NOT SO Innocent: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  I pulled out a piece of paper.

  “I won’t lose this one,” I said.

  “Open it now.”

  “Do you really do this with everyone?”

  “All the time,” she said. “It’s one of my favorite things to do. Just to get the imagination going.”

  “I don’t need that,” I said.

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  “So now you are judging me.”

  “I’ll send you back to Gerald’s class…”

  “Fine,” I said.

  I opened the piece of paper.

  I laughed.

  I flicked my wrist.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Of all the fucking words,” I said.

  Miss Whitaker looked. “Heart.”

  “Heart,” I said.

  I opened my mouth but said nothing.

  After everything I’ve been through? All my mother did was try to give her heart away, hoping for happiness. I had my heart broken by Danny and then stepped on again by Grayson. And now I live with a woman who operates on hearts. And she had her heart broken because she lost someone on the operating table. And then there’s Them. Their hearts… my heart…

  “That’s a good one,” Miss Whitaker said. “I can see your mind moving already.”

  “I’m pissed about this one. I don’t want to write about this.”

  “Because it’s personal,” she said. “That’s the best time to write. Let it all out.” She stood up. “Close up behind you, Belle. I do have a class in an hour though. You can drop that off later.”

  “Drop… what? I have to write this now?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I’ll make you a deal.” She grabbed my notebook. “I’m going to take this with me. You bring me this assignment and I’ll give you your notebook back.”

  “This can’t be real.”

  “It is real. Problem?”

  “What am I supposed to do… show up to your house?”

  “Perfect,” she said. She ripped a piece of paper in half and wrote on it. “Here’s my address. I’m sure your fancy car can find it.”

  Miss Whitaker walked toward the door with my notebook.

  I stood up and turned. “You’re serious?”

  “Later, Belle,” she called out. “Maybe you’ll enjoy my at home clothes better than my dresses.”

  She left the room and I stood with my jaw ready to smack the floor.

  I side stepped and took her chair.

  It was more comfortable.

  “Heart,” I whispered.

  I kind of felt like Miss Whitaker had no heart. I showed her my notebook and she took it. Why me? Again… why me? I didn’t need to be her little pet or something. I wasn’t going to become a famous writer. If her dreams were dead, oh well. That was her problem.

  I had to grab another notebook out of my bag so I could start working on my assignment. Maybe I could work the system and get it done before the end of the day. Hand in my writing and get my notebook back.

  Which all sounded so fucking childish.

  Compared to everything else going on…

  But maybe that’s what I needed.

  To forget…

  I grabbed a pen off Miss Whitaker’s desk.

  i can start to forget once your heart stops

  it’s my only chance to escape

  the room you hide me in

  behind your eyes

  I put a big X through that.

  “This is dumb,” I said.

  Then again, what did it matter? I could write anything. Just hand anything in.

  I shook my head, mad that Miss Whitaker put me in a position where I caught myself actually caring.

  She was either a genius or just a weird lady.

  I put the pen to the paper again and…

  The door opened.

  I turned my head, hoping it was Miss Whitaker to reconsider everything she just said.

  It wasn’t.

  It was Uly.

  * * *

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “What are you doing here?” he threw right back at me.

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Well, all my dreams just came true, doll,” he said. “Finding you here. Heard a little rumor about you being super smart with words.”

  He said it with a wink, considering he had seen my notebook and spoken words back to me from it.

  “Nope,” I said. “Just needed a room to hide out in. So I’m chilling while Miss Whitaker is gone.”

  “Damn, we are just meant to be together,” Uly said. “That’s exactly why I’m here too.”

  “Well, I, uh, need to be alone,” I said.

  “Is that so? You need time alone? For what?”

  That grin again…

  I punched at his shoulder. “Stop. Why does it always come down to that? You’re all the same.”

  Uly nodded. “You’re including me with a couple others, aren’t you?”

  “What if I am? Will that get you to leave, Uly? Or should I ask some questions…”

  My mouth went dry.

  Could I really bring up his band with Hil? Or tell him I heard his music?

  Just thinking about it… it brought back the sound of the music. The lyrics. Uly’s voice…

  “We can ask anything we want, doll,” he said. “Want me to go first? Ease things… forward?”

  He leaned toward me.

  There were hints of stale cigarette smoke, but the smell mixed perfectly with his clothes and skin. He smelled like the kind of temptation that I should have been nowhere near. I had nothing to compete with when it came to Uly - or Them.

  Other than me just being me.

  Nothing to lose because in a sense I had nothing.

  And that’s what they wanted from me.

  They wanted my nothingness.

  “Or maybe I’ll work on a writing assignment myself,” Uly said. “Since this is the room for it, right?”

  “Go for it,” I said. “And then leave. I’m really busy here.”

  Uly grinned. “I knew you weren’t just hanging around, Belle. I bet you really care about this stuff, don’t you?” Uly leaned closer to me and slowly touched my hair, tucking it behind my left ear. Then he got even closer. His lips near my ear. “What word did you get? Huh? You’re probably worried sick over it too, doll. You want to make sure of everything you do, this is the one that works…”

  His lips touched my ear for a quick second.

