Sweet Boy and Wild One

by T. L. Hayes

  The session today was two hours long and by the time she gave Dr. Silver her final bow and left the mat to get more to drink, she was exhausted but strangely exuberant. She thanked Bobby for handing her the water and wished she had brought something to wipe the sweat off her face. Next time, she told herself. After drinking, much more slowly than she had after the first session, she asked Bobby, “So, what’d you think?”

  Bobby grinned. “It was awesome.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “You look hot, by the way.”

  “I am—overheated, that is.” She took him by the hand. “Come on, I want you to meet Lou.” She dragged him over to where Dr. Silver was standing drinking her own water and toweling herself off.

  She smiled when they approached. “So, you’re the Bobby I’ve heard so much about?”

  Bobby looked at Rachel. “How much has she heard?”

  Rachel felt her face flush. “Don’t worry.” She turned to Dr. Silver. “Yes, this is him. I swear I wasn’t making him up.”

  Dr. Silver smiled and extended her hand. “Nice to meet you, Bobby.”

  “Same.”

  “What’d you think of what your girlfriend was doing today?”

  “I thought it was really cool. What you can do looks really sweet. Are you a black belt or something?”

  “I’m flattered. And to think, this isn’t even my final form.” She grinned at them. “I don’t much care for rankings, but I have earned a black belt over the last few years,” Dr. Silver said, somewhat demurely.

  “Cool! So could you run a dojo or whatever it’s called?”

  “Wushuguan, and yes, if I wanted to, but I’d rather focus my attention on teaching theater. I like learning this discipline for its own sake and when I teach it to someone it’s only because they really want to learn it. Like Rachel, here.” She smiled at her and Rachel bit her lip. “She’s a good student and I know she’s going to continue to do well.”

  Bobby put his arm around Rachel’s waist and beamed at her. “I don’t doubt that. I was wondering…Would you be able to teach me?”

  Rachel looked up at him, curious, but didn’t say anything.

  Dr. Silver took a moment to look him in the eye, just as she had Rachel, and gave a slow nod. “I can. Can you come when Rachel comes?”

  “I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Good.” She turned to Rachel and said, “Just don’t tell all your friends, since I’m not running a school here. I don’t need a line of grad students thinking they’re going to be Bruce Lee or an animated Jack Black.”

  Even though they weren’t in formal session, Rachel bowed and said, “Of course not, Sifu.”

  Dr. Silver laughed. “I’m not sure if you were just being sarcastic there or not, but thank you.”

  “I’m not sure either, to be honest. Anyway, thanks, Lou. See you in class. Come on, I need a shower.” She started to leave, then saw Dr. Silver’s upraised brow and remembered, and stopped in her tracks. “Oh right, sorry.”

  Bobby, confused, asked, “What?”

  “She goes first.”

  “Oh.” Bobby stood to one side as Dr. Silver left.

  Once she was gone, Bobby said, “Man, that was intense. The whole thing, not just that last bit.”

  “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

  “Baby, I am if you are.”

  “Why does that sound like an insult?”

  Bobby laughed. “It’s not, I swear. You want to go back to my place where we can shower together?”

  “God, you’re like a walking hormone.”

  “Well, yeah. What can I say, I’m a growing boy.”

  “Just exactly what part of you is growing right now?”

  “I…” He couldn’t continue because he started laughing.

  “That’s what I thought. Come on. We will not shower at your place. I will shower in my dorm, where you will wait patiently for me. If you’re good, I might let you give me a massage afterward.”

  “Ooh.”

  “Stop that. Just a massage. That’s the only kind of rubbing I want right now.”

  “Aww.”

  “Big baby.” As she led him out, they were both laughing.

  * * *

  Once they had gotten back to the dorm, Rachel headed straight for the shower, and afterward, Bobby gave her a massage. While she was lying on her stomach, enjoying the feel of Bobby’s hands on her body in a way other than sexual, she was compelled to say with a moan, “Oh, that feels so good.”

  “I’m glad. I haven’t done this very often, you know?”

  “Really? Well, it makes me feel special. Thank you so much. Mmm.”

  “Good, that’s how you’re supposed to feel, because you are.”

  “Aww, you’re just saying that to get into my pants.”

  Bobby laughed. “You’re currently not wearing pants. And it would be very easy for me to have my way with you if I wanted to. You are putty in my hands.”

  “Mmm, more like Jell-O. And don’t be so sure about that. You only get as far as I let you get. I am perfectly capable of resisting you.” Abruptly, she flipped over on her back and Bobby’s hands ended up on her stomach. He grinned and playfully tweaked a nipple. Rachel did a sharp inhale but took his hand in hers. “Not yet.”

  “Okay. Whatever you say.”

  She smiled and sat up and pulled the sheet up to her waist, partially covering her nakedness. “Tell me something—why’d you ask to learn kung fu anyway?”

  He pulled back and had a thoughtful expression on his face. “Can’t I want to learn something new? I mean, it looked cool. Isn’t that enough?” His tone had a sudden edge to it and he sat up more and moved away from her a little.

