The Return of Her Past

by Lindsay Armstrong

  This time it was Mia who expressed unspoken irony—she looked heavenward.

  ‘We seem to be at cross purposes,’ Carlos said lazily, sitting back and looking even more amused.

  Mia controlled herself with difficulty. ‘You don’t see the connection? OK! Let’s put it in black and white,’ she said tartly. ‘You’ve virtually come straight from Nina French’s arms to being—to looking—to...’ She stopped helplessly.

  ‘To being possessed of the desire to have and to hold you?’ he supplied and sat forward to rest his elbow on the table and his chin on his fist. ‘You know, it’s a funny thing but that desire seems to exist on its own. It seems to have a life of its own. It doesn’t seem to be susceptible to anything else that’s going on all around it—if you know what I mean.’

  ‘I...’ Mia stopped, frowned at him, looked away, then looked back as if jerked on a string. ‘I’m not sure what you do mean,’ she said uncertainly.

  ‘Simple. Since I got clobbered on the head by a falling branch, I only have to be in your company to want you. In my bed, in case there’s any misunderstanding. Whatever the other circumstances of my life happen to be.’

  Mia was dead still for a long moment, then she clicked her tongue in sheer frustration and stood up, ready to walk away. ‘You’re impossible! Actually you’re crazy, Carlos O’Connor. What you’re describing—the way you’re describing us makes it sound as if we exist in a bubble. It doesn’t sound real,’ she said intensely.

  There was silence for a long moment, then she said quietly, ‘That’s why I want to know about Nina. And if she’s real for you.’

  He stood up and it stunned her to see that he was suddenly grimly serious. ‘Nina and I are washed up. I never should have let it go on for so long but my dearest wish is for her to find someone who understands her better than I did. Someone who anchors her and loves her even when the impossible things about her make it...almost impossible to do so.’

  Mia blinked several times and sat down.

  He stared down at her for a long moment and she was shocked by the harsh lines scored into his face, then he sat down himself.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Mia said quietly but her throat worked. ‘I didn’t realise it was so painful for you.’

  ‘Painful?’ He picked up his glass and studied it. ‘I wish to hell I knew what it actually was.’

  Mia opened her mouth, then decided to keep her thoughts on that subject to herself. ‘Shall we go?’ she said tentatively. ‘We’re the only ones left and they might be wanting to close up. I’ll just visit the powder room.’

  ‘Sure.’ He signalled for the bill and when she came back he helped her out to the car. It was still raining.

  ‘Damn,’ Mia said as they drove along.

  He looked questioningly at her.

  ‘I’ve got a garden club coming for lunch tomorrow. They’re really keen to see the Bellbird gardens.’

  ‘It could be a whole new world tomorrow,’ he said wryly.

  Mia smiled. ‘It’s what I need. But I doubt there’ll be much change, although the sun may shine. By the way, Gail made up two beds in the main house for tonight—’

  ‘Oh,’ he interrupted, ‘didn’t I tell you? I’ve made different arrangements for tonight. Gail’s coming to stay with you after her Girl Guides session ends.’

  Mia’s mouth fell open. ‘No, you didn’t tell me. Neither did Gail—she didn’t say a word to me. Not about tonight.’

  ‘She didn’t know before she left work this afternoon. I didn’t get around to making these other arrangements until quite late.’ He looked across at her. ‘I didn’t think you’d mind.’

  ‘I...well...’ She stopped helplessly.

  ‘You don’t sound too sure and you look cross,’ he observed. ‘In light of your extreme agitation on the subject last night, I’m surprised.’

  Mia gritted her teeth. ‘It’s just that I like to know what’s going on. When did you get in touch with Gail?’

  ‘While you were in the powder room.’

  ‘You...I...how did you get in touch with her?’

  ‘I rang her last night, remember? So I’ve got her number in my mobile phone. Anything further you’d like to know, Sergeant Gardiner?’ He turned into Bellbird’s driveway just after, as it happened, Gail did and they followed her tail-lights up the driveway.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I’ve decided to go back to Sydney tonight—hell, I forgot about Long John. I’ll drive down—’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ Mia said.

  ‘But you can’t let him starve. That could make him worse than ever.’

