Whispers at Seaside

by Addison Cole

  “Is that what you tell yourself, Matt? You might have helped a few people?”

  Matt shrugged, having zero interest in talking about this.

  Pete put a hand on his shoulder, the way he had throughout Matt’s entire life. Pete had always been his stabilizing force, even in the most difficult of times.

  “Matt, you put your life in jeopardy like you’re Clark Freaking Kent. You’re a mild-mannered professor during the day and a secret savior at night. How long are you going to torture yourself?”

  Matt scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d been asking himself that for the past two years, and he still didn’t have an answer. Guilt was a powerful thing, and Matt was a master at carrying it around like winter layers. He piled the guilt of not being home when his mother passed away on top of the horrible event that had changed his life—the one he’d never admitted to anyone other than Pete and hated admitting to himself. The night he’d been too bogged down with studies to meet a friend as he’d promised, and his friend had been attacked while walking alone on her way to her dorm. She’d never returned to school after that night.

  “When you’re done saving the world,” Pete said, “we’ll all be waiting for you to come home.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment. Pete wasn’t being judgmental. He never was. Matt knew it killed his brother to know he was out there putting himself in harm’s way. How many times had he gotten texts from Pete in the middle of the night—Haven’t heard from you in days. Just tell me you’re still alive.

  “That’s what I’m counting on,” Matt finally answered. “I’ve got some major decisions to make. The advance for the book deal is enough for me to live on for three years, plus I have my savings, which is another two years at least. With the lecture circuit they’re talking about setting up after publication, I’ll be more than fine financially. I just don’t know if I can do it.”

  “Write the book?”

  “No. Step away from teaching for good. Give up on becoming the dean of the School of Social Sciences.” Matt thrived on knowledge, and teaching had given him the opportunity to help others do the same. Every day presented a new challenge, and if he made a difference in the lives of even a few students, it was all the inspiration he needed to continue. But recently, as more of his teaching was guided by administration, wading through red tape had become exhausting. When he stood in front of the classroom, he saw himself at their age, felt the hope of the past and the desire for a different type of future.

  “You said that guy was never stepping down, so that should be the easiest piece of the puzzle.” Pete arched a brow. “And can you step down from the other?”

  The other. Clark Freaking Kent. Matt shrugged noncommittally. That seemed like an even more difficult habit to break.

  “That’s what this sabbatical is for, right? Figuring out what you really want to be when you grow up?” Pete smiled and pointed to the cut on Matt’s cheek. “Please tell me that didn’t happen when you were with Mira.”

  “Nah. It happened in the shower. By the way, I promised Hagen we’d think about building a boat together, but I was thinking about starting with a raft. I’d love your help.”

  “Sounds good to me. You know that little brainiac will be telling us how to build it in no time. He’s like you in that way. Cute as anything and smart enough to put some adults to shame. Give the kid a book and he’ll figure out a better way to do things in no time.”

  Matt laughed. “Yeah. He’s cool like that.” He picked up the tools he needed and was hit with a wave of gratitude. Pete had come home after college. He’d refinished boats with their father. He’d held down the fort, taken care of Sky, and watched over their brothers at a time when Matt had been too entrenched with building his career and gaining tenure to be involved as closely as he should have been.

  He set down the tools and embraced Pete. “Thanks, man.”

  “What for?”

  “For sticking around, being here for the family while I was off building my career.” He picked up the tools again, gave Joey a pat on the head, and pushed open the door.

  “Unca Matt!” Bea squealed.

  “Details, please,” Jenna said.

  “Great,” Matt mumbled under his breath. He looked over his shoulder at Pete. “And for running interference for me.”

  Pete pushed from the counter. “I’m on it. They’re just excited to add another hen and her offspring to the party. They adore Mira and Hagen.” He patted Matt’s shoulder on the way out the door.

  Matt followed him out, and the girls swarmed. Joey and Pepper ran into the grass.

  “When are you seeing Mira again?” Jenna asked, keeping pace with Matt’s quick steps.