  Confused at his sudden change in mood, Rachel said, “Yeah, of course you can. I was just curious.” She looked at him for a moment then asked, “Is everything okay?”

  He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, it’s fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to be a jerk about it. It’s just a hard thing to talk about.”

  Rachel leaned toward him and touched his arm. “I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I hope you know you can.”

  He gave her a wan smile. “Yeah, I know. Remember the other day when I said that violence against trans people was no joke?”

  “Yes.”

  “I know because…I know because I’ve been jumped before. And I wasn’t ready for it. I know the reality and I know if it happened once, it can happen again. I want to be ready for it this time.” He shrugged. His hands were resting in his lap and Rachel took one of his hands in hers.

  “I should have guessed it was something like that. I’m sorry for pushing you about it. I totally understand.”

  “You weren’t being pushy, just curious. And you have a right to know everything about me. Some things are just harder to talk about than others, is all.”

  “I know.” Rachel put her arms around him and held him close and kissed him on the neck. He returned the hug, holding her tight, and buried his face against her. She stroked his hair. They sat that way for a moment, and then he pulled away but stayed in her embrace.

  With his forehead against hers and his eyes closed, he said, “It was a couple years ago. I was working for a sandwich delivery place in the city. It was dark.” He spoke almost in a whisper, as if saying the words took all his energy.

  Rachel interrupted him. “You don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do. No one answered the door, so I was heading back to my car when they jumped me. I don’t know where they came from. Suddenly there were just three guys standing between me and my car. They called me a faggot and one of them was on me and held my arms, while another one started hitting me. The third one started smashing the windows out in my car. They kept calling me names and hitting me. At some point I just gave up and went limp. I just gave up.” He stopped talking and silent tears wet his cheeks.

  Rachel wiped them away.

  “Shh. It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re o
kay.” She tried to put her arms around him again but he stayed rigid. He opened his eyes but couldn’t look at her.

  “All that kept going through my mind was Brandon Teena and Matthew Shepard and I thought they were going to kill me. They just wouldn’t stop. Finally, someone walked by and saw what was happening and called them off and they ran. It was some older guy who lived in the neighborhood. He called the cops and stayed until they came. I never got his name.”

  He looked back up at Rachel and said the next sentence with vehemence. “My mother came to the hospital and said…”

  He swallowed and Rachel could tell he was choking back tears.

  “She said, You shouldn’t have provoked them. That was the only thing she said. I shouldn’t have provoked them. Then she left and never came back. My father just stood there the whole time shaking his head. I was living on my own but I got scared and Chris said I could move in with him. I don’t want to be scared anymore, Rachel. I don’t.” He swallowed again and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, honey, why, why are you sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  “Because I’m not man enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.” He looked down at his hands, which he had clasped in his lap. “I’m not what you thought I was.”

  Choking back her own tears, Rachel took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. “You think being a man means not being afraid? You think I want you to be some clichéd behemoth who can’t string two coherent sentences together but can crush beer cans on his head?” Bobby gave her a weak smile. “And, for the record, you are exactly what I thought you were. You’re my sweet boy. But don’t think because I call you a boy that means you’re not a man. I call you Sweet Boy because you have a tender, innocent heart. I call you Sweet Boy because you put others before yourself and don’t think twice about it. You can still be my Sweet Boy and be a man, just a different kind of man. Remember, I don’t date men. That makes you special.”

  “I guess.”

  “Come here.” Before he could protest, Rachel pulled him to her and leaned back on her bed and held him to her and stroked his hair and began to rock him back and forth very gently.

  Very softly, he asked, “Can you sing to me?”

  “What do you want me to sing?”

  “I don’t care, I just need to hear your voice right now.”

  Rachel kissed him on top of the head and said, “Okay. Shh. I got you.” Then she began to sing, slow and soft. As she sang it became harder and harder to not cry but what kept her from sobbing was remembering the strong, sweet boy in her arms. She knew she had to hold it together for him. She would be strong for him.

  * * *

  The next morning, Rachel didn’t want to let Bobby go but he had to work the early shift again and she had no choice. Before he left, she stood with him at her door with her arms around him, just holding him close. Now that she knew what could happen to him, she felt like she was sending her baby to war and she hated it.

  “Baby, if I don’t go, I’m going to be late. You want me to come by after work?”

  “I wish you could move in with me.”

  “I don’t think the college would approve of that, since I’m not a student here anymore.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what they think.” She sighed. “But I know.” She touched his cheek and kissed him one more time. “Can you text me throughout your shift?”

  Bobby chuckled. “Yes. A little. I’ll check in when I can. Rachel, that attack was two years ago. I’m going to be fine. But I’m glad you care so much.”

  “For you it was two years ago—for me it was last night. But I know.” She put on a brave, fake smile. “Be safe. And get back here as quickly as you can, hmm?”

  “Okay, I will, you have my word.”

  Sniffing back tears, she stepped back from him and said, “Okay, you should go before I tie you to the bed.”

  Bobby laughed and grinned. “Hmm, that could be interesting. Put that on the maybe list for later.”