  I wasn’t sure if that was done on purpose or not.

  My body didn’t care though.

  It still reacted the same.

  Uly moved, grabbing a pen from Miss Whitaker’s desk, along with a piece of paper. Just watching him was… something else. His feathered hair climbing from under his black beanie. The way his necklaces leaned forward as though they were trying to take a peek at the paper - just like me. Everything about Uly screamed bad and cool at the same time. And when added in with the music he wrote and sang with Hil, it was…

  “So there’s this girl,” he said, writing on the paper. “She just shows up one day. Dumb enough to go to the beach alone. Dumb enough to somehow get the attention of a handful of douchebags. Don’t worry, one of those guys had their jaw rearranged a little for his crime. But this girl is beautiful. I wouldn’t say perfect but whatever brought her here is what makes her imperfect, but it’s also what makes her beautiful.” Uly moved his eyes to mine for a second. Then back to the paper. “But my guess is this is all about heartache. And not just some tired at home bullshit story either. Not some save me from what could go wrong kind of narrative either. She’s on the move. She’s not changing her name or hiding herself… mostly. So I guess I could ask her one thing…”

  Uly put the pen down.

  He slid the pen and paper toward me.

  Uly had been writing more than he had been talking.

  His question was already written. In all big letters.

  I looked down at tha
t paper. Then at Uly.

  I stood up.

  He leaned back in his chair, the grin on his face making me want to hit him and kiss him at the same time.

  “Well…?” Uly asked.

  WHO WAS THE GUY THAT BROKE YOUR HEART, DOLL?

  * * *

  I stood at the window and looked out to nothing but green. Trees, bushes, shrubs, whatever you wanted to call them. It was just all green. Giving the appearance that BFH was set somewhere in the woods or somewhere peaceful enough to focus, study and learn.

  Whereas it was all a lie because the building was right in the heart of all the bullshit that made BFH what it was. And if I opened that window I knew I’d get a small hint of the smell of the ocean. A smell that was still new and enjoyable to me.

  Yet all I could smell was Uly.

  He stood right behind me.

  “It’s okay, doll,” he said. “We all have pasts.”

  “Just like you do too,” I said. “You, Hil, and Ash.”

  There… I finally said it…

  Uly was silent.

  That made me spin around.

  He slowly put his sunglasses on his face.

  Was he trying to hide from me now? Because I knew something about him?

  “Remember something, Belle… the one who saved you is the one who can destroy you.”

  “You’re going to destroy me, Uly? Just like Hil and Ash say too? Because that’s your game. The whole Them game, right? You think I don’t hear things too?”

  “I know you hear things, doll. That’s what makes you so special. Your ability to hear, see, and write. It’s powerful. You’re more than you think you are already. I know it. The questions running through your head… almost as fast as you running through mine.”

  I put my head back and laughed. “Does that stuff actually work? I mean, I guess if you’re at some party and the drinks are flowing and the music is decent… I can see how that works.”

  Uly put his hands to my waist and that made me close my mouth.

  My hands grabbed his wrists almost instantly.

  I didn’t shove him away though.

  I just kept his hands right there.

  “Do you miss him?” Uly whispered to me.

  “You have no idea what you’re even talking about,” I whispered back.

  “Oh, I think I do.”

  I took my right hand off his wrist and reached for his sunglasses. It felt like the riskiest thing I had ever done in my life. I lifted his sunglasses so his eyes were burning at mine.

  I swallowed hard.

  “Do you miss it?” I asked.

  He knew what I meant.

  “The only thing I’m going to miss… is this moment together… and what could have been…”

  I opened my mouth to reply when Uly moved his right hand. From my hip to my leg. I dropped my head and watched his hand as it kept moving closer to my inner thigh.

  Fuck, Uly, yes…

  I felt the color leave my face for a second only to replace with lava temperature heat.

  Uly paused and backed away, taking his hand with him.

  My right hand was still holding his left wrist.

  I started to lean forward, not wanting to let him go.

  I wanted him close to me again. Against me. Touching me.

  He was my escape.

  My protection.

  And I wasn’t even sure what the hell that meant.

  I just wanted… him.

  Uly stopped trying to escape and lifted his wrist, which meant he was lifting my hand too. He kissed the back of my hand and my fingers opened wide.

  I felt the opposite of what I did with Gray. And very different from what I felt when I had been with Danny. Uly made me feel… I wasn’t sure. At the same time there was somehow two other fires burning in my head, heart, and elsewhere. Those flames flickering with the smell of cigarette smoke and blood with the wild eyes of Hil. The other flame with the smell of cologne and the sight of a perfect guy… height, muscle, hair, face, amber eyes, tattoos that matched his personality… Ash.

  There was no way I could feel what I did for the three of Them.

  It was all made up in my mind to chase down some story. To find out they were just as fucked up and broken as me.

  That’s what it was.

  The writer inside me, wanting to figure out how the pieces fit to make the end work.