  “Why on earth did you behave?” Bella quipped. “Don’t you know she needs a scoundrel in her life? All women do!”

  “Bella!” Amy chided her.

  Matt shook his head without responding. He loved them all, even if they were chaos personified, but that didn’t change the fact that this chaos was a world away from the quiet academic life he was used to. His mind traveled to Mira, reminding him that the quiet academic life wasn’t all that he wanted any longer. He envisioned her here with the girls, laughing and carrying on, while Hagen played with the dogs or helped Pete fix the sink, because that boy’s curiosity knew no limits, and it made Matt want to be right in the thick of it.

  He definitely needed to get some sleep. He was supposed to be outlining his book, not fantasizing about a beautiful woman and her adorable son.

  “We’ll babysit,” Leanna said, and Matt stopped cold.

  The girls circled him, wide-eyed and eager, except Bella, who squinted with a serious look in her eyes.

  “For a little juicy gossip,” Bella offered.

  Matt laughed and looked at Pete, who was busy giving Bea Eskimo kisses.

  “Way to run interference, bro.”

  “I got sidetracked.” Pete blew against Bea’s cheek, making her giggle hysterically.

  Matt took a deep breath and faced the girls again. “What makes you think we need a babysitter? I like spending time with Hagen.”

  “Of course you do, but you can’t exactly get amorous with him around.” Bella pointed toward the pool where her husband, Caden, was holding their daughter, Summer. Tony and Kurt, Amy and Leanna’s husbands, were also in the pool with their toddlers, Hannah and Sloan.

  “Trust us,” Bella said. “We know how valuable babysitters are.”

  She had a point, but Hagen was Mira’s world, and the last thing he wanted to do was rock that boat—or plan to take things further. No matter how badly he wanted to be intimate with Mira, he preferred it to be a natural progression, not a scheduled event.

  “Come on, Matt. We want to see you both happy. Give us some hope,” Jenna pleaded. “Are you going to see her again?”

  He was no match for their inquiring minds. “Okay, fine. Yes, I hope to.”

  “You hope to?” Amy tucked her golden hair behind her ear with a curious gaze. “That doesn’t sound like you. Since when do you hope and not make things happen?”

  “Look, I haven’t slept in two days, I need to fix my shower, and you’re making me question why I came to stay at the Real Housewives of Seaside instead of my nice quiet cottage on Nantucket. Yes, okay? If I have it my way, I’ll see her tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.”

  As he walked away, he heard the girls whispering.

  “We prefer to be called the ‘Seaside girls,’” Bella called after him. “We’re way cooler than the Real Housewives of Anywhere.”

  He lifted his hand and waved without turning around, lest they see his wide grin.

  “FYI, you’re here because you love it here,” Jenna added. “And you’re family. You belong here.”

  Chapter Six

  “HEY, SQUIRT.” SERENA breezed through the doors of Mira’s cottage Sunday morning carrying a big brown bag. She set the bag on the counter, sighed loudly, as if the bag were heavy, and tossed her hair over her s
houlder before leaning down to kiss Hagen on the top of his head. “Figuring out how to overtake Bill Gates?”

  “Who’s Bill Gates?” Hagen glanced up from the robot book he was flipping through with a perplexed expression. “We’re building the robot today.”

  “Are we, now?” Serena turned to Mira, who was making pancakes, and lowered her voice. “I came as soon as I got your SOS text. I’m so excited about Professor Hotness coming over. I brought everything.”

  Mira wondered what everything could possibly be. She hadn’t been out of the dating scene for that long, had she? Were there accoutrements she wasn’t aware of?

  “I’m a nervous wreck.”

  “Don’t be. I’ll get you up to dating speed in no time. Feed the little scientist so we can get started.”

  Mira set a plate of pancakes and a glass of juice on the table. “Ready to eat, Hag?”

  “Uh-huh.” He carried the book to the table and opened it beside his plate. “Is it almost ten? I need Matt. I can’t understand some of these words.”

  I need him, too.