  ‘He won’t starve—I’ve given him to someone to look after.’

  ‘Someone he won’t bite, I hope, but how do you know he won’t bite this person?’

  ‘Because this person bit him back,’ Mia replied and dissolved into laughter. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said finally, still giggling, ‘I think it’s all been a bit much for me but it does have its funny side. And don’t you dare carry me out of this car and inside. I can manage. Take care in Sydney.’ She patted his arm, and struggled out with her crutch.

  * * *

  ‘What’s so funny?’ Gail asked as they met at the front door. ‘Are you laughing or crying?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Mia rubbed her face. ‘Well, yes, I do. You were right—it’s much cosier down at the cottage, Gail, so shall we go down there and start a fire and have a drink? As someone once said, what’s the point in being sober and virtuous at this end of the day?’

  ‘Who said that? Shakespeare?’

  ‘No—just someone I know.’ Mia climbed into Gail’s car and stowed her crutch. ‘Not that I’m unsober. I’ve only had one glass of wine. Mind you, now I come to think of it, maybe I don’t have anything to drink after last night.’

  ‘Just as well it’s me.’ Gail climbed into the driver’s side and she hauled a bottle of wine out of her bag. ‘Don’t know why but I thought to pop this in with my PJs.’

  ‘Gail, you’re a treasure.’ Mia leant over to kiss her assistant on the cheek. ‘You wouldn’t believe the kind of day I’ve had. Or the last couple of hours, anyway. Oh, Gail, I’ve got some bad news.’

  ‘Wait,’ Gail advised as she drove down the track to the cottage. ‘I know a bit of it, anyway.’

  ‘How? Don’t tell me Carlos told you!’

  Gail nodded. ‘He said you could be feeling a bit delicate so I was to take care of you on his behalf till he gets back.’

  Mia stared at Gail in the gloom of the car. ‘He said that?’

  ‘Yep.’ Gail coasted to a stop, switched off and doused the lights.

  ‘He takes a lot upon himself,’ Mia said indistinctly, in the grip of an emotion she found hard to name—anger at his high-handed ways? Helplessness? Or the faintest whisper like a tiny echo in her heart that told her how wonderful it would be to have Carlos to turn to, for advice, for mental support? To help her to shore up her shaken defences?

  ‘If I had Carlos O’Connor on my side,’ Gail said with a certain militancy but almost as if she’d read Mia’s mind, ‘and thinking of me, I’d be a bit more gracious about it than you are, Mia. Now, will you come in and get warm and maybe a bit unsober?’

  CHAPTER FOUR

  THE SUN CHOSE to shine on the garden club lunch the next day and Gail, with the help of her sister Kylie, managed brilliantly.

  Mia spent most of the day sitting in her office talking on the phone and working on the computer. She’d tossed and turned all night under the twin weights of losing Bellbird and what she thought of as the irrefutable knowledge that Carlos was still in love with Nina, much as he might wish otherwise.

  Trying to seek legal advice as well as trying to find a venue she could transfer functions to did not do anything to cheer her up.

  She had another twenty-four hours before she had to make a response to Bellbird’s new owner but she couldn’t make up her mind whether to go to court or not.

  Finally, late afternoon, when all the g
uests had left, the clear air lured her out into the garden. She hopped over to a bench and sank down. The sunlight was warm on her skin; she was wearing a soft green summer dress that matched her eyes. And, because she’d not been on show, her hair was only lightly tied back.

  The gardens were beautiful. The rain had freshened them up, there were bees and dragonflies hovering over the flowers, there were delicate scents on the air, there was the unique aura of Mount Wilson, and there were bellbirds calling.

  Don’t cry, she warned herself as she closed her eyes and gave herself over to the magic of the estate.

  It was the roar of Carlos’s car that roused her from her reverie.

  She opened her eyes and watched it pull up at the main house. She saw Carlos get out and stretch, then walk inside.

  Carlos, she thought with a sudden pang as well as an accelerated heartbeat. Despite all her own catastrophes, she’d not only tossed and turned overnight, she’d had Carlos and Nina French at the back of her mind all day.