  “You better get to work, doll,” Uly said. “You don’t want to get on Miss Whitaker’s bad side, do you?”

  I caught myself slowly shaking my head.

  Uly left the room.

  I put my hands behind me to keep myself standing.

  I forced my mind to think about the assignment Miss Whitaker gave me.

  The word heart.

  All I had to do was write something about it.

  Anything.

  I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

  And I swore I could still feel Uly touching me.

  fifteen

  “Just answer truthfully, Belle… are you a dork?”

  I looked up at Lizzy as she blocked the sun from hitting my eyes. “What?”

  “Okay, we’re on the beach. I mean, we’ve lived here for a long time. You haven’t. The beach is… sun, sand, water, guys without shirts on… do I need to keep selling this to you?”

  Danica nudged Lizzy out of the way and sat down next to me. She smelled like tanning oil and her wet feet were covered in sand. Her toenails were painted a very neon green color.

  “She wants to know why you’re worried about writing whatever it is you’re writing instead of riding one of those hot guys over there…”

  Danica had such a lovely way with words sometimes.

  But at least she was honest.

  “I have a thing I have to hand in,” I said.

  Danica inched away from me. “Ew, Lizzy, you were right. She is a dork!”

  “Go fuck yourself,” I said. “Both of you. This is… personal.”

  “Personal?” Lizzy asked. “Are you doing extra credit for Gerald’s class? I bet you are. I bet you want to touch his frog spots on his bald head, don’t you?”

  “What. The. Fuck.” Danica said. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. “I’m going to throw up.”

  “You’re crazy, Lizzy,” I said. “If you both have to know, it’s for Miss Whitaker.”

  “Ah,” Danica said. “That makes sense. You’re the writer. She’s the writer.”

  “You know her class is bullshit, right?” Lizzy asked. “I mean even if you fail… you don’t fail.”

  “I don’t care about failing or not,” I said. “This is all bullshit to me. I just have to show up and pretend. I think in a way I’m richer than you two bitches right now.”

  “Oh, burn,” Danica said.

  “Shit, I think she’s right,” Lizzy said. “They’re not going to mess with you, Belle. And with Jo in your corner… damn. You know I heard a rumor that she and Werthwood were close. Not like… that kind of close… but they have history.”

  “Maybe she made him her bitch,” Danica said.

  “Ew,” I said. “I don’t want to think about that.”

  “I said it wasn’t that,” Lizzy said.

  “I don’t really care,” I said. “I just have to finish this and take it to her house to get…”

  “To get what?” Danica asked.

  “My notebook,” I said. “She took it. So fucking stupid, I know. But that notebook is all I really have. It’s just got… it’s me. Okay?”

  Lizzy dropped down to her knees. “Hey, that’s pretty cool though, Belle. That you have that. I mean, that you can write and do that stuff. Your life has been a little crazy.”

  “Crazier since I got here,” I said with a weak smile.

  “To be fair, we warned you,” Danica said. “But you don’t listen.”

  “Maybe you could have gotten that paper written if you weren’t alone with Uly in Miss Whitaker’s room,” Lizzy said.

  My cheeks b
urned hot. “What?”

  “You weren’t going to tell us,” Danica said. “What a bitch.”

  “What…”

  “Not sure if Uly said something or someone saw or what,” Lizzy said. “But more than a few people told me about it.”

  I sucked in a breath. “Fuck. It was nothing. Believe me.”

  Yeah, right. Tell them about his hands. Or… his one hand… where things were starting to go…

  “I was trying to get this done,” I said. “He just walked in like he owned the place.”

  “Well, he does,” Danica said. “He, Hil, and Ash. Believe me. When it comes to Them, they do what they want. You don’t say anything about it either. Everyone has really stepped back because of East vs. West again. Not sure if this is serious or just talk. I think right now it’s just talk. But Uly has been pushing at the Rulz.”

  “Then you showed up, Belle,” Lizzy said. “Now everything’s changed.”

  I shook my head. “Believe me, nothing’s changed.”

  “You know, when people say believe me, that means they don’t believe themselves,” Danica said.

  I felt cornered even though I was on a giant beach.

  I opened my mouth… I had to get something together quick to smooth it all over…

  I looked up at Lizzy.

  Then I turned my head to Danica.

  A cloud of sand smashed against my eyes and face.

  * * *

  “Oopsies…”

  I coughed and rubbed my eyes.

  Which was stupid to do.

  Note to self (and anyone) - don’t rub your eyes if you have sand in them.

  “You fucking bitch,” Danica said.

  “Oh, please, stay on your ass with your legs open… it’s what you’re used to.”

  I knew that voice.

  It was Sophie.

  Then came the cackling giggles of Lila and Maya.

  “Here, take my water,” Lizzy said.

  I got on my hands and knees and hovered over the blanket, dumping water into the palm of my hand and gently tossed it at my eyes.

  “Oh, look, now Bablebitch is in her position,” Sophie said.

  I jumped up to my feet and turned.

  I threw the water bottle like it was going to do something to Sophie.

  She waved her hand and laughed at me.