  She’d secretly worried that after they’d both gotten some rest, and some distance, they’d realize what happened was a mistake and write it off to the allure of the evening. But then he’d called a little after eleven o’clock last night—I won’t keep you up, sunshine, but I wanted to hear your voice. He’d asked about Hagen, and they’d made plans for Matt to come over and build the robot with him. It was a simple two-minute phone call, and it put all her worries to rest.

  Until this morning, when she realized he was coming over.

  “We’ll be in Mommy’s bedroom if you need us, squirt.” Serena grabbed the bag from the counter.

  With a mouthful of pancakes and his eyes on his book, Hagen nodded.

  “I knew you were holding out for Matt all these months,” Serena whispered on the way to the bedroom. “You could have fessed up. I’m your best friend. It’s not like I didn’t notice how googly-eyed you got every time you talked about him.”

  “I did not.”

  “You did! And really, how many guys asked you out before him? You’ve turned down at least, what? A dozen guys? Then Matt spends one night with you and your vibrator has a new nickname.”

  “Ohmygosh. Shut up!”

  Serena laughed. “It’s true. You’ve been hooked on him since last summer. So…it’s only natural that you’re ready to move to the head of the class and bang the professor.”

  Mira groaned. “Stop, please. Yes, I like him. A lot. He’s my kind of guy. He’s smart and funny and—”

  “Hot as Hades?”

  “Yeah,” she said with a sigh. “There is that.”

  Serena dumped the bag in the middle of Mira’s bed, and Mira began looking through the items. Makeup, perfume, clothing, Nair…

  “Nair? That stuff smells worse than death.”

  “Trust me, you do not need razor stubble down there, and waxing hurts like a mother… You want to be bare as Nair.”

  “What? I need to get rid of all my hair? Like a prepubescent child? What could possibly be sexy about that?” She’d shaved pretty closely down there already, leaving just a small tuft of curls. Did she really have to go bare?

  Serena rolled her eyes. “Do you like pubes in your mouth?”

  “Ew! Serena!” She was used to hearing about Serena’s random escapades, but it had been so long since she’d had her own to talk about, it brought this to an excruciatingly embarrassing level.

  “What? Did what’s his name have hair down there?” She picked up a box of condoms and tossed it to Mira.

  Mira dropped the Nair and caught the condoms, then frantically shoved the box under her pillow. “You’re so raunchy. I don’t remember what he had down there. I tried very hard to forget everything about him.”

  “I know, but really, Mira. Do you think a guy wants to wade through a forest to get to the promised land?”

  Mira sank down to the bed.

  Serena sat beside her, took her hand, and said, “Sweetheart, sometimes when a man and a woman spend a lot of time together, they get these tingly feelings.”

  They both burst out laughing.

  “Tingly feelings? Really? Is that how your mom explained it?”

  “Are you kidding? Mother Teresa? She pretended sex didn’t exist. Everything I learned came from hands-on experience. You know that. I shared them all with you.”

  “Another thing I tried to forget,” she teased. “Seriously, though. I don’t need condoms. You know I’ve been on the pill since Hagen was born. I wasn’t about to leave that up to chance again.”

  “Diseases, baby. Use the condoms.”

  “Right. Between making a robot and serving lunch, me and Matt will find time to do it.” The prospect of sex with Matt seemed impossible. She pushed the Nair under the pillow with the condoms. She didn’t want to think about being bare as a baby any more than she wanted to think about having condoms. She hated the idea of planning sex.

  “Mom?” Hagen called from the hallway.

  Mira scrambled to cover up the loot Serena brought, and Serena laughed. “There’s nothing sexual in there. I left the toys at home.”

  Hagen appeared in the doorway with his book and an ample amount of syrup on his shirt. “Can you tell me what a ‘com-plant’ robot is?” He handed her the book and peered between them at the bulky covers. “What’s that?”

  “Girl stuff,” Serena said, as if that would satisfy Mr. Inquisitive.

