by T. L. Hayes
Sure enough, just as she passed Rory’s old room, the door next to it opened and Lori popped her head out her door. Lori was someone she sometimes hung out with and slept with when the mood struck her, though they hadn’t hooked up in months. Lori had started to become clingy and possessive and hadn’t been able to handle just keeping things casual. When Rachel told her she didn’t want to continue sleeping with her anymore, Lori took it hard for a while but she seemed to have gotten over it and they had worked their way into a tolerable friendship.
“Rach, you’re home early.”
Rachel stopped to chat, making sure the smile was firmly in place. “Yeah, slim pickings tonight. Everyone was already coupled up. No single ladies.” She said the last in the style of Beyoncé and Lori smiled.
“I see why you left early. Come in, Molly and Lanie are here—I made Jell-O.” Lori’s eyes danced mischievously and probably a bit drunkenly, Rachel thought.
“I don’t like Jell-O.”
“Everyone likes Jell-O shots, silly.” Lori tugged on her arm.
“Jell-O shots? Why didn’t you say so? There’s always room for Jell-O shots.” Rachel allowed herself to be pulled into the room with the other girls. She knew if she played her cards right, she could have Lori sleeping in her bed before the night was over, but she also knew she didn’t want to go down that road again. She wasn’t that desperate. Maybe she would just drink a few shots and go back to her room, alone.
Chapter Two
On Saturday, Rachel decided to stay in and once again found herself in Lori’s room. Tonight, it was Jagerbombs. Not Rachel’s favorite at all—she hated both components of the drink. She politely declined, preferring just soda for once. She let the chatter surround her head like a dense fog. When one of the girls, Molly, she thought, suggested pizza, she came alert enough to put her two cents worth in the vote for toppings.
It was agreed they would order from the place closest to campus and Rachel zoned out again. She had thought about calling Rory earlier in the day, but to say what? Yeah, I made an ass of myself in front of this person I think is really hot, even if he is kind of a jerk and he probably hates me now. How was your day? But she’d decided against it. She wasn’t sure how to explain the fact that she might be attracted to a guy.
When the knock came a half hour later, Rachel was the one sitting closest to the door, so she answered it. For a moment, she thought her mind was playing tricks on her. Then she remembered that she was stone-cold sober. Standing in front of her, with a leather warming bag in one hand and a receipt in the other, was Bobby, still as hot as he had been the night before, the red and black uniform not distracting from his attractiveness at all.
Rachel couldn’t speak for a moment and it looked like Bobby was surprised as well, but he recovered first.
“Hi—I got one pepperoni and sausage and one cheese, medium. That’ll be $25.84.”
“Oh, yeah, here.” Rachel pulled out her wallet from her back pocket and called, “I got this, guys,” to the group over her shoulder, which had all gone silent staring at Bobby. She handed him two bills and said, “Keep the change.”
Bobby’s face was unreadable. “Thanks.” He took the money from Rachel’s hand and handed her the pizza. “Actually, I’ll give up my tip if you give me your number instead.” Bobby grinned and the girls behind Rachel could barely contain themselves.
“Seriously? You didn’t just seriously ask me for my number?”
“Yeah, I did. I probably should have led with the apology first, dammit.” Bobby looked away from her.
“Hold that thought.” She turned and set the boxes on the chair she had been sitting on, then stepped back into the hallway, ignoring the looks from the other girls, and closed the door behind her, positive her friends would immediately go quiet so that they could eavesdrop. “Okay, apology time.”
“I was kind of a jerk to you and I’m sorry.”
“Kind of a jerk? You were kind of an asshole, actually. I liked you and I didn’t deserve that.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest defiantly.
Bobby looked down at his shoes again. “I know. I would like the chance to make it up to you.”
Rachel sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, putting your rudeness aside for the moment, there’s also the fact—as you obviously know—I’m a lesbian. That’s the only reason I backed off flirting with you. Not because of some bullshit anti-trans thing or whatever you’re thinking. I just don’t date guys, whether they were assigned that way at birth or not. I’m sorry.”
“Look, I’m not asking you to change your identity, just your mind.”
“And forgive you for putting me in the category of all the bitchy lesbians you know?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s a lot to ask.”
“I know.”
Rachel ran her hands through her hair and sighed. “Dammit to hell.”
Bobby grinned.
“Don’t look so confident. I’m not giving you my number because I’m suddenly straight or because I suddenly forgive you.”
“Then why are you giving me your number?”
“I never said I was.”
“But you’re thinking about it.” The playful smile never left Bobby’s face.
“You think you’re charming, don’t you?”
“Baby, I know I’m charming.”
“Oh my God! You are fucking exasperating is what you are.” Rachel rolled her eyes.
“That’s one of my better qualities.”
“Does this charm thing you’re trying to do actually work? I mean, are girls actually impressed by this?” Rachel asked.
“I’ll let you know.”
Neither one said anything for a moment. Finally, Bobby set the warming bag down and held the receipt against the wall and proceeded to write something down. As he wrote he said, “I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you my number and if you think you can forgive me and might want to just get to know me better and see what happens, you can call me. It’ll all be up to you.”