  “Great, now I have to go shopping for restraints. Go on, get out of here.” She waved him away with a smile.

  “All right, I’m going. See you later.”

  “Duh. Now enough, go.” With one last smile and wave, Bobby left. Once he was out the door, she covered her face with her hands and moaned out loud. She wished she could go down the hall, knock on her best friend’s door, and drag her out to have a drink somewhere, not caring that it wasn’t even noon yet.

  Rachel missed Rory more than ever. She really could use a friend right now. She pulled out her phone and called Rory, not at all sure if she would answer. She knew Rory liked to sleep late when she didn’t have a morning class but she had no idea what her current schedule was like. She just knew that if Rory was available she would answer. It took five rings, but she finally did.

  “Rach?” She sounded groggy. “What are you doing up this early?”

  “Bobby spent the night and had to go into work this morning.”

  “You okay? You don’t sound right. Or are you just sleepy?”

  “I’m not right. Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”

  “Yes and no.” Rory sounded more awake now. “I went back to bed after Maggie left. It’s okay. What’s wrong?”

  Rachel sighed and collapsed across her bed. “Bobby shared something from his past last night. I don’t know if I can handle this, Rory. I don’t. This is scary.”

  “What is it, honey?”

  Rachel started to silently cry again at the sound of love in Rory’s voice and she wiped a tear away. When she spoke again she knew Rory would be able to tell she was on the verge of really letting go. She tried to swallow the tears as much as she could. “Something horrible happened to him a couple years ago. He got jumped by three guys. He was in the hospital for several days. They were stopped before they could do a lot of damage, I guess. I almost couldn’t let him leave this morning, Rory. To think I have to let him loose in the world when there’s people out there who will do shit like this just because he’s different from them. I mean, I know that’s the way the world is and it happens to a lot of different people. I just don’t understand.” Fuck it, she would let the tears come, let Rory hear her cry. This was why she called, wasn’t it?

  “Oh, honey, I wish I could be there for you. I can’t hug you from this far away.”

  “It’s okay. You answered, that’s enough.”

  “I wish I had an easy answer though. As members of the queer community, we’re all at risk, but him more than us, that’s for sure. Look, I know you’re scared for him and there’s no way of knowing if it will happen again or not, though we all hope not. I think he’s brave though, because he faces this kind of thing every day when he goes out into the world. It’s gotta be tough to look beyond what did happen and what could happen and focus on the simple fact that, no matter what, he has the strength and the courage to face another day. He hasn’t given up. It may have scared him shitless, and I wouldn’t judge him if it did, but he’s not hiding. He’s living his truth every day. And all you have to do is care about him and cheer him on when things are going well, or hold him when they’re not.”

  Rachel teased Rory through her tears. “God, did you change majors to psychology or something? You’ve become so damn analytical and insightful since you moved up to the Great White North.”

  “That’s Canada, you dork.”

  “You’re like a stone’s throw away from Canada, so same dif.”

  “Thank you for proving that Americans still suck at geography.”

  “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with my geography. I know where you live, Morgan. I can find you.”

  “Uh-huh. Come and get me, Shorty. I’m waiting.”

  Instead of returning the banter, Rachel turned serious again. “I know you are. Thank you.”

  “Anytime. Hey, Rach?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You are free to visit if you want. You got plans for Thanksgiving?”

  “Just my pare
nts’ house. Are you about to make me an offer I can’t refuse?”

  “Maybe. Maggie and I were talking about the holidays, and I was going to cook, of course. My parents are coming. Why don’t you come up too? And if Bobby can get away, bring him.”

  “You have room for that many people?”

  “Well, in truth, we only have one guest room and my parents are getting that, but I will always have room for you, even if it means on the couch, or if Bobby comes, the living room floor. It’s what you do for family. You don’t make room—there’s always room.”

  Rachel felt like crying again but only because she felt so much love. “I’m going to say something to you I rarely say, so I don’t know how you’re going to be able to take it.”

  “Go ahead, I’m prepared.”

  “Good. You ready?”

  “I said I was.”

  “Okay, here it goes…I love you, Aurora Morgan. Not in the same way I used to, but in a better way. You are the family I choose and I’m glad you choose me too.” That was all. She couldn’t say any more.

  “I love you too, Rach. And I will always choose you, Pikachu.”

  “I am not a rodent, thank you very much!”

  Chuckling, Rory said, “But you do have yellow fur and brown eyes.”

  “Oh, shut up. I’m hanging up now and I’ll let you know about Thanksgiving. Jerk.” She disconnected to the sound of Rory’s laughter.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It had been two years since the bad thing happened. Bobby had long since healed. His body had, anyway. He had suffered a broken arm and a couple of broken ribs, both eyes had been blackened, and his face had looked like he had been in a boxing ring. He never forgot that it could have been much worse. It took him months to be able to sleep through the night without nightmares. He quit his job because he didn’t like where his deliveries sent him—and anyway, he’d been sick of living in the city. He’d moved there when he dropped out of college, to pursue his music, but all he had been able to pursue was a delivery job and the occasional open mic. Nobody cared about his music, no one important anyway.