  “What kind of girl stuff? Mom has a bathroom full of girl stuff. Makeup, lotion, deodorant with flowers on it that smells like lemons.”

  Mira laughed. “Just clothes and makeup, honey. Nothing important. And this word is ‘compliant.’ A compliant robot would be a robot that behaves and follows instructions, but I think they’re referring to a much different type of robot than the one you and Matt are going to build.”

  “That’s okay. One day I’ll build a compliant robot.” Peering around her again, he reached toward the crooked pillow. “What’s under thi—”

  Serena dove on the pillow. “That’s my secret girl stuff that isn’t for little boys to see.”

  Mira covered her face with her hands, knowing what was coming next.

  “Mom said we can’t keep secrets. She says secrets are like lies, and lies turn good people into bad people. Mom says…”

  Ten very long minutes was how long it took to sidetrack her curious boy. It took only half that time for Mira to decide that mothers were hypocrites. A hard pill to swallow.

  Hagen went into the other room to play, and Mira flopped onto her back beside Serena, who was still lying across the pillow. “How am I going to manage this?”

  “Hello? I babysit.”

  She turned toward her friend. “No, I mean this. Everything. Hagen’s going to ask questions I’m not prepared to answer. And I can’t have condoms in the house. What if he finds them? How do other single mothers do this?” She bolted upright. “I’m doomed to either a sexless life or lying to my son about where I am or what I’m doing, aren’t I?”

  “It’s not like you’re a serial killer. All moms have sex, and not telling your son about your sex life isn’t lying. Ew. No child wants to know about that. You’re a beautiful, sexy woman. You can’t deny yourself this.”

  “Trust me, denying myself the man I’ve fantasized about for so long isn’t something I want to do. I just don’t know how to navigate dating and being a mother and working. There’s no time as it is.”

  “You’ll find the time. You did last night.”

  Mira gave her a deadpan look. “What about the rest of it? I haven’t, you know, since I got pregnant with Hagen.”

  “I know. I’ve been trying to get you to get your sexy on for a long time. Sex is like eating cake,” she said reassuringly. “You stress over wanting it, but when you’re devouring it, nothing is more decadent. Afterward there might be a little guilt, or maybe you’ll be angry at yourself for giving in to the lifeguard in the changing room
at the beach…”

  “Serena!” Mira laughed.

  “Oh yeah, that was me. It could happen to you, too, you know. Anyway, you might feel all sorts of things, but with the right man, the biggest thing you’ll feel is wanting to do it again.”

  Serena pushed from the bed and grabbed the box of condoms, and from beneath the covers, a tube of lube that Mira hadn’t seen. Mira’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

  “Lube?” she whispered. “I’m not menopausal, you know.”

  “Back door,” Serena said casually.

  “Serena,” Mira whispered. “Did you even hear what I said? I haven’t had sex in years. Do you really think I’m going to go there? Do you go there?”

  “Don’t be a prude. With the right guy I would.” Serena grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the bathroom. “Come on. Remember my high school hiding place? Even Hagen the detective can’t find them there.”

  Serena climbed up on the sink and set the box of condoms on top of the cabinet. Out of sight, yes, but somehow Mira knew they would never be out of mind with Matt around.

  “Now,” Serena said as she jumped down to the floor. “Let’s get started on your ‘aren’t-I-sexy’ attire.”

  Serena wanted her to wear a dress—for easy access, in case you get time alone—but it made Mira feel like she was dressing to get Matt to make a move, and she was already nervous enough about wanting him to do just that. They settled on a blousy purple spaghetti-strap top, a cute pair of denim shorts, and leather sandals. Serena insisted she wear dangling earrings, a necklace on a long chain, and an armful of bangle bracelets, which jingled like bells around a cat’s neck with every step.

  “I feel overdressed for a day of robot building.”

  “You’re just not used to looking like a woman instead of a mom. You look sexy and sweet, which is exactly what you are, so own it.” Serena hugged her and patted Hagen on the head on her way to the front door. “Good luck with your robot, mini-man.”