A Woman Worth Loving

by Jackie Braun

  “Ah. Well, no slight intended,” Seth replied. “I just figured that since most of the women I know tend to prefer diet beverages, I’d go with that. You can have the regular one if you want.”

  “No. This is fine.”

  After a moment’s hesitation, she stepped back to let him enter. The small cottage seemed to shrink to the size of a doll’s house once Seth stood in the living room.

  “I’m almost done unpacking. What about you?” she asked, eager for something to say.

  “I travel light, so I finished about an hour ago, which is why I had time to run down to that little grocery store near the dock and do some shopping. I’ve been eating out since I arrived and I’m tired of burgers and fries. The cottage has a stove and a microwave, as well as a gas grill on the porch. I figured I’d put them to use.”

  “Very domestic.”

  “I can be when it’s called for.”

  His gaze lowered to her lips and Audra decided there was nothing domesticated about the interest she saw spark in his eyes.

  She recalled the kiss he’d given her earlier on Dane’s porch and wondered if her reaction to him had been some sort of fluke. She’d never felt that kind of desperate need before. It had curled through her, as permeating as the smoke from a campfire.

  “What about you?” Seth was asking. And she realized that her gaze had lingered on his mouth.

  “Hmm?”

  “Groceries?”

  “Oh. Right.” She flipped open the tab on her beverage and took a hasty sip. “I guess I’ll probably head into town at some point.”

  “I’m willing to share my meal tonight.”

  That made four times that Seth had essentially invited Audra to dinner and she couldn’t help herself, she began to relent.

  “Oh? What’s on the menu?”

  A smile creased his cheeks, radiating all the way up to those smoky eyes, and Audra swore she felt the floor move under her feet. In California she would have written off the sensation as a minor earthquake. In Michigan she knew it was not caused by a shift in the earth’s tectonic plates.

  “Chicken,” he said, and for just a moment she thought he meant more than the bird. Then he added, “Everybody likes chicken in one form or another.”

  “Except vegetarians.” Not that she was one, although she had once played one on television. She kept that bit of trivia to herself, though. Somehow she doubted Seth was the sort of man to be dazzled by the fact she’d once had half a dozen lines on a now-canceled sitcom.

  “I’ve got salad, too,” Seth said, and smiled again when he added, “Everybody likes salad in one form or another.”

  “Salad you say?” She arched one eyebrow. “Baby mixed greens or plain old iceberg?”

  “This is a test, isn’t it?”

  Feeling on firmer footing, she replied, “Just answer the question.”

  “Neither, actually. I bought romaine and a bottle of Caesar to go with it. I even picked up a little freshly grated parmesan in the deli.”

  “Go on. You’ve got my attention.”

  “And I’ve got wine.”

  “Red or white?”

  “Both. I was hedging my bets.”

  Audra smiled. “I guess there’s hope for you after all, Seth Ridley.”

  The lighthearted exchange had restored her equilibrium. Audra no longer felt so tongue-tied and off balance—unless she looked at him for longer than a few moments. The man was like the sun: so distractingly gorgeous that you forgot how dangerous it could be if you stared at it for too long.

  “How does five-thirty sound?”

  He backed up as he spoke and unlatched the screen door, holding it open with one leg. Denim pulled taut across the expanse of his muscled thigh, drawing her attention. He must work out, she thought again.

  “Perfect,” she said, her gaze still on his leg. Then she coughed and glanced away.

  “I’ll see you then.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  AUDRA spent the remainder of the day trying to figure out what to wear even as she was wondering if she’d made a mistake in accepting the invitation. She settled on a pair of flare-legged jeans, pointy-toed black high heels and a tight, lightweight ebony turtleneck that hid her bruised neck, but whose hem flirted with the top of the low-rise pants.

  She dismissed as basic vanity the odd jangling of nerves that had her checking her appearance a third time in the mirror, just as she dismissed the date as nothing more than sharing a meal with a man who ultimately would be just passing through her life.

  Shrugging into a cropped denim jacket as she left her cottage, she told herself that, all in all, an evening with Seth would be a pleasant distraction from all of the current upheaval in her life. And this pleasant distraction would end with a handshake.

  Then she tapped on his door and knew the word pleasant was far too bland a description for Seth Ridley. As for the planned handshake, well, her fingers were already itching to be put to better uses and she hadn’t even said hello yet.

  The man was shirtless and the stuff of fantasies. His shoulders were broad and the muscles on his arms well defined without being overly large. He didn’t have a lot of hair on his chest, but what he did have was a couple shades darker than the sun-kissed blond on his head, and it tapered off into a tantalizing line that disappeared just before the waistband of a pair of supple jeans that she’d bet her ski chalet had been broken in the old-fashioned way: through lots of wear and washings.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “You did say five-thirty, right?”

  Audra managed to get the words out without stuttering. She was proud of herself for keeping her gaze corralled above his collarbone after that first totally unplanned detour downward, during which time her tongue had nearly lolled out of her open mouth.

  “Yeah. I got a little grime on me when I started up the grill. The racks hadn’t been cleaned in a while.” He held out the striped polo shirt he’d been wearing earlier. Black streaks marred the front of it now. “I was just in the process of changing.”