  It had sounded—from what he’d said last night—as if they couldn’t live together but they couldn’t live without each other. It had sounded like a relationship fraught with tearing, deep emotion, like a battlefield, but she got the feeling that while those tearing emotions might hurt deeply, the other side of the coin could be heights such as they’d never known with anyone else.

  But, whatever it was, in comparison, her own romantic dealings with Carlos had sounded trivial.

  She had to forget about him. He never was for her and he never would be.

  * * *

  It was the clink of glass that drew her out of her reverie this time and she opened her eyes again to see Carlos crossing the lawn towards her with a tray bearing a jug and a couple of glasses.

  He was wearing jeans, boots and a blue-and-white striped shirt with the neck open and the sleeves rolled up. He looked impossibly attractive with his dark hair and olive skin, with his height and wide shoulders, his lean body...

  ‘Hi!’ she said, taking a very deep breath. ‘Welcome back, but if that’s alcohol I think I should abstain.’

  He grinned. ‘Gail told me you and she demolished a bottle of wine last night. No, it’s fresh fruit juice, not at all spiked.’

  He put the tray down on a wrought iron table and sat down next to her on the bench. ‘How’s the foot?’

  ‘Not bad. I’m getting the hang of the crutches now—there’s a bit of an art to it. I—’ she hesitated ‘—I wasn’t sure if you were coming back. You didn’t need to. I’m being very well looked after.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Thank you all the same—’ she interrupted ‘—for all your help. I don’t want to seem ungracious.’

  ‘Ungracious?’ He looked quizzical.

  ‘That’s what Gail said I was.’ She bit her lip.

  ‘So Gail’s giving you lessons in tact and diplomacy?’ he hazarded. ‘Should be interesting.’

  Mia regarded him for a long moment with an expression of deep hostility. ‘Between the two of you,’ she said bitterly, ‘it’s not surprising I’m feeling like a nervous wreck. I am not ungrateful for your help, Carlos,’ she said, emphasising each word. ‘That’s all I’m trying to say.’

  ‘Good,’ he replied comfortably and handed her a glass of fruit juice. ‘Lovely out here, isn’t it?’ He looked around.

  ‘Yes,’ she said on a little sigh. ‘Hear the bellbirds?’

  He listened. ‘Yes. How was your day?’

  Mia sighed. ‘Pretty disheartening. I haven’t come up with an alternative yet and I can’t make up my mind whether to go to court or not, but—’ she gestured and squared her shoulders ‘—tomorrow’s another day—I think it was Scarlett O’Hara who said something like that.’

  ‘No doubt after Rhett told her he couldn’t give a damn.’ He looked amused. ‘Uh...I have some better news for you. I’ve bought it.’

  ‘Bought what?’ she asked automatically.

  ‘This place.’ He waved a hand.

  Mia choked. Even the bellbirds seemed to stop calling in the long moments before she could gather her wits to reply. Then she turned to him, her face suddenly pale, her eyes huge, dark and uncomprehending.

  ‘What do you mean? What are you talking about?’

  He put his hand along the back of the bench behind her. ‘I bought Bellbird,’ he said slowly and precisely.

  ‘Bought it?’ she echoed huskily, still looking stunned. ‘Why?’

  He withdrew his arm and sat forward with his hands between his knees. ‘So you can stay on. You can lease it from me for as long as you want. But there were other reasons. I had this vision planted in my mind of a girl in a long white dress, carrying a big hat and playing ladies on a hill station. A girl with heavy, midnight-dark hair and green eyes. Wait,’ he murmured as Mia stirred. ‘Let me finish.’

  He thought for a moment. ‘A girl I admired and—’

  ‘And felt sorry for,’ Mia said out of a clogged throat. ‘Please don’t go on.’

  He put a hand on her knee. ‘No, I don’t feel sorry for you, Mia. There’s something about you that doesn’t go with sickly sentimental stuff like that. But I do like to repay my debts.’

  ‘You don’t owe me anything.’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ he countered. ‘Between myself and my mother, we must have created hell for you. I also—’ he paused ‘—need to apologise for the possibly flippant way I described the effect you have on me from time to time.’

  Mia blinked.

  ‘Not that it doesn’t happen,’ he added dryly. ‘But you’re right, there’s something a bit unreal about it.’

  Mia flinched inwardly and immediately called herself a fool. Why did it hurt? She’d told herself only hours ago he wasn’t the one for her; he’d never been. And her beleaguered mind turned to the fact that he’d bought Bellbird.

  ‘I can’t believe you bought it,’ she said shakily.

  He shrugged. ‘It’s a little bit of heaven. Who wouldn’t want it if they could have it? Besides—’ all of a sudden he sounded cold and grim ‘—there’s not a lot I can do about a nephew exerting undue pressure on his elderly aunts but the details of the sale include me taking over your lease and deducting a compensatory amount from the sale price.’

  Mia blinked. ‘I don’t know what to say. I wish you hadn’t.’ It was a sentiment that slipped out unexpectedly but it was true, she realised. Despite everything she felt for the property and her business, she wished he hadn’t.

  ‘Why?’

  She interlaced her fingers. ‘It makes me feel beholden to you.’

  He swore beneath his breath.

  She hesitated and in the grip of a maelstrom of emotions, she rubbed her face distractedly. ‘It also puts me in an impossible position.’

  ‘What does?’ There was a distinct coolness in his voice now.

  Mia put a hand to her mouth. ‘To think you bought Bellbird because of me and therefore I should, out of gratitude, do anything you want.’

  ‘Perish the thought,’ he said harshly. ‘You don’t really believe I’m going to blackmail you into anything, do you?’

  She was silent.

  ‘But—’ he paused ‘—if you didn’t want to stay, you could have your six months to get you out of any contractual difficulties and then—’ he grimaced, folded his arms across his chest and stretched his legs out ‘—we would come to our final parting of the ways, Mia, at least with me knowing I’d done as much as I was allowed to, to compensate for what happened seven years ago.’

  Mia jumped up, her eyes flashing, and fell over as her injured heel hit the ground.

  Carlos was on his feet immediately and he picked her up and held her in his arms as she struggled.

  ‘Whoa!’ he admonished. ‘What the hell do you think I’m going to do? Here.’ He handed her the crutch and put his hands on her hips until she steadied.

  Then, to her fury, he tidied her hair with his hands and pushed it back over one shoulder. ‘I see what you mean about the crut
ch,’ he said as he straightened the collar of her dress. ‘Not only are you one-legged but you’re one-handed—awkward.’

  Mia breathed deeply and Carlos sat down again and drained his glass.

  ‘Go on, I’m all ears,’ he drawled.

  ‘Look, please don’t think I’m not grateful—’

  ‘Here we go again,’ he murmured. ‘You’re a good teacher, Gail.’

  ‘All right,’ she said through her teeth with sudden tears streaming down her face. ‘I will never forgive your mother for what she did, how she made me feel. I will never forgive you—’ she broke off and realised that it might have come seven years late but it was true ‘—for not checking up on me, even if it had been to come and say, “Mia, I could only mess up your life.”’

  ‘Mia—’

  But she waved him to silence. ‘Nor will I ever forgive your mother for coming back into my life and patronising me all over again. This—’ she gestured to take in Bellbird ‘—can’t change that and if I did stay on I’d feel terrible because I’d still feel the same way. Don’t you see?’

  ‘All right.’ He stood up and put the glasses back on the tray. ‘But you’d be well advised to stay for the six months. Protracted legal dealings can cost a fortune. Don’t worry.’ He looked down at her sardonically. ‘I won’t trouble you at all.’

  Mia discovered she was trembling all over and she still had tears rolling down her cheeks. ‘Look, I’m sorry if I...if...’

  ‘Forget it,’ he said. ‘Better to know where we stand. You hold your crutch.’

  Mia looked up at him. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘This, no doubt for the last time, Mia.’ And he picked her up effortlessly and started to stride across the lawn with her.

  Mia was struck dumb because, apart from kissing her, he couldn’t have done anything that affected her senses more drastically. To feel herself cradled against his hard, toned body, to inhale that tantalising smell of sweat and fresh cotton sent ripples of desire and need through her.

  Then he compounded it as they reached the house.

  He set her carefully on her feet, waited until she was steady on her crutch, then he kissed her full on the mouth with his hand cupping her head.