zane put his hand on Adam’s leg, but he was too late.
“—Afghanistan,” Adam blurted out.
Lila’s face turned pale. “When?”
Zane swallowed and managed to sputter, “Next month.”
“Oh,” she said again and turned without saying anything more.
Zane must have made a face because Adam frowned and then said, “You’re leaving tomorrow. I thought it would be all right to say something to her.”
Zane moved his hand to Adam’s shoulder. “It’s fine.”
“Mom says that Trudy and I are a lot like you and Lila when you were kids.”
“That’s true, Bub, but we grew up.”
Adam wiggled away from Zane’s hand. “Trudy and I will always be friends.”
Mom slid out of the booth, a sympathetic expression on her face. “Let’s go get our food.”
Zane tousled his little brother’s hair. “Show me how much you can eat.”
2
Lila placed the Becks’ drinks on their table while they were filling their plates and then kept busy with her other tables, feeling sicker by the minute. She knew she was avoiding them—but she couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t bear to be that close to Zane. With his broad shoulders and square chiseled face, he no longer looked like the boy she’d grown up with. His hair was a lot lighter than it had been, probably from the Texas sun. And considering he was in the Army, he looked as if he needed a haircut. She mourned the long bangs he used to brush away from his forehead when they were kids. For the last two and a half years she’d still been thinking of him as a teenager, but he was a man now.
After ten minutes she didn’t feel any better and told her manager she wasn’t feeling well. She felt as if she’d been kicked in the stomach by one of the cows, although she didn’t say that. He told her to take a break.
She breathed into a paper bag in the break room, trying not to hyperventilate, until her Mennonite friend Mandy came in. Lila put the bag down. “Hiccups,” she said, hoping Mandy wouldn’t notice that her hands were shaking.
Mandy wore a cape dress and Kapp, but she drove a car. Since her family wasn’t Old Order Mennonite, her parents had let her buy a smart phone with her tip money.
She seemed to know all the Youngie in Lancaster County, both Mennonite and Amish. She’d also taken a liking to Lila’s brothers, Simon in particular, even though he was a couple of years younger. Mandy deemed him “cool” the week before. She wasn’t wild, at least Lila didn’t think so, but she did seem to find her way to a fair number of parties. Apparently Simon did too, according to what he kept telling Lila. He told her other disturbing things too—like that he wanted to join the Army. But she was pretty sure he was just trying to annoy her.
“Do you mind checking to see if anyone in my section needs a drink refill?” Lila asked.
“Sure,” Mandy said as she sashayed out the door.
By the time Lila returned to the floor, the Becks were headed toward the exit. When they reached the parking lot, Zane scooped up Adam and flung him over his shoulder. The little boy raised his head in laughter.
Mandy elbowed Lila as she went by. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”
“Nothing.” Lila began collecting the plates and then pocketed the ten-dollar bill on the table. Shani and Joel had overtipped when they came in after she first started too. This time she hadn’t deserved a tip at all.
“Well, I’d say he’s worth looking at.” Mandy stared after Zane.
“I knew him when we were kids—that’s all. I’m courting Reuben, remember?”
“Right.” Mandy gave Lila a wry smile and headed on toward her section.
Tears stung Lila’s eyes. Was that what all those years had come to? Zane being classified as someone she “used to know”? And now he was headed to Afghanistan. She brushed at her eyes. How many times had she prayed the U.S. would get out of there before it was his turn to go?
At closing time she called Daniel to ask him for a ride. Snowflakes were starting to fly, and she still felt shaken up by what Adam had disclosed. Reuben had volunteered to get her earlier in the day but it was a long ride in a buggy from his place.
“Sweet dreams,” Mandy said as she left, waving on her way out the door.
A minute later Daniel pulled up and honked. “See you tomorrow,” Lila called out to her supervisor as she hurried out the door and into the falling snow.
Relief flooded over Lila as she hurried around to the passenger door. Jenny wasn’t in the cab with Daniel. As much as she loved her friend, she wanted to talk to her twin in private.
“Denki,” she said. “I really appreciate the ride.”
“No problem,” Daniel answered. “I don’t like it when you walk home.”
She fastened her seat belt. “The Becks came in tonight.”
Daniel grinned. “I knew you couldn’t avoid him entirely.”
“I wasn’t avoiding him.”
Daniel rolled his eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was leaving tomorrow?”
“I didn’t know.” Daniel turned onto the highway. “I figured he’d be staying until after Christmas. Why is he going so soon?”
“Maybe because he’s shipping out to Afghanistan.”
“What?” Daniel swerved over the center line.
She put her hand on the dashboard. “Watch the road.”
Daniel p
ulled back. Thankfully no one was coming.
“Adam’s the one who told me, and Zane didn’t seem happy that he did.” That hurt too. Why wouldn’t Zane want all of them to know?
Her brother let out a big sigh and said, “He didn’t say a word about going to Afghanistan. To Simon either.”
“Did he seem the same?” she asked Daniel. “When he was working with you.”
“Kind of,” Daniel answered. “He still seemed pretty intense, but he laughed too.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ve all grown up, right?”
Lila nodded. Despite his bad driving, Daniel had turned into a responsible man. True, he was on his Rumschpringe, but Lila was sure he’d join the church and marry Jenny as soon as he had enough money saved and a plan for the future. The truth was he worked too hard for much running around.
Dat wasn’t happy with Daniel having a truck and a cell phone, and the conflict between them had led Daniel to move out of the house. Lila tried not to feel in the middle, between the two, but she couldn’t help it. She suspected it would soon be even worse with Simon. But then again he’d always been Dat’s favorite, so maybe there wouldn’t be as much tension.
“You should try to talk to Zane,” Daniel said, gripping the wheel. The snow was thicker now.
“When?”
“Tonight.”
“I should just go knock on Joel and Shani’s door at ten thirty and ask them to wake up Zane so I can say hello?”
“Who says he’ll be asleep?”
“He’s probably leaving early in the morning so he can get a full day of driving in.”
Daniel slowed for a buggy. “It’s just really weird that he came all this way and you two haven’t talked.”
“We said hello in the restaurant.”
“That doesn’t count. You were such good friends.” Daniel steered around the buggy. “By the time he’s home from Afghanistan you and Reuben will be married.”
Lila sank against the back of the seat.
“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked.