  Audra moistened her lips as discreetly as possible. “Don’t let me keep you.”

  “Come on in and make yourself at home. I’ll just be a minute.”

  “Take your time,” Audra said under her breath as he walked out of the room, and, hoping to ensure that he did, she called after him: “You might want to soak that shirt in the bathroom sink before the stain sets.”

  Once she was alone, she blew out a breath, determined to think of something other than Seth’s washboard stomach or the nice set of gluts she’d glimpsed as he’d walked away. She glanced around and the cottage’s decor snagged her attention. Just like the main lobby of the resort, the cottages needed basic maintenance and some serious updating.

  Seth’s rental was a carbon copy of hers, right down to the vintage 1940s Formica-topped table with thick chrome legs in the kitchen and the streamlined gold sofa and matching chairs in the main sitting room. Audra knew from island chatter that Sammy Davis Jr. had once stayed in this very cottage. In fact, all of the members of the Rat Pack had rented units for a couple of wild weeks one summer back in the late fifties. Audra swore she could still smell the smoke from their filterless cigarettes clinging to the upholstery as she sat down. And, God help her, the scent had her inhaling deeply. Almost a week had passed since she’d had her last cigarette. She did her best to ignore the intense craving now.

  Since decorating was a bit of a hobby of hers, she made some mental notes for the cottage. Modern wouldn’t work here tucked into the woods. Neither would the heavy log furnishings popular in more rustic resorts. But shabby chic would be a good choice for these cozy, whitewashed units. Distressed furniture upholstered in blues and muted greens. Those relaxing hues would pull in nature’s color palette once the heavy draperies were removed.

  She was fingering the thick fabric over the main window when Seth returned. He wore a plain white T-shirt now, which he’d left untucked, but it hugged his broad chest and the six-pack she reme
mbered seeing carved just below it.

  Audra dragged her gaze away and concentrated on a spot just past his left ear. “So, what do you think of the cottages?”

  “They’re pretty nice. Small, but then I didn’t expect them to be large. And you should see the view from my bedroom window.”

  Awareness sizzled for a moment. Was that an invitation? Audra wondered. But then he continued speaking.

  “There’s a little stream out there. I saw a couple deer drinking from it when I got here. Makes me wonder why the folks who built the place didn’t turn the cottage the other way so vacationers could sit on the porch and enjoy it.”

  Audra had thought the same thing when she was a kid and so she smiled, feeling relieved to have found a safe, nonsuggestive topic.

  “I know exactly what you mean.”

  She had no view of the stream that babbled past the back of Seth’s cottage and into the woods, but she remembered it from years past.

  “Can you still see the lake?” she asked.

  “Just barely. Trees are overgrown, but they don’t have many leaves yet so I can make out a sliver of blue.”

  “There are a lot of streams like that on the island. Most of them run dry by midsummer,” Audra told him. “They’re caused by runoff from the melting snow and seasonal rain. That one must be spring fed or something, though, because even in August it’s still going strong. When Dane, Ali and I were kids, we’d put on our swimsuits and ride the stream out to where it dumps into Lake Michigan.”

  “Sounds fun.”

  “It was. And damn cold,” she recalled.

  She hadn’t thought about those carefree summer days in a long time. In fact, she hadn’t thought of many of her happy childhood memories in too many years to count. Somehow, it had been easier to dwell on the things that had gone wrong and the slights that had wounded her. Over the years, she’d honed those into sharp-tipped excuses for acting outrageous. And for staying away.

  “Audra?”

  Seth’s voice tugged her to the present.

  “Sorry. I guess my mind wandered.”

  “You were frowning. I hope I didn’t somehow bring back an unpleasant memory.”

  He raised his eyebrows, his expression open and inviting confidences. She laid a hand on his arm, touched by his apparent concern.

  “Not at all. Actually the memories were good. I was just trying to figure out why I’d chosen to forget them and concentrate on the negative ones instead.”

  Her candor surprised Seth. He didn’t like it. He had hoped to get her to spill her secrets, bare her soul. He wanted her acting self-absorbed rather than self-effacing, because that egocentric woman was who he wanted to expose. She was who Deke Welling planned to trash in his tell-all book.

  What really troubled Seth, though, was that the casual and fleeting contact of her hand on his arm had left his skin feeling singed. Audra was his enemy. She’d played a role in ruining his life, and yet he couldn’t quite exorcise this attraction. If anything, it seemed that the more time he spent with her the greater it grew.

  “I’d better check on the chicken,” he said, backing toward the kitchen. “I decided to grill it.”

  “Anything I can do to help?”

  He forced a smile to his lips and said, “Sure. Pour the wine.”

  When he had gone, Audra walked into the kitchen and opened one of the top cupboards. Then she frowned. Okay, she hadn’t expected Steuben crystal, but the mismatched selection was downright embarrassing for a resort of this caliber. Since there were no wineglasses she chose two stocky tumblers, one of which had a noticeable chip in its thick glass base, and poured the wine that was already opened and breathing on the countertop.

  She joined Seth outside a moment later. The porch extended the length of the front of the cottage and then wrapped around the side where a door led out from the kitchen. The grill was tucked just outside that door.

  She handed him one of the glasses and scooted onto the low railing that edged the porch, trying to ignore the fact that the white paint was peeling and a couple of the spindles appeared loose. Audra liked the distressed look when it came to furniture, but this was just, well, distressing. And sad.

  “This resort used to be top-notch,” she said, flaking off some of the paint with one of her fingernails.

  “It’s showing its age,” he agreed. “Nothing lasts forever.”

  “I disagree. Some things are timeless. Saybrook’s is one of them. With an infusion of capital and the right kind of branding…” She let the words trail away as she glanced around. “I love this place. I don’t think I realized how much until now.”

  “It is different here, isolated. If not for television and newspapers you might forget the outside world exists.”

  Audra nearly choked on her wine. If he was watching television and reading newspapers it was only a matter of time before he figured out who she was. Details of her assault were still being featured on CNN. Sure, she looked somewhat different now with her hair curly and a few shades darker, and her makeup a few shades lighter, but she didn’t look that different. And the use of the name Jones as an alias could hardly be considered inspired.

  But she relaxed when he added, “Of course, I haven’t picked up a paper or flipped on the tube in a while. I guess I just don’t want to know what’s going on in the world right now.”

  “Too depressing,” Audra agreed.

  She sipped her wine and concentrated on Seth’s deft movements with a pair of stainless steel tongs.

  “You almost look like you know what you’re doing,” she teased.

  “All men can grill. I think it might be stamped into our DNA.”

  “Really? I don’t recall reading that in any of the articles that have been done on the human genome project.”

  His gaze flicked to her, eyebrows arched. The surprise in his expression would have been comical if it hadn’t also wounded a little bit.

  “I know,” she said lightly. “It’s shocking that someone who looks like me actually pays attention to such things. I get that a lot. I once overheard my high school math teacher tell my guidance counselor that Ali got the brains in the family and I got the boobs.”

  She laughed, even though the comment still smarted. Seth’s gaze flicked south for a brief moment before climbing back to her face. For some reason he looked…guilty?

  “I…I’m sorry.”

  Audra waved off the apology and decided to do them both a favor and change the subject.

  “So, how long are you staying on Trillium? You mentioned something about extending your stay when you rented the cottage from my sister.”

  He carefully flipped three chicken breasts before answering. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be here.”

  “Don’t you have to get back?”

  “Not right away.”

  She sipped her wine again, telling herself it was only basic curiosity that had her asking, “Won’t anybody be missing you?”

  His expression didn’t change, but something about Seth seemed suddenly remote, as if he had stepped away from her instead of becoming quite still.

  She must have imagined it, she decided, when he laid the tongs aside and picked up his wine for a casual sip.

  “No.”

  Before she could respond to that, he lobbed the question back at her.

  “What about you? You told Dane you were going to stay here indefinitely. I believe the phrase you used was, ‘as long as it takes.’ That’s pretty open-ended. Anybody back home have an issue with that?”

  “No. No one, which I guess is part of the reason I finally returned to Michigan.”

  “Sounds like you’ve been gone a long time,” he commented.

  “Ten years.”

  “And you haven’t been back before now?”

  “No. I…I did something. Well, actually, I let my sister believe I’d done something pretty nasty when I left here. I was twenty at the time.” She glanced past him into the woods. “And stupid.”

 
Audra laughed softly, though the sound held no mirth. Oh, how she wished she could rewind the years and unmake every last mistake and foolish choice.

  “Anyway, I came back hoping to make it up to her.”

  “And how’s that going?” he asked casually, although Audra figured he knew since he’d been present at both occasions when she and Ali had met. Before she could reply, he added, “I’m sorry. That’s really none of my business.”

  Audra shrugged. “That’s okay. My life is an open book.”

  Yes, indeed, but Seth wisely kept his gaze locked on the sizzling chicken, lest his expression give something away. Still, he hoped she would keep talking, and she didn’t disappoint him.

  “It’s not going very well, but I’m not going to give up or go away. I told Dane I’d be here as long as it takes and I meant it. This is too important. Haven’t you ever had something you just had to see through to the end no matter what?”

  “Yes.” He answered without hesitation or equivocation. “It drives you.”

  “Exactly. I…I’m on a mission.”

  “Crusade,” he murmured.

  “An even better word,” she agreed.

  “Can I ask, without prying too much—I mean, you don’t have to tell me the particulars, but I am curious—why is it so important to you?”

  He wasn’t after the information for the exposé, he realized, as much as he was truly curious.

  She swirled the wine around in the bottom of her glass for a moment before answering.

  “Let’s just say I recently had a life-altering experience, but even before that I was reevaluating my priorities and regretting a lot of the choices I’d made over the years.”

  “And now you want to start fresh,” he said. “You want forgiveness.”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s not always possible, you know.” Seth hoped he sounded as if he was merely offering an opinion rather than stating a truth that had alternately haunted and driven him for the past couple of years.

  Audra surprised him by nodding.