He stood back from the door and handed Rachel the receipt. With a smile, she reached for it but at the last second, he folded his fingers, moving the paper out of her reach. He wasn’t as tall as Rory but he was still taller than her.
“You gonna call me?”
“Maybe. I haven’t decided if I want to forgive you yet.” With a quick move, Rachel jumped and snatched the paper from his hand, then opened the door and ducked back into the room. She wasn’t sure what was worse, the cocky grin on his face or the questions she knew the girls were going to ask.
* * *
As Rachel had expected, the girls in the room wanted all the details, and the questions started as soon as the door closed and came in rapid-fire succession.
“How do you know her?” Lori asked.
“Him,” Rachel stated.
“She’s gorgeous,” Molly gushed.
“His name is Bobby.”
“Did she just ask you out?” Lori again.
“He kinda did.”
“Wait, why do you keep saying he?” Lainie asked.
“Because he’s a guy.”
“What? Really? No way!” Molly again.
“Yes, he’s trans.” Rachel regretted saying it as soon as it was out of her mouth.
“And he just asked you out? What’d you say?” Molly seemed almost overeager for details.
“Well, I—”
“What do you think she said? She said no. She doesn’t date guys,” said Lori, with her arms crossed over her chest.
“That’s true,” Molly agreed. “Too bad, he was sexy though. Did you see those eyes? Gorgeous.”
“Molly!”
Molly sulked.
“Wait, so he’s only cute when you think he’s a she?” Rachel demanded. “Are you saying his gender determines his hotness? I don’t get that, please explain that to me.” Rachel was starting to get annoyed, though she wasn’t sure why. They weren’t acting any worse than she had the night she’d met Bobby.
Maybe I’m mad at them because I still feel guilty for the way I acted. Geez, paging Dr. Freud.
“Well, you know, he’s a guy…You should know by now what the definition of lesbian is.” Lori stood over Rachel, still with her arms crossed, as if she was challenging Rachel to defy her logic.
Rachel stood up and faced her. Lori might have had her in height by a couple of inches, most people did, but Rachel knew she could be more intimidating. “Since when does the definition of lesbian include narrow-minded and prejudiced?”
“You sound like you’re considering going out with him. That’s quite a surprise. The Rachel I know only dates, or fucks, girls.” Lori sneered at her.
“Lori, don’t think just because I’ve fucked you that you know me. You don’t know shit.”
“Obviously. So, what are you saying, are you bi now or something?”
“No. I’m still the same person I always was.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Fuck you, Lori. Actually, unfuck you. I really wish that were possible.” With that, she slammed out of the room and went back to her own. She was pissed at how the whole confrontation with Lori had gone down. She needed her best friend.
It was still kind of early, not even ten, so she didn’t worry that she would be bothering Rory. Since Rory was so far away, a phone call was the best she could manage. Before she had left, Rory had told her that she could call whenever she wanted, and if she wasn’t busy, she would always answer. So hoping Rory and Maggie weren’t on a date or something, Rachel hit speed dial.
“Hey, how’s my BFF?” Rory asked.
Rachel was amused. “Since when do you use current slang?”
“You’re right, it’s not me, is it?” There was the usual humor in Rory’s voice and it put Rachel at her ease.
“No. Just go back to being outdated. I like you better that way.”
“Fine. Being trendy is too much work anyway.”
“That’s why I ignore trends and just do me. So, am I interrupting anything?” Rachel asked sincerely, but hoping Rory would say no.
“No, I can take care of Maggie and talk to you at the same time.” Rory snickered.
“I don’t know whether to be grossed out, offended on her behalf, or impressed.”
This time Rory laughed out loud. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I just meant that she has the flu.”
“You jerk. You did that on purpose.”
“I would never. So, why’d you call, anyway?”
Rachel told her about how she had been attracted to Bobby when she thought he was a girl, but then made an ass of herself after she found out the truth, him being a major jerk, then the accidental meeting over pizza and how he had apologized and given her his number. She told her about the girls’ reactions and her response to them. Rory listened to it all, only muttering assurances that she was still listening.
“Okay. That’s why I called.”
“Rachel—screw them.” Rory sounded indignant. “If you like him, nothing else matters. Maybe ask him why he reacted that way to you. I’m not trying to excuse him, but there’s bound to be a reason.”
“Yeah, but putting that aside for the moment, I’m not bi or pansexual or any other new term. I’m just plain old boring gay. I can’t pretend I’m not.”
“Did he ask you to?”
“Well, no. But it wouldn’t be right.”
“In what way?”
“In a lot of ways, but Rory, think about this. The more he starts to look like a guy I’m probably not going to think he’s so cute or want to date him. I know that makes me shallow and small-minded, but that’s just how it is. Like I told him, it’s not an anti-trans thing, I just don’t date men, period.”
“Well, let me ask you this. Rachel, do you like him?”
Rachel sighed. “It all comes back to that, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does. That’s the only thing you should think about.”
“Yes, but, what if it’d been you instead of me? Would you have gone out with him?”
Rory took a moment before she responded. Then, “I know the right thing to say is yes, but to be honest, I can’t say for sure. I understand where you’re coming from, I do. I mean, I want to be the type of person who says I would only date someone I truly connected with and their body and their label wouldn’t matter. I wish I could say that, but that’s just not me and it doesn’t have to be you either. Attraction should not be based on political correctness. That being said, you just gotta go with your gut on this one. I wish I had a better answer for you.”
Rachel sighed. “No, that makes sense. Let me think on it some more.”
“I’m sorry I don’t have better advice than that. Just don’t take too long. The hot ones get snatched up quickly.”
“Oh, like you’re an expert. I’m sure Maggie would have waited for you, had you foolishly been dating someone else.”
“You’re assuming I’m the hot one in this relationship. Rachel, I’m attractive…but Maggie’s gorgeous.”
A silence fell between them.
Finally, Rachel broke it. “I’ll take your word for it. Thank you—thank you for answering.”
“Anytime. Just relax, think it through, and don’t worry about living up to anyone else’s expectations.”
“I know. I guess I should let you get back to Maggie now.”
“Yeah. The doc needs some doctoring and much TLC. Keep me posted.”
“I will.”
Chapter Three
So after having spent the night thinking it over, Rachel decided to give Bobby a call. But not before she got up, brushed her teeth and her wild hair, and made sure her voice didn’t sound sleepy. She hadn’t actually read what he had written the night before. Now she smiled as she studied the receipt. Call me, Wild One. I promise, I won’t try to tame you.
Rachel laughed and shook her head. “You are such a dork. What the hell.” She took her phone off her desk and dialed the number written on the receipt.
“Hello?”
“So, is Wild One my nickname now, or something? Cause if so, I need to know so that I can live up to it.”
Bobby chuckled. “Good morning, Rachel. And who says you haven’t already?”
“Really? What have I done that’s so wild?”
“Well, you called me, for one.”
“And that makes me wild?” Rachel asked, somewhat incredulously.
“It might to some people. Like your friends,” Bobby said quietly.
“Fuck ’em. They don’t make my decisions for me. If I want to get to know you better and see what happens, that’s my business.”
“Fair enough. So does this mean that you forgive me?” Bobby asked sincerely.
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether or not you will judge me based on how other girls have treated you. I’m not an asshole to people—at least, I try not to be. I may be wild sometimes, as you claim, and I have been told I don’t have a filter, whatever the fuck that means, but I do my best to treat people with respect. Now I will get off my soapbox long enough to say, if you can take me as I am, I will do the same for you. I want to hang out with you today. I don’t know if I’m ready to call it a date or not, but pick me up and we’ll see what happens. Fair enough?”
“Yeah, more than fair.”
“Good. Now get over here.”
Chuckling, Bobby said, “Yes ma’am.”
* * *
They decided to take a walk together and the place they chose was the campus lake, though it was more like a pond, really. It was a lovely setting, surrounded as it was by trees, the occasional bench, hills, and about two dozen ducks, who were currently eyeing Rachel and Bobby to see if they had any food to offer. When the humans made no attempt to offer them anything, the ducks went away disappointed.
Rachel was amused that they were dressed similarly in jeans and flannel, owing much to the fall weather. Bobby walked with his hands behind his back, as if he didn’t hav
e a care in the world.
“You know if you’re curious, you can ask me things. If you’re worried about getting too personal, don’t. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say so.”
“Okay. There is something I’ve been wondering.”
“Okay.”
“Why…why pick some guy no one remembers as your idol?”
Bobby laughed. “That’s what you want to ask me?”
“Yeah. I mean, what’s the appeal?”
“Well, I like his songs. And you’re right, no one remembers him and I think that’s sad. Heck, he’s not even dead.”
“Do you write your own songs?”
“Yeah. I haven’t sung them in public in a while though.”
“Why not?”
“Ah, you know how it is.” Bobby unclasped his hands and let them fall loosely at his sides as he kicked at a clump of dirt.
Rachel thought he was suddenly shy and she found it adorable. “No, I don’t know. Maybe the real question is, do you want to spend the rest of your life singing someone else’s songs and living with someone else’s name, or do you want to make a name for yourself singing your own songs?” She brushed a strand of hair which had fallen in her eyes away from her face.
“Wow, the questions you ask, Rachel Cole.”
“Wow, the questions you evade, Bobby Layton.”
Bobby laughed. “Touché. I do want to sing my own songs. What, you don’t like my name?”
“Oh, I think it’s fine and I have no business telling you to change it. I was just making the point that if you’re going to be a man, be your own man.”
“You pull no punches, I’ll give you that. Don’t you have any questions about my transition?”
On impulse, Rachel grabbed his hand. He looked at their clasped hands and smiled but didn’t say anything. “I had considered it, but I figured that’s probably all you’ve talked about lately. Thought you might like a change of pace